Oh no, it’s based on actual events. Fuck me. This is the same shit from the first one. OK. I’m going to eat a Snickers before I get too worked up. Some cops catch our man, Mick, speeding. Neat. Mick reaches into his glove compartment and grabs a big knife and then pulls over. They immediately ask him to step out of the vehicle, and he has some dead pigs. These cops are just being dicks. So they want his license. The old cop is being a complete dick about his truck, and downright rude. They give him a ticket acting like some tough guys. They drive away, and are giggling about it. Mick looks at his gun as they drive away. The young guy driving gets his head blown off, and the vehicle goes rolling and rolling off the road. Mick has a gas can with him. It looks like old cop has crawled out, and is 20 feet away and very bloody and hurt. Mick ensures the guy’s leg is broken and says “That’ll do pig”. Ohhhhh, he did the old spine severe move. The old cop is still talking shit like a dummy, but now he wants to see his kids after the gas has been dumped all over. Mick flicks his cig, and sets them ablaze.
Now we get some Steppenwolf, which is always enjoyable. Born to be wild is timeless. I guess they are introducing us to this free spirited couple who are irritating. Rutger and Katarina I do believe. Mick pulled over briefly and then drove away when they were looking for a lift. Some truck driver gave them a ride instead. These two are German. They are on their way to the Wolf Creek spot. They get there, and she yodels, and there is a family in the distance, with a dog. Ugh, Rutger got so whiny because a person drove past them. Back of my fucking hand. You know that you aren’t enjoying a film when you check how long you’ve been watching every 2-3 minutes. They set up a tent and hear something at night. It’s our old pal, Mick. Thank god.
Mick is his typical charming self. He is offering them a ride back in to town, and he says that they shouldn’t be camping here. Rutger won’t take the bait, so he gets his spine severed. Mick really hates tourists. Ohh, he tied her up and just groped her tits. Down go her panties, but Rutger is up somehow. And she sits and cries as Mick kicks his ass and slits Rutger’s throat and then cuts his damn head off. He puts her in a sleeper so she stops crying and whimpering.
She wakes up in the tent, but it’s taken down. Mick is cutting up Rutger while listening to Patsy Cline’s “I Fall To Pieces”. He doesn’t see that she is moving, and he has a generator making enough noise so she can escape if she was smart. Her heavy breathing isn’t helping any. Mick notices, so time to play hide and seek. Well, that took 15 seconds. He chases her in his truck, making her exhaust herself. Hahaha, He lost her.
Some dude, Paul, almost ran her over, but he gets her inside. And there’s Mick and he is pissed. Mick starts ramming. Mick’s constant insults are what keeps me watching. His jeep is no match for Mick’s truck. This is just ridiculous, popcorn style horror. Mick’s truck gets stuck, so he takes out his gun and shoots and kills Katarina. Mick takes a second shot as Paul drives away, but only gets the back window. Dammit Mick! The first 20 minutes sucked, the second 20 minutes were good. Let’s keep up the momentum.
The past 5 minutes has been Paul basically getting rid of the body and trying to figure out where he is. He sees a car and it won’t stop to help him, as is tradition in Australia apparently. Along comes a big rig. The rig slows down, and then revs up because Mick is driving. Uh huh. This is just silly at this point, but I now know what I am dealing with. Oh and Paul is running out of gas. Mick wants some music, so he plays “The Lion Sleeps Tonight”. I am so happy, plus kangaroos are hopping. Mick has just killed like 5 of them. Hahaha, I shouldn’t laugh, but it was so cheesy. This is like an Australian Duel. So reminds me of it. Paul, and his Jeep end up pushed way the fuck down this treacherous slope. Paul feel triumphant that he is alive and yells that Mick will have to do better than that. Enjoy your long walk with half a bottle of water. Oh and her comes the big rig just flying down. Just what in the fuck? Mick is up top, standing tall, watching Paul run.
Paul walks and walks in the heat and eventually collapses. Paul sees a place in the distance and gets his second win. He passes out in front of the house, but is taken in at the very least. He gets dragged down a hallway, and wakes up in a bed with a fan on at least. His clothes have been laundered. He gets dressed and finds an old couple. They certainly seem friendly. They feed him, so that’s good for Paul. This is Jack and Lil. She made it special for him. Mick is making a raucous outside, so Jack grabs his gun and gonna take care of this. Jack tells him to get off of his land, and Mick wants Paul. So Jack fires a warning shot, and Mick smiles and walks away. Jack comes in talking a big game, but Mick is now behind him and kills Jack. Now we have the Blue Danube Waltz and he shoots Lil in the back as she tries to escape. He watches Paul run, and Mick sees a horse and is giggling. And hahaha, here he comes riding off or into the sunset. Hey, it’s about the storm at least, or so it sounds. So Paul is ducking behind some shrubs or something and this long drawn out sequence, and Mick knocks Paul down eventually and then starts cracking him repeatedly with a whip.
Paul is now inside somewhere sitting down. He looks to be tied to like a barber chair, and this is Mick’s tool shed of sorts. Paul says that if he is set free, he won’t tell anybody. That sounds familiar. Mick wants Paul to impress him with his British wit, and he does some British rhymes and then starts singing “Tie Me Kangaroo Down” and Mick joins in with singing. This is the best scene so far, as Mick just makes me happy. Mick wants to have a drink with Paul. Paul gets his hand freed by Mick so he can have a drink together. Mick wants to play a game of Aussie history. If Paul gets half of them right, he gets set free, but for every one wrong, he gets a finger ground off. Well, he the first 3, but Mick didn’t like the 4th answer. See ya later one finger. Another question, this time about Cricket, and he got it wrong. Bye finger on left hand this time. Paul owes him for taking away Katarina, so Paul calls him a faggot and then hits him in the face with a hammer that he recently acquired. Well Paul is off and running. He finds the dead end and Mick makes more jokes.
Paul finds a bunch of dead chicks and some keys, and then one of them is alive and screaming like a banshee. Holy fuck that was loud. So many bodies down here. This is quite exquisite. Mick has let his dogs loose to find Paul. How are they going to do a TV with as much swearing as Mic does. Well, a booby trap was set off and one of the 2 dogs had a gate fall down upon it. Mick finds Paul, but Paul is jumpy and accidentally kills the girl that was alive. Now Mick is talking shit to Paul about what kind of people they are. Winners and losers. Mick is a winner.
Paul wakes up outside with plenty of cuts and stuff. There is a note in his hands that says Loser. During the investigation, Paul claimed that a mysterious gunman was to blame, and then he had a complete mental breakdown, got deported to Britain where he lives in a mental institution as a permanent resident.
Final Thoughts – So this film was worst than the original It wasn’t as focused, it was cheesier, it wasn’t as scary. With that being said, I liked it a lot better because it knew what it wanted to be right from the get go, and it stayed true. Mick was just a crazy ass Aussie, and he kicked ass and did what he wanted. No fake bullshit. This time, we just know that he is super hunter, and he gets his way. He is also way funnier somehow here, and I know that is a turn off for some horror fans, to which I think they may take this horror stuff too seriously, and that’s coming from a guy who takes horror too seriously.
Rating – 5.5 because it wasn’t good, but it was entertaining, and at the end of the day, how can you fault a film that entertained you? I’d re-watch this one.
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