Well, why not enjoy a direct to video sequel, right? 4 minutes in, and a guy says wrong turn. Sold. Also, Kimberly was listening to Electric Avenus on the radio as she runs over a dude. It’s 7 minutes in and painfully obvious why this is a direct to video film. The intestines…don’t look that great.
On the plus side, Henry Rollins is in this and he’s like a retired military dude who is a survivalist expert who is hosting a shitty reality show called Ultimate Survivalist: Apocalypse. Yay, we have a token black dude and the sex kitten. This has potential. The skateboard dude was hitting on a chick about trying to get laid and told her that he’d give her something to choke on. So I am trying to figure out who wins and survives, and I am guessing Mara. I need to get some names again. Jake is the black dude. Jonesy is the skateboard guy. Nina is the hot vegan with bright blonde highlights, and her hair looks terrible. Mara is Mike’s woman who was never supposed to be a contestant. Amber is the military chick, and a lesbian. Poor Jonesy. Elena is the flirty whore. There, that’s established. Rollins got captured by the way.
So far, Mara is the most likable person, unless Elena gets nude, then that’s ups her game. Annnnd there is Elena’s tits!!! Fantastic. She will die, I’m sure, but good for her. Jake keeps turning her down because he’s a good dude, but Elena is a whore so she’s gonna give Mike a BJ to stay relevant on the show. Fabulous. Hahaha, and Mara sees Mike getting the aforementioned BJ. Awesome!
Mara and Nina end up at one of the house, see a lady give birth to a very deformed baby, and they escape the house surprisingly well. And Mara is dead and there goes that prediction. So next prediction is Nine as Amber is too obvious. Haha, classic dick move, Mike wants to keep getting laid a secret because he feels that Mara is the one. Yeah, the one who died first. Haha, inbred jacking it to Elena tanning and she has a sweet ass. Oh, and she dead. Nina is now with Jonesy, Jake, and Amber, who have been unknowingly eating Kimberly this whole time. Also, Mike got captured in the RV. Haha, Rollins killed the old timer from the original by blowing him up with dynamite. It was fun. The 4 person group found the horny one and his bitch fucking, and they interrupted. Nina took off and the other 3 stayed and fought then ran. YES, the 3 decide to split up. This always works in horror movies, and Nina is trapped. She fell into a pit, but Jake saved the day, and then dislocated his bad shoulder.
Rollins is making dynamite arrows. Fantastic. He’s had the best role. Amber and Jonesy are struggling and Jonesy just stepped into a trap that has hoisted him into the air. Amber goes to save him, Jonesy tells her to run, but she steps into a trap too. Haha. Oh man, one arrow through both of their eyes. Well done! Take that Denise from Walking Dead! What is up with lesbians getting an arrow through the eye? We are down to Nina, Jake, Mike, and Rollins. Nina and Jake make it to the paper mill and I will assume most of the rest of the film stays here. Mike is dead, Jake had a bad time, Nina is captured, and Rollins is on the hunt. Well, yeah, this dragged the last 15 minutes or so, and Rollins got a sweet death. The black guy lived, as did Nine, but the black guy fucking lived!!!! Woohoo!
This was never meant to be anything other than fun, and while it was fun, I would have enjoyed them including more of the challenges for the TV show. Why they would pick a location without scouting it first, well that’s just a thing that they would do. It was a nice mix of characters, and I honestly expected worse from this. Would I watch it again? I’m going to guess no, but maybe.
Rating – 4.5 because it was a fun movie that kept me entertained most of the way until the end. It wasn’t turrible.
All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of:
- Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation
- 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment (presents)
- Summit Entertainment
- Constantin Film
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