This will be quick. There’s a few things to really talk about on a relatively adequate ppv.
Sheamus vs Randy Orton
I know it’s a joke to make fun of it every time Orton fights with Cena, but Orton and Sheamus have been in plenty of matches, especially on RAW, and I don’t particularly like their chemistry. I really like both guys individually, just not against each other. I especially enjoy Sheamus’ move set. The match had a nice last few minute culmination that one would expect trying to avoid finishers and whatnot. Then Orton wins. I would have predicted this because as soon as you become a champion, a MITB case holder, or King of the Ring, you essentially have to lose most of your big matches for a few months it seems typically. That way of booking is extremely annoying and condescending to us as fans. You build these guys up with a nice run of wins, and then they get the “big win” and should now go on to show how dominant they are for a bit until a proper contender rises up. It’s easy storytelling. WWE used to know this. Nowadays…..Wade Barrett…..look at how that man has been booked his whole career. That seriously sums up my whole point. Wade Fucking Barrett.
New Day vs Prime Time Players
PTP won. Why? I have no idea. The PTP should have been champs last year or whenever they were hot. Right now is New Day’s time, they are perhaps the most entertaining thing at the moment, they have lightning in a bottle, so now we push PTP when the tag division sucks. GOLDEN! New Day is capable of having more interesting feuds with Lucha Dragons, or any of the tag teams, way more so than PTP at the moment. Ride that wave. Sigh, just let Ascension beat PTP and hit reset on Ascension. Bring back the Dudleys to elevate Ascension and other teams. I wouldn’t mind if you reunited the Real Americans as the team to take down The Ascension at Mania. New Day Rocks either way. Average match.
Bray vs Roman
Why is it that the first 5 minutes of every Bray match so incredibly bland and plodding? I like Bray a lot, but he needs to get better in my opinion, and I want him to because he is incredibly unique. After the dullness, these guys got their shit together. I have to give credit to Roman who is making the leap this year as far as starting to put matches together better. He still shouldn’t have won the Royal Rumble, but what’s done is done. Luke Harper interfered thankfully and Bray gets the win. Luke is the most criminally underutilized talent in the WWE. Yes, even more so than Cesaro. The match was ok, a few good spots. A feud this personal could have absolutely used a gimmick to give it an edge based on how personal it was. Once again, this is why I would bring back blood for a few matches a year to really get over the seriousness of the feud/match. I expect better next month when Dean and Roman take on Bray and Luke, if I may make bold assumptions. Those are 4 of the best talents they have in WWE, so I am sold.
Charlotte vs Sasha Banks vs Brie Bella
I think I would have done Becky, Sasha, and Alicia to be honest. I think they save Alicia to work with Becky because she has a ways to come still. I think ever since Daniel Bryan has been hurt, Brie’s in ring work has severely suffered. Nikki continues to improve. This was a fine match. Sasha is the real fucking deal. The most talented diva since AJ, and possibly more than AJ. I am extremely high on Sasha since I first saw her. She puts a match together and flow better to me. She’s also pretty athletic and her moves aren’t terribly rigid. Charlotte is overrated. There, I said it. She suffers from typical diva wrestling awfulness when they kinda set up their move ahead of time so it looks overly choreographed, or even when she is getting beat down, she moves herself around into position far too often. She may get there, but she is nowhere near as good as people make her out to be. Sorry.
Side note, if they can keep this diva feud going for a few months, how amazing would it be if Steph came out and said that there is a 4th team, especially at Survivor Series. And suddenly “Let’s light it up” hit and out comes AJ, Bailey, and Emma! I would be so stoked about that. Really they could do this for awhile with it all leading up to the winning faction taking on somebody like Trish, Lita, and Beth Phoenix or Natalya at Wrestlemania. Yes, long terms thinking here. Won’t happen, but still, this would be amazing.
Cena vs Owens
Now here is where the bitch session begins. Nope, not gonna go on an I Hate Cena rant as per usual, well actually, Cena won. Cena over Jericho, Christian, Barrett, Nexus, Bray, Rusev, and now Owens. There’s a reason people hate how Cena is booked. I just listed it. If you see nothing wrong with that, then you and I don’t wish to see the same wrestling product, and quite frankly, your opinion of wrestling sucks. You can think I’m an asshole all you want, but it’s true, it’s damn true.
With that said, here’s my biggest beef about this particular match. These guys are not HBK vs Taker. Stop kicking out of 10 finishers a match. They are finishers for a fucking reason. Why should Cena cleanly beat 95% of the roster with the FU (not dignifying the AA name) and then against certain opponents, Randy, Owens, Rock for instance, have to hit 3 of them? Do a reversal out of finishers, like Angle and Benoit used to do so brilliantly. I say you can kick out of a finisher if it is an incredibly high profile match that has a ton of significance. The 2 best examples that I can offer is Macho Man vs Ultimate Warrior at Wrestlemania, and HBK vs Taker 2 at WM. Both happened to be retirement matches. A man is fighting not for some title, but for his career. NOW I am invested. Can they pull out every last bit of themselves to keep their career? Both examples are 2 incredibly different experiences, but both are among top 10 WM matches I’d say. Let’s keep it that way. I don’t blame Cena or Owens, I blame the writers. Stop overusing it. They stopped bleeding, and rightfully so. Certain things should be used on certain occasions and then when it happens, it has an impact. Like title changes. If you disagree with my gripe, just stop reading my blog please. Go….shoo…..I don’t take kindly to people who don’t take kindly.
Miz talked, Big Show punched, Big Show walked out, and the crowd was ok with it. Would have loved a Rusev vs Cesaro match, or hey, maybe Damien Sandow could be back on TV. Remember that guy and how he had so much momentum heading in Mania? Oh, you forgot about him? I can’t fault you. BRAND SPLIT PLEASE!!!!
Seth vs Brock
I liked what I saw, BUT I have one major question to pose before we get to the ending. I know we all love the whole Suplex City stuff, it’s fun and entertaining. When you have somebody as talented, and athletic as Brrrrock Lesnar, why is 90% of his offense suplexes now? The guy has moves, let him use them. First of all, he should have some ground and pound type offense with his big fucking mitts he calls hands. Remember how UFC made that a huge selling point for Brock? WWE, do that. His hands should be second only to Big Show, for obvious reasons. Secondly, I’d love to see some submission moves out of him, even if it’s him toying with his opponent where he can pin them down and paintbrush them with slaps. Shit like that. They are missing a huge opportunity with one of the best ever. You wouldn’t do this with Kurt freakin’ Angle, don’t do it with Brock. It would have made the fans happier in the long run, made Brock come off even more dangerous, and allowed Seth more opportunities to shine.
So anyway, the gong hits, and the lights are off, but you’re not home, your will, is not your own…..sorry, Robert Palmer is still prevalent in my mind. Now, this is where I pat myself on the shoulder and say that when Kane got pissed at Seth or Dean about mentioning his brother last month, I said something about how neat it would be if this was a way to bring Taker back. Then, the angle on RAW really made me buy into the speculation. When rumors started, I can proudly say that I got something right. Rest assured, I am terrible at predictions, as anybody who has sat through a Royal Rumble can attest. I picked Kevin Nash 5 straight picks, I then gave up, the next pick was Kevin Nash. I went 0 for 30 at a Royal Rumble picking the Big Show to return a large chunk of those picks. SO yes, I am proud. Taker looks like the most terrifying grandpa ever. I love it. I know some people will rip on his appearance, but I love any opportunity to see Taker. He is and probably always will be my favorite wrestler all time. Taker destroys Brock, even kicking him in the nuts. No, it’s probably not a heel move, just more of a “Fuck you for hurting my brother and ending my streak you fucking mongoloid”.
There is a huge, huge, HUGE problem that this created, which is why I’m shocked it happened. Going into tonight, who was the biggest face and draw on the whole roster? Brock Lesnar. He really hasn’t been portrayed as face for much more than a month if you really think about it, despite the disapproval of Roman in the build up to Mania. This has been Brock at his face best. Yet, here he was getting massacred by one of only 7 people that could return and get more cheers. Those people include Daniel Bryan and Kurt Angle, both injured. One guy being CM Punk……and that ain’t happening. 2 other guys being Austin and HBK. Another who is pretty much retired being The Rock. And then of course, there was the Undertaker. So, moving forward, do they do a one on one match and give Seth a new opponent, or make it a 3 way dance, fuck the term triple threat match. ECW ECW ECW ECW ECW!!!! I hope they go with 3 way dance. Hell, add Sting to the mix. Make it a 4 way. It would be the biggest Summerslam main event of all time. Just as a 3 way, this goes right up there with Austin vs Taker Highway to Hell 98, and probably the best one being Team Cena vs Nexus……I kid, I kid. The best one was probably in 2000 with The Rock vs HHH vs Kurt Angle. I remember how great the build up was with Kurt and Stephanie. Hell, the Rock was only there because he had the belt I feel. I think Seth retains either way, and I feel that would work. Then in a perfect world, let Brock get his rematch against Seth at Royal Rumble where Seth finally drops the belt, and Taker vs Brock main event Mania where Taker avenges his loss and retires as champ. Nobody deserves it more than he does, and you know damn well Brock would love to do that for him.
Yeah, fuck posting images. Not doing it.
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