Before I preview this, I want to say that there is a threat of an ISIS attack for Survivor Series. Hopefully it has got enough mainstream attention and nothing happens. I think the hacktivist group, Anonymous, are doing good things, but I don’t want to get too political here. I would love nothing more than for Vince McMahon to open the show, call out ISIS for being cowards and telling parents to cover their children’s ears and say “Fuck you ISIS”. Maybe have Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Jack Swagger, and Hulk Hogan all come out too. This is why I should have a job with them.
Survivor Series used to be my favorite ppv of the year, back when I first started watching in 1989, it was awesome. Teams of 4 would take on a rival team of 4, and they would have an elimination tag match, usually 4 or 5 of them, and it used to be on Thanksgiving night I feel, or maybe Thanksgiving weekend. Either way, the world was better back then because not many people had to work retail on fucking Thanksgiving. Fuck going shopping on Thanksgiving, and I really wish more people would say no to this practice. Shop online, it’s way easier and convenient, and that isn’t causing thousands of people to be away from their family on a family themed holiday.
Anyway, the WWF used to have like a preview special where you would get some singles matches of guys from opposing teams, and it often led to huge brawls to pump you up for the ppv. I often would be in the hospital for these events as my grandparents were ill the first 3-4 years that I was into wrestling, well at least in mid to late November. The timing was always shitty. I love elimination tag matches, I loves the names of the teams, and I loved when some teams would go the extra mile of being cool. I will never forgive the WWE for not keeping this tradition. I don’t want singles matches in this day and age especially. Give me a night of fun teams. I also hate that we no long have a King of the Ring ppv tournament…..morons. With all of that out of the way, let’s preview and speculate.
There is supposedly a 5 on 5 tag match. Looking over the roster, I would have 2 traditional matches, so I’m picking 2.
Bizarros (Cesaro, Neville, Jack Swagger, and the Dudley Boys) vs United Front (Sheamus, Barrett, Stardust, The Ascension)
I would just have it come down to Cesaro vs Sheamus and Barrett and have Cesaro get the win.
The Zig Zags (Dolph, Usos, and Lucha Dragons) vs Breezy Day (Tyler Breeze, Big Show, and New Day)
I would have Big Show get DQ’d after murdering Sin Cara and then KO punching all of the good guys, and New Day picks up the win.
You know what, fuck this, I want to make a pre-show match.
The Axelmaniacs (Curtis Axel, Damien Sandow, R Truth, and Primetime Players) vs Five Man Band (Heath Slater, Bo Dallas, Fandango, Adam Rose, and The Miz)
Fuck it, give it to Curtis and Damien with Heath as the last man standing on his team.
As for the scheduled card……we are left with not much. Oh, I am seeing that Dolph is officially taking on Tyler……..asshats. My idea is better.
Dolph vs Tyler
Tyler should get the win because Dolph only has 2 years left before he retires, and he’s never going to climb to the top again sadly. That’s not me being mean, the WWE fucked him over badly numerous times, just like last year at this very same ppv. He has so much momentum. Tyler is legitimately decent mid carder, maybe IC champ. I don’t know if he can ever be a face, and that is a concern.
Paige vs. Miss I can’t act worth a shit and don’t deserve my title reign and ride on my daddy’s coat tails
Yeah, I’m going with Paige and Charlotte can go back to NXT and fuck off. She is not that good at all and only has name value. She has shitty pacing, her mic skills are among the worse, still better than Brie Mode though. Paige is great. Let Paige keep it til she loses it to Sasha. Sasha is the only female worth watching as of late.
Paige wins, don’t care how, just get the belt off of Charlotte.
Taker and Kane vs the Wyatts
Why they didn’t just have the Dudleys join Taker and Kane to have a 4 on 4 classic is beyond me. For comedy sake, it would have been great if Mark Henry and Big Show had joined Taker and Kane to form the slowest team in WWE history. Taker will probably win. If Luke was in the match, I’d pick Luke. We really are due for a Kane heel turn, so maybe that will happen. It’s been like 2 months now. Haha.
Pick: Taker at his final Survivor Series despite the Wyatt’s needing the win way more.
Roman vs Alberto
Roman will win I have to imagine. Rumors persist that Vince doesn’t want Roman to turn, and that may be true, but it would be for the best. I would have HHH’s music hit during the match, distract Roman when HHH comes out, and Roman loses to Alberto. That would be awesome. Follow me on this.
Dean vs Kevin Owens
I love Owens, but he can eat a loss. I like the idea of KO “accidentally” getting DQ’d or getting a quick loss or count out and beating Dean after the match with a chair. These should be the first 2 match. Then during the 3rd match, have it interrupted by a cameraman finding Alberto and Zeb laid out and unconscious and getting the ambulance to take them out.
We can then go to HHH after the match to get word on what happens next, but our ninja cameraman quickly sees HHH shaking hands with a happy Kevin Owens. HHH says that he will sort things out and have a challenger for Dean tonight, and the crowd will suspect that KO is working with HHH. So it’s main event time, Dean makes his way out. HHH comes out and says that Dean’s opponent will be the man who sent Alberto to the hospital. play KO’s theme, and then he comes out. He laughs and Dean looks pissed. KO then mocks Dean and tells him that it wasn’t him……believe that. Then Roman’s music hits and the crowd is shocked as is Dean. A heel Roman comes out looking fucking pumped. He shakes HHH’s and KO’s hand as he gets to the ring. BOOM.
Dean vs Roman
This will just lead to the odds being ridiculously stacked against Dean, which is something he does good with. During the match, Roman can’t put Dean away, and so HHH announces mid match that it is a no DQ match. This leads to any number of people: Cena, Sting, Brock, or if Daniel Bryan is available then him. I’d avoid Cena as it’s best to keep him away from the title picture. Sting and Daniel probably aren’t healthy enough. That would leave Brock, but he may not be available. So who then? Fuck it, if Sami Zayn is healthy, go with him, otherwise, go with Finn Balor. Could you imagine the reaction he would get coming out in full paint to fuck over HHH’s new contingent? If all of these options suck, involve Cesaro as he should be the next world champ. You could have Roman beat Alberto and then Roman gets taken out backstage and it’s revealed that Cesaro was the assailant. Point is, add some intrigue and doubt, then have your reveal.
Anyway, KO and HHH get chased off, and Roman catches Dead in the midst of a comeback and gets his win. You now have your new top heel and face of your company that has a hell of a back story. Roman can finally flourish. Dean will be told that he can never get another world title match after some screwy RAW or TLC match. So Dean wins the Rumble. Dead is your PG Stone Cold type. He could be huge. Roman and Dean are primed for this, so let’s do it.
Winner: Roman Reigns
Oh, and just for laughs, when Dead finally get his title, Sheamus will promptly cash in his briefcase.
I want to be excited for this ppv, but it’s unforgivable how they booked the 5 on 5, the women, and Breeze and Dolph. No tag title match? I’m still pissed that it’s not Taker, Kane and a tag team vs the Wyatts. Would have been fine to have the tag team get eliminated first.
All pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are property of WWE and wwe.com.