#313 All Cheerleaders Die (2013)

This movie starts off really irritating and grating. Just when you think it is about to turn itself around and correct the ship, it just goes in another irritating and grating direction. I don’t know who the target audience is for this film, but it clearly isn’t me. ┬áLet’s do a Pros and Cons, shall we?

Pros:
Hot chick. cheerleaders, scantily clad a lot of times throughout
Lots of blood and gore
I think 2-3 funny one liners
It looks really nice, very well shot

Cons:
The sound track was absolutely abysmal, and maybe it’s because I’m not eleventeen, but the whole thing was bad musically
Hardly any well developed characters
Hardly any likable characters. When The 2 best characters is the asshole jock who punches a bitch, and the chick that is the younger sister, who is HOT, but supposedly overlooked, because FUCK logic. That’s horrible! Those are the 2 best characters. At least Terry’s character was well developed. If you liked Maddy, you like lying 2 face skanks who get raped. If you like Leena, you liked power hungry “unattractive” girls who are fucking gorgeous, but this is a high school movie, and she totally abused her power. At least Terry wasn’t fake about it. He was a dick the whole film, he punched a bitch, let 4 bitches die, re-killed some bitches, and raped a bitch.
I still am not sure who the target demographic is. Like early teen boys who will rub one out to this? That’s what I would have done if this had come out 20 years earlier, but we have internet porn, so kinda useless. I know that women have a shit taste in films, admit it, you do, but I don’t even think that women would like this tripe. There’s really no girl power. The women get fucked in the end, and die twice. Terry is the only real winner.
This felt like a horror version of Mean Girls, not that I have ever seen Mean Girls, but just making sweeping assumptions at this point.
It wanted to be funny, edgy, and creative, while providing that mindless horror vibe that you love as a teen. It was barely funny, the stereotypes killed anything edgy,but it was creative, so I can’t take that away from them. Being creative doesn’t mean good or quality though. It usually brings a shit storm, it’s rare to create a brand new genuinely good idea.
This clearly was made for millennials, and millennials are terrible creatures because it’s fun to make fun of them.
Bitches arguing about using a phone to get onto Facebook.

I have said enough. I went from something intelligent and well thought out and presented in The Invitation, to this pile of monkey excrement. Yay.

Rating – 3.7 because the production values were really decent here, and you can tell that a lot of love and effort was put into this. If you are a millennial, find this on NetFlix. If you are in your 30’s or higher, avoid at all costs in my opinion. You will feel like you aren’t the intended audience, and sometimes that’s actually incredibly important.

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