9 Deuce Horror Presents: A Christmas Horror Story & Krampus

For the holiday season, the 9 Deuce Horror Group wanted to tackle some festive horror films, so we went with these.  I want to thank Kristi, Chris, and Melanie for taking the time to answer these questions.  Next week, we will be discussing the first 2 Home Alone films, ya know, the good ones.  Please enjoy.

The 9

A Christmas Horror Story (2015) – Let’s start by going over each of the 4 stories in this one.  Please give us your thoughts and in the end if you liked it or not.

  1.  The Student Documentary Story

Kristi:  I didn’t care for this storyline. It didn’t really flow with the others. I liked the few jump moments but all in all, I would have like to see more of the Krampus events.

Chris:  Pretty much creepy as fuck if you think about it: ghost possesses chick to rape dudes to have a baby. On the other hand the worst acted story.

Melanie:  I thought it was ok. Over acted, but not horrible. It has been done a lot before.

Kent:  This one didn’t quite fit in with the others thematically, in my opinion. It wasn’t bad, but for this film, it was probably my least favorite.  The first time I saw it, I didn’t enjoy it that much, but upon a second viewing, it did grow on me.  We don’t get enough dudes getting raped in films by chicks, so kudos for them for doing that!  This may actually be the “scariest” of the 4. The girl’s nose ring was terrible and I felt the need to acknowledge this.  I liked that the ghost allowed Molly to leave.  That was better than her getting killed, for story purposes.


  1.  Family Getting Their Christmas Tree Story

Kristi:  I enjoyed this. The Changeling was a good added element. That kid was creepy as hell and thought he did a good job. I was a little bummed that their keeper was killed though.

Chris:  Wow. Pretty creepy as well. The changeling idea wasn’t done as well as say, the Hallow, but it did grope mom’s boobs. Like Kristi said the kid did a really good job of being creepy.

Melanie:  This wasn’t too bad as well. Although it had a new twist, it was still predictable.

Kent:  Scott, the father, was probably my favorite character of this.  Of course, he also gets got.  I did feel a big of pity for Big Earl, mainly because he was the fattest guy in the film.  For a short story, they did about as good as they could with the story.  With more time, they could have delved deeped, but that may have also been boring by the end.  It was the right amount of creepy and it fit the vibe better than the first story.  While I thought the mom did good, I would have liked to see how Michonne from TWD would have done in that role.


  1.  Krampus Story

Chris:  Probably the best acted of the 4 stories. Definitely the most graphic. Krampus reminded me of someone I might see in one of your wrestling blogs, but otherwise not bad. Also we get a second of Julian Richings, another horror movie mainstay, so kudos.

Melanie:  This wasn’t bad. The church scene was gross.

Kent:  This has Amy Forsythe as Caprice, the daughter.  Amy was the lead star in this past season’s Channel Zero, so in case she looked familiar, there you go.  This is my favorite one.  This was a great combination of good acting, good story, a bloody good time, even a laugh or 2, plus German people!  That church scene…..yeah, I liked it obviously.  


  1.  Santa Slays Elves Story

Kristi:  This was my favorite! I love their choice in the way they represented Santa and the elves. It was more realistic and not so holly jolly Santa. The twist at the end was pretty epic. I did not see it coming at all. This made the movie for me.

Chris:  I liked Santa. I liked Mrs. Klaus. I liked the north pole, and the workshop, and the twist. I hated the elves. Annoying as hell. I like my zombies silent. But the dichotomy of people talking like that mixed with Santa is something you don’t see, usually reserved for Billy Bob Thornton. Again the twist at the end was a pretty cool payoff.

Melanie:  I love this! Santa as a whole badass is very cool. Elves as zombies was neat as well.

Kent:  I’m a tad surprised that this hasn’t been it’s own film prior to this.  You can see this as it’s own feature length with some tweaks, but I loved this.  It was the most Kentertaining of the 4 no doubt, and was the smart choice to leave a good taste in the viewer’s mouth.  Super fun stuff that left a big smile on my face.  I was hoping that Santa was pro-wrestler Goldberg, but he already did Santa’s Slay in 2005. The lady who played Marta Clause is Debra McCabe and is really beautiful and was in Saw III.  The end twist was totally worth it and well done.  Also, the dude who played Santa did the voice of Beast in the 90’s FOX animated version of XMen.  I am dropping so much knowledge on you today.


  1.  Which character(s) stood out for you?

Kristi:  Santa was my favorite in the film. He is just a badass santa and that pleases me.

Chris:  William Shatner hammed the shit out of it. What that guy will do for a paycheck. But seriously, he was pretty good.

Melanie:  Bad ass Santa was amazeballs, but the ending was crazy and ruined bad ass Santa for me.

Kent:  I really loved Aunt Edda in the Krampus story.  I thought that Molly did good, despite her nose ring.  Also, major props to Jingles the elf.  


  1.  Was A Christmas Horror Story better than you anticipated?

Kristi:  Absolutely! It has become one of my favorite Christmas movies.

Chris:  It was but that’s not saying it was high brow entertainment. Looking at the Cover Art would have made me guess a 3~4. It probably turned out to be a 6~7, so solid B movie territory.

Melanie:  It wasn’t horrible. Horror is not my genre, but my stress about Christmas lead me to enjoy it.

Kent:  I still don’t own it, but I will soon.  It’s really one of my favorite recent horror films, especially anthology horror.  This is still better than most of the horror films that hit the theater.


Krampus (2015) (Kent: It should be noted that Melanie didn’t see this, so she kept answering using the material from the last film, just in case there is any confusion.)

  1.  What was the funniest scene in the film?

Kristi:  When the dog ate the gingerbread man. That definitely made me giggle. I know, you are shocked I picked a dog scene.

Chris:  Maybe it was just me but a lot of the humor in Krampus didn’t land for me. A Christmas Horror Story made me laugh a couple of times. Krampus just seemed full of cliches. I guess when Max is trying to offer himself, and Krampus appears to kill his cousin and the toss him into hell too.

Melanie:  “Elves becoming the walking dead? No that doesn’t make any sense!” -Bad Ass Santa

Kent:  For a film with Adam Scott, David Koechner, and Conchata Ferrell, this was weak on the comedy.  I honestly liked the opening scene of people Christmas shopping.  It worked for me.


  1.  Which character(s) stood out for you?

Kristi: Max. I liked that he did what could at the end to try to end things for his family. I really liked the Uncle as well. He grew on me by the end.

Chris:  The monster designs were pretty cool in this one. The Jack in the Box caterpillar eating kids is one I would threaten my kids with.

Melanie:  The elves were pretty stand out ish.

Kent:  Aunt Dorothy would probably be for the real life characters.  Some of the creatures they came up with were very solid though, as Chris alluded to.  Omi also was great.  Once again, showing support for the Germans.


  1.  Did you like the ending?

Kristi:  I was hoping for more of a closure. I mean are they going to replay the same day over and over? Are they constantly fighting Krampus? In the beginning of the last scene, it showed him waking up and looking out the window to the neighborhood. Was that an illusion since they apparently live in a snowglobe now? I just have too many questions.

Chris:  Yes. Haha fuck you Max for being so much of a special snowflake you fuck your whole family

Melanie:  No

Kent:  Yeah, I dug it.  Everybody just getting fucked over, yeah I can totally get behind that.  It is part horror, so there’s your horror part.

Bonus Deuce

  1.  Which of these 2 films did you like better?

Kristi:  A Christmas Horror story, no contest. I like Krampus but it does drag a little bit.

Chris:  A Christmas Horror Story was more inventive, Krampus has better design and budget

Melanie:  I did not see Krampus, so I can’t accurately make an assessment.

Kent:  Mark it a sweep for A Christmas Horror Story.  I love well done anthology films, and this was especially well done.  It had more to love.  Still, major props for how beautifully filmed Krampus was, and that they took a chance on that story.  It did pay off, but did have it’s lulls.


  1.  Give me some names of some other Christmas time or themed horror films that you would like to see reviewed in the future, like next year.

Kristi:  Gremlins would be my choice. I really haven’t seen too many other Christmas horror flix.

Chris:  Gremlins of course. Let the Right One in Takes Place during the holidays. My wife suggested the Visit, but I don’t really remember much actual Christmas stuff in the background. I have heard that w foreign movies, Rare Exports and Sint might be good.

Melanie:  I would agree with Gremlins as I haven’t seen a lot of other horror movies.

Kent:  Santa’s Slay, Silent Night Deadly Night, Black Christmas (1976 not the trashy 2006 bullshit), Jack Frost 1 & 2 (“He’s chilling and killing), The Children is a creepy ass movie that is adequate, and I have heard good things about Better Watch Out, which has Patrick Warburton and Virginia Madsen (Candyman).  Gremlins goes without saying and will be on the list for next year.


Please check us out at the actual 9 Deuce website, on Facebook at facebook.com/9deuceblog , on Twitter @official9deuce, or Instagram at Official9Deuce.  Share this, like this, write us an email with a question at kent@9deuce.com.  Thank you.

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A Christmas Horror Story


Please go find a copy and support the creators.  Currently, A Christmas Horror Story can be found on NetFlix while Krampus is on HBO streaming apps.

Jigsaw (2017)

I saw this movie tonight in the theater and I felt compelled to write about it while it was fresh in my head.  I’m going to go light on the spoiler aspect.  I will eventually do a legit blog when this is released on blu ray.

So here’s the first thing that needs to be said.  If you have seen the whole franchise, or most of it, you should feel entirely at home.  To go even further, none of the twists should surprise you.  That’s not to say that it’s not well done in regards to the twists.

The hallmarks of the franchise are present, mostly.  I must admit, the traps and deaths seemed really bland compared to stuff from Saw 2-6.  If anybody sees this and insists on calling this film “torture porn”, you should feel free to backhand them until they are crying.  Dumbasses deserve to learn lessons.  This film lacks in that department big time, so you will know how dumb somebody is by what they say after viewing this.

Another hallmark of the film is the 2-3 simultaneous stories occurring and the question of when and where is this happening.  This could qualify as a spoiler, but only if you have never sen a single film of this franchise prior, in which case, that’s your own damn fault for starting at part 8.

Yes, Tobin Bell is in this.  Yes, talk of rights and wrongs are involved.  This is still a gruesome morality play and do not forget that.  This still tells a story of people who do not listen to the rules and therefore lose their lives.  Towards the end, the last game of sorts between a man and a woman is terribly predictable, and yet so satisfying.

The characters are not very enjoyable in this one.  I found myself enjoying the redhead, and that was about it, aside from Tobin.  I did love some of the shout outs to previous entries in the film.  Jill Tuck is referenced, and that pleased me.

In the end, I don’t know how well this will be received.  I have an incredibly bias opinion.  I liked it.  It hit more than it missed.  The second half is better than the first due to the storytelling techniques.  All of the callbacks were very satisfying.  By toning down the gore, it allowed us to focus more on the story, and that is where Part 7 had failed us oh so badly.  I know some of you will never truly understand or appreciate the story to this franchise.  Some of you simply don’t get it, and that’s fine.  Just try not to ridicule something that you don’t comprehend.  I am curious if this will be successful enough to get the franchise rolling again.  I would be super happy if it did, but if this is the last bit we get, I am happy to go out on this one because Saw 3D was not a very good film.

I do recommend this to the fans of the franchise.  I would say to anybody else, give it a chance only if you are positive that you will invest the full amount of time to finish the film because the plot requires that.  Right now I feel confident in giving this a 6.5 rating and possibly seeing it again prior to release on blu ray.

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9 Deuce Horror Presents: Texas Chainsaw Massacre

The 9 Deuce Horror Group sat down and answered some questions surrounding the original and remake of one of the most iconic horror franchises in history, Texas Chainsaw Massacre.  I am here with Kristi, Dom, and Cece, so I want to thank them.

  1.  When you saw the 1974 version for the first time, and watched the opening about how this was real, did you wonder if it really did happen, or did you just assume that it was just another horror flick?

Kristi:  I am more apt to believe it’s based off of true events when it says that. So I believed it.

Dom:  No, I believe that it took some true life event for it’s inspiration

Cece:  The actual legitimate story probably didn’t take place, however, it was said to have been influenced by Ed Gein. 

Kent:  Yeah, I bought into it at first.


  1.  I don’t think that we had seen much, if anything quite as extreme as this in mainstream cinema in America at the time.  This set the bar for awhile.  Chronologically, what was the next film that you feel upped the extreme factor beyond this particular film?  There are no wrong answers, but I may poke fun a bit because I’m a jerk.

Kristi: If I’m being honest here, I really haven’t seen many films from the 70s, so I will go with my favorite, Mr. Michael Myers in Halloween.

Dom:  Friday the 13th.  I hear that many moviegoers were not ready for the “extreme” violence of the original TCM

Cece:  Honestly, I am not sure. I think a lot of people really clung to Blair Witch when it came out.

Kent:  Salo is the answer.  There are no other answers.  It is Salo.  Of you haven’t seen Salo, don’t, but know that is the answer.  


  1.  Which character got the worst death in the original film?  What about in the remake?

Kristi: Original- the first girl that got killed. Hanging on that hook is way worse than getting clobbered in the head.

Remake- Kemper, Again with the damn hook!

Dom:  Original: The dude in the wheelchair.  Just couldn’t get away.

Remake: Morgan

Cece:  Hook girl is pretty solid for the original. For the remake, I’d say Andy or Morgan.

Kent:  Franklyn and Andy


  1.  The original had one of the better endings, especially for it’s time.  Aside from Psycho, can you think of other films prior to the 80’s that had such a unique ending?  If so, what film(s)?

Dom:planet of the apes

Cece:  Honestly, I am clueless on this matter.

Kent:  Salo, Jaws was interesting, The Hills Have Eyes, The Nudist Colony of the Dead, I Drink Your Blood, Suspiria, a lot of them is in the conversation.


  1.  Tobe Hooper had a good career as a film director, he also did Salem’s Lot, Poltergeist, Billy Idol’s music video for “Dancing With Myself”, an episode of Tales From The Crypt with Whoopie Goldberg, The Funhouse, Lifeforce, The Funhouse, along with a  few other things.  Would you consider this his best work or do you prefer something else that he did?

Dom: This will be his masterpiece.

Kristi: I actually prefer Poltergeist. The girl screaming for 20 minutes in TCM was annoying as hell. Shut the hell up, calm down, and figure out a plan! Don’t get me wrong, I love this movie, but seriously, did she need to sit there and scream uncontrollably at the table?

Cece:  This will always be his best work.

Kent:  Poltergeist was a better done film, but this is my preference.  Not my best answer, I admit.


  1.  Let’s talk about the hitchhiker scene in the beginning of both films.  The original had a male while the remake had a female.  Which one set the tone better for the rest of the film in your opinion?

Kristi:  I have to go with the remake. It gave me an idea of where the film was going. I enjoyed the original as well but it didn’t really give me any direction as to where the film was headed.

Dom:  Both.  Each had a different reason for being there in the beginning as a set up for later.

Cece:  I think the remake was a better feel honestly.

Kent:  I think remake, but both served their purpose, but that fucking exit would in the remake.


  1.  The remake starred both Jessica Biel and R Lee Ermey of Full Metal Jacket fame. Did this help the remake by adding well known people, or did it detract a bit from the experience?

Kristi: I like her. I was not distracted at all by them being in it. For me, it added to my enjoyment of the film.

Dom:  It’s the content of the film as well as the story for the most part, though bad acting can totally destroy a film too

Cece:  Usually when using big names, I do get distracted. However, this didn’t bother me for this film.

Kent:  This one worked because Jessica Biel has had a meaningless career career, so it came down to R Lee and he killed it in this one and the prequel.  I liked it.


  1.  Who was your favorite character in either film?

Kristi:  Original- The Hitchhiker.  He was batshit crazy. I like that.

Remake- I enjoyed Jessica Biel’s charactor. She irritated me a little bit in the beginning but I think she did a pretty damn good job overall.

Dom: LeatherFace for both

Cece:  I love the crazy family members of Leatherface.

Kent:  Original is the Hitchhiker, remake is Sheriff Hoyt


  1.  When you simply consider the look of how both movies were filmed, obviously the remake had a significantly more polished feel to it, which style do you prefer?  The low budget feel of the original or the polished Hollywood style of the remake?

Kristi: I usually like the more Hollywood style but for this film, I liked the low budget feel. I think it adds to the film.

Dom:  The original having that low budget feel made it feel like a documentary , but a good documentary.  The polished feel was expected of today’s audiences.  But i felt both styles were done good.

Cece:  The low budget feel in the original takes the cake. This is one of the main reasons this movie scares the shit out of me.

Kent:  I gotta go with original, but it is very close.  I love 70’s gritty look.


Bonus Deuce

  1.  It’s okay to admit that this was a well done remake.  Not all remakes are inherently evil or unwanted.  When done right, they can be a positive experience.  Name a few remakes that you really enjoyed.  The obvious example is The Thing in the 80’s, and that will be my answer, but there are quite a few others.

Kristi: Rob Zombie’s Halloween is the first to come to mind. I think It was done very well also! I didn’t hate Carrie either. It could just be because I like the girl, but I thought it was ok.

Dom:  R Zombie’s Halloween.  Black Christmas

Cece: Zombie’s Halloween for sure (but only the first one) also IT (2017)

Kent:  The Thing, Halloween, The Crazies, Friday the 13th, Night of the Living Dead with Tony Todd, IT


  1.  Have you seen any of the sequels, and if so, did you like any of them?

Kristi: I have not seen them.

Dom:  i have but i only remember bits and pieces.  So I’m guessing no.

Cece:  I have seen bits and pieces of the 2nd one with the chili cook off and it’s so bizarre. My mom thinks it’s hilarious.

Kent:  I have unfortunately.  Part 3 was the best of the original 3 sequels, and the prequel to the remake was fine as was the 3D film for what it was.

Please check us out at the actual 9 Deuce website, on Facebook at facebook.com/9deuceblog , on Twitter @official9deuce, or Instagram at Official9Deuce.  Share this, like this, write us an email with a question at kent@9deuce.com.  Thank you.

For the month of October, if you see this logo, click on it to go see the updated list of my 100 Horror Movies In October Marathon.


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Please go find a copy and support the creators.


Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013)

Oh no, not another horror film trying to capitalize on the lure of 3D.  Seriously, it’s a ridiculously long, and by and large, bad list of horror films.  To try to make sense of this one, you have to forget every sequel and remake.  This gets rid of all of that and is a direct follow up to the 1974 film.  Confused?  Yeah, I imagine so were many other people.  Then there is the questionable casting of Trey Songz.  He wasn’t a good pick and I know that horror has a fine lineage of hip hop stars in horror films, but he wasn’t very good.  It wasn’t even his fault, but they made his character pretty shitty with not much to work with, if we are being completely honest.  Scott Eastwood is a capable actor, but he wasn’t given much to work with either.  They did bring back Gunnar Hansen, Marilyn Burns, and Bill Moseley from the past, and that was a cool thing.  Anyway, let me do up a synopsis with some spoilers and then my final thoughts and rating.




This movie starts with the town getting vengeance on the Sawyer clan and burn their farmhouse down.  This is led by Mayor Burt Hartman.  It very much reminds me of the shoot out at the beginning of Devil’s Rejects.  This was a fun start.  A lady has a baby, Edith Rose Sawyer, and she gets shot, so Gavin and Arlene take the baby in and treat it as their own,  So like 20 years later, we are in present day.  We meet our group of jackass young people: Heather (Alexandra Daddario), Ryan (Trey), Nikki, and Kenny.  On top of that, they pick up a hitchhiker….yes, for reals, and his name is Daryl (Scott Eastwood).  Heather finds out that she is adopted by the way and gets all pissy at her folks.  She meets up with the lawyer, Farnsworth, played by the great Richard Riehle.  Heather has inherited a house from her aunt Verna, and Farnsworth keeps telling her to read the letter that comes with it, but Heather is a dumbass.  Seriously, you get a free house, maybe you should read the fucking letter.  

Anyway, Daryl tries stealing while everybody else is out shopping for food and supplies.  Well Daryl gets got by Leatherface.  As you can imagine, people get systematically killed.  This time though, There’s Leatherface and Mayor Hartman who just has a hate on for the Sawyers.  This gets a tad convoluted along the way as Heather learns of her family history.  At the end, when all of her people are dead, the Mayor and his cronie are about to put Leatherface in a grinder, but Heather saves Leatherface’s life.  He is now her protector and they fuck up shit.  This part was a feel good moment, although you are left to sympathize with the murderous Sawyers…I think.  I don’t know anymore.  There was a good story here, but too much bullshit to be truly happy.  Then the tacky addition of 3D does make for a less memorable experience.

Also, there’s a great post credits scene where Heather’s parents come to try to cash in, and Heather ain’t having any of that so they meet Mr. Leatherface.


End Film


Final Thoughts – I loved how they tied this to the original.  I really enjoyed that aspect.  I didn’t need all of the filler.  I know that filler was needed.  Unfortunately, they tried to make the Sawyer’s sympathetic, and I am unsure if that was smart.  This isn’t Devil’s Rejects where we followed them on this story and journey.  Technically, the journey was the original and that isn’t gonna make you like them much.  I’d be thrilled if we don’t get a 3D horror film for another 10-20 years.  They almost always suck huge donkey dick.  If you want a different take on the story, which is what all of the modern films seem to be about, you could do worse.  Just know that the acting is lackluster after the opening house burning.

Rating: 5.1 Mainly because I want to watch this after the original to see if I get more from this perhaps.  I wish it did better with the group’s characters.  

Please check us out at the actual 9 Deuce website, on Facebook at facebook.com/9deuceblog , on Twitter @official9deuce, or Instagram at Official9Deuce.  Share this, like this, write us an email with a question at kent@9deuce.com.  Thank you.

For the month of October, if you see this logo, click on it to go see the updated list of my 100 Horror Movies In October Marathon.


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Please go find a copy and support the creators.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)

This is the follow up to the 2003 Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and Michael Bay is still involved.  Now, I need to clear up some confusion, this film is a prequel to the 2003 film.  Not only that, but as of right now, these 2 films are in their own plane of existence and share nothing with any of the other 8 films.  This will hopefully clear up some confusion, especially with the different names of the family, such as Hewitt and Sawyer and Hartman that you will see in others.   I’m going to give you a synopsis that will contain spoilers and then provide you with my final thoughts as well as a rating.  



This film takes place 4 years prior to the 2003 film.  We see the birth of a baby, which would end up in the dumpster and then in the loving arms or R Lee Ermey’s wife, and of course that baby would turn out to be Leatherface.  We have a decent cast of recognizable names.  Our main group of young people includes: Chrissie (Jordana Brewster), Eric (Matt Bomer), Bailey (Diora Baird), and Dean.  The great Lew Temple has a role early on as the Sheriff that Ermey kills and that answers how he became the sheriff in the previous film.  Eric and Dean are brothers, and Eric has been to Vietnam and Dean has been drafted.  Dean doesn’t want to go, but Eric is going and wants his brother to come.  So there’s your back story.

The girls go into a store and raise the suspicions of some bikers.  The group leaves and get chased down by this biker chick.  There’s an accident and the sheriff shows up, shoots the biker chick and puts Eric, Dean, and Bailey in the cop car.  Chrissie was thrown from the vehicle and hides.  SO basically she spends the whole movie trying to rescue her friends. She goes so far as to recruit the biker chick’s boyfriend to help her, but he is only concerned about his chick and has the upper hand at one point, even shooting the wheelchair bound guy in the 2003 one, which leads to some surgery by Leatherface as ordered by Sheriff.  As you know, nobody was going to really make it out of this alive.  You know who the last person was going to be standing.  I liked how Ermey had a bigger role.  He was really a great change of pace antagonist and is everything that McConaughey wished his character was in part 4.

End Film


Final Thoughts – I felt that not a lot of people gave this the props that it deserved.  This was really fun if you like the antagonists.  The downside was that Eric and Dean were dull as fuck, and neither girl had much chance to have a big personality.  I liked how they did the gag where the wife gave Sheriff his pants again.  I liked the continuity more than anything.  The other films up to this point lacked a lot of continuity.  I am actually annoyed that this flew under my radar for so many years.  

Rating:  6.6 Really good follow up if you liked the 2003 version.  If not, you won’t like this either.

Please check us out at the actual 9 Deuce website, on Facebook at facebook.com/9deuceblog , on Twitter @official9deuce, or Instagram at Official9Deuce.  Share this, like this, write us an email with a question at kent@9deuce.com.  Thank you.

For the month of October, if you see this logo, click on it to go see the updated list of my 100 Horror Movies In October Marathon.


All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of:

Please go find a copy and support the creators.


The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

Michael Bay wanted to make a reboot of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise, and so he went to work.  People frown upon remakes, I am one of them, but this is truly an exception to the rule.  This was not the same story as the original, and for that I am grateful.  The original was great as it was.  This is similar, but different enough.  I am going to give you a synopsis full of spoilers followed by my final thoughts and a rating.  



We meet our main group of friends.  We have Erin (Jessica Biel), her boyfriend Kemper, Morgan (Jonathan Tucker), Andy, and his hitchhiking love interest, Pepper  They are on their way to a Lynard Skynard concert.  They had gone to Mexico and got a pinata full of weed, so wet blanket, I mean Erin, is pissed at Kemper.  They pick up a hitchhiking female, and she is just in rough shape.  She just wants to go home and looks like she has been through hell.  She doesn’t want to go back and pulls out a loaded gun from her crotchal region and puts a bullet in her dome and we get a great shot through the exit wound.  This was so different from the original and set the stage.  In the original, the guy was just lonely and nutty.  This was the epitome of hopelessness, and it was incredibly sad.

They go to call the sheriff and he wants them to meet by this house, so they explore the barn.  Anyway, they end up at the Hewitt house and Erin goes to call again and Kemper grows impatient.  Anyway, this is all an elaborate set up.  The sheriff gives Morgan, Andy, and Pepper a hard time and asks them to do some ridiculous shit.  The sheriff is played by the great R. Lee Ermey.  They eventually figure out that he is involved with everything.  Kemper gets got first.  Everybody gets got and we meet more relatives, including a little boy, Jebidiah.  He is played by David Dorfman, who also played the role of Aidan in The Ring.  Anyway, Jebidiah, a name that comes up later on in the franchise, he helps Erin escape from Leatherface.  The family is not as over the top in this one and set a really nice ambiance.  In the end, after having a face off with Leatherface in the meat packing facility, she ends up hotwiring a car and runs over the Sheriff a few times.

End Film


Final Thoughts – While the original is very gritty, this is very polished, but in a good way.  They made plenty of changes that didn’t hurt the story in any way and made up it’s own backstory which comes into play in the follow up film.  I loved the family in this even more than the original.  They upped the gore level.  It was never scary, but it was dark. Leatherface wasn’t goofy anymore, he was a bad ass killer not to be trifled with.  Jessica Biel probably should have had more skin showing through given what she was wearing.  Morgan was also an interesting character put in situations that you try to put yourself into, and he was fucked the whole time quintessentially.  

Rating: 7.6 it’s the same rating I gave the original.  I love both and I am not going to tell you one is better that the other.  Some will disagree, and that’s fine.  Both have a charm, and both are the best of their respective franchises.

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Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (1994)

Well what do you have here?  One of Matthew McConaughey and Renee Zellweger’s earlier films.  You like one of them at least, right?  This is the last TCM before the big reboot.  I will give a brief spoiler filled synopsis, then give you my final thoughts and rating at the end.  



Kim Henkel was one of the original writers and decided to give directing a try, for the first and only time.  I am sure he realizes that he made a mistake with this one.This is a fucking mess.  In the typical TCM beginning, they refer to the past 2 films as “two minor, yet apparently related incidents”.  Really, so just downplay the last 2 films?  Well done!  So it’s prom night and we meet Jenny (Renee), Barry, Heather, and Sean.  Barry is the best part of this whole film, so enjoy his first 15 or so minutes.  If you don’t laugh at him, then you probably find Amy Schumer to be the height of hilarity. Heather is driving and gets distracted and gets into a car accident and hurts the other driver.  Sean stays with the driver while the other 3 go to this real estate agent’s office, Darla.  I should note that Renee is actually attractive here and they did the whole hot chick is really an ugly girl thing that Hollywood never gets sick of doing.  Also, Darla is attractive, but at some point, she shows her tits and you struggle identifying where the areola starts due to over tanning.  It’s weird and I dwelled on this the rest of the film.  

Darla calls Vilmer (McConaughey) as he drives a tow truck.  Well Vilmer kills the driver and Sean.  Jenny gets separated from Heather and Barry who go to the farmhouse.  Barry to  W.E. Slaughter (Vilmer’s brother)  and Heather gets caught by Leatherface who looks more like a woman than ever before.  The fuck?  Barry gets killed via Sledgehammer swung by Leatherface.  Heather gets placed on a meathook because that’s a staple of these films.  Another staple is the running upstairs and then downstairs and running upstairs and jumping out of windows.  This isn’t a one trick pony, but like a 4 trick pony.

Jenny meets up with Vilmer, gets a ride with him, but he freaks her out so she gets out and the hunt is on.  We see how the family is kinda run by Vilmer, like everybody is afraid of him.  He continually hits Darla, but then she gets some licks on him and they are very passionate towards each other.  Vilmer also has a weird mechanism on his leg.  There is like 30 minutes of filler with Darla getting pizza and cops and then this mysterious Rothman guy who has power over the family somehow.  There’s a dinner table scene, as expected.  Heather gets burned and killed and Jenny escapes and there’s an airplane and then she gets in a car with Rothman who brings her to a hospital while Leatherface dances in the road again.  Yeah, you can understand why I did my best to glance over a bunch of that shit.

End Film


Final Thoughts – I still liked this more than part 2.  Not by much, but McConaughey was on the verge of being a star, and he is charismatic as fuck here.  Darla was a good addition, and Barry kept the beginning fresh and fun.  With that being said, this was an absolutely confusing mess of a film.  I didn’t get it.  Was the illuminati involved, as was hinted?  Fuck, this was just all over the place.  I am so sick of female empowerment in cases where they shouldn’t have any power and males are always useless or the bad guys.  Horror is stupid.

Rating: 2.9 because it was better than part mainly because of Vilmer and Darla.  Everything else brought me down.  I wouldn’t watch this again.

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Texas Chainsaw Massacre III: Leatherface (1990)

After 4 long years, the franchise comes back, but without Tobe Hooper.  The director is most notable for a lot of terrible sequels.  I can say that this was his high point.  Anyway, we get a film starring Ken Foree who was in a lot of the Rob Zombie films as well as Dawn of the Dead.  We are also treated to a young Viggo Mortensen and Duane Whitaker, so the cast is solid, to an extent.  Michelle and Ryan were kinda poorly done if you ask me, but nobody really is.  I am going to provide you with a spoiler filled synopsis and follow that up with my final thoughts and rating.



We have Michelle and Ryan who are a young couple and they end up at the Last Chance gas station and meet up with a hitchhiker named Tex (Viggo) and the gas station attendant, Alfredo.  Tex gives them some directions, and wants a ride, but they decline and then Alfredo gets out a gun and they speed away and see Alfredo fire his gun.  They need to change a tire and meet Leatherface but escape.  Then they have a car crash with survivalist, Benny.  They tell him their story and Benny looks for help, and along comes Tinker.  Benny realizes that Tinker is with Leatherface and soon is dealing with him, but is saved by the chick, Sara, whose entire family was killed.  Benny goes to check on Michelle and Ryan, leaving Sara alone, so she gets killed by Leatherface.  Wait a damn second.  That was it?  That was her whole a role?  A role of convenience for plot purposes.  Get outta here with that shit.  

So Ryan gets caught in a bear trap, and Michelle gets to the house and deals with the Little Girl who is the best part of the whole film if we’re being honest.  Anyway, the girl is part of the family and Michelle gets tied to a chair for dinner.  Yup, decomposed grandpa is there.  There is a momma, Anne.  We know that everybody is part of the family, and then Ryan gets the sledgehammer to the dome, via the Little Girl.  Benny tried to get info from ALfredo, but that goes bad so ALfredo ends up in the bog.  Leatherface has a new pimped out chainsaw.  Benny finds the house and opens fire and kill Anne and grandpa while Tinker and Tex are injured.  Michelle bails.  Benny and Tex have a great fight until Tex is burned alive.  Then Benny and Leatherface have at it and Michelle causes distractions, but it appears that Benny gets got.  By Dawn, Michelle is making it out of the woods while being chased.  A pickup truck comes by, and it’s Benny, who is then attacked by Alfredo, so Michelle shoots Alfredo.  The duo ride off as Leatherface does his dance in the road with his chainsaw that we saw in the original.

End Film


Final Thoughts – There are some quality actors in here, aside from the 3 mentioned, I thought that Anne and the Little Girl were really well done, but smaller parts unfortunately.  Michelle wasn’t a good final girl if we’re being honest.  Ryan was just awful.  Benny should have had a bigger role earlier.  There were parts where I got confused, or maybe I was just tired.  Too much shit, but it felt like filler.  This was better than part 2, but not by much.  I have zero interest in seeing it again.

Rating:  3.7 That’s mainly for the characters and actors that I liked.  The plot really wasn’t good.  Leatherface kinda gets shittier with every sequel unfortunately.

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Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)

You know what?  I don’t have the want or desire to write up a full blog for this sequel.  It brought me down.  So here’s the full synopsis and it will include spoilers and then I will give my final thoughts and rating.



First of all, I should say that the cast is really good here.  They brought back Jim Siedow who played Drayton Sawyer in the original.  Drayton was the brother who was the cook, the guy who ran the BBQ place.  They replaced the original Leatherface, Gunnar Hansen,which bums me out.  They replaced the hitchhiked, Nubbins, with Chop Top Sawyer, who is his brother.  I thought that they were the same character, but apparently the hitchhiker is the corpse that Chop Top carries around with him, and in deleted scenes, it is explained more thoroughly.   We also have Dennis Hopper who is the uncle, father or brother of Sally and Franklin from part one.  Wikipedia says uncle, and I don’t have enough cares to argue against it.  Anyway, he’s a former Texas ranger who has been keeping track of these murders.  Finally, we have Caroline WIlliams who plays the role of Vanilla Stretch Brock. Stretch is a radio DJ who works with L.G. at K-OKLA.

With that out of the way, the plot is simple.  Early on, these 2 jackasses keep prank calling the station and while on a bridge, they meet a truck coming the other way, and it has Leatherface on it.  Now, it needs to be pointed out that this was the longest bridge ever apparently despite when showing the bridge, it looks like a normal length, but let’s not let semantics get in the way here.  Meanwhile, Drayton wins some Texas chili cook off and it’s just foolishness.  Lefty is pursuing the killers and Stretch has the recording of the audio of the murder. Lefty doesn’t want her help, then he does.  Chop Top and Leatherface show up to the radio station and beat the hell out of L.G. way beyond the point of death, but we see later that he is still alive.  Leatherface wants to sexual stuff to Stretch, but she wins him over and he allows her to live.  Lefty goes and buys a huge chainsaw and 2 smaller ones.  From this point on, Dennis Hopper does over the top Dennis Hopper stuff with chainsaws while exploring the Sawyer family’s underground lair.  Seriously.  Lefty ends up in there as well, gets captured, has LG’s face placed on her’s, sees LG rise up and then eventually die.  There’s some fights and I feel that Dennis Hopper is taking on Drayton and Leatherface and a grenade goes off ending that, while Stretch and Chop Top fight it out and he falls and she wins.  Yeah, that’s how it goes.

End Film


Final Thoughts – Wow, I am sad that this movie was made.  It was a black comedy, but not a very good one.  What’s worse is that Tobe Hooper also made this one.  The whole change in atmosphere and vibe really hurt this as a sequel.  The OG TCM is so dark and gritty and horrific.  This one tried to do something different, which I do admire, but the change in tone from one extreme to another didn’t work for me.  A complete waste of Dennis Hopper’s talents.  Caroline Williams was the star as far as I’m concerned.  Also, did we need to have another dinner table scene?  Note, having seen parts 3 and 4 after, I can say that apparently is needed, and a Grandpa always needs to exist.  SO frustrating.  I do want to note, a lot of people consider the House of 1,000 Corpses film to be a homage to TCM, but nobody notes how Devil’s Rejects has a sheriff who is hell bent on hunting down the family that killed his family.  Yeah, big similarities if you think about it.

Rating: 2.7 This wasn’t fun for me.  I mentally gave up and almost fell asleep.  It was an exercise in absurdity and is the worst of the original 4.  Not by much, rest assured I will write about part 4 as well.  This movie was a missed opportunity, especially witH Bill Moseley to make this a darker and more serious tone.  

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Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)

I feel that this movie gets the shaft when discussing the OG’s of slashers.  Everybody has this odd proverbial hard on for Carpenter’s Halloween, and I have always favored this film instead.  Plus it came out years ahead of it’s time.  We also lost director Tobe Hooper this year, so let’s do this in honor of him.  We will be writing up a spoiler filled synopsis, so feel free to skip over that and hop down to my Final thoughts and rating at the end of the blog.  Enjoy.



I really asked if this was real after watching the opening when I was a kid.  My mom had no clue, I think she said it was.  Good for her lying to my dumbass.  So we have Sally and Franklin, who are siblings, and visit their grandfather’s grave.  Franklin is in a wheelchair.  We also have Jerry, Kirk, and Pam, but let’s face it, they are cannon fodder.  Was it a prerequisite for all horror movies in the 70’s to have a van?  Jerry has great hair and a great shirt.  Franklin talking about how the cows are slaughtered, just ridiculous, and then they pick up the hitchhiker.  We get him and Franklin talking cattle, then he steals Franklin’s pocket knife and cuts himself and giggles.  This guy is so nutty, but set the stage for what’s to come.  He invites the gang to have dinner with his family and takes a picture of them, but it’s not very good, so he decides he is going to light it on fire, and then takes out his razor and cuts Franklin’s arm.  Poor Franklin. Pam won’t shut the fuck up about horoscopes, so we know who I want to die first every times, but it never happens first.  Sally doesn’t believe in bras, and I thank her.

They make it to the house and nobody is helping Franklin, so he is just bitchy, and hilarious.  Kirk and Pam go off to find a swimmin’ hole, but it’s all dried up.  On the plus side, they see a barn and hear a generator and hope to get some gas.  Kirk goes in the house while Pam sits outside pissed, and he hears a pig squeal.  Well, he meets Mr. Leatherface and his friend, the sledgehammer.  The imagery inside the house is just wonderful.  All the bones and feathers, it’s something to just soak in.  Pam is in a very bad room with lots of tools.  She tries to leave, but Leatherface snags her and places her ass on a meathook, well not her ass, but you get it.  He starts cutting up Kirk with the chainsaw and Pam has to watch. Jerry goes looking for Kirk and Pam while Sally and Franklin stay at the van, and she is pissed at him.  Jerry hears noises in the house and he walks in.  Like everybody just walks in to stranger’s houses like it’s nothing.  Jerry opened the freezer to find Pam, and Leatherface just hammered Jerry in the head.  I bet ole Leatherface was so happy to have that many visitors, but maybe not.  

It’s now nighttime and Sally and Franklin are getting worried.  Franklin thinks that they should go back to the gas station, but Sally wants to go looking for them.  Awww, they don’t have the keys to the van.  Sally’s hard nipples really wants the flashlight, but Franklin doesn’t want to give it up.  He insists on going with her to look.  They keep yelling for Jerry, but wouldn’t it be more efficient to yell for Pam and Kirk with their monosyllabic names?  They hear something.  Ohhh.  It’s Leatherface and Franklin just got tore up in that wheelchair.  Run, Sally, run!!!  

We now have a 25 minute chase scene quintessentially, and old Leatherface is fast for his size.  She runs right to his place because she sees some lights on.  She runs in the house and goes upstairs, of course she does.  She finds a room with 2 bodies in clothes and chairs, so that’s nice.  She starts back down the stairs, but he’s heading up so she just leapt through a window.  Typical female running and falling down.  They make it to the gas station, and she never stops screaming, but fortunately the guy who owns the shop is there to help her.  

The guy offers to drive her to Childress since he has no phone.  He comes back with the truck, a burlap sack and rope.  He attacks her with a broom.  He’s tying her up and gagging her.  Thank you sir.  Sick of her screaming.  He put his sack over her face….HA!  She is whimpering so he starts prodding her with the broom stick.  As he’s driving, he comes across the hitchhiker and this dude starts beating his ass.  So the old dude is the daddy of Leatherface and the hitchhiker.  Daddy is pissed that Leatherface ruined the door.  This is fucking hilarious.  Time to get Grandpa.  Awww, we finally hear the name Leatherface for the first time.  Allllright!  Granpa has seen better days.  Grandpa is sucking on Sally’s cut finger and he is one happy pappy.

Sally passes out, but when she comes to, she is strapped to a chair at the dining room table, and she screams so the brothers start howling.  Hitchhiker starts berating his daddy, saying that he’s only a cook.  She has really beautiful eyes.  They want to let Grandpa have a whack at her.  Grandpa was the best ar killing.  He can’t really hold a hammer anymore.  He tries, and he finally gets her.  But then she leaps out a window and gets to trying to escape.  Hitchhiker is out after her first followed by leatherface hauling ass.  He is cutting her back up from behind.  Then a black dude in the Black Maria truck comes up, runs over and kills the hitchhiker.  Poor Leatherface falls and cuts his thigh and she gets picked up by a pickup truck, and Leatherface stays out in the road just swinging that chainsaw wildly in disappointment.

End Film

Final Thoughts – When I think of the perfect 70’s looking horror flick, this is what comes to mind.  Visually, it is incredible.  It feels so rustic and unfiltered and I mean that in a good way.  The deaths were short, and Sally screams for way too long, but it was a good time.  Leatherface is most definitely silly in a way, but I love the crazy killing family angle.  It just worked really well together.  Also, I loved that Franklin was wheelchair bound.  It was different seeing that kind of character in this type of film.  

Rating:  7.6 seems appropriate given how many films I have enjoyed over the years have openly borrowed from im.  

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  • Vortex (as a vortex/henkel/hooper production)

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