WWE Battleground 2016 Review: Beat Up John Cena Edition

WWE 2016 Battlerground Review

Russ and I watched this together while Keri and Eric were there live, so this should be fun. Keep in mind, I score everything on a scale of 1 to 9.2 because nothing is perfect. All you internet ass clown kid millennials, you over exaggerate everything and think things are perfection. Morons. I like insulting my readers. The WWE owns all of these images, so respect their authority.

The Usos vs. Breezango

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Keri:   So for this review, I will give an overview of the match as well as live audience reaction. Because as we all know what happens in the arena doesn’t come across on TV, thanks to Vince’s mute button. For this match, everyone was still coming into the arena and the ones that were there were mostly pro-Uso. Why I don’t know? Their gimmick is just as tired as Cena’s (ok maybe I’m exaggerating just a little) but I still find them insanely boring. The highlight of this match for me was the random Fandangoing in the crowd (Eric and I included, sadly). The other thing I noticed is Tyler Breeze and Fandango make a pretty good tag team. Their gimmicks are pretty much the same and both blend pretty well together.  Other than that, it was what it was, a warm up the crowd match. Nothing more, nothing less. I say 3 out of 9.2 on this one.

Russ: I missed most of this match, but I wasn’t really invested so no big deal.  I like Breezango I think the team up will help both characters get out of the developmental hell they have been stuck in. The Uso’s bore me, they need to get a fresh gimmick or a good feud cause I just have no interest in what they do.  I honestly can’t score this one.  Meh / 5

Kent: I hate that their name isn’t Breezedango, it sounds so much better to me. Anyway, we didn’t watch this match entirely, but I liked the clusterfuck ending and I liked that BreezeDango won. Also, I love to see the frustration mounting from The Usos. The only problem is that if The Usos turn heel, that shoves Ascension and Breezedango further down the ladder and neither are ready made to be faces yet. I guess we got the Hype Bros at least. I can’t properly score this one, but I’d probably give it a 2 out of 9.2.

Sasha Banks and Bayley vs. Charlotte and Dana Brooke

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Keri: This match was the one that Eric and I were waiting for and were talking about on the metro on the way to the arena. The decision was No Bayley, we boo the match.  As soon as the match was announced in the arena you could feel the crowd anticipation. Everyone knew who they wanted to come through that curtain after Sasha. When her music hit, I swear the roof came off the Verizon Center. I’ve been to plenty of events at the Verizon Center and I never heard a reaction that loud.  The playback on TV did not do the crowd reaction justice, in my opinion.  I think we have to keep in mind that Bayley is the future face of the women’s division.  She provides something that the WWE has never had in its history, a woman that grabs the attention of a new demographic, young female fans.  A little girl sees her and they think I can do that, I want to be just like Bayley (think her little NXT superfan).  They didn’t have that with the “divas” of the past.  With that being said, the match, itself was good. I have to say that Dana Brooke is really green though and she should really go back down to NXT. She’s not ready and quite frankly I don’t think she will ever be ready to run with the likes of Bayley, Sasha, Becky, and Asuka. I give this one a 5 out of 9.2.

Russ: I loved hearing Bayley’s music hit.  I also loved how Kent was very sure it couldn’t have been her seconds before.  Now this wasn’t a classic by any stretch of the imagination, but I always enjoy watching the Boss and Bayley do their thing.  Charlotte is …. Terrible.  There I said it.  I can’t stand listening to her on the mic or watching her in the ring.  Dana, I haven’t made my mind up on yet.  I was shocked that Charlotte ate the pin, but it makes sense if they want to give Sasha a reason to go after the belt.  2 / 5

Kent: In my preview I wrote: “Bayley isn’t happening. It would make zero sense.” Right before the mystery partner was being announced, I made a similar bold proclamation to Russ. Then the song hit and I was happy for her, and yet so irritated by the WWE because logically, it was beyond asinine. And Sasha said earlier in the week that we couldn’t guess who it was. Really? I need an adult. Honestly, I wasn’t terribly into the match even after watching it a second time. Oh and I also proclaimed that there was no way that Charlotte was taking the loss. Now I need a hug. I’ll give it a 3.5 out of 9.2 because I love Bayley’s entrance. Oh, and I swear, on one of the wrestling forums I go on, some, to borrow from Y2J, stupid idiots were proclaiming that was one of the loudest pops they have ever heard and arguing that it was easily in the top ten. I HATE America’s youth. I wish to go Hitler on these dumb fucks with no sense of history who proclaim the dumbest things, and then ignore people who try to teach them about how most every Monday night, when Austin or Rock would come out, their pops were bigger than Bayley’s, or when either guy returns, or any legit surprise return. Nothing against Bayley, it was a great pop, but it’s probably not even in the top 100. Rant over. (Editor’s note, according to Keri, the pop was way better than Kent is making it out to be. Kent needs to never mention this match ever again as he was wrong on all levels. Kent is like Jon Snow and knows nothing.)

New Day vs. The Wyatt Family

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Keri:  This was the first of two matches on the card where I was torn on who to cheer for because well I like both groups. But when you get an opportunity (and in this case the last opportunity) to cheer for the Wyatts, you cheer for the Wyatts.  Bray Wyatt is the total package. I just hope at some point the WWE sees it and gives him the run he truly deserves.  All in all it was a good match. Not very memorable though but good. My rating: 4 out of 9.2

Russ: The ring psychology in this match was really well done.  Bray is awesome at what he does in and out of the ring.  I loved how Xavier was portrayed throughout this feud.  I thought it gave him more of a second dimension that New Day has been missing.  I also loved how Xavier got past his “fear” and got to battle.  However, the Wyatt’s needed this win more than New Day.  With Bray, this always seem to happen.  He will get a decent win, show some strength, and then get totally buried when it comes to a bigger better feud.  Bray needs some high profile feud wins if he is to be the next face of fear.  2.5 / 5

Kent: I really enjoyed this match. Bray is really a great performer if you pay attention to him, even when he’s outside the ring. Everybody worked great together I felt. Big E almost killed himself with that tackle through the ropes, which would have made my death dream a reality, so that was scary. I loved the buildup between Bray and Xavier as well. It worked when Xavier finally found his balls.  I thought it flowed nicely, and although not a match of the night, it served it’s purpose and was very enjoyable. I’d give this a 6 out of 9.2.

US Title Match

Rusev vs. Zack Ryder

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Keri: This match happened. That is all. It wasn’t memorable. It was just decent for basically a squash match. Rating: 3.5 out of 9.2

Russ: Did something way more important than this garbage match, got some good pizza…. Blah blah blah… Rusev Crush…blah blah blah…. Mojo (yay?)  came out the crowd went mild.  I really like Rusev, but his feuds are boring, except when he goes against a true threat.  House of Pizza / 5

Kent: SO Russ and I went and got pizza during this match. I did re-watch it though. This match was exactly what you expected it to be. Rusev crushed Zack. What I didn’t expect or like was the shenanigans after the match with Mojo coming out for the save, and then Rusev backing away instead fucking up Mojo too, or at least trying to fight him off. Holy shit, Rusev’s theme song just came on my playlist of over 1,200 songs. AWESOME! I would have had Rusev be cocky and try to fight off Mojo and then Zack get up and they double team Rusev until he got laid out and rolled out of the ring. That would have built up the Hype Bros so much better. I can’t go any higher than a 2.5 on this because it was nothing special, but the right outcome occurred.

Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens

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Keri:  This was the match of the night in my opinion. These two guys are amazing performers and work extremely well together. The crowd was hot for the entire match and I think I may have lost my voice from chanting and yelling (there was a holy sh*t chant that was started by yours truly at one point that only barely came over the TV when I watched the playback).  There was just so much awesome in this match that I almost felt like the crowd could have gone home extremely happy at that point. As I said match of the night (and match of the year candidate) so 9.2 out of 9.2.

Russ:  Ok, I really wish I saw this match a second time, because I’m sure I’d like it even more than I did and I would catch some of the small maneuvers that these two can do that are just magic.  As it was Kent and I always have great discussions when we watch a PPV together so I missed the small cool things that these two do.  However, what I did catch was really well done.  Some of the moves these guys did to each other, like the one on the apron, Scare the crap out of me, but man they look great doing it.  I loved the near falls cause I wasn’t sure who would win this match so it kept me on the edge of my seat.  A contender for match of the year, I’ll watch it again for sure to enjoy all of it.  I will say this, I thought KO should have won this.  He needs to move up to main event status and winning here would have been that elevation he needs in the eyes of fans.  4.2 / 5.   (Kent see what I did here???) (Editor’s note: Yes, yes I did, and I approve.)

Kent: I liked this match a lot and so I will say that I am giving this match an 8.0 before I get to my critique. Today, we overrate matches when we haven’t seen a great match in a while I feel. These guys did amazing, but so many people are saying that this belong right up there with Shinsuke vs. Sami. I have 2 issues with that. First of all, that Shinsuke match was better, there’s a quality gap between the 2, plus the crowd and so many things favor that match. The second thing is that Shinsuke vs Aries gets no love and I am hard pressed to figure out why it’s not rated just as high, if not higher than Sami’s match. I feel it is because Sami is kinda the new Daniel Bryan and everybody has such a hard on for him. Both matches were spectacular and both get a 9, but from sheer match perspective, The Aries one was better, but the crowd was better in the Sami one.  Anyway, this match is in the top 5 for this year, no doubt. A stipulation would have potentially elevated it slightly more for me.

Natalya vs. Becky Lynch

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Keri: I was dead for this match due to my post Zayn-Owens hangover. I love Becky. Next to Sasha she is one of my favorites right now in the women’s division.  But the match itself was nothing spectacular. I don’t know if it’s because of the match that it followed or if it’s because Becky and Natalya have zero in-ring chemistry but I felt kind of meh about it. Unfortunately (sorry Becky), I have to give it a 2 out of 9.2.

Russ: Yeah, I didn’t care about this match and it bored me.  Becky has talent, but Nattie is a stiff heel.  Becky needs a good feud with a wrestler who can hold their own.  I doubt this will happen since she is for some reason on Smackdown and the girls on there are…questionable at best.  1 / 5

Kent: This match bored me. Nattie bores me. Becky couldn’t make this match better, and it makes me wonder if I have overrated Becky a bit.  I feel that most of the girls have the Charlotte dilemma where they are only as good as their competition. I feel Sasha, Asuka, Alicia, and Nikki rise above that. Bayley is possibly on that short list. Nothing memorable happened other than Natalya won cleanly. Why in the world is a kick to the knee considered a dirty hit? Really, a kick to the knee is dirty? You do realize all the moves that they do to each other, so a kick to the knee should be very low on the hurt scale. Stupid idiots. I give this a 1 out of 9.2 because I won’t remember this match for any reason.

IC Title Match

The Miz vs. Darren Young

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Keri: Still in my Zayn-Owens hangover, I had zero interest in this match at the time. I do, however, feel that WWE dropped the ball here. They spent months building up Darren Young with the whole Backlund make Darren Young great again story line and basically went nowhere with it.  The build to this match was decent and told a good story but the follow through sucked. I blame creative here. Also, what’s with the whole Maryse thing? Miz is already a sub-par wrestler as it is why add a sub-par former divas champion with crappy acting skills to the mix. She doesn’t add any value in my opinion other than to sell the crowd on watching Total Divas (a term which isn’t even a thing anymore).  I say 1.5 out of 9.2 on this one.

Russ: This match was weird.  I like Darren Young, and I really love this heel run of the Miz, so I thought I would really enjoy this match.  However, I just couldn’t get in it completely.  I thought the first ¾ of the match were good, decent pace good moves nice showcase from both guys.  Then the ending happened and made no god damn sense!  Why did the ref decide to just end it?  There was no warning, or a ten count.  There wasn’t even outside interference.  It’s like the ref thought Darren Young was not in the match and decided the attack on the Miz was illegal…. What?  Anyway, the match to that point was enjoyable so.  3/5

Kent: Well Rusev retained, so Darren wasn’t going to bring the IC title to RAW, FACT. This match was short. I loved the Eyes Wide Shut reference in Miz’s entrance, because it’s such an underrated film by the greatest director of all time. I will fist fight you over this. The ending came when Maryse faked getting hit by Bob Backlund, so Bob flipped out tearing off his shirt and then Miz came out all pissy and shoved Bob so that provoked Darren to come out and apply the crossface chicken wing, the greatest submission move ever. Here’s the problem, the ref just ended the match out of the blue. No DQ, no count out, the announcers don’t provide a rhyme or reason for the match ending. Where the fuck was the logic police in this? Just do a 10 count and make it logical, how hard is this? I liked that Darren looked at his hands after, just like Bob as he was slowly snapping back in 93 I believe. As for a rating, ugh, I give it a 2 out of 9.2.  That was the Nia Jax of endings.

John Cena, Enzo, and Cass vs. The Club

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Keri: This match woke the crowd up. Enzo and Cass are so over its insane. Personally, I found it extremely difficult to root against these guys. I’ve been big supporters of theirs since NXT so I was very, very torn during this match. With that being said though, they teamed with Cena therefore I have to root against them. I have to give Cena props, as Kent said below, he actually let both guys shine in the pre-match promo. He put them over which is a very rare thing to see from him. Perhaps he is even starting to see the writing on the wall that his days may be numbered and the company is heading in a different direction with the product.  Now for the members of the Club, these guys are amazing to watch. Gallows has come leaps and bounds since his early WWE days and Anderson is fun to watch as well. AJ Styles, well, I’ve become a big fan. The guy in my opinion is one of the best wrestlers on the planet but I have a feeling we will never see the belt on him. As for the match, this match was entertaining and the crowd loved every minute of it.  The only thing that bothered me was the ending. Why oh why did Cena need to get the win for his team. Let Enzo or Cass, the guys who more or less killed it the entire match get the pin. Oh well I guess in this case we had to have the LOLCENAWINS moment to send the kiddies home happy even if all it did was get a collective groan out of the group in my section. My rating 7.5 out of 9.2.

Russ: This was fun!  Enzo cut an amazing promo before the match which was just some of the best work to come out of WWE in a very long time.  I was telling Kent that Enzo and Cass I think are future Stars both of them.  I told him within three months they will split them up.  He thinks I’m crazy, but WWE Logic is bassackward and I firmly believe that they will try to rush these guys up the Card instead of letting them develop a little more.  Enzo isn’t as good in the ring as I’d like, or maybe just the way he plays his character he hasn’t shown his true in ring talent.  Cass is just an awesome hoss!  He has relatively good mic skills and his big man moves are awesome!  The match itself was well paced I love how everyone got time to shine! It could have easily been a cluster fuck.  I love Anderson and Gallows moves.  The no nonsense beat you with power style is second to none.  AJ continues to be one of my favorite performers on the Roster, and one of the bigger reasons I’ll tune into Smackdown.   The best thing about this though…. Watching the bullet club perform their favorite past time….Beating up John Cena!  Overall:  3.5 / 5

Kent: I fucking loved this match. It was the most entertaining one of the night. Not the best, but it had my eyes glued the whole time. Enzo cut a great promo beforehand. Cena didn’t even try to steal his thunder. The way that everything was coordinated was a thing of beauty. When you have these multi-man matches, sometimes people get lost and have to set themselves up for the next person’s move and it’s awkward. This simply flowed perfectly. Karl Anderson is the real fucking deal, and he is a star in the making, I am hoping. He’s my new pet project while Luke is on the sidelines and I wait for Baron to figure things out more. Karl has a great move set, he can talk, has a hot Asian wife, and most importantly, he enjoys beating up John Cena. Gallows is very underrated as well, and we are really getting to see Cass and Enzo shine on the main roster. It’s a rare case where they are shining more after being called up, which is great. I can’t praise this match enough, with one exception. The ref lost control and was simply allowing random people in without worrying about who was legal. It was reminiscent of ECW, which is cool, BUT it was odd. Still, I give this a 7.5 because I understand that Zayn and KO was technically a better match, but not by much. I enjoyed this more.

The Highlight Reel with Chris Jericho and Randy Orton

Keri: This was a decent filler segment. Predictable at best and really Orton, while getting a couple good jabs in about his opponent’s recent drug test news, was really awkward. The crowd for this segment was as they say mild. Rating: 3 out of 9.2.

Russ: Keeping this short.  Really enjoyed this segment.  I love how they kept on joking about the RKO out of nowhere, the way Kent and I were joking about it earlier in the night.  I really loved the “enhancement” line though.  It made the segment memorable and worthwhile!  No rating / 5

Kent: OK, obviously the enhancement line was great, but Orton actually had some very witty things to say and Jericho was a perfect guy to play off of. Orton is not known for his wit, but I really enjoyed it. I don’t care for him pandering to the audience, but I liked his attitude. This segment was fun. No rating.

WWE Heavyweight Championship

Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins vs. Roman Reigns

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Keri: This match honestly was better than I thought it would be. I mean each wrestler in this match brings something to the table which is why the Shield was so damn successful and possibly one of the greatest factions of all time. With that being said however, Reigns really is awful. Rollins and Ambrose carried him the entire match.  He really had no place in the ring with those two guys.  Creative needs to do something with his character ASAP because the fans hate him and as a result will continue to boo him out of the building. During this match, there was no one cheering for Reigns in the arena (expect for this one guy sitting next to me that I think may be the only Reigns fan on the planet right now) but you could feel the crowd just waiting for the LOLRomanwins ending.  Ok enough about Reigns, and on to the stars of the match, Rollins and Ambrose. Next to Zayn and Owens, I think I could watch Ambrose and Rollins wrestle for hours. There is just too much good stuff that goes on when those two are matched up. Reigns (I know I know I said I was done) did not need to be in this match other than to be on the receiving end of that nostalgic powerbomb through a table. This match for me 7 out of 9.2 (half point off for the Reigns factor).

Russ: I’ll get this out in the open first:  I’m a huge Seth Rollins fan and the fact that he didn’t win is a travesty.  Phew, ok now that I’m done with that.  This was a great match.   The crowd was into it like crazy!  The moves were well executed and they have great Chemistry.  This was the first time we got to see these three face off (in WWE proper) and it did not disappoint, I’m just sad that we won’t get to see a triple threat match at WrestleMania from these three.   I knew Roman wasn’t winning he has to take his punishment, but I am not against Roman.  I feel bad for him.  I Know it isn’t popular, but I don’t think he is that bad and he certainly deserves more credit than he gets from the fans.  He needs to go heel in a bad way.   I’m glad Dean retained he deserves a good run with the belt.  4/5

Kent: I gotta get this off of my chest. If Elmer Fudd feuded with Roman Reigns, he would call him Woman Weigns. There, you’re welcome. Anyway, the crowd responded as you would expect it. Roman is in a can’t win situation and is going to be punished obviously. It’s really now or never to turn him this fall. The fans are rejecting him. The kids and moms do like him, but he isn’t on Cena’s level where it would be devastating. Roman needs to be a bully. Have a run like Bully Ray did in TNA. Anyway, this match was excellent as you would imagine. They hit a bunch of great spots, including a double team powerbomb on roman through a table. I have a huge problem, technically 2, both involving Roman. Towards the end, Seth hit the second rope powerbomb, and Roman no sold it and immediately hit the superman punch. I hate no selling that late in a match when you have clearly taken punishment and that is a hard hitting move. You have to sell that move and find a different move to bounce back from to superman that ho. I also hate how Reigns has won tons of matches with his stupid ass Superman punch or spear, but his awesome powerbombs never get him a win. That is such a logical fallacy. Yes, the punch and spear would hurt from a dude his size, but that powerbomb would just be devastating. Anyway, Dean waited, picked his spot until Seth was taken out by Roman, then hit Dirty Deeds and surprisingly retained the belt. After the match, the Smackdown locker room came out and celebrated. Good for them, especially Dean who is finally getting his due. As for the match, a 7.8 seems fair. I really liked it.

Final thoughts

Keri: This show had its ups and downs with mostly ups. Overall it was a solid event and one that I’m happy to say I saw live. It left me wanting to watch RAW and Smackdown the next two nights which hasn’t happened in a LONG time.

Russ: Overall this PPV was a well done show.  The matches we knew would be good delivered and even over delivered in some respects.  The matches that were garbage were garbage, but at least most of them were short.  I am inclined to say best PPV of the year thus far. Let’s hope with the brand split this trend remains.

Kent: This show was exactly what we figured it would be. The matches we expected to deliver absolutely did and the ones that we though would be mediocre at best we exactly that. All in all, 3 great matches plus the Wyatt match. That’s a solid PPV and looking back, it has to be one of the best of the year so far, if not the best, not including NXT. NXT Dallas holds that distinction and I don’t think any card is topping that one.

I would like to say thank you to the lovely and very talented Russ, and Keri, for their hard work and free labor. Why they accepted this, I have no idea, but it’s awesome. The hope here is to get them on a more regular basis, and try to grow this a bit. Don’t expect them every week,. they got lives and shit, BUT I will be sexually harassing them often to help me out when their schedule allows. They did a fantastic job, and I got some much needed additional perspectives. With that being said, if anybody out there who is reading this would like to contribute on a part time basis, would just like to give this a whirl, please contact me. Leave a comment or find me on Facebook at Superkent’s 9 Deuce Blog Group. Tomorrow I will post our blog on the WWE draft, what went right, what went wrong, and why is Nia Jax on the main roster. Thank you, and enjoy Sharknado 4!

All pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are property of WWE and wwe.com.

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