WWE Summerslam 2016 Preview
We have 11 matches for the evening. What a lovely number because we all know 9 + 2 = 11, and most likely it’s 9 matches on the main card and 2 on the undercard. I won’t get gimmicky. This is a simple, brief preview with some predictions for this year’s Summerslam. Today I am joined by my 9 Deuce colleague, Russ. Keri has the night off to mourn the loss of everything red. I also originally misspelled colleague into cooleague. I felt that you needed to know that.
Russ – I’m on vacation right now and the internet is spotty at best where I am, but I’m dedicated enough to write up my predictions for Summer Slam. I won’t be able to watch it until I get back on Tuesday, so I won’t be writing up the review. However, I should be able to get my normal duties of the Nine-Deuce for Raw and Smackdown. Ok, Let’s review this, the second biggest PPV of the year Summer Slam.
Kick Off Show Match
Sami Zayn and Neville vs. The Dudley Boys
Russ: Ok, you know a card is stacked when you relegate Sami Zayn to the kick off show. Seriously, I forgot all about him. I guess this is why they needed to split the brands cause amazing talent would be forgotten or dropped off the card completely at a smaller ppv. Also, Neville is no slouch either. Count this as a win for Sami and Neville. Sami needs a new feud, so a win here will keep him relevant. Neville seems to be headed to be a leader in the new cruiser weight division, which I, personally, can’t wait for. A feel good win for the crowd.
WINNERS: Sami and Neville
Kent: Let me tell you something brother, I don’t get it. They have over 3 hours on RAW, for 4 weeks now. You mean to tell me that they couldn’t have promoted this match, maybe built up a small feud, given us a reason TO GIVE A FUCK? This is WWE’s stupid fucking booking that makes me want to go on a murderous rampage. Also, why isn’t Sami in the cruiserweight division? I mean, he’s getting lost in the shuffle despite a dearth of talent on RAW, he should be getting over. Why not make him a cruiserweight and utilize him and Neville to really build up the division. Sami isn’t going to be main eventing any time soon, so why not utilize this great talent in a better, more meaningful way?
Winners: Sami and Neville
Kick Off Show Match
12 Man Tag Team Match of Fuckery
American Alpha, Hype Bros, and Usos vs. Breezeango, Vaudevillains, and The Ascension
Russ: Wow, way too many guys in the ring at the same time here. Didn’t they just do this on Smackdown? Expect the same results. I can’t see anyone winning except AA in this. However, I find it interesting that the blue brands tag division is getting treated better, overall, than the red brands. With this match it makes Smackdown seem like it has way more teams than Raw. Oh well this is still a throwaway match for AA to get yet another win.
WINNERS: The Face group.
Kent: So gives us the rematch from a match that everybody acknowledged was a clusterfuck on Smackdown? A little bit of foresight out of WWE, and they could have done a round robin tournament to determine a ranking for contenders for the belt. They could have used the kick off show to have 3 of those matches, and it would have made way more sense. But fuck logic, this is WWE! Seems like this is just a match to get American Alpha over even more. Soooo, I will pick Breezango to somehow win. Maybe The Uso’s turn heel.
Winners: The Heel Group
6 Woman Tag Team Match
Becky Lynch, Carmella, and Naomi vs. Natalya, Alexa Bliss, and not Eva Marie (Mystery partner thanks to suspension)
Russ: Well, before yesterday I would have said Natty’s Team would have won this with Eva Marie somehow getting the pin. However, with Eva really playing up her gimmick and getting herself suspended for 30 days thus not being able to wrestle (she is really dedicated to this gimmick) she can’t get the pin. So I’m going to say everything will come up Milhouse for Becky’s team (dated Simpsons reference if you don’t get it shame on you!)
Winner: Milhouse and Becky’s Team
Kent: Eva wins. We all win. This girl is not good in the ring, but Alexa is and her and Natalya will spend the majority of the time in the ring for this match. I don’t know who the face in peril will be, I’d guess Becky because she’s the best on her team, but Carmella is the better story so that Becky can be the hot tag. I give zero fucks about Naomi as they made her a damn joke, which is a shame. (Editor’s note, I wrote this prior to the suspension announcement. I guess maybe they just bring Nikki Bella in, or maybe bring Billy Kay in for the night to save off on Nikki. Plus, who knows If Nikki will be face or heel?)
Winners: Eva Marie with Alexa and Natalya and mystery partner, and not the fans,
Best of Seven Series – Match #1
Cesaro vs. Sheamus
Russ: The Summer Slam card is stacked so I don’t see this getting the time it needs to steal the show. However, I believe this will still be a good match. I really like this best of 7 series they are putting Cesaro and Sheamus into. The matches should be interesting and as we reach the 7th match the feud between these two should really be heated up. I honestly think whatever PPV the 7th match falls on should Co-Main Event it. As for this match I feel Cesaro needs a PPV win badly and should take it here.
Kent: Matches 1 through 6 don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things, but this is going to elevate both guys. I’d say maybe have Cesaro win the first 2-3 matches, and then have Sheamus injure Cesaro backstage to give himself an advantage. I think Cesaro is going to finally win a match on PPV. When was the last time that that happened? Seriously. This will be the best feud over the next 2 months with the best matches.
Intercontinental Championship Match
The Miz vs. Apollo Crews
Russ: I’m not sure what happened to this feud. When they split the roster they gave a huge win to Apollo and made him look legit. He then went on to have a good match the following week and then he is relegated to “during the commercial break” for the go home show. What gives! That isn’t how you should be treating the intercontinental Title! The Miz is great at helping create baby faces, but it seems like any interaction with Crews for this whole set up was subpar. I’m not blaming Miz, I’m blaming creative! This whole feud was piss poor and I see no reason for The Miz to lose the IC belt because of it.
Winner: The Miz
Kent: Talk about blowing it with this feud. They booked Apollo so strong the first night of the new era, and after that, he had a good match with Baron and Kalisto. Since then, has he done anything? Has Miz done anything other than talk and eat an RKO? As the old story goes, if creative don’t give a fuck, why the hell should I? If Heath Slater wasn’t lurking, I’d probably pick Apollo, but I say that Miz has to get over whoever the next champ is, he has to get the crowd on their side, and this hasn’t happened yet. So despite everything that I just said…..
Winner: And new IC Champion, Apollo Crews
Enzo and Cass vs. Jeri-KO
Russ: I enjoyed this for what it was. Enzo and Cass needed people who could go toe to toe with them on the mic. What we got was the magical pairing of Jeri-KO. This pairing has the making of Daniel Bryan and Kane written all over it, and I hope that it also leads KO down a similar path as Daniel, minus the career ending concussions and such. As for this match it won’t be a show stealer, though it will be entertaining and well done. I also think this feud will go on for a few months too. New Day is going to lose (spoiler?) and The Club will emerge victorious. They need at least a few months with the belt so no sense in rushing Enzo and Cass to take the belts. With that, feuding with Jeri-KO seems like a great idea for a couple months. I’m thinking Jeri-KO is going to win this one by cheating and have a great victory celebration that Cass and Enzo will ruin (they are the home team they gotta end on top.)
Winner: Jeri-KO, with Enzo and Cass ruining their celebration.
Kent: I know a lot of people expect this to be a throwaway feud. It was funny, but there wasn’t much direction to it. The journey has been way more fun than the destination will be. I suspect that this feud continues. Why not? Enzo and Cass won’t get a title shot right away as New Day will invoke a rematch if, and when they lose. Jericho and Owens really have nothing better to do than to entertain us, and they are awesome together. I say this is probably the opening match of the main card and the crowd gets hyped, despite Mojo’s presence being missed. By the way, no Smackdown tag team matches? By the way, if for some reason this match is given time, which I doubt due to entrances, this has show-stealer potential, but only 2%. Have you seen how stacked this card is?
Winners: Enzo and Cass because it’s Brooklyn
RAW Tag Team Championship Match
New Day vs. Gallows and Anderson
Russ: This match could be a potential show stealer! Hear me out. New Day should get treated like home town heroes since they won the belts a year ago right there in Brooklyn, New York. Both teams have great talent in-ring and know how a tag team match should go. The Club is the right team to put over and have them run roughshod over the rest of the tag team division of Raw (which, frankly, is not very large due to the brand split) I just don’t know how you are going to keep Enzo and Cass away long enough to give The Club the time they need with the belts. Well the WWE knows how to … properly run … the …tag team …. Hahaha, ok I can’t even finish that with a straight face. The WWE will blow this somehow and by October Enzo and Cass with have the belts.
Winners: And NEW Tag Team Champions (for a few months) – The Club
Can we even call them the Club anymore? I’m guessing not. Anyway, this match would stick out on most shows this year, but it’s 6th or 7th best from my perspective, at best. Once again, have you seen how stacked this card is? It’s time for the champs to ride off into the sunset. They have gone much farther than any of us ever thought possible. If you disagree, I suggest that you are a liar. At one point, this was arguably the most over act in WWE. It goes to show, stables of 3 are able to get over in today’s era when you consider The Shield, The Wyatt Family, Evolution 2.0, The Club, New Day, 3 Man Band, and Social Outcasts minus Adam Rose. OK, maybe not ALL of them got over, but most have. Gallows and Anderson should run the table til Wrestlemania with how thin the tag roster is on RAW. I don’t think Golden Truth is going to take those titles away any time soon. Should be good, and maybe, just maybe we start seeing cracks in the foundation of New Day because they have to split up sooner than later. Xavier seems like the guy to go heel, but Big E could do so as well. Kofi would honestly be the best, but they aren’t ever going to push him on the upper card, so it will be one of the other 2. Also, with such small tag team divisions, they need to really start doing some heel vs heel and face vs face matches or else this shit will get stale real fast.
Winners: And NEW Tag Team Champions – Anderson and Gallows
RAW Women’s Championship Match
Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte without Dana
Russ: Way to go WWE you made me not care about a Sasha Banks match. A year ago I would have been over joyed to see her in a match that could possibly steal the show. However, WWE just ruined her moment by giving the belt to her on the Raw after the brand split. Now, there is no way that Charlotte should win and this feud has been garbage juice.
Winners: Not the fans, but at least Sasha retains
Kent: Let’s go back to the first RAW after the draft. I think there is a large portion of people that would say that this had potential to not only be the female match of the year, but possibly steal the show. The story was there, Sasha was finally going to win the big one. Look at how good the Wrestlemania match was, arguably the best match of the night. Then Sasha won that night. Anybody with any fucks to give, please raise your hand. Either I am in a room full of hand amputees, or nobody gives a fuck. Such a shame. RAW has twice opted to blow their frothy load on a Monday rather than wait for Summerslam to make a true moment. That is not to say that they shouldn’t be trying to make moments on RAW, it’s a great place for debuts, heel or face turns, and during the downtime between Summerslam and Royal Rumble, it should provide you with a big moment or two. Just don’t fucking do it leading up the your best PPV of the year. Wrestlemania 32 sucked, let’s face it. This is the real fan’s Wrestlemania more so than ever before. I will be waiting for this match to end as there is no outcome that really interests me in any capacity.
Winner: Sasha Banks
Kent: I just want to point out, 3 of these matches have real potential to be great up to this point. Now we get to the 5 main matches on this card. Wow.
U.S. Championship Match
Rusev vs. Roman Reigns
Russ: I maybe in the minority, but I’m loving this Heel turn by Roman. He has been the jerk we all know he can play really well and poor Rusev he just wanted us to share in his wedded bliss… Wait, what? Roman isn’t the heel in this feud? But he has done all the jerk moves… wait you say he is getting cheered more than ever because of this? How in the hell is this Roman getting over? I know he is fighting a “foreigner” but in this day and age how can we even care about that kind of stupid crap. I cannot believe how many dickish heel things Roman did in this feud and he is still considered the face! Still I’m confident this is Roman putting Rusev over and not just giving him a belt to hold onto because Vince has a hard on for Roman. Rusev will get a massive rub from his win here. I’m not a Roman hater and I think this will be a good match with a lot of back and forth. Maybe Rusev will have to cheat to win (He shouldn’t have to, but …WWE). This should be a good 10 minute match. . I just thought about this but wasn’t it like a year ago that Rusev was getting “crushed” (I hope you all see what I did there.) by Roman?
Kent: I know that my Wrestling 9 Deuce colleague Is waiting for the inevitable “LolRomanReigns” and god, that frightens me. Roman is getting over because he’s going against a foreigner because as Americans, we hate all foreigners and yet wonder why the rest of the world pretty much hates us. “But, we’re the good guys.” Yeah, and so is Roman Reigns. Makes you think. Roman won on RAW. Roman is taking his suspension medicine and is here to put over Rusev, and we as fans are supposed to forget that Roman beat Rusev like nothing throughout the fall and winter of last year, like straight up jobbed him out. Still, Rusev is one of the best booked talents currently, and deservedly so. He can be a legit main eventer, but he’s got to get put over by guys like Roman to get him established on that level before they Sheamus the hell out of him. Roman, by the way, has been having some really good to great matches since the suspension. I know, this is the internet, and it’s not cool to praise Roman, but I can’t discount his matches, but also attribute some of that to who he has been working with.
Winner: Rusev CRUSH!!!!!
Brock Lesnar vs. Randy Orton
Russ: I’ve enjoyed this little feud between Brock and Randy. First Randy’s interview at Battleground was a great set up. Randy sneaking up on Brock on Raw, fantastic. Brock’s response on the following Smackdown, well executed. Finally, both of them got a great rub from the man himself Heath Slater! Since his return, Randy has actually been an enjoyable face to watch. Seriously, Face Randy is a terrible Randy, but this one has been great so far! As for Brock, well I think he did his best work he’s done in a long time when he talked with Heath on Monday and just showed how much of a bad ass he truly is! This match should be back and forth in the beginning and then Brock getting the upper hand for a while. I’m going to call an RKO out of nowhere and looks like Randy will slay the beast and live up to his name legend killer (even if they both came to the WWE in the same year.) When the lights go out (this feels familiar somehow.) and Bray interferes. This won’t end the match quite yet, it will just be enough to stop Randy from winning. A few suplexes later and an F-5, then Brock will take the win. Cause Brock doesn’t give a shit about children!
Winner: BRRRROOOCCCCKKKK LESSSSNAR!
Kent: What is the hype to this? A match 15 years in the making? We all know that they had a match early in their careers. The morons at WWE missed a huge opportunity in the build up to this match. First of all, that 2001 or 2002 class, whichever it is, also consisted of R Truth and John Cena. You have both guys under contract, why aren’t you interviewing them? As a matter of fact, why didn’t this cause Truth to be like, I was in the same class as these 3 guys, and I’m doing this? Like, that should have been a story to get Golden Truth over more. Interviews with guys who have faced both men would have really put this over. That would have been clutch. HHH, Seth, Dean, Roman, Cena, Big Show (who is in ridiculously good shape all of a sudden), and maybe Mark Henry, Kane, and others I may be forgetting, JBL perhaps. Brock matches are not being built up as well anymore. The last great build up was him and Taker brawling last year. That was great. I don’t know if they aren’t trying as hard, if brock isn’t the box office attraction that he once was for WWE, if the PED shit factored in, but I am not as hyped for this match. Another issue is that they need to tone down this Suplex city shit. Brock is legitimately, one of the better wrestlers on the roster who is capable of so many moves that other can’t do because of his strength, and his reputation. But yeah, let’s just limit him to suplexes. By the way, Bray is going to interfere. Brock may pick up the win, or a DQ, or a shady Orton win. Nothing about this will be clean.
Wnner: Brock thanks to Bray’s interference
AJ Styles vs. John Cena
Russ: If I’m going to be honest, this is the match I’m most looking forward to tonight for several reasons. First, we know both these guys are going to deliver and deliver big. I’d say this would be a show stealer, but you can’t exactly steal the show when you are the Main Event. The first match between these two was really amazing until the end when The Club Interfered. With no Club interference this time I think this could be a match of the year candidate. AJ is just so good in the ring and we know John can handle his own. The story these two will tell will leave whoever is after this match (if any matches are after.) really in an unfair position to try and deliver. The second reason I’m looking forward to this match is to see if WWE really has moved forward with this new era crap. If AJ loses then we know the “era” really hasn’t changed and we are still living with the same bull shit WWE has been shoveling out since after the Attitude Era.
Winner: AJ Styles (I hope)
Kent: This is a legit main event, main attraction match, and the build up hasn’t even been good. That’s how good these guys are and how hyped the fans are because they know that this match will deliver. In the end, it’s a simple matter of if WWE will do the right thing. Cena ended Smackdown by putting AJ through a table. I think Cena puts AJ over so Cena can try to be the mainstream star that he yearns to be while saying that WWE is his life. Both him and Rock talk out their asses, but Rock went for it 100%, and Cena just isn’t as good as the Rock. Who is?
Winner: AJ Styles
RAW World Championship Match
Finn Balor vs. Seth Rollins
Russ: Alright, the lead into this match has been ok. That isn’t saying much considering one of the wrestlers is my favorite and the other has a kick ass entrance and is alright in the ring. The biggest problem to this feud is twofold. First, Balor doesn’t deserve this meteoric push he has gotten. In fact I’d say nobody would deserve this kind of push right after moving to the main roster. I digress though, Balor is not a rookie, and I understand that, but coming up to the main roster and the first day he gets there he “earns” a championship match. If this guy’s name was Roman the internet would be having a shit fit! The second problem with this match is that Seth basically had to carry the entire thing. That has been Seth’s problem for over the past year. He has had to carry almost all of his feuds. That just goes to show how awesome he is that he can get most of these guys to have good to great matches with him. This leads to the problem that Seth didn’t wrestle at all this past month. (Editor’s Note, Sami Zayn may disagree.) I don’t understand WWE’s logic on this. It would have been nice to see Seth wrestle a few matches. I’m not sure why he didn’t fight maybe they are still trying to make sure he is fully healed. Maybe he’s too damn good and they are afraid people will cheer him when he fights and turn him face before they want it to happen. Whatever the case his ring absence has left this feud kind of stale. Oh and of course giving the Demon’s entrance away on Raw this past week was asinine! That was a Summer Slam moment taken away. Oh, right this is a prediction blog not a rant blog… so I agree with Kent on this one. If this goes on last Balor is winning, probably with HHH interfering (and finally giving us the HHH vs Seth feud we’ve been waiting for.) If it goes on earlier Seth is getting the belt.
Winner and New RAW Champ – Seth Rollins (cause damnit I want my guy to be the first RAW Champ).
Kent: In case nobody has noticed, I refuse to call the belt by it’s new name. It’s not happening. That is such a foul name. It universally sucks in every language possible. With that out of the way, how about this past RAW? Some guy tried to attack Seth by jumping the ring, and Seth nailed it. Then the WWE did the absolute dumbest thing that they have done in a few months, they gave away the Demon entrance on free TV. I wasn’t pumped for this match to begin with. Finn doesn’t deserve this push. I have adamantly said that Finn is basically the new era Jeff Hardy He attracts bitches, young kids love the paint, and some douche bag guys want to be like him. I know I’m supposedly in the business of being likable to get more viewers, but no, I will insult you and you will like it, Fuck-o’s. Seth is great, he really is. He needs something to work with. Seth has had to carry this feud, and people walk away saying that he’s boring. That his title reign was boring. No it wasn’t, you’re boring. He’s had to carry this damn rivalry, and it’s been awful. The only reason that I still care about this match is because every once in awhile, Jeff Hardy had an opponent like Undertaker or CM Punk and it raised Jeff’s game to new heights, and in those fleeting moments, he hung on, and you could see that he could have been a mega star, if he had only put in more effort. I hope, for Finn’s sake, that Seth can pull out a great match out of kick and stomp Balor. If this match goes on last, expect Finn to win via fuckery. If it doesn’t go on last, expect Seth to win. I don’t think the double turn happens at this PPV.
Winner: Seth Rollins as the New RAW Champion
Smackdown World Championship Match
Dean Ambrose vs. Dolph Ziggler
Russ: The best feud on this card! Wow, who would have thought someone would say that about these two even 2 months ago. Still the fire these two showed in the past month has been out of this world. The only way this can end is in an amazing show stealing match (and yes I know I said something about a Main Event not being able to steal the show, but this is the one Main Event that could claim this). Dolph has just been phenomenal against Dean and Dean has been great as the cocky champion who backs his work up. I hope that Dolph wins this he deserves a good title run, but I hope there is some interference and Dean loses unfairly. I hope that Baron Corbin comes out looks like he is going to attack Dolph, due to their recent feud, then turns and attacks Dean! Dolph and his Body Guard Corbin could really work well for the pair. It would elevate Corbin and Dolph can be a great heel champ.
Winner and New WWE Champ Dolph Ziggler
Kent: I don’t think they could have booked this feud any better. I don’t think I could have, and normally I know I could book it better. This has been the perfect storm of a guy needing to showcase his true mic skills and showcase his edge while the other guy has been basically forgotten, and left behind despite always being there to put on great matches. This has been a masterpiece. It is my main event. Whether it goes on last, well that depends on which championship match is ending in fuckery. If this goes on last, I think Dolph wins it. I wouldn’t be surprised if him and Dean trade the title back and forth a couple of times. I know, I know, but Kent, AJ is booked against Dean for house shows. We good for fucking AJ. Is the WWE supposed to advertise “Soon to be world champion” Dolph Ziggler against Randy Orton? I mean, you internet people, you lack logic. Nobody thinks about the flip side of the argument. Yeah, AJ should get the main event, but he can feud with Dean. It doesn’t have to be for the belt. It can be for #1 contender, or maybe we get a 3 way. Who knows? In this moment, Dean deserves his title run. With that being said, Dean will get more title shots. This could be Dolph’s last chance to build himself up to be a solid main eventer, especially with Bray, AJ, Cena, and Randy on that roster. It’s almost a now or never scenario. Dolph has earned it, so I say give him the run. Dean will have it back by Mania I suspect, and it will be cool.
Oh yeah, I forgot, Dolph is going to win with help from Baron Corbin. That’s happening, and we are getting the modern day HBK and Diesel and it’s going to be marvelous.
Winner: Dog Ziggler
Wait, Corbin and Kalisto don’t get a match? Fuck this! This is one of the biggest and best PPV lineups of all time, like historically, it’s a great all time card.