Welcome everyone to our special Wrestlemania 33 preview 9 Deuce….well Deuce 9 Deuce because 13 matches are happening. Keri is off this week because school is infinitely more important than Wrestlemania. On the plus side, 2 of my TWD contributors, Cece and Teddy have volunteered their services and time, and so I insisted on working them vigorously. They went to the Hall of Fame ceremony, so that’s cool. Wrestlemania 33 seems to have a decisive separation of casuals and hardcore, and it’s more noticeable than ever before. Get ready to hear us break it down, DX style. Everybody has rated their interest level in each match on a scale of 1.0-9.2, and if they didn’t follow the rules, I rounded up or down appropriately because rules and gimmicks must be followed.
Of course, we also did our podcast, Are You Not Kentertained, where we discuss some of these topics and others, plus do our weekly segments. It’s like a verbal companion to the blog. Please check us out at facebook.com/9deuceblog , on Twitter @official9deuce, or Instagram at Official9Deuce. Share this, like this, write us an email with a question at firstname.lastname@example.org. Thank you.
- Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royale – featuring Braun Strowman and others and possible NXT guys
Russ: 5, Even though WWE did nothing to hype this match up I still think it will have its moments. You have a few options for legitimate winner. Braun is the obvious choice here and will probably win it, but for a good storyline I’m going to predict Sami.
Winner and New Andre the Giant Champion – Sami Zayn
Teddy: 7.6 Would like to see Sami pick up a win. Gonna predict Strowman
Cece: 5.5 Honestly not too worried about this match, per say. I don’t really care for Braun. It would be nice to maybe see someone else win this, though. Maybe a new up and comer
Prediction: Someone new gets it (Or so we can hope)
Kent: 6.3 Braun has been groomed and groomed for a big Mania match. He just jobbed to Roman last month. I don’t think that Braun wins this one. Obviously, it’s easier to just go with Braun vs picking someone in the field. I don’t think it’s Big Show either, but I could see them eliminating each other. Sami seems like the last man out with help from somebody unexpected. But who..whooo whoooooo?
Prediction: Andrade Cien Almas is my pick to win this. Yeah, I went way the fuck off course there.
- Cruiserweight Championship Match – Austin Aries vs Neville
Russ: 9, out of all the matches I think this has my interest the most. Aries is amazing and Neville is amazing. The only downfall to this match is that it is on the pre-show. What a waste of talent! I hope they get more than 10 minutes to tell a story and that it doesn’t get interrupted by commercials.
Winner: Neville, he’ll have to cheat, but this will be the first true feud for the belt.
Teddy: 1. Dont care about either but its gonna stay with neville to fuel his fued with Aries
Cece: 8.8, So, I have followed Austin all through most of 2007-2009 in his Indy years and he’s been one of my favorite wrestling personalities. I don’t know much about Neville, but I am happy to see Austin back in the ring. And I’m positive he could defeat Neville.
Prediction: If Austin Aries doesn’t win, then nothing matters 😛
Kent: 9.2 This is THE match that I have been looking forward to, but being on the preshow, I know that my expectations need to be lowered. Still, this match should be very good and has been a great initial build. Maybe these guys get to have a 20-30 minute match. With the women’s match getting bumped up thanks to complaints, which I think they moved up the wrong match, but I digress. If it stays with just 2 matches on the preshow, this could be a boon for this one.
Prediction: Neville because I think this feud is only starting to get interesting.
- RAW Women’s Championship 4 Way Elimination Match – Bayley vs Charlotte vs Sasha vs Nia – Provide order of elimination
Russ: 2.9, The reverse deuce, which is as low as I’ll ever go. I don’t care how this ends as long as Nia doesn’t win I guess. Order of elimination: My hopes, my dreams, my love of wrestling, and lastly my fucks!
Winner: Not the viewers
Teddy: 4.5 I want to see that belt around Nia’s arm. Bailey will retain I believe
Cece: 5.5 Its nice to see more exposure for women in the field, but, these SAME women are getting used over and over again. Fighting each other the same. It’s getting to be a little much. However, there has to be a winner.
Prediction: I feel that Bayley will come close to retaining but Charlotte will probably do something cheap to last minute win it back.
Kent: 1.0 I wish I could go lower, but I have a code of honor and 1.0 is the lowest number to be given, so there you go. Fuck this match. Fuck how long that it’s going to be too. I’m telling you, expect 35-40 minutes from video package to the end of the celebration.
Prediction: Nia then Sasha then Charlotte get eliminated with Bayley winning.
- Smackdown Women’s Championship Clusterfuck Match – Alexa vs Mickie vs Becky vs Naomi vs Natalya vs Carmella vs potentially other women
Russ: 6, I had way more interest in this match about a month ago, but then they decided to let this match spin its wheels on Smackdown for too long with very little to get excited about. Glad that Naomi is back and that helped me a little bit this week.
Winner: Naomi, because we didn’t feel the glow long enough the first time!
Teddy: 8.6 I’m down for this brawl. I want to see Naomi with the belt since they robbed her of it. Honestly bliss will retain.
Cece: 2.0, Now this one seems like it won’t necessarily be ‘boring’, but it is just too much going on. I feel like it’s going to be more drama hyped and stuff than actually skill. Not too sure who all these ladies are yet, nor their strengths, so, I just hope it keeps me entertained if anything.
Prediction: Maybe Becky Lynch? Everyone seems to like her.
Kent: 6 because this match should never be boring. Naomi should put on a hell of a show being in her hometown. I don’t think that Alexa is getting it. Mickie and Naomi are the best bets. I think for storyline purposes, I’d put it on Mickie, but if they have stories that they were originally going to do throughout the spring with Naomi as champ, then that’s cool too.
Prediction: Mickie James wins because fuck being the hometown hero.
- John Cena & Nikki Bella vs The Miz & Maryse
Russ: I’m giving two grades. My interest in the feud 8.5, my interest in the match 3. The feud has been a wrestling fan’s dream and I loved every minute of it. However, this is the most predictable match on the card. Cena is winning… he has to get that win back from The Miz the first time they tangled at Mania. I’m hoping I’m wrong and this match delivers, but I’m not holding my breath.
Winner: Super Cena, with a marriage proposal on top.
Teddy: 5.6 last Smackdown prior to Wrestlemania it was nice to see the old John Cena come back. However, this will be a squash with Cena and Nikki winning
Cece: 3.5, meh. The Miz is just annoying to even look at, let alone watch for an entire match. John ace a though, could be fun. I’d like to see what he’s up to these days and how he has developed over the years. I hope they give him a fair shot.
Prediction: They use this to bring Cena back more?
Kent: 2.5 The build up may have been best for this particular match out of all matches, but then you remember that Nikki and Maryse are terrible wrestlers, and of course they will get their fair share of tags. If it was Miz vs Cena, then this is a whole different conversation. Also, I don’t think there’s going to be a proposal. If so, it will be gay as fuck. If you have an issue with that statement, you are overly sensitive, and you need to get over it.
Prediction: Miz & Maryse cheaply, then they get beat up.
- RAW Tag Team Championship Ladder Match – Gallows & Anderson vs Enzo & Cass vs Sheasaro
Russ: 8, This was about a 5 for me until they added the ladder stipulation. Not that i’m expecting this to be the end all be all of ladder matches, but I love ladder matches.
Winners: And NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPS: Enzo and Cass, because if you don’t put the belts on them now the crowd is going to turn on them eventually.
Teddy: 8 I feel like a ladder match is always exciting. I want to seamus and Cesaro win. Gut says Enzo and Cass gets the push (yawn)
Cece: 8.0, ladder matches are pretty entertaining. As with Enzo. So, I like to watch Enzo do his thing and Big Cass be the muscle. Not too learned on who Gallows & Anderson are. Just realized it’s also Sheamus and Cesaro too. This should be interesting.
Prediction: I think all the rough and tough dudes will beat the little guy down (Enzo) for quite some time while Cass does his own fighting, but in the end, I hope Enzo does something slick and wins it for them.
Kent: 7 I think this has sneaky potential to be very good if Enzo and Cass don’t have control too often. They are good with spots, as seen with G&A in the past. Cesaro and Sheamus are good enough to keep this flowing really nicely. I know that popular belief is that E&C win it, but hold off til Summerslam in Brooklyn.
Prediction: Gallows and Anderson
- Seth Rollins vs HHH
Russ: 9.2, because it is Seth! No, more like a 6 in all honesty. Only, because I don’t think Rollins is ready to give us the best he can. He needs to ease into this match. Look for lots and lots of interference as Joe has nothing better to do.
Winner: Seth, gotta start selling those Kingslayer shirts!
Teddy: I don’t think Seth’s knee is really fucked up anymore. Seth is either gonna surprise Hunter or someone will interfere for hunter. Gut says either way Seth wins.
Cece: 8.0, Now this should be interesting… Seth had a bad injury last I knew. Also, didn’t think Triple was wrestling at all anymore. So, yeah. Interesting pair up. Hope it goes well.
Prediction: I think, in the end, since HHH is manager now, Rollins will win by default, but it will be a tough match.
Kent: 3.2 I want to give this higher, but I don’t want or think that Seth can go as balls to the wall as he wants. This should end up as a slower, plodding match that HHH dominates. Just for safety reasons, but WWE tends to ignore common sense, hi Daniel Bryan. Also, there should be some interference since Joe has nothing else better to do.
Prediction: HHH just because fuck Russ and fuck Seth Rollins.
- Intercontinental Championship Match – Dean Ambrose vs Baron Corbin
Russ: 5, this match was soooooo much higher for me and then they did nothing on Smackdown for the past several weeks. This week they did that split screen interview which made it worse. Plus there is no stipulation for this match… I was looking for a crazy beat em up on this one and now it is just a wrestling match. I like both guys and I know they will probably deliver, but man I’m low on this match now.
Winner: Baron, because he deserves to show us what he gots!
Teddy: 1.0 I love Ambrose but this match is yawn. Dean will drop title to corbin
Cece: 4.0? Not too sure how to look at this one. It seems they are throwing Dean around into stupid, boring matches lately. Dean is awesome in his facade, so they should build him up more. He’s great. This match just seems to be using Dean to get other people up the ladder, so to speak.
Prediction: I would wish on Dean winning, but in a spectacular way.
Kent: 4 I was super into this feud and then it grew terribly stagnant and then worst. So no, I am pumped for this. I want Baron to win, but I think Dean gets a decent win at Mania for once. Baron will have gold soon enough.
Prediction: Dean Ambrose
- Shane McMahon vs AJ Styles
Russ: 7, I still stand behind the fact that this is a waste of AJ’s talent, but you have to be excited because he always puts on a great show. Also, Shane is willing to put his body on the line for a good match.
Winner: AJ, because it would be criminal if he lost.
Teddy: I’m a slut for Shane O Mac wrestling. However Styles is at the advantage since Shane is only good at unconventional matches. My gut says AJ wins and it flips to Raw.
Cece: 2. Why is this even a thing? Shane’s old ass needs to sit the fuck down. Like, idk. I guess I didn’t see him in his ‘prime’ much, but to me, he’s a better pawn in a chess game than a wrestler. I hear good things about AJ Styles but I can’t recall seeing any of his stuff specifically either.
Prediction: AJ. It’s the only way.
Kent: 8 I have talked myself into thinking that this is going to be a match that we talk about when all is said and done. I’m probably wrong, but as of now, I am going with this being the second best match of the night.
Prediction: AJ Styles is the only rational ending.
- US Championship Match – Chris Jericho vs Kevin Owens
Russ: 6, This has been the most consistently well told story leading up to Mania. Kevin Owens and Jericho will want to steal the show so they will deliver an incredible back and forth match. I’m thinking this will be the match of the night.
Winner: and New US Champion KO
Teddy: 7.1 Jericho is taking time off after mania so I see this being a title drop for Jericho. My choice is gonna be KO.
Cece: 9.2. As much as I can’t stand ‘Kevin Owens’ (I preferred Kevin Steen), I am excited to see this one. Their back story has been built up so much and I am excited to see the energy this match will bring. I honestly hope it’s a long, thorough match and not just some squash one where someone else interferes or some bullshit. Plus, newfound crush on Jericho.
Prediction: Jericho keeps it and continues in with the WWE? Probably won’t happen, unfortunately. KO will probably get it and continue to be dick rided by the WWE.
Kent: 7 This should be the best match of the night. These guys want to steal the show and have built up a hell of a storyline. This also feels like the type of match that has so much hype from the hardcore fans, logically thinking that this will get 20 minutes and be a show stealer, and then it gets 12 minutes and people are like “Really, that’s it?”.
Prediction: Jericho got a win last year over AJ. He’s going to want to get KO over. KO wins.
- Undertaker vs Roman Reigns
Russ: 3, When Braun was a part of the story I had a little more interest in this one. Look, I’ll be honest Brock destroyed my care of seeing Taker at Mania. Roman will try his best but I just don’t think Taker has it in him.
Winner: Roman and man he better go heel after this.
Teddy: 9.1 undertaker is hella out but still kicking. Roman is the new generation. I see this being takers last mania so….Reigns beats Taker
Cece: 5.0, Meh. Apparently everyone hates Roman but like, he’s not the worst. Yeah, they have been shoving him in everyone’s throats but like, he’s okay. I don’t know how I feel about this because I still think Taker’s ass is going to kill this kid.
Prediction: Taker wins, maybe retires after Mania.
Kent: 2 I am absolutely dreading this match because WWE is going to fuck us. They’re not going to kiss us, buy us dinner, or even use lube. Nope, they are just going to fuck us as hard as they can. Fuck this match.
Prediction: Roman wins cleanly and Taker retires and I go into a month long depression.
- Red Belt Match – Goldberg vs Brock Lesnar
Russ: 2.9, this is stupid ass gimmick match to get stupid ass casual fans to watch. The build up to this match, the matches they had up to this point have all been absolute garbage. I really hope this match only goes for 2 minutes because frankly I don’t give a fuck.
Winner: Brock which means we will have to wait a whole year before anyone else see’s the belt or that this belt will have any significance until then.
Teddy: 1.5 easily gonna be Brock squashing Goldberg. Nuff said
Cece: 1. I hate Brock Lesnar. He shouldn’t even be in the WWE. He needs to stick to his beef cake buddies in the MMA stuff. This is not where he belongs. Also, as cool as it was to see Goldberg make a comeback, that’s just it. He came back. He can go back to his life now.
Prediction: Assuming Lesnar wins because Goldberg is going back to his own life.
Kent: 1 They have given me no reason to care. Then they stole the belt from KO and have yet to make this feud about the belt. They aren’t fighting because of the belt. They are fighting to wrap up loose ends. The belt was beyond unnecessary, and robbed a match from getting that boost. Fuck this shit. I would rather get kicked in the nuts than for this match to even happen. I’m super cereal.
Prediction: Brock wins in a 7 minute classic. By classic, I mean the most forgettable championship match at Mania, ever.. Yes, worse than Sheamus vs Daniel Bryan.
- Blue Belt Match – Bray Wyatt vs Randy Orton
Russ: 5.5, I was so much more into this match 4 weeks ago when Luke was a part of it. Now and since then they have kept finding ways to make me go what the fuck! Who the hell cares! I’m sure this won’t be a snore but I’ve never been a big Randy fan.
Winner: Bray, yeah let’s give him more than a month with the belt. I say Rowan makes an appearance at some point.
Teddy: 7 I miss the old Viper so this is a nice match for me since I love both Orton and Wyatt. Wyatt needs the push but I feel harper will screw brey. So Orton beats Wyatt.
Cece: 4.0, honestly haven’t been paying much attention to this feud (I know Teddy has), but I think Bray is an interesting persona. Orton is just old school cliche and I’m highly disinterested in this. We will give it a chance though.
Prediction: Bray gets fucked again and again.
Kent: 5 That was a 9.2 4 weeks ago. Then Luke got shoved out of this feud and they did nothing to keep the feud hot. I gave it a 5 because Randy is having fun and enjoying this. When Randy is happy with what he is doing, he’s going to give you a good to great match. It’s on Bray to match Randy’s greatness.
Prediction: People are predicting Luke or Rowan to interfere. WWE hates it’s fans. Nope, we get a clear cut ending with Randy winning and fans left wondering why.
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