#324 Holidays (2016)

This is an anthology it sounds like. Kevin Smith is involved. I liked 90’s Kevin Smith. I hated Tusk.

Valentine’s Day – A girl named Maxine is on the swim team, well, diving at least. The rest of her classmates or teammates call her Maxi Pad and she has a thing for her coach. One blonde chick has a real hate on for Maxi. It sounds like Coach needs a heart transplant, and there’s going to be a talent show. Apparently Maxi’s dad slit his wrists and well blondie went over the line with her insults. Coach puts a Valentine’s Day card in her locker while she’s showering. This goes straight to her head, and she views it as he loves her. After school, Maxine follows Blondie, close behind, never saying anything, but truly frustrating and scaring her, so she cuts through the woods, and you would be shocked the find out, she fell down, in the woods. Well she gets pissed off, and Maxine bashes her in the face with a brick.  Maxine mounts her, gets out the box cutter, and starts carving a bitch up.  Maxine shows up at Coach’s house with Blondie’s heart.

St. Patrick’s Day – Haha, a teacher is correcting some papers, and a girl talks about her magic whores, but meant horse. Hilarious. Wow, that was fucking terrible. The teacher gets impregnated and has a snake for a baby I guess. Nope.

Easter – A scared girl gets fucked over by the Easter Bunny I guess. That was trash.

Mother’s Day – This woman has her man wear 2-3 condoms every time they have sex.  She gets pregnant every time that she has sex, and goes to this fertility retreat with a bunch of bitches who can’t get…….boobs and lots of them…..pregnant. So much cleavage and tits. This is great. Wait, no, it still sucked.

Father’s Day – It would have been funny if they kept the story from Mother’s Day, if it had involved a dude, and made it about him. Totally missed opportunity in my opinion. Annnnnnd totally let down.

Halloween – Done by Kevin Smith, and by far the best one so far, and it’s not even close. It was funny, witty, and some great payback.

Christmas – Well, it has Seth Green, and he missed out on the last UVU toy, or whatever the fucking it’s called. The guy who got he last one would not accept double the price, then dropped and had pills, but Seth chose to take the toy and not even give the guy his pill. Oh, and he came home to a miserable bitch of a wife, Sarah, who is attractive, but a total bitch.  That toy allows you to see put on these glasses and show you what you like to watch online. The kid’s version was of being on Mars, but Seth’s was some awesome kinky shit, but then returns back to the scene of the scene of the crime. Seth comes home to a pissed off Sarah who saw everything as Seth failed to log off. He tells the truth, and gets laid. Seth wakes up and finds the UVU and Sarah never logged out, and we see her kill her boss. Well done.

New Year – The Final one involved a murderous dude who needs a new chick to abduct and torture. So he meets up with this chick from online, they go out to eat and she invites him back to her place, and she apparently likes to collect testicles, so yeah, you can guess how this went.

All in all, this is a complete mixed bag. nobody will blame you if you skipped the first 5. Also nobody would blame you if you started watching at the beginning out of curiosity and tapped out before you got to the good stuff, the last 3.  It’s nothing I ever need to see again. The first one was also serviceable, very middle of the road.

Rating – 4.0 because the production values were there, and the acting was fun. 3 out of 8 were good, one was average, and the rest were variants of meh to terrible, like St. Patrick’s Day.

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