#304 The Final Destination (2009)

So far, the franchise is following the horror movie franchise curve, meaning that every movie progressively gets slightly worse. This franchise though, is showing me that it is not to be taken lightly. This is the fourth installment of the franchise, and I think it was a mistake to not include the number, but Fast and the Furious did the same thing oddly enough.

Start Film

We start off at a race track, with a song that I feel is supposed to pump me up, and I may actually enjoy it, in a weird way. Is the premonition going to be that somebody takes a right turn? We have 4 friends, as is usual. One is Nick, and he noticed the bench crack when he sat down. Haha, a mom is putting tampons in her kids ears to cut out the sound. Nick is noticing a crack in the concrete. He’s due for his premonition. Hello chick in bikini top. There is an oil slick of sorts. The fence is starting to get loosened by death.  There’s a flyer that comes to Nick that says in memory of beloved drivers, and then he saw a shirt about death. One car pulled away prematurely with a tool in it and it just came loose, and popped a car’s tire, and we have it flipping and a tire came and decapitated a bitch. Flaming car in the stands now. The benches are clearing, and the one is broke. 2 people got sliced in half, and a chick got an engine land on her, while a dude gets impaled by the wooden shard sticking out. Concrete is now falling, and it’s total panic. Nick’s 2 friends got crushed by the concrete, now more people are getting crushed, then the security guy and Nick’s chick are crushed, and Nick gets killed. There’s the premonition. Let me pause for just a moment. This was one of those 3D horror flicks, and I hate 3D horror when it is so glaringly bad to watch in non 3D. Like it really takes away the “realness” of the horror flick about death killing people.  Well, if you’ve seen one, you know what happens next. So the question is who survives. OK, Nick escapes with his friends, a racist and a mechanic are chasing them. The security guard gets involved. Yup, there’s the crash. Both rednecks have now lost their women.

They end up at a coffee shop called “Death by Caffeine”. Lori is Nick’s chick, and then Hunt is the obnoxious dude, and his chick is Janet.  They decide to go to the memorial, and the tampon mom thanks Nick. George is the name of the security guard. The racist redneck is only credited as Racist, and he’s such a douche to George. Nick has some premonition with a door like in Nightmare on Elm Street, and chains and a hook, and Lori’s picture just got stabbed. Racist is outside of George’s house it appears. He’s pissed because George wouldn’t let him back in to try to rescue his woman.  It appears that racist has a wooden cross and a shovel and is going to be a total douchebag. Death is pissed off in his truck though, and starts playing “Why Can’t We Be Friends” which I love. The truck is moving. He tries to stop it, but he gets hooked and dragged on the street, and the hook causes sparks, and sets redneck on fire. He dead.

Hey, Lori has a sweet ass in these small green shorts. On the news, Nicks sees the red door, which is George’s. He now sees a premonition of a pair of scissors. Next up are the 2 boys who had tampon mom. The mom gives the boys money to play video games so she wants to get her hair done.  So that’s where the scissors will play in probably. She is getting her hair and toenails done. So there’s some liquid spillage on the floor, the ceiling lamp is coming loose, shit is moving a lot, the chair lever looks like it wants to do something, like lower. The hairspray can is moving and heating up. Hey, the boys returned, slipped on the floor, and the can explodes, the fan falls to the floor, and nobody dies. The lawnmower outside hits a rock and sent int flying into MILF’s head and kills her. Nick and Hunt are looking at the news, and there are some good reference to to previous installments.

Nick and friends are now having the talk, and they looked up stuff like Flight 180, and how everybody dies in the precise order that they were meant to die. BUT there might be a way to intervene and end it. Janet is getting all worked up and emotional. Hunt wants to go get laid and says “I’m dying, I’m tryin'”. Good for him! Nick just had another premonition. Will you PLEASE stop with the 3D nonsense. Nick and Lori go back to the race car track to try to remember who is next. George shows up and tells them that they are trespassing, but he is going to show Nick the security cam footage, and it’s the mechanic who is seemingly next, then Hunt and Janet, then George, then Lori, then Nick. Time to find the mechanic. They find him at his job and tell him that he’s gonna die. Stuff is happening in the garage while our survivors are outside.  Some stuff fell, sparks, and a van is on the loose, and the comes at him, but is stopped by a cable. Mechanic is pumped about not dying, but then the other end of the cable caused a canister to fly at him and kill him by pushing him through the fence.  Yup.

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Hunt is with some blond with a great rack.  Nice booty too. He got laid. Janet gives a homeless man some change, and he is pissed about a penny, so he throws it, and causes birds to fly and shit on Janet’s windshield.  Nick is by a sign that says “Clear Rivers Water” and is now seeing a premonition about some water and a PSI gauge.  So many chicks in bikinis by Hunt. Nick tries calling Hunt but a kid in the pool squirted Hunt, got his phone. Now time to see how this plays out by the water. Technically, Janet and Hunt should die simultaneously. Coins keep going in the water too. George and Lori are tracking down Janet at the car wash. Her antennae gets ripped off, causing a spark, and the fuse box has shorted, and Janet is in the middle of the car wash. She’s stuck. She opens her moon roof and water starts pouring in from a pipe. A golf ball hits Hunt, and it causes him to loose another coin so he goes in after it, and is now getting sucked down by the pool suction at the bottom. Janet fits her head out of the roof, but is now pinched, and the car wash is moving again. She is close to getting worked over by the one spinning cleaner, but George rams her vehicle, and Lori pulls her out. Hunt is still stuck. Nick is there, and the motor for the pumped is starting to steam. And Hunt got sucked through and that was lame.

Now Lori and George tries figuring out what to do next. George is OK with it as he lost his family due to his drunk driving. George goes home with some wine, and he is just so unsure and nervous. Lori and Nick are trying to death-proof their place. Lori is pissed that George is so calm about this. A cup of coffee spills and leaves “Through action they were saved” dry in print. So they go to George’s and say that saving Janet broke the chain. They find George trying to hang himself, but they save him.  He can’t die, he’s puked up all the pills, tried killing himself via exhaust pipe. So they celebrate. People are too happy.

Time has elapsed, it’s day time. Lori wants Nick to go to a 3D movie. Janet showed up to hang with Lori at the coffee shop. Nick gets a premonition about water and snakes, and the TV comes on and the cowboy dude has survived the first incident, so Nick is hightailing it. Nick is trying to get George to meet him at the hospital to keep the cowboy alive. Above cowboy’s room, a tub is overflowing and cowboy can’t ring the nurse buzzer. Cowboy is trying to escape. Hahaha, great elevator conversation between George and Nick about death, with 4 other people in the room. The tub falls and squashes Cowboy. Lori is ignoring Nick’s calls and texts.

Lori and Janet are at a mall, and there is something overhead getting moved, it looks heavy. George and Nick are leaving the hospital and an ambulance just took out George in a very Terry like way, from the original. So we are down to Nick, Lori, and Janet. Some construction guys are building 6 new theater screens. Lori’s shoelace is stuck in the escalator. And it resulted in nothing. It got me hopeful of a scene similar to an 80’s movie called The Kiss. The girls have gotten their movie tickets, and Nick is trying to get there but has a premonition about the movie theater exploding, seriously. Why is everything a big explosion? Just asking. So yeah, flammable stuff are in the new theater rooms and they are close to the screen where Lori and Janet are. Lori thinks that she can see things like Nick does. Seems reasonable as Clear was able to, and others have been able to. OK, stuff is on fire, Janet don’t want to leave. Nick is looking in all the theaters as apparently this film is very popular. Lori is saying stuff isn’t right, just like at the track. Nick finally finds her, and Janet won’t leave. Annnd explosion and Janet gets spiked in the torso. These explosions are just silly. The escalator is torn apart, and Nick tries, but Lori gets pulled in and chewed up. Oh, that was a dream….because that’s how this goes.

Nick goes to the mall. Everything is playing out as expected, and nick pulls the fire alarm to no avail. He is not using a fire extinguisher, but it runs out of stuff. He tosses the extinguisher, which hits a table, with a nail gun, and a spark is flying, more fire, and the nail gun pins Nick’s arm to the wall. Flammable liquid is pouring out nearby as it creeps towards the flame.  Nick grabs a long flaming stick and puts in by the fire alarm.sprinkler system. The sprinklers come on just in time.

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2 Weeks Later

This is where we get at least one last second kill, as always. Nick helps out a construction worker and goes to the coffee shop. The 3 friends are all happy and smiling. The homeless dude comes in and talks to Nick and says that he saved a lot of lives. Nick is seeing stuff, a bunch of stuff from earlier, the pool, the movie poster, a race, and a carving on the table. Nick wonders what if they didn’t change anything, and then a big rig swerves into the cafe and kills them all.

End Film

This was fine if you got to see it in 3D and like that stuff. It may have even been good. The story was OK, but the worst so far. This was unfortunately a mediocre film from my perspective, without 3D. The acting was good. I feel that it was certainly missing Tony Todd’s voice. The premonitions were the worst, and it’s not even close, and it was because they tried something too different, and if you binge watched like I am, you’d probably be put off by them as well. The deaths probably the worst, the initial scenario was the worst. This is a bad Final Destination movie. With that being said, it’s not a bad movie, but comparatively to the previous 3, this was bad.  I liked George and Nick, especially in the elevator. I loved the car wash scene, and I liked how the mechanic died and even the racist. Didn’t care for how George or Hunt died. Then the ending. I didn’t like it, but it was an improvement to part 3 only because it was definitive, and that counts.

Final Rating – 5.1 because I know that if I binge watch again, I’m not going to just stop the film. But this is as low of a rating as I can give a re-watchable movie. With that being said, buy this in a collection, not on it own, unless you like 3D horror, then buy the blu ray.

All pictures used in this blog are for review purpose. They are the property of New Line Cinema, Parallel Zide, FlipZide Pictures, Practical Pictures, and whoever else may have been involved. I recommend that you support them with a purchase.

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