WWE Brand Split Draft…..Malarkey Show Style

It’s been a few years. OK, 2004 was a long ass time ago, but today, for one time only (until we do it again), the men who brought you the Malarkey Show reunite to provide a blog. Yeah, it’s not Max Pwers 3, it’s not  A Day in the Life of 3 Schmucks Redux, but this is what I have to work with. At least Miss Cleo wasn’t involved. So everybody, go listen to some Europe, and get ready for the reunion 12 years in the making.

As a few of you know, WWE had their live draft this past Tuesday to create the new rosters for the brand split. Russ and I knew that we could do it better, so I presented this idea to him. Yeah, we could have filmed something, but let’s face it, the audio would have been shit, and it would have been a month late. So this is what you get. We adhered to the guidelines set forth during the draft and chose only the eligible people, and nobody else. What that means is that since Shinsuke Nakamura or Samoa Joe wasn’t chosen, we weren’t able to chose them. Shinsuke would have been my 2nd pick. I got dibs on choosing for RAW because it’s my blog, and because I’m a dick, and it was my idea. During the first 7 rounds, RAW got an extra pick as they have an extra hour of TV a week. This seems like a positive thing, but it complicates things is some regards. I’d still rather have more and sort it out later. After Round 7, each round will consist of 3 pics for each brand, with picks alternating. Afterwards, we will both be choosing our announce teams. In between rounds, we will provide commentary or banter, depending on how pissed off we are about just missing out on a pick.

With that out of the way, we’ll start with our opening comments and then the draft will commence. Russ, since you are the guest on my blog here, I will allow you to start off.

Round 1

1. Roman Reigns (RAW)

2. Seth Rollins (Smackdown)

3. Dean Ambrose (RAW)

4. Kevin Owens (Smackdown)

5. Bray Wyatt (RAW)

Round 2

6. Sami Zayn (RAW)

7. Cesaro (Smackdown)

8. Finn Balor (RAW)

9. New Day (Smackdown)

10. Enzo & Cass (RAW)

Round 3

11. American Alpha (RAW)

12. Miz & Maryse (Smackdown)

13. AJ Styles (RAW)

14. Gallows & Anderson (Smackdown)

15. Brock Lesnar & Paul Heyman (RAW)

Round 4

16. Randy Orton (RAW)

17. John Cena (Smackdown)

18. Rusev & Lana (RAW)

19. Titus O’Neil (Smackdown)

20. Braun Strowman (RAW)

Round 5

21. Baron Corbin (RAW)

22. Dolph Ziggler (Smackdown)

23. Sasha Banks (RAW)

24. Neville (Smackdown)

25. Becky Lynch (RAW)

Round 6

26. Paige (RAW)

27. Bo Dallas (Smackdown)

28. The Ascension (RAW)

29. The Vaudevillains (Smackdown)

30. Zack Ryder (RAW)

I hear nothing from Russ for about an hour and a half. Soooo now the rest of his roster is getting picked like a Millennial would because I lack patience when I could be doing something far more productive.

Round 7

31. Apollo Crews (RAW)

32. Charlotte (Smackdown)

33. Chris Jericho  (RAW)

34. Nia Jax (Smackdown)

35. Sheamus  (RAW)

Round 8

36. Alberto Del Rio (RAW)

37. Kallisto (Smackdown)

38. Alicia Fox (RAW)

39. Sin Cara (Smackdown)

40. Breezedango (RAW)

41. Jack Swagger (Smackdown)

Round 9

42. Carmella (RAW)

43. Naomi (Smackdown)

44. Erick Rowan (RAW)

45. Kane (Smackdown)

46. Eva Marie (RAW)

47. Usos (Smackdown)

Round 10

48. Heath Slater (RAW)

49. Natalya (Smackdown)

50. Alexa Bliss (RAW)

51. Darren Young (Smackdown)

52. Dudleys (RAW)

53. Golden Truth (Smackdown)

Round 11

54.  Summer Rae (RAW)

55.  Dana Brooke (Smackdown)

56.   Mark Henry (RAW)

57.   Curtis Axel (Smackdown)

58.   Mojo Rawley (RAW)

59.   Big Show (Smackdown)

Shining Stars goes undrafted because they are boring.

Announce Teams

1. Corey Graves (RAW)

2. JBL (Smackdown)

3. Mauro Renallo (RAW)

4. Booker T (Smackdown)

5. Byron Saxton (RAW)

6. Michael Cole (Smackdown)

Final thoughts:

I am positive that I killed Russ in the Women’s and Tag Team Division.  His roster has more athleticism, more technical guys. I went the route of taking a lot of big dudes who can be made into monsters, or help make guys look great.  My biggest weakness is up top, I have too many guys who need particular pushes, so some guys are going to get buried. On the other hand, Russ has Cena, so there will be burials over there as well. I don’t have enough old guys to help make the young guys, so I gotta suck it up in that regard, but there’s no old guys standing in the way, aside from Orton who can still go. Another thing I have going for me is a lot of my teams can be broken up down the road and guys like Enzo, Cass, Jordan, Gable, and even Breezedango can all be successful singles wrestlers. Hell, Bubba Ray can go singles immediately and main event if he wanted. Not that I want any of this, I like the flexibility and I see plenty of opportunity for growth. His roster is going to put on better shows for the first year, but mine will grow. Owens and Cesaro are really big time players that I really wanted, especially with having Lesnar, both guys are perfect opponents for him. Sami Zayn, not so much, but Rusev, Bray, Braun, and probably Luke returns to RAW in theory based on having all the Wyatts. I don’t know if any are worthy putting over Lesnar, but Rusev intrigues me, but Finn could prove to be worthy as well.

This was a waste of time. Sniff you jerks later!

All pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are property of WWE and wwe.com.

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