WWE Hell In A Cell 2016 Review – The Screw You Boston Edition

WWE Hell In A Cell 2016 Review

Welcome ladies and gentlemen. My name is Kent Waldron, and I am the advocate for the wrestling 9 Deuce. Today, we need to talk about the HISTORIC, FIRST TIME EVER, caps lock filled, Hell in A Cell! Joining me today are 2 people that had no faith in Charlotte, the All-American American, Russ, and a lady among assholes, Keri. We will be doing this 9 Deuce Style because I lack originality.  I must note that I watched Hell In A Cell in a little more than an hour, so my analysis is very lacking.   Happy Halloween.

  1.  6 Man Cruiserweight Match – Cedric Alexander, Lince Dorado & Sin Cara def. Tony Nese, Drew Gulak & Ariya Daivari

Russ:  I didn’t watch it.  I’ll have to go back and take a gander at it as I heard it was decent.  Until then I can’t really comment on it.

Keri:  This was a decent match with decent spots. All in all it appeared to be another cruiserweight division preview match. Rich Swann in the pre-show interview was also entertaining. I’m starting to like this guy.

Kent:  Yeah, Cedric won! Wooo.  I didn’t watch anything aside from the last 20 seconds. Great match! I like Cedric a lot honestly, so I look forward to him and Rich Swan elevating the division now that the Dabber has lost his belt.

  1.  US Championship Match – Roman Reigns def. Rusev

Russ:  The match was very physical, which is to be expected of these two.  It wasn’t a bad cell match, but it barely gave us a reason that it had to be in a cell.  Roman needs to work on selling injuries more cause some of it was laughable.  The Kendo Stick to the chest… the accolade on the steps with a chain! If a regular accolade is supposed to be tourture then how the hell did Roman get out of that?  I was partially Kentertained so good for them.  

Rating:  5.9  

Keri:  I’ll be honest I was drifting in and out of consciousness during this match. But for the parts I saw I was impressed. This was a good match. The ending not so much but oh well. Good job guys. Rating: 6 out of 9.2

Kent: OK, I have an issue with this match in particular as I watched a good chunk of it.  WWE needs to really figure out if submissions win matches or are just going to be set up moves. I say this because I am sick and tired of wrestlers who win matches with submissions, have their finisher rendered useless in a match of this magnitude. If everybody was losing to Rusev with the Accolade, then it is beyond fucking retarded that Roman survived it twice, with the second time involving being on the steps and a chain wrapped around his face. THAT is some of the shittiest booking that WWE does, and this happens far more often than it should. I have no issue with Roman winning, I have an issue with Roman powering out of that second Accolade because it neutered the shit out of that move. SHAME!

  1.  Bayley def. Dana Brook

Russ:  This was bad.  I feel bad for Bayley.  Dana needs to get her shit together, cause I see where she can be really good, but tonight was not her night.  Right person went over at least.  Now end this immediately so Bayley can move on and forget this ever happened.  

Rating. 2.9  the reverse duece! Should be our equivalent of terrible.  

Keri:  Yea! I got to see Bayley and see her win! Dana, you’re awful. Go back to NXT, please.  That is all. Rating: 3 out of 9.2

Kent:  This got like 7 or 8 minutes, zero fucks were given after Bayley entered, and I hate to be that dick, but Dana is gaining weight, and it’s not looking good on her. I don’t mind big booty bitches, just saying, in WWE, you tend to have to look a certain way to be relevant, which is their decision and my concern is that I would like to see Dana go on to great success. Compare her when she was in the competitions to now, and yikes. I hope she gets back on track because once you are on the main roster, you tend to put on 10 pounds, unless you are Rusev. I think he has lost some.

  1.  Gallows and Anderson def. Enzo and Cass

Russ:  I was entertained by Enzo and Cass so that is worth something.  This was a short match, but the right duo went over.  If we are to take G&A seriously then they have to win matches like this.  I hope they continue on to maybe feud with another top tag …team… Who the hell can these guy legitimately feud with that aren’t New Day?  Do something with your Tag Division RAW!  Enzo and Cass’s humor was a touch sophomoric, but the crowd didn’t seem to mind.

Rating:  4.0 too short to really get a good match going.  

Keri:  Great promo work as always by Enzo and Cass. However, I feel like this time it was a little too much and distracted everyone from a match that was far too short. At least Anderson and Gallows finally got a much needed win. Rating: 4 out of 9.2

Kent:  Just when I thought it was laughable to put on an eight minute match, we get a 6 minute tag match because Enzo wanted to talk, which is fine, but it’s not really fair to their opponents, especially on nights when they aren’t funny at all, like tonight. Glad that G&A finally won.

  1.  Red Belt Match – Kevin Owens def. Seth Rollins

Russ:  The match itself was fun.  Great sequences, and the spots all hit the right note.  Especially that powerbomb through the tables!  Both performers gave us a good match so we can’t complain about that.  I even like that Jericho locked himself in with the key so they “couldn’t” get back in.  Little details like that worked well.  Unfortunately, the match never elevated to great status.  Maybe, it was because of the forgone conclusion.  We knew that Owen’s wasn’t losing the belt and we also knew that Jericho would come along at some point.  I guess they are going to save the friends turn for after Survivor Series which is fine.  I’m not sure where Rollins goes from here.  He has already defeated Jericho twice on RAW recently, so feuding with him seems dumb.  There is nothing new to the HHH vs Rollins yet so we can’t even get that going yet.  

Rating: 6.9 (Kent: Russ, your fanboy card is showing. You’re drunk. Go Home. You cannot possibly think that this deserves a 6.9. That tells me that you want to not only re-watch it, but re-watch it with 24 hours of it being shown. Your scale is broken. Go find a designated driver, you lush, and go buy a new scale.)

Keri:  Good match and good use of Jericho. With that being said, it is the level of Jericho that is starting to bother me. KO really doesn’t need Jericho to win a title or act as a mouthpiece for him. KO can do this all on his own. Therefore, I think I will use this opportunity to caution Creative that I’m starting to get slightly bored with the KO and Jericho connection.  Rating: 7 out of 9.2.

Kent:  Uhmmm, who thought that this was fair to leave Jericho in there? Here’s a news flash, Kevin Owens is having one of the all time shittiest runs as a champ at the moment because Rollins is getting pushed harder than he is, as is Roman, Brock, and Goldberg. Hell, Jericho is possibly getting booked better.  KO needs to get as far away from Seth as humanly possible because his stock is crumbling in my eyes. He was doing way better against Cena or Zayn.

  1.  Cruiserweight Championship Match – THE Brian Kendrick def. TJ Perkins

Russ:  Another short match.  For these two the match was mediocre.  They have both put on way better performances.  This one didn’t have that many high flying spots or entertaining sequences that you come to expect with Cruisers.  The story they told was good though and that has to count for something.  Loved how Kendrick played on TJP’s feelings at the end.  He definitely won by hook or by crook! (get it! Cause you know he has the Captain’s Hook as a finisher…)

Rating: 5.3

Keri:  Decent match with decent spots. Are you all seeing a pattern here with the Cruiserweights and my comments? This could have been better especially given the fact that we have see better from both guys before last night. With that being said though, it was nice to see The Brian Kendrick pick up the victory here. I can’t wait to see how his run turns out.  Rating: 5 out of 9.2.

Kent:  Well, this match was also short, but it told a great story, and as I was the first one to suggest that THE Brian Kendrick was taking it off of TJ, despite hearing “But Kent, it’s too soon to take the belt off of him” and “TJ Perkins is my new favorite wrestler” and “TJ Perkins is my man crush of the week” and “I”m Russell and I like to dab”, I was there stating that Kendrick would win. Ballin! (Russ: While I occasionally dabble in dabbing and TJP is pretty awesome and man-crushy.  I did call for THE Brian Kendrick to win!)  

  1.  Tag Team Championship Match – Sheasaro def. New Day via DQ

Russ:  I was hoping that this would end a bit differently so we could finally conclude Sheamus vs. Cesaro in December.  We still might, but it didn’t go the way I thought.  Maybe they need these two for the Survivor Series Tag match.  Think about it RAW has diddly squat for a tag division so it makes sense to keep them as a tag through SS.  Still I was hoping that we could see them start to fall apart and really go at each other.  Oh well, liked the finish anyway, because I didn’t see it ending like that.  

Rating:  4.6

Keri:  Decent match with a slightly creative outcome. I like the way that they kept both teams looking strong with this ending. However, I have a feeling this feud may be over though. At least I hope it is because it is kinda yawn inducing. Rating: 4 out of 9.2

Kent:  Blind people saw this coming. I did like the creative ending at the very least. This was a night of creative finishes. So I won’t totally shit on RAW’s creative, not yet.

  1.  Women’s Championship Match – Charlotte def. Sasha Banks

Russ:  Well way to fuck things up WWE.  To start with: This was a really good match! Both women deserve credit and nothing should be taken away from them!  Told a nice story throughout and the spots seemed well done!  Having Charlotte win??? What the unholy hell is WWE thinking?  They are disgracing this belt having it switch hands so many times in a short period of time (or as Kent called it whoring)  With such a “historical” match (I heard that somewhere) you need to finish on a high note!  Sasha persevering and winning would have been the right call.  Crowd would have been over the moon and the celebration afterwards would have been fantastic.  Instead they swerve us with the wrong swerve!  I’m not Kent I don’t hate Boston because of it’s horrible sports teams.  So I took no pleasure in seeing them angry as shit with the outcome.  All it did for me was take what was possibly a great match and made it feel flat.  I’m not against Charlotte being champion!  Hell since she won it back at Summer Slam I’ve been high on her.  Her heeling has been top notch.  However,  what was the point of putting the belt on Sasha two weeks ago to have her lose it again?  I hope they turn her heel soon because I’m losing interest in her.  Seriously bad move WWE.  

Rating: 7.1  Best match of the night so I guess it was the right call for Main Event, but did the other matches suffer because they had to make this match the best?  

Keri:  I have a couple of comments about this one. First off, this was the match that the women needed to have in order to legitimize their equality with the guys on the roster when it comes to gimmick matches, like HIAC. And, well, both ladies delivered and then some. This was match of the night, based on my recap reading and finding the match on the youtubes. Great job for both ladies! With that being said though, I feel that the ending took away from the overall presentation of the match. Creative is playing hot potato with this belt and its getting annoying. This belt has not been in play for that long (6 months)and we have already had a 3 time women’s champion. Given the emphasis that they are placing on this division, this just seems sloppy to me.  Rating 7.5 out of 9.2 (with one point off for Creative playing belt hot potato)

Kent:  I got some quotes for you.

“Winner: Sasha, they probably won’t make a big deal out of the win either.” – Russ

“I pick Sasha to retain. Because there is no way Creative can botch another segment (or match) “ – Keri

“Charlotte wins because it’s in Boston and it would be hilarious to piss off those assholes that live in Taxachusettes. Fuck you Boston!” – Kent

And damn it feels good to be a gangsta. This is WWE at it’s finest. Every time they seem like they want to make Sasha seem important, they give her the belt and a month later, have Charlotte, the 3 time Women’s champion, beat her. Christ, 3 times already. That belt has been whored around more than a drunk skank at a Halloween party. This is how you do a revolution, right? Lita was crying. HAHAHA. You fucking people thinking that this is elevating anything. You are delusional.  The match was very good for women. Was it the best match, and main event worthy? Hahaha, hell no, bitch please, you must have a mental disease, assume the position and get back down on your knees. Gloating aside, I liked the ending and how it sucked the air out of that shitty arena full of shitty people. Choke on that Slapnuts!

  1.  Best performer of the night?

Russ:  The Brian Kendrick.  Great mental game he played throughout the match.  For a split second I almost thought he actually did hurt his leg.  This was really hard for me, because nothing stood out as fantastic, but nothing major was out-right terrible (take out the Bayley vs. Dana match.)   

Keri:  The Brian Kendrick. Because everything else was predictable.

Kent:  Sasha’s shorts? (Russ: Especially in the final pin.  Should give that camerman a slammy for best placed shot!)  The cameraman who caught Sasha and Charlotte talking their way through the final minute? Normally I would say somebody like Rusev who had a very good match, or THE Brian Kendrick, but I will give the nod to RAW Creative. Think about it, we had some clever match finishes with Kendrick, Sheasaro, and the main event that killed the crowd. Eh fuck it, Sasha’s shorts.

Bonus Deuce

  1.   Best Match of the Night?

Russ:  The women’s main event.  I echo Kent’s statement on this.  It kind of felt like the other two HIAC matches had to not go overboard so that the women’s match could be spectacular.  Don’t get me wrong all three matches were good, but it felt like nothing could be amazing because the last match had to be the bomb diggity.  Overall Score: 5.2 (Kent: I went to Urban Dictionary to see the meaning of Bomb Diggity. Not because I didn’t know, but more because I wanted to see it in writing. Worth it.)

Keri:  The women’s main event. Why? Well, as my counterparts have pointed out, the PPV was booked that way. Think about this question for a second, will you? Let’s say creative put together solid booking for all the matches on last night’s card. Would we still have the same opinion about this match?  Perhaps yes or perhaps no.  (Kent: Definitely no. This isn’t the first time that WWE has forsaken great matches just to make one stand out above and beyond all others.)

Kent:  The women’s main event. Seriously, they fucked over some of the other matches to intentionally put this one on a pedestal.  They booked it that way in a manipulative manner. Roman and Rusev was also a very good match for both guys.

  1.  Worst Match of the Night?

Russ:  Not even close… Bayley vs. Dana.  Dana’s offense was awful.  I know we have to tolerate a few goofy things in wrestling, but this was embarrassing.  

Keri:  Oh look. I’m in agreement with Russ here (surprised anyone? I didn’t think so). Bayley vs. Dana was the worst match of the night. I have two observations about this match. First, this match was booked for one reason and one reason only, to get Bayley on the card. WWE knows what they have with Bayley and they know what it means if she is not on the card. Why the match had to be against Dana though? I have no clue so don’t ask me. Second, Bayley proved last night beyond a shadow of a doubt that Dana was brought up too soon. I seriously believe that Bayley carried Dana the entire match. Creative, Dana, in her current state, is not main roster material. She is not ready and last night proved it. Bring her back down to NXT before you embarrass the poor girl even more than she already has been.

Kent:  Seth vs KO for me. This was the perfect RAW match. It has been done to death and I couldn’t wait for it to be over despite fast forwarding 15 minutes of it. There was very little entertainment value to this one. I hate the handicap idea as nobody on the roster should be able to beat the top 2 heels. When you make things too obvious, don’t be upset at the fans for not giving a fuck. That’s all.

All pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are property of WWE and wwe.com.

One thought on “WWE Hell In A Cell 2016 Review – The Screw You Boston Edition”

  1. I don’t believe a word that comes from Russell’s mouth. 2 weeks ago he said that no titles would change hands. He sounds like a great big phony. Kent also sounds like a big fat liar, emphasis on the fat. Keri at least seems to be paying attention.

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