#371 Tales of Halloween (2015)

If you like a film such as Trick ‘R Treat, Creepshow, and other horror anthologies, you can probably find something here. There are 10 short films, a lot of them have actors that you would recognize. Adrienne Barbeau is a radio host throughout all of this and some of the stories intertwine throughout which is nice. Lots of spoilers from here on out. Watch this if you can, I am recommending it. I will give each of these 1-10 points, then average all scores to get a final score.

Sweet Tooth – Mikey is eating all of his candy really fast, but his babysister, Lizzy, tells him to slow down, and then her boyfriend, Kyle, tells them the story of Sweet Tooth. Sweet Tooth is a boy named Timmy, who’s parents wouldn’t let him eat his candy, they said that it would rot his teeth, and they would sit there and eat it all. Timmy kills his parents, eats the remaining candy, pulls out their intestines and gets all of his candy, and he wanted more. Kyle and Lizzy are watching Night of the Living Dead while Billy goes to bed, and they finish off Billy’s candy and feel sick. Sweet Tooth kills Kyle, and then goes after Lizzy in her very lovely short skirt.  Mikey was smart and left a candy bar offering for Sweet Tooth so her survives. The parents come home, we get the scream from mom. – Rating: 0.8

The Night Billy Raised Hell – Billy is dressed as a devil, and is with his sister Britney and her boyfriend Todd. Britney is looking fine. Todd pressures Billy into egging this dude’s house. He goes to throw and Mr. Abbadon catches the egg, pelts Todd with it, and then brings Billy inside. Abbadon is awesome, played by Barry Bostwick, and he is the devil. Multiple jokes about Billy’s Mom dressing like a whore. Lots of cheesy sound effects and Abbadon takes Billy out to play more tricks on people, teach him how to do it properly. This is clearly not Billy in teh costume by the way. He has Billy stab the dentist that gives out toothbrushes, set a bunch of lawn decorations on fire, hits his sister, trips people, shoots numerous people, and even run into Adrienne Curry, whoever she is. Come to find out, it was a midget, Ben Woolf of AHS fame, and they framed Billy, so when Billy is allowed outside, he gets shot by cops. Very funy. Rating: 0.9

Trick – James, Maria, Catylin, and Nelson are watching Night of the Living Dead, and it’s the opening scene. Nelson answers the door for Trick R Treaters, and a girl dressed as a witch shows up, and she stabs him repeatedly in the belly. Maria goes outside to get her car to get him to the hospital. 4 kids surround her after he Achilles is slashed and she gets murdered. James gets burned and then has rat poison shoved down his gullet, and Catylin runs for it. She deletes pictures of her and her friends removing a kid’s eyeball. The kid’s find the little girl who’s eyeball was taken out and, then she takes a hatchet to Catylin’s head. Rating 0.6

The Weak and the Wicked – Alice, Isaac, and Bart find this kid dressed as a cowboy/sheriff, and they want to mess with him. Alice is played by the super sexy chick from Some Kind of Hate, Grace Phipps. She was also in Dark Summer as Mona Wilson.  Anyway, before they can burn this kid’s foot, a stranger with this bad ass helmet shows up. So Alice and her crew confront this dude. He gives her a piece of paper with a drawing and he warns her that he feeds on the blood of the wicked who prey on the weak. They scare him away and say mount up, and they give chase to this guy. They are so hardcore gangsta, chasing this guy on their bicycles, and the music is fucking awful. The stranger running away was also in It Follows. He leads them back to this trailer that his parents burned up in, and little Alice, Isaac, and Bart were there too. They finally realize who he is, Jimmy. She takes a bat to him, then pours a bottle of alcohol over him and she goes to light him on fire, and then Bart and Isaac are ripped back. Then the monster shows up, and destroys Alice’s bitch ass. Rating: 0.8 had to deduct for the music.

Grim Grinning Ghost – This one has Lin Shaye, who you know from Insideous and a few other horror flicks, plus she is Robert Shaye’s sister, and he was at the helm with Wes Craven for Nightmare on Elm Street. She tells a story about Mary Bailey, and how she had a disfigured face and how she comes back every Halloween, and this was all a set up to scare Lynn, the star of Starry Eyes. We also get Mick Garris in this one, and he has directed Stephen King’s the Stand, was also behind Masters of Horror, and has done plenty.  Hell, Barbara Compton is in this, she was in We Are Still Here. Basically, she is followed by Mary Bailey, or who in her mind is Mary. This is all just a big build up for a sudden jump scare like in Stir of Echoes. Very disappointed. Rating: 0.3

Ding Dong – This stars Pollyanna McIntosh (The Woman in The Woman) and Marc Senter (The Lost) as Bobbi and Jack. Bobbi is a crazy bitch wh is upset about not having a kid. She is a creepy witch, and Jack is dressed as Hansel for the Trick ‘r Treaters. We see a lot of the kids from earlier. She keeps fixing her tits, which made me think that Lucky McKee was involved, just jokingly. No, he directed it. He has a very distinct style, so I’m not surprised. Pollyanna looks great in red by the way. She makes cookies for Jack to fatten him up. She also likes to hit Jack, well her evil side does. A lost little boy comes over, and Bobbi wants him to come inside, but Jack gets the boy’s mom over to get her kid. Come to find out, Jack got himself sterilized so he couldn’t impregnate Bobbi, so she has  a meltdown. Her evil side takes over, she tosses Jack in the oven and then she melts. Rating: 0.3 mainly for how hot she has in red.

This Means War -Dana Gould and James Duval (Independence Day) star in this battle of the neighbors for best decorations outside as Boris and Dante. Boris has done a great job, but Dante has just gone all out, and Boris is upset because for 20 years, he felt like he was the best.  Boris starts breaking Dante’s stuff, so Dante fucks with his stuff. Yup, you know how this goes.  Boris ends up impaling himself and Dante on a wooden post in a last ditch effort. Rating: 0.2

Friday the 31st – A girl dressed as Dorothy is running from this large, lumbering killer guy who is carrying a head. She ends up in a shed with dead bodies and sharp objects as you would guess. She runs away after he breaks in and throws a spear like a javelin, kills her. As he goes to reap his reward, an alien spacecraft shows up and this little guy comes down, like claymation, and it says Trick ‘R Treat, and the killer just grunts, and then stomps the little guy. The little guy them pours himself into Dorothy, we hear an upset stomach, and she rises up with glowing green eyes and can float and chases down the big dude. They start cutting each other up with various weapons and tools, and he chainsaws her head off, she cuts his head off with a butcher knife. Rating: 0.2

The Ransom of Rusty Rex – We have Dutch (Jose Pablo Cantillo who was Martinez in Walking Dead) and Hank (Sam Witwer) who plan on kidnapping Rusty. They call his dad, Jebediah, who tells them that he doesn’t want Rusty back and that they made a mistake. They call back, and the dad says not to call back. Well, now Rusty is missing.  Rusty now attacks them and even gets a gun. They recapture him, put him in a bag and chain him up and drive to a body of water and toss him in.  He follows them back. Hank calls the dad and begs him to take Rusty back.  Dad is played by John Landis and warns them to make sure to feed him or else he will eat. So they bring him back to the front door and light him on fire. They now plan to drive away. They stop at a gas station, and Hand returns to find Rusty eating Hank. Rating: 0.7

Bad Seed – This guy, Ray, is carving a pumpkin while his wife, Cheryl, gets into a very sexy costume. Good lawd. I’m pretty sure that these are Billy’s parents from the second story. Well, she finds him getting eating by the pumpkin. Cheryl is played by the chick who wasn’t Jordan Ladd in Cabin Fever, so yeah, quality. Ray is the producer of the Wolf Creek franchise. We now meet Detective McNally (Kristina Klebe from Dementia), who shows up to the scene of the crime. The one coroner is ridiculously good looking. McNally is called back to the office. We see a kid wander from his mother and he finds a Jack-o-lantern and he gets got my it. At the police station, Captain J.G. (John Savage of Deer Hunter fame) is pissed at McNally about the town going batshit crazy. He talks about things that happened over the night which we have seen. Captain is a total dick.  Haha, 2 cops come in covered in chocolate from the Sweet Tooth story. McNally witnesses the pumpkins going crazy in the street, pure chaos. McNally and Forensic Bob comes to this Professor’s place as he is behind the production of these pumpkins, and the professor is played by Joe Dante who also directed Gremlins, Piranha, and the Howling. They find that he has made thousands of pumpkins.  Rating: 0.7

Rating – 5.5  I liked how they tied things things to other things. It was fun, but far from perfect, but people expecting masterpieces out of 8 minutes of video is expecting way too much. I thought that it was something fun that you can just chill out and enjoy.

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