#386 Wrong Turn (2003)

This movie has spawned a ton of sequels. Since I am digging this season of American Horror Story, a franchise about some backwoods folk seems reasonable.  We are dealing with some mountain men cannibals who are mutated from generation of inbreeding. Sound familiar? Yeah, thought so. So kick back and enjoy.

I don’t remember much other than Jeremy Sisto and Eliza Dushku are in this, and I love Sisto, and that he dies early. That’s what I recall.  I never under Eliza’s appeal. She doesn’t stand out to me I guess. There’s nothing wrong with her, I simply remember that she was very popular for a bit, and I never understood the hype. The chick playing Carly is wearing sweatpants, that’s just….terrible. Of course Sisto’s sunflower necklace is terrible too. Like everybody looks like tools is my point. I think that adds to this film though to be honest.  Francine is the absolute worst character, so you know that early on, good stuff happens to her. Her boyfriend Evan gets it first, then she gets barbed wire to her face. Awesome. This is a movie where you absolutely want every character to die.

Sisto doing the “Can I get an oooo oooo” is great. Well, so far, Evan and Francine are fucked. Chris has joined Jessie, Carly, and Scott, and they make it to a house that nobody is answering the door, and a Deliverance reference. Oh, and Carly has to pee. Like serious, you are on in the woods, you know what to do. At the 26 minute mark, we get a…..record player. Seriously.  This place is well designed, so props to the production crew on this.  I love it, they find her the bathroom. She has been whining about needing to piss for a few minutes now. So she is in the bathroom, and she looks in the mirror, fixes her hair, looks around….like bitch, you had to piss so bad, keep wasting time in this house that you are trespassing in. Back of my fucking hand.

They finally decide to bail just as the people are pulling in the driveway. I say you just walk out and say that you were looking for some help while all 4 of you are together. You take your chances rather than hiding. Now they see Francine’s dead body on the ground, and I stand by my idea. Strength in numbers! Eliza, you breathe too heavily, dumbass. So if they had ever seen a horror movie in their lives, they would know to walk the the way that you came from, because that is the known. You don’t go in a stranger’s house. You piss in the woods. There, I just saved everybody’s life, but am willing to sacrifice Francine and Evan for the good of the cause. They go to leave while the guys are sleeping, so let’s make as much noise as humanly possible. Love it.

I now recall why this movie irritated me. 2 of the 3 last people are Carly, who exhibits zero common sense or survival skills, and Jessie who breathes heavy and makes so much fucking noise as to draw attention to her and anybody else trying to hide. She really fucks the group over, and that shit is not fair. The whole thing is cool and yet the outcome is bullshit. Just let it be realistic. Chris is a dude with a  shot leg and is still more useful than the girls. You want equal rights and equal pay, but in a horror movie, women rarely ever step up to the plate in an reasonable way that would help others survive.

Rating – 5.1 as I think I have seen this like 5 times…..5 begrudgingly bad times.

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