#329 Hellions (2015)

This is the epitome of a movie that if I wasn’t forcing myself to watch 100 horror movies in the month, I would have ceased watching 20 minutes in. This 17 year old chick, Dora, gets knocked up by her currently dude, Jace. She misses a lot of school because she sucks at life. Well, it’s Halloween, there’s a blood moon, and these kids in costumes come and torment her, wanting her baby as a sacrifice or some such nonsense. Was Robert Patrick really desperate for money? Actually, the main girl is quite pretty, she could have done better. Boobs could have helped this film.

Nobody seems to be they say they are, and it’s all one big mind fuck. I have no idea what is or is not real, and who is or isn’t dead. I love the pink lighting, but then again, I love the color pink. For such a short film, this seems like it’s been on for over 2 hours now. It’s been an hour and 6 minutes. Yeah, that’s how bad this is. I also cut my leg, right behind the knee, at the crease during this.

The shitty thing here is that the costumes are cool as shit. The mom is hot. Lots of exploding pumpkins. I’m sure when they came up with this movie, they were like, we have these great ideas to make it seem cooler, and we have this basic plot, but as long as we have creepy kids saying or singing creepy shit, we can mask this into a feature length. Alas, it doesn’t work for me. The audio is actually too distracting at times.

Rating – 2.1 Because it looked beautiful, the acting was fine, but there is shit for a story. Yes, I get that it’s about abortion and pro life and all of that shit, but this is actually a shame to make it like that. This would have been served with just a creepy cult that wanted her baby and using creepy kids to do the dirty work. How can I give a movie with this bad of a story a better rating? Sorry, I really wanted to like this one too. But you may get more value out of it than I did.

All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of Storyteller Pictures, Whizbang Films, and whoever else is involved in owning this. Please go find a copy and support the creators. It’s on NetFlix, so go watch it and leave a comment if you have something more to add.

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