#343 The Girl In the Photographs (2015)

Kal Penn is in this. Oh, but Katharine Isabelle is in this. Sold! I love that girl!!! She’s one of my favorites in horror, hell in general. She’s a good actress, has a great voice, sexy, and just talented all around.

God damnit, she’s dead within the first 5 minutes. Really? Fuckin A. Well, Mitch Pileggi, yes, mister Shocker himself is in this. You know Mitch from plenty and he’s always a delight. So a minor bit of redemption there.  It appears that Colleen will be our main star along with Penn. He’s Kumar from Harold and Kumar, and he also had a stint in How I Met Your Mother. One was definitely funnier than the other. His character’s name is Peter Hemmings, and he is hilarious. Holy shit, he is killing me with his dialogue. I don’t even give a fuck about the horror, just give him the bulk of the dialogue, please.

Peter has Rose, his chick, Chris, his assistant, Tripp, a male model pretty boy, and Victoria, the blond chick model. This whole grocery story scene, Jesus, funny as hell.  I also dig the attention to the blood red Ford Bronco with horns on the front. This really keeps you on your feet because it’s creepy then funny and lighthearted and back and forth.  It should be noted that the owner of the truck is one of the crazy fucks, and he bought cat food for this hot chick that he has held in a small cage. That is Jill, and she got the leather belt around her throat by the second dude. “Jill” is texting Colleen, and Jill is very dead.

All these “homely” looking chicks show up for Peter’s party, and he is making fun of how dumb Tripp is, because Tripp wants to wrestle a giant snake because it doesn’t have any arms. Brilliant! Colleen at least shows up for the party. Peter pisses her off, she goes to leave, and there’s a picture of another dead girl, I think it’s Jill.. The cops obviously show up. Colleen goes home, finds Ben there, she gives him the boot as he is acting like an ass, kind of, and then he gets attacked by one of our masked men. One of them is now in her place.    Colleen reminds me of a younger Lily Rabe, really pretty. Holy shit, great diss on Dell computers. Tom is the skinny cat food dude. I like the bald friend of his, Gerry.

Colleen has agreed to move to LA and do photos with Peter.  Ben is now caged up by Tom and Gerry. Yeah, Tom and Gerry. Think about that one. Hey, titties! Victoria and Tripp are fucking. Good for them. Chris and Colleen are going to sleep in the same room. “Fuck me like a puppy.” – Victoria. A minute later Rose asks Peter: “Did she just say ‘Fuck me like a walrus?”.  Peter wants to take pictures, but instead, it’s hot tub time with Rose. Rose in a bikini is also fantastic. These asshole are here and are going to fuck this awesome evening up. Fuck, Peter just got killed. Fucking bastards!!!! NOOOOOO!!! I’m so pissed.They now are taking pics of Rose, and she realizes it too late, and Gerry kills her from behind. Aww. Well, Tripp and Victoria will be next I am sure.

Tripp is tired out from that sweet, sweet loving and he put in headphones to sleep. Victoria is masturbating to the sex video that they just made. God damn. And they are both quickly, and very violently eliminated. Geez, that was rough guys. Well done!  Down to Chris and Colleen, and Chris is too nice and awkward and goes downstairs rather than keep her up. You mooron.   He so could have gotten some tail. I’m terrible with women and I probably couldn’t have fucked that up.  Wait….I would have totally blown it.

Chris just found Rose and is running around frantically, and the power just went off. Oh boy. With about 10 minutes to go, this should get ridiculous, and I am excited. Chris is using the flash to find his way around. Tom is holding Colleen’s door closed. Chris vs. Gerry is an interesting match up. OK, not so much. Stabbed in the back of the neck. Mother Dick!  Man, Colleen has an ass on her.  Good for her!

I am assuming that she will find pictures of everybody dead. OR their real bodies as Gerry and Tom are posing them all in a room on furniture. She tries to run upstairs, but Gerry is a hoss and captures her. Man, that last picture is awesome!!! Also, I love the tie in to the beginning. The girl that is working at the ice cream shop is Brittany, who was Janet’s friend at the movie theater in the opening scene. I just saw mean camel toe.

They dedicated this to Wes Craven. That’s awesome, and I think that he would be proud of how this turned out. It was really good.  This is one of the 5 most entertaining films I have seen this month. I had a really great time. I would watch it again. This is the slasher style that I have been looking for all month, and I finally got it. So much happier now. What a treat. It was an original idea with some old cliches that felt fresh. This is the kind of thinking that will prevent horror from ever going stale in my mind, and bring a whole new generation to horror. Bravo and kudos to the director, Nick Simon, and the writers: Oz Perkins, Rick Morast, and Nick Simon.

I could gush on and on about all the things that they nailed. Why this isn’t higher rated on NetFlix and IMDB shows me just how dumb some folks are when it comes to the art of doing a proper slasher. This will make my Christmas wishlist. So good.

Rating – 7.0 with room to grow upon further viewings. I know that seems low, but it’s a movie scale that includes all genres. A 7 is pretty much in  the top 5%, so that’s the kind of accolades I just laid down for this.

All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of Alghanim Entertainment and whoever else my own this film. Please go find a copy and support the creators. Please check this out on NetFlix.

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