Did you like Payback from 3 weeks ago? If the answer is yes, then you’re sure to love this PPV as it has almost all of the exact same match ups, with wacky EXTREME RULES! Oh, and if you didn’t like it, just go watch watch Game of Thrones, Fear The Walking Dead, the premiere of Preacher, and Talking Dead. Seriously, choose the latter. You’ll be happier with that decision.
With that out of the way, let’s delve into this clusterfuck of re-matches that I really am not terribly excited for. But first, why in the hell doesn’t Big Cass or Apollo have a match, maybe in a tag team, against the Dudley Boys to get them on the PPV? Why don’t the women have a second match on the PPV so at least they have potential to have at least one good match? Fucking idiots. Oh, and Cody Rhodes supposedly requested to be released from his contract. I don’t blame him. Ryback will be right behind you along with Adam Rose, Jack Swagger, The Ascension, and the Puerto Rican team. Hell, toss in Alicia Fox to really piss me off. Let’s get this preview underway.
Pre show No DQ Match
Dolph Ziggler vs. Baron Corbin
Look how jacked Dolph looks in that pic. What the fuck is this new era really about? Baron on pre-show. Enzo is out. Big Cass and Apollo not on the show, Emma is out with back surgery, Dana has no match, etc. What the fuck was the point? Too many guys to push concurrently, fucking twits. Baron should win, but I said that last time. If Baron doesn’t win this match, send him back to NXT. If Dolph loses, turn him heel or start pushing him, or release him. Just do something because he is too talented, and can be crazy over with the crowd if pushed just a bit. Dolph’s generation is getting fucked because they got sandwiched between the Cena, Orton, and Lesnar era, and then the Shield and Wyatt era. Dolph, Barrett, Punk, Daniel Bryan, Cody Rhodes, Damien Sandow, Heath Slater, Jack Swagger, and so on. Get the picture? Baron wins, and I am not close to being done with my bitch session.
Winner: Baron Corbin
Tag Team Tornado match
The Usos vs. Gallows and Anderson
This is impossible to fuck up, right? The Club should win, and look bad ass in the process. I will not even consider any other option.
Winner: The Usos because fuck me
Women’s Title Match
Natalya vs. Charlotte….again
I don’t give a fuck. They bore me. You have Sasha, Becky, Dana, Alicia, and Paige that are all pretty damn good in their own right. Natalya botches, Charlotte bores, and I am sick of it. That shitfest of an ending at the last ppv proved me right for my hatred.
Winner: Charlotte because at some point, Sasha has to get her fucking moment, right? I mean, the crowd still wants Sasha. I say feud Charlotte with Paige after this for 2 ppvs, and then have Sasha drop a pipebomb about not being used properly. Trust me, this could be epic.
US Title Match
Kalisto vs. Rusev
Well, Kalisto’s run as US champ has been fucking wasted and useless. You see what is happening with the IC title? That’s how you book a midcard title. Meanwhile, what the fuck are Sheamus and Alberto even doing? They are pretty big names. Kalisto needs to be booked way better because that guy can make some serious money. Of course, it’s time for Rusev to shine again. I need him to be back to being dominant. Rusev CRUSH!!!!
Winner: Rusev because he is perhaps the best young talent they have as far as a heel goes, unless you count Owens as young.
IC Title 4 Way
The Miz vs. Cesaro vs. Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens
This is one of 3 matches I care about. Well 3 and a half because I do love Baron. Anyway, this has been booked great. It’s because it all worked so well, and yet no one person can take full credit. Owens and Miz have really carried it, but Zayn and Cesaro have played their roles great. Zayn ain’t winning. That’s all I know. I think Miz is too good right now to lose it, and Owens should be main eventing, so that leaves Cesaro out in the cold. Give Cesaro one last shot, or make him earn it. Cesaro needs a push before he cools off completely. I’d have Owens beat Roman for the belt within the next 2 PPVs, maybe via Money In The Bank, and cripple Roman for a bit. Have Owens main event Summerslam with Brock. Then let Owens and Zayn feud and maybe Cesaro as well until Roman returns at Survivor Series and reclaims his Empire. That leaves time for the Shield triple threat Mania Main Event. Owens deserves this. Miz deserves this. This story works incredibly well. Trust me.
Winner: The Miz
Tag Team Title Match
New Day vs. The Vaudevillains
As has been brought up, something has to give with New Day soon. You can’t be the good guys and always have the man advantage. That’s why the Shield had to break up. That’s why the Wyatts will inevitably break up. The good guys should never have the advantage unless he is a former white rapper. Doo do do DOOOOO. The Vaudevillains are looking great. There is a tag team renaissance happening. Epico and Primo are fucked. When Enzo comes back, that division is deep. Usos, Vaudevillains, Enzo and Cass, Dudleys, Epico and Primo, Ascension, The Golden Truth, Gallows and Anderson, Fandango and Breeze, and whatever the hell the Social Outcasts are. You could put the belt on any of them pretty much and it would be fine, with a few exceptions. Some teams just have to be the Bushwhackers of their era. As for this match, New Day wins. They either drop it to Enzo and Cass at Summerslam, or to Gallows and Anderson. Xavier makes sense to turn soon as the guy who never gets match time and always takes the beating. Any of them could be stand outs in singles, but Big E has the highest ceiling based on age and ability. Kofi should have had a better singles run years ago. Vaudevillains just need to work safer and prove that they belong. I also would like them to maybe keep Enzo out until Summerslam and build up his big revenge match against the Vaudevillains in Brooklyn. That don’t need titles, but it would be sweet. Ya know what? Fuck it.
Winners: The Vaudevillains after Xavier turns heel. I just talked myself into that.
An Asylum Match
Dean Ambrose vs. Chris Jericho
Nobody should be interested in this storyline. It’s been about a potted plant and a light up jacket. YET, somehow, these guys have made it not only work, but made me give a fuck. The fans were chanting for Mitch. These guys are at the top of their craft. Dean needs to be a little bit edgier. I really want Jericho around a little longer, so I want him to win, and have a rubber match. Jericho is just on fire at the moment, and Dean has been dying to have a good rivalry. This is the feud that hopefully makes Dean. Or Jericho wins and starts feuding with Roman I suppose. I like my Owens theory better.
Winner: Chris Jericho because I want him to stay a little longer. 50/50 booking sucks usually, but if the feud is done right, wins and losses don’t matter when both guys walk away even bigger stars.
WWE World Heavyweight Title No DQ match
Roman Reigns vs. AJ Styles
So many possibilities. But let’s get one thing out of the way right now. Finn Balor won’t be involved. Shout out to my man Russ because I’m a total dickhead. Finn’s debut needs to be at something important. How am I supposed to take his title match with Joe at NXT seriously if he is up on the main roster fucking around with his buddies? It makes no sense. Hold off until June or July and make an impact. Also, I loved that Finn suggested a match with him and HHH vs Bray and Taker and Wrestlemania, on Twitter, and Bray was down with it. PLEASE, for the love of all things holy, like ECW, make this happen. The entrances would take 20 minutes and be amazing.
Oh yeah, still haven’t mentioned either participant in this match. Somehow, like the Jericho feud, the booking involving the chair has worked for me. It’s old school storytelling with a fresh infusion of newer faces. AJ Styles is legit. He’s what Kalisto should be hoping to eventually become, well that and Rey Mysterio. AJ is not walking out of this as champion, and that’s ok. He’s been in WWE for 4 months, and if they put the belt on him this early, this run may be considered a disappointment if he stays in mid card purgatory for 6 months. So let it simmer. I already told you what should happen with Roman and KO. I see no reason for there to be a heel turn from Gallows and Anderson onto AJ. If anything, give me those 3 vs New Day at the next PPV if you are insistent on keeping New Day together. Tell me that wouldn’t be fun. I know a lot of people are calling for Seth Rollins to return, and I am saying that is a distinct possibility, better than Finn. But much to Russ’ chagrin, Seth ain’t coming out either.
Here’s how I book the ending. G&A and Usos obviously interfere. G&A eventually gain the upper hand, and then accidentally hit AJ. Obviously, lots of people are expecting this. This isn’t a heel turn, simply accidental. Then the Samoans get the upper hand, and a chair shot or some shit and spear and Roman wins. On RAW, AJ comes out, piping hot pissed off. He demands that G&A come out to explain what happened. Everybody is expecting the big turn now. All of a sudden “Don’t you dare me sour” is heard, and New Day comes out to try to calm AJ down. This is how AJ and G&A can start their feud with New Day. AJ can still be a face with a heel team, and go further into how deep he is willing to go for success. This would all eventually lead to the Finn fuckery down the road where Finn shows him what a real leader is like. This keeps New Day busy after losing their belts. This allows the Vaudevillains to maybe take out Big Cass in a tag match with Apollo, and move on to the Dudleys or Usos to tread water until Summerslam. This allows Roman and KO to start their feud. As for Seth and Cena, well, there’s numerous options, including each other. They were feuding for a bit last year, and it was good. Seth and Cesaro could be fun, or hold off on Seth, especially with Cena due back on Memorial Day. No need to blow your loads on Seth, Cena, Randy, Finn, and Enzo. Build things up. By Summerslam, I’d have Cena as IC champion, and maybe that is when he finally puts over Cesaro. I’d have Brock vs. KO. Let’s put Seth against HHH. I’d have Sasha vs Charlotte. Then we have Enzo and Cass return to take the belts off of the Vaudevillains. AJ and Finn could be taking on Anderson and Gallows and maybe Finn can turn then. Put Rusev vs. Zayn for the US title. New Day could take on the new team of Baron and Dolph Ziggler after Dolph turns heel. For some reason, Dean and the Miz are feuding because they would be fun on the mic together. On the pre-show, you have Sheamus vs.Apollo and a divas match perhaps. Tell me that you wouldn’t enjoy the hell out of that Summerslam. Exactly.
Winner: Roman Reigns
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