#338 They’re Watching (2016)

This lady, Becky wants to move and is doing so on one of those reality shows, Home Hunters Global, and goes from a place of 8 million, to 200 in Pavlovka. Vladimir is the realtor, and he’s fantastic.  He brings her to and her boyfriend, Goran,to this rundown shithole. Oh god, this one douche bag of the film crew is using the term literally, I believe his name is Alex, and I am so not shocked. The crew is made up of Alex, Sarah, and Greg the cameraman. We meet Kate, who is busy yelling at poor Vladimir, and he is the reason this movie is making me happy. So Sarah is Greg and Alex’s bitch, like fetch monkey. Greg is the lead camera dude, and Alex is like the mouthy leader dude, and Sarah is like the intern that only got a job via family connections. Alex loves Doina, which appears to be a snack. Also, Sarah is bitching about a lack of Starbucks, and they are just ragging on this quaint town.

Alex goes off to buy weed and Sarah and Greg go to attend this church service, where there is a painting of a person burning with people surrounding it. There appear to have 3 caskets up front, and they left their cameras outside, but Sarah has a tiny one strapped to her chest, and then the walkie goes off and everybody gets pissed, and then they basically are given the boot in a scary fashion. Meanwhile, Vlad is proposing a show called The Biggest Donkey. Fantastic. I’d watch a film about him.  Kate hates everybody, but especially Alex. They are driving to Becky’s and lots of guys with axes.

Wow, Becky has fixed this place up, holy shit. Aww, Goran is not there. Man, Kate is a total cunt, beyond irritable. Greg and Sarah are definitely going to fuck. Hahaha, Alex and Greg show Sarah the original footage when Greg and Vlad accidentally find Goran fucking Kate in the barn. Haha. Before they go to dinner, Sarah is told by some creepy local woman telling here to go home now. Vlad takes them to a restaurant called The Burning Stake.  Vlad has the best outfits. He tells this story about an outsider, a lady moved outside of town, a beautiful woman, and the cattle start dying and she has a black cat, so they burned her at the stake, 100 years ago. Like, these Americans are just making themselves a target. There’s a woman staring up at the window in the morning.

They film at Becky’s. Kate is being a total bitch to Sarah after Sarah was trying to just have fun. Definitely showing all of these herbs and stuff that she’s growing and she really wants to show off the basement. Kate bitches at Sarah more so she is sent out to get B Roll footage, and she finds that the barn isn’t fully painted, then a frog from earlier, and this really weird place that causes static on the camera.

Kate takes it upon herself to film stuff, and the locals start coming out. This is great.  Vlad leads he back to Becky’s. Becky goes to show them the basement, and is suddenly interrupted by Alex getting bit in the arm by a dog that he was playing with, so that causes issues. He gets patched up. Greg used to film in Afghanistan, and I assume that’s important.

The best thing is the joke that Vlad keeps making “Only (noun) is best (noun).”

They go back to the Burning Stake and get drunk and make friends with the locals, and everybody is having a good time and drinking, playing music, and everybody is asking Vlaad how to say various words, and Kate calls them spoiled brats, so Sarah calls her a witch, and everybody is now pissed.

The next day, the locals are across the road from Becky’s, and finally, they go to the basement. There was a covered up painting of a frog and there is a painting on the wall of the history of the witch burning. There’s also apparently another painting on the wall, and she is being weird about the wine stomping tub.  Oh, and the locals must have destroyed the van.  Becky only has a bike so Vlad volunteers to ride back in to town as he is not hated at least. Oh, and Kate and Sarah got into it physically, briefly. So they stay with Becky, and there’s a book on frogs. Uh huh. Time to watch this play out.

Well, I should point out that Becky is asking Alex all kinds of questions, and we know Goran is still on his trip, but he’s probably in the wine thing, and I suspect Alex will be next. Becky goes to show Sarah something out in the Kiln Hut, and Vlad  is in there, dead, with a frog coming out of his mouth. They barricade themselves inside, but Kate wants to go out in the woods instead. Greg asks Becky when Goran’s flight lands, which is tomorrow, supposedly. Now it’s time to watch.

And finished.  OK Film, you got me. Bravo to the last 10-15 minutes. While portions o fit were very predictable, intentionally, those last 10 minutes, I honestly didn’t foresee in the manner that they were carried out, and that’s a great thing. Really great job in that they clearly had a goal in mind and delivered it, and it was fun. I don’t want to spoil it, but I can absolutely tell you to watch it, and keep in mind that even found footage style films can pay off for you. I kinda want to buy this one. I had a lot of fun with everything. Alex, although grating the first 5 minutes, turned out to be the MVP for me. Becky for her part was also very good, but Vlad, nobody touches Vladimir. Only Vladimir is best Vladimir! I can’t say much without giving things away, but I will say thins, if you have enjoy the characters of Alex and Vlad, you should enjoy the ending. That’s really the best I can offer.

Rating – 6.4 I am shocked that I am saying this, but it’s really a damn entertaining film.

All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of:

Please go find a copy and support the creators. This is on NetFlix. I am looking forward to purchasing this particular film.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.