Well, I was wrong on how I would book Wrestlemania. Ok, not wrong, but I barely got anything correct. Seriously, look at this garbage juice. Oh well, you can’t always get what you want, and The card isn’t bad, it really isn’t. I’m not excited, yet, but there are some that tickle my taint.
US Title match
Kalisto vs. Ryback
Yikes. Kalisto is on the pre-show and Sin Cara is in a show stealing match. Yikes, Ryback is rumored to be receiving a big push Yikes, John Cena spent months elevating this title, only to lose it to Alberto, who lost to Kalisto, who lost to Alberto, who lost to Kalisto. Sigh. Kalisto needs to have featured matches where he can steal the show. He probably should be defending in a ladder match instead of KO. Still, I just can’t get behind Ryback anymore. He tries hard, added new moves, but he doesn’t click with me. Kalisto needs a blood feud, or at least mask feud with Sin Cara later for the belt. That could benefit both guys.
Total Divas vs. B.A.D, and Blonde
Brie Bella, Natalya, Paige, Alicia, & Eva vs. Emma, Summer Rae, Lana, Naomi, & Tamina
Oh lord, why include Emma and Eva? Why not add Cameron? A=Brie is retiring from in ring supposedly. If so, her team wins in a thank you send off. Good, she sucks in the ring, like Tanina, Eva, Naomi, and Lana. I want Emma vs Alicia, that’s all.
Winner: Not the fans, but rather the Total Divas, I miss AJ Lee,
Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Heath Slater, Adam Rose, Curtis Axel, Bo Dallas, Big Show, Kane, Mark Henry, Tyler Breeze, Jack Swagger, Goldust, R Truth, Darren Young, Damien Sandow, Fandango, Viktor & Konnor
I am guessing that Mark Henry wins, If not, then I’d give it to Sandow, Tyler, or Heath-ey Baby. Obviously, this is either a thank you to Mark, or they try to push somebody. Sandow would be the best option, but he gets no screen time, in which case, go with the Social Outcasts. I feel that Titus would have possibly won this.
Winner: Mark Henry
The Usos vs The Dudley Boys
Back in the day, tag team matches carried some of the earlier Manias. Not this year. I just don’t care. The Dudleys should be in upper midcard, the Usos should be in mid card. Both teams are after thoughts. That’s a damn shame. I’d say that Dudleys have more to gain from this win over the next 3 months. I can also see the Usos put the Dudleys through a table after, or maybe get DQ’d for it.
Winners: The Dudley Boys
AJ Styles vs. Chris Jericho
This could be match of the night, as could any others moving forward, but this has had the best build of any match on the card. I know that may not be what WWE wants somebody to say, but these guys have played their roles perfectly. I know Jericho comes back to get guys over, but damn, is he ever effective! AJ is one of the best performers that they have in ring. He can actually be effective and charismatic on the mic as well if they allow him to. I think this would be a great opening match for the show. They often go with big multi-man clusterfuck matches, but this would get the crowd pumped just as easily, if not more than the IC Title ladder match. It would be cool if AJ got a special entrance this year.
Winner: AJ Styles
The New Day vs. The League Of Nations
On the plus side, something cool is supposedly happening. Most people are expecting an epic entrance for New Day, and I would be totally cool with that. Others are expecting New Day to bring out a 4th person, but I don’t think that is the case. I only say that because if they wanted a 4th person, they should have advertised a mystery partner to add more luster to the match. I know WWE can be utterly stupid at times, so I don’t really know which way to think here. I honestly wish the League of Nations would get an epic entrance as well. They have been booked like shit thanks to Roman’s bullshit push, but these are 4 great heels who should be higher up on the card and rotated a bit. It’s not like Rusev or Barrett have no talent, but they are often treated worse than Alberto and Sheamus. I don’t see New Day losing. Now, ideally, since they have gone this route, I’d book New Day winning in a really quick and cheap way, but getting the shit beat out of them afterward. This would lead to a War Games match at the next ppv where New Day would get a 4th member. At that point, it could be Cena or Cesaro, or bring up Rich Swann from NXT who is amazing and would fit in with New Day.
Winner: League Of Nations (Kofi won on RAW, so you gotta stick with the rule)
Intercontinental Championship Ladder Match
Kevin Owens vs. Sami Zayn vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. The Miz vs. Stardust vs. Zach Ryder vs. Sin Cara
I know this would be an incredibly unpopular idea, but they already have added some guys who aren’t really in the IC title hunt, so let’s truly make this the car crash that we like. Remember the TLC where Rhyno, Spike, and Lita each helped their respective teams? Well, you know where I am going with this. Have Moho Rawley help Zach, Ascension help Stadust, Kalisto help Sin Car, Alex Riley help Miz, Big E help Dolph, Cesaro help Sami, and Owens just looking around like what about me, and then Samoa Joe’s music hits. Joe clears the ring. Owens climbs the ladder, retains, and then Joe chokes out Owens and set up a hell of a feud. I’m just saying, if you are going to have a clusterfuck, let’s make it as ridiculous as possible. Realistically, I can’t think of somebody to give Dolph because he was with Big E and AJ at one point. Vickie would be cool but totally out of place, but she would get a huge pop. Realistically, I only see Owens or Zayn winning this, preferably Owens. I’m also going out on a limb and expecting at least 1 if not 2 injuries from this, most likely involving Sin Cara.
Winner: Kevin Owens
Women’s Championship Triple Threat Match
Charlotte vs Becky Lynch vs. Sasha Banks
I will make the case for all 3 winning. Charlotte wins and keeps this feud going, as it should. This would be interesting and elongate her mediocre run. Ric Flair needs to be kissing more women for her to get better. Fact. Becky winning would be a true surprise as nobody is expecting it. I actually think that she has huge potential and could use the title more than either girl. Becky has a certain it factor on the mic, she’s hard to hate, and she has been improving in the ring ever since I first saw her, constantly improving, and that needs to be rewarded. Sasha winning is probably the expected thing, and what most fans would want. I admit, I think Sasha is the best female talent in a very, very long time, well until Asuka comes up. Sasha is really great, and she’s small even by women’s standards I feel. She is incredibly smooth in the ring. Now I fully expect one botch because it’s the women, but I also think this is getting 15-20 minutes and these girls are going to finally show what the fuck the revolution is all about. And then promptly put on 5 minute matches on RAW because they don’t know how to book a 3 hour RAW. Fucking idiots. Although there have been no rumors, I would suggest that they do it up with all 3 getting a big entrance. Charlotte should have a grandiose Ric Flair type entrance, maybe have a band out to play Zarathustra. For Beck, there’s the whole steampunk thing, plenty to go with. Sasha I think should come out with Snoop, her cousin, maybe hims singing her down the aisle. I really thing that they need to do this match up. It is one of 3 matches on the Wrestlemania banner. Fucking nail it. Soon enough Bayley, Asuka, and Emma will be up giving you ladies a run for your money. Now is the time to make teh fans buy in after they blew it with Nikki’s bullshit run to spite AJ Lee.
Winner: Becky Lynch
No Holds Barred Street Fight
Brock Lesnar vs. Dean Ambrose
Brock wins. Do I really need to say anything more? As soon as I started losing interest in Dean around Royal Rumble time, he comes back to have a great run. Dean is most likely going to have a loss like Mick Foley in the infamous Hell in a Cell with Taker, where losing does just as much if not more than winning the match. You just gotta look tough as hell and never quit. I expect blood. The big question is: Will the Wyatt Family interfere? Remember, Bray was supposed to fight Brock, that’s why the shit went down at the Royal Rumble. Well, Luke is out after knee surgery (I think it was knee), Bray has been battling back issues for months now, Braun isn’t getting over the way that they originally wanted him to (LOUSY FUCKING BOOKING!!!!) and Rowan is never given any respect for what he actually does because Luke and Bray are better. Dean and Brock have both tangled with the Wyatts in this build up, and I just can’t see them not making an appearance at some point here. If they weren’t involved her, I’d totally have them in the Taker match, but this makes more sense with No Holds Barred. I don’t see Brock losing fairly, and he just dshouldn’t lose to Dean. The Brock loss needs to mean something. He is still the biggest guy that they have, going over Brock means more than anybody else if done cleanly. Oh, expect some blood here, probably both guys. Expect to wonder aloud if Dean is dead a few times this match. Expect some fun here.
Winner: Brrrrrrrock Lesnar
WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match (possibly no DQ)
HHH vs. Roman Reigns
I legitimately don’t want this going on last unless they have an epic swerve planned out. Roman doesn’t deserve the shit that he is given. He’s a young guy with an opportunity presented to him to provide long term financial stability for his family, and all the fans who shit on Roman need to recognize that they would do the same exact thing. The thing is, Roman isn’t that bad in the ring. The problem is that he is not ready to be a main event player. His stamina sucks. His booking is beyond atrocious. Be mad at the bookers/writers. Be mad at Vince or HHH. Don’t be mad at Roman. Roman seems to be a legit good dude, but the WWE needs to turn him heel before he is beyond repair. Roman needs to improve his cardio as he isn’t charismatic like the Rock where he can have a shitty match, but still keep the fans interested in the match. The Rock wasn’t ever a great in ring guy. I feel like there has to be more to this match. Seth maybe could interfere, or Cena, or I don’t know, but somebody. Hell, Samoa Joe show Roman what it’s like to be a true Samoan bad ass. Something has to happen, and this story line is shit and shouldn’t main event even though I believe that the World title should main event shows. There have been many exceptions to this rule, and it’s actually becoming an archaic thought. Of course Punk didn’t get to go on last when Cena and Rock had their pillow fight of a match, and that was fucking terrible. And you wonder why Punk left.HBK vs Taker was a main event worthy match. Macho Man vs Warrior could have very well gone on last at Mania 7. Macho vs Flair at 8 should have. Austin vs Bret at 13 should have. Some times the title match is lackluster enough and another match clearly is going to outshine it. I’m telling you right now, I guarandamntee that there is no way that this match is in the top 5 matches quality wise. I’d say top 5, but HHH is a fucking beast and he always brings it. Also, I am listening to Hail to the King. By the way, if Shane is to beat Taker, I could see this match going on last with some fuckery involving Vince and or Shane.
Winner: Roman Reigns as HHH had the upper hand on RAW realistically.
Hell In A Cell Match
Undertaker vs Shane McMahon
If you can say one thing for this card, despite the lackluster build up, there is a ton of uncertainty in regards to match outcomes. Some years the outcomes are beyond predictable. So Shane made his big return, had one of the loudest pops in years and years in Detroit. He made some deal with Vince back in the day and wants control of RAW. So Vince says that Shane gets control of RAW if he can win one match, against Undertaker in Hell in A Cell, AND if Taker loses, he never wrestles at Wrestlemania ever again. Wow, they really stacked the deck against Shane. Initially, everybody thought that Shane would win. So many people wondering if Sting, Cena, or somebody else may screw over Taker. Well, Sting announced his retirement last night. That doesn’t mean anything definitively, as he has been saying all week that he wants that match with Taker before retiring. I don’t know how to read the situation. This match will have interference at some point you’d speculate. BUT, what if they don’t? Everybody is expecting a crazy finish. Shane always, ALWAYS brings his A game to the big matches. Shit will get serious, and I expect some blood here too. In the end, rather than overthink it, I suggest that we follow the most simple rule out there to follow. If you look strong on the RAW prior to the ppv, then you will lose. Shane dropped that ridiculous elbow on Taker and clearly had the upper hand.
Winner: Undertaker (Shane shouldn’t be beating Taker at Mania under any circumstances)
I assume HBK, Austin, Rock, and Foley should all be around so I am curious what possible roles they may play. I think they should bring Hogan back too, but that’s a very long shot. If they fail to utilize Austin and HBK, that will be beyond inane. I am not excited, but the matches should be pretty good overall. I hope to not regret watching this over the season finale of Walking Dead or else come Monday, I’ll be writing some scathing commentary.
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