Threesome (1994)

I have seen this once or twice, when it came out.  It has a solid cast made up of Stephen Baldwin (Stuart), Josh Charles (Eddy), and Lara Flynn Boyle (Alex).  It also has Alexis Arquette and this came out the same year as Pulp Fiction which he/she was in at the time.  Sorry, I don’t really know the proper way to handle it, BUT Alexis was in quite a few things that I did enjoy and she was awesome at the end of the day.  I really enjoyed Josh in a TV show called Sports Night.  I miss that show.

The plot is simple…..hello tittties!  So we get Stuart and Eddy as dorm roommates, until one day Alex ends up in their room as well, who happens to be a chick.  Let the craziness ensue.  Stuart wants to mack on Alex, but she ends up hitting it off more with Alex.  Stuart is obviously pissed.  15 minutes in and Alex wants to fuck Eddy, but he doesn’t want to, so they don’t.  Stuart lets him know that he blew it in no uncertain terms.

I am guessing that as a 14 year old watching this, I am assuming that I must have jerked off to this film.  Seems reasonable.  Stuart is far more into Alex and Eddy having sex, and then we learn that Eddy has a thing for Stuart.  Uh oh.  Stuart got close with her in the library, but blew it.  Why is everybody so cartoonishly aggressive in this?  So by now, you get the 3 way dichotomy of everything where everybody likes somebody else.  “You ever buttfuck anybody?”  Hahaha, this conversation is fantastic.  Alex proposes that they all stay friends, no sex, and of course Stuart ask if blowjobs count.

Alex eventually fucks everything up, surprise surprise, a chick fucks things up, when she brings back Larry.  The boys get jealous, and then Larry gets no lovin’.  These guys are totally disrespectful of their neighbors.  Now Stuart is trying to get a “slice of hair pie”.  These guys are just total assholes to everyone.  Naturally they try hooking Eddy up with Alexis, who is named Richard.  That goes poorly and Eddy gets freaked out.  They go skiny dipping, but why did the dudes leave their shoes on?  I don’t get it.  They get out and it’s going down for real.  Of course some kids and a priest walk by and ruin it.  They eat a ton of pizza in this, and I totally approve.  She thinks that she is fat…..like a jackass.

Haha, Stuart calls her out for being self destructive, and she calls him out for being a closet heterosexual.  That was fun.  Yup, she’s in hysterics.  Baldwin, smack her.  Or mount her.  That works!  Yeah, he hit that from the backside.  Awesome.  This is what my string of films was missing.  Stuart left his class and just goes and mounts Alex.  Way to go Stuart!  “Sex is like pizza.  Even if it’s bad, it’s good.”  Wow, great line!  Eddy told Stuart that it was a lousy lay and everybody has promised not to tell everybody else, and of course Stuart tells Alex about it, and she flips out…..typical female.  Eddy tells Alex that he thinks Stuart is into dudes.  Eddy has gotten Stuart drunk. I don’t like where this is going.  Eddy goes for it and Stu shuts that shit down.  Stuart just revealed that Alex and him fuck daily, and Eddy is a saaaad panda.  Stuart falls and cuts himself and Eddy has ran off.  With like 5 minutes left, they come to the consensus that she wants to fuck both guys.  Good shit right there.  Well, I mean, it gets gay at a couple of points, maybe this is why I never owned this film.  That made my outtie more of an innie.  Boo.  Oh, and she thinks that she is pregnant.    Eddy is kinda being a whiny bitch about this whole ordeal.  Stuart just tried cutting his dick off after talking to a Jesus candle.  In the end, Alex moves to an apartment, Stuart gets a different dorm, and Eddy just got himself a single room.

End Film

Oddly enough, this movie held up really well, especially given the subject matter.  The acting was good, but the crux of this is the odd tale.  They could have went way too serious, or over the top, but they held a firm middle ground.  It never got boring.  It kept building and building.  The ending was somewhat satisfactory, which is rare in these types of films.  Overall, I would say that men and probably women can enjoy this film.  It was funny when it needed to be.  I’m giving it a 6.9.

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