#51-55 Resident Evil, Apocalypse, Extinction, Afterlife, Retribution (2002, 2004, 2007, 2010, 2012)

So after taking a breather after that obnoxiously long Ring blog, I am back and I am cheating…..on my wife……with this blog. HA! Nah, I am cheating as far as combining these 4 movies together in one blog, and there is a good reason for that. The first reason is that these movies progressively get worse, but become more and more of the same. Secondly, I felt the need to get drunk by myself that night because I’m depressed I guess. I’m bout sick of a lot of things, and damned if I don’t want a drink every once in awhile. SO yeah, 7 or 8 drinks, you’d have to ask Kelly, but I think it was 7 and no food made for me being a lightweight fat ass. Think about what I just wrote. Now stop, collaborate and listen.

Holy fuck, I think I just figured out how to write this blog normally without doing the html

><<> whatever the fuck it is. I am gonna test this now.Shit negro, that worked. Hmmm, it edited my html stuff, there were b’s, R’s and a lot of < and >.

Back to the blog I suppose. Fuck my sleep habits. Fuck my computer. OK, not back to the blog yet, I lied. While drunk, i dropped my laptop. It has not been working well since. God I’m a moron. NOW back to the blog.

So Resident Evil itself stands the movie test of time in my opinion. I remember going to the movie theater with Amanda, and I got nowhere sexually with that girl, not even a reach around, but damn the movie was good! For a movie based on a video game, this was the best one made at that time, and I still stand by that today. This movie had a great setting, it had some mystery and intrigue, good characters, the laser grid room, Milla Jovavich scantilly clad. The red queen was also awesome.  This movie just did a lot of things right and if the franchise had quality like this throughout, it’d be a different blog, that’s for sure. This movie gets an 8.2 from me, yes I really loved it.

2 years later we get RE Apocalypse. This wasn’t too bad. The characters were still fun, the plot a little sillier, but you could have a good time with it. We’re introduced to Nemesis here. Watching this a third time, I find myself enjoying this for all the wrong reasons. In good conscience, I can’t giving it higher than a 6, but for a sequel, not bad. Still worth a watch. Also we get Dr Ashford and Jill Valentine, both important characters.

3 years later we get RE Extinction. Sigh….we get Claire and Albert Wesker in this one. There are some decent scenes involving the bus, but by and large, this movie just doesn’t do enough to keep the audience enthralled in my opinion. This was a bad time for RE. After this, I didn’t think we’d get a 4th one.  Boy was I ever fucking wrong. This movie only deserves a 4.5 at best, sorry, it really isn’t that good at all. But I have seen it more than once, but still, 4.5 until I watch it again, then it becomes a 5.1 on principle. I’m listening to Pandora right now, my 60’s station, and the Beatles were good and all, but some of their shit is obnoxious. There I fucking said it. Hate me if you want.

3 years later with get RE Afterlife. Now I should point out that there was an animated RE Degeneration that was adequate and I will leave it at that. We have both Chris and Claire redfield, Albert Wesker-biscuit, Jill Valentine, Luther, and most importantly Tig from Sons of Anarchy is in this. So weird, I feel he should stupidly mowing down Pope’s daughters and feeling the wrath of the Niners, but nope, just some zombie shit. I believe we see the Executioner for the first time as well. God he is a fucking HOSS. This was slightly better, but not by much, so 5.2.

2 years later, we get RE Retribution. I am floored to say this, but I really enjoyed this movie. Mindless action scenes with all of your favorite RE characters. Wesker-biscuit, Jill, Ada Wong Leon “Meester” Kennedy, Barry Burton, and Jill valentine. Michelle Rodriguez is also back. Fucked if I understand how or why. It doesn’t matter. They were just throwing so much shit at you that logically, it doesn’t fucking matter. The first 14 minutes were actually riveting. Barry Burton was awesome! 2 big hosses at one point in this. I can’;t believe I am saying this, but I give it a 6.5 and I recommend it.

So we know a 6th one is getting made. The franchise may have been saved by this last endeavor. This is a fun franchise, and I am glad to have the first 4 on blu ray. Sometimes you have to sift through the shit, but it is worth it. Some may find it boring or a waste of time, and they aren’t wrong per se, just a difference of opinion.

All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of:

Resident Evil

RE Apocalypse

RE Extinction

RE Afterlife

RE Retribution

Please go find a copy and support the creators.

The Best of the Royal Rumble – 9 Deuce Style

Today, I’d like to take a look back at the best of what the Royal Rumble has to offer us.  I have broken it down 9 Deuce style. I am joined by my after PPV podcast partner, Steve, for this particular venture.  Keri and Russ basically flipped me off.  So here you go, this is what we consider the best of the Rumble.  Both of us have seen every single year, so you know that you are getting legit perspectives.   

The 9

  1.  Best save from elimination, meaning the coolest way(s) people have saved themselves from being eliminated.  I don’t know if this should be the Shawn Michaels award or the Kofi Kingston award.

Steve:  John Morrison in 2011, when  he got knocked into the guardrail and hung on.

Kent:  Morrison is my pick as well, but props to Kofi for walking on his hands in 2012 I think it was.

  1.  Best quick elimination from the match.  Old school fans may recall one of the Bushwackers getting eliminated in record time, and then Santino set the standard.  We aren’t caring about who was quickest, but rather which one was the best. The Elimination should occur before the next participant comes out.

Steve:  I’m going to go with the Bushwackers, something about how he was just completely unfazed about being tossed out right away and kept doing his walk right to the back.

Kent:  Jerry Lawler back in 97 when he wa son commentary, enters the ring, goes out in seconds and returns to the announce desk like he never even entered.  There are a ton of good ones to choose.  Warlord, Titus, Santino, Bushwackers, JBL, etc.

  1.  Favorite elimination from the Rumble.  This one is self explanatory.

Steve:  Maven eliminating the Undertaker is my favorite, just because it was so unexpected.  Also Macho Man getting himself eliminated is a good one.

Kent:  Sid eliminating Hogan in 1992 was awesome, Muhammad Hassan’s elimination in 2005 was great, but I will go with Benoit eliminating Big Show in 2004 because it was a neat way at the time and I just wasn’t sure if WWE ever truly had faith in Benoit.

  1.  Best rookie hazing during the match.  There are obvious times when the veterans have some fun with the young guys with various chops and other old school moves.  Give me your favorite example.

Kent:  Well Steve alluded to Maven eliminating Taker, and after that, he got his ass handed to him.  Still, Daniel Puder in 2005 was absolutely brutal with Eddie, Benoit, and Hardcore Holly.

  1.  Best Hoss showdown in the rumble.  In the Rumble, it’s inevitable for 2 big boys to square off and all of the focus on them.  What one was the best or your favorite?

Kent:  Giant Gonzales vs Taker in 1993 for all of the wrong reasons.  It’s still hilariously bad.  

  1.  Best Eliminator, or the Kane award, goes to your favorite wrestler who has his fair share of eliminations.  Something about the way that he does it, just pleases you.

Kent:  I really enjoyed Punk in 2010 holding his ground for a long time and owning that ring.

  1.  Best Survivor is for those guys that always seem to last long and entertain you doing so.  Maybe they have won the whole thing, maybe they have come up short.  This isn’t for just one year, it’s a sign of overall appreciation through the years, or maybe you just love what Ric Flair did in in 1992.  Woooooooo!

Kent:  Jericho is probably my pick with a nod to Rey, Cody, and Backlund in 93.

  1.  Worst Rumble of all time.  Yeah, this one is self explanatory.  Do you focus on the in ring work, the lack of stars, the terrible eliminations, the bad storyline leading in, the outcome of the match, or maybe everything was just too obvious from the get go.  Don’t let your hatred of Bluetista sway your pick.  Seriously…..don’t. .

Kent:  1993, look at the participants. They get rid of Flair, Perfect, and Dibiase so early and have nothing left.  Absolute trash.   

  1.  Best Rumble of all time.  Take everything I just said above in #8 and pretend it’s opposite day.  You probably still aren’t picking 2014, but you can.  Tell us why you chose this one.

Steve:  1992 should be everyone’s best.  It was for the title, Flair came in at 3 and won it, Heenan and Monsoon were great the entire night on commentary.  The after Rumble interview with Mean Gene telling someone off camera to put the cigarette out.

Kent:  I’ll go 2008, despite that being Cena’s year.  That Rumble had everything that you want in a rumble.  It had great stars, some returns and legends, and Cena coming back was actually incredible at the time, and still is today.  1992 finished second for me.

Bonus Deuce

  1.  Best surprise entrant in the Rumble.  Please, don’t get this confused with a returning wrestler, say somebody from injury.  No, this should be a big surprise that the average fan wouldn’t have known about.  Let’s call this the AJ Styles award to ruin anybody’s thunder if they try to pick him and make their pick seem obvious and stupid.  A female entrant would fall under this category if you wanted to be historic.

Steve:  Does Diesel in 2011 count? I believe it got Matt Striker fired so he has that going for him.

Kent:  Jericho in 2013 and to hold his own for so long was incredible to me.  I loved it.  Also, AJ Styles has to be mentioned.

  1.  Best returning entrant in the Rumble.  This should be a superstar that has been with the company and probably has just been injured.  They didn’t defect from ECW or WCW, they were already with the WWF/WWE.  Think of it as the HHH while listening to Creed’s “My Sacrifice”.

Steve:  John Cena in 2008.  Although it’s cool to hate him, and say everything he does is terrible, he came back from shoulder surgery way sooner than anyone should…which makes me think he has mutant healing powers, or took HGH.  It also had the crowd cheering him when his music hit, which for John Cena to have 100% of the crowd cheering is amazing.

Kent:  Cena for all of the reasons that Steve suggested.  I don’t care if he was on something like HGH, he was possibly missing Wrestlemania, and yet he returns for the Rumble.  Unreal!  Way better than HHH’s return, which was crammed down our gullet like a Women’s Revolution.


Finally, I would like to give you some interesting facts that I dug up on Wikipedia that I feel may interest you in the Rumble.  These are numbers and statistics that don’t get much love from commentary on WWE.

Longest Cumulative Time Spent in the Royal Rumble

HHH @ 3:59:37
Chris Jericho @ 3:55:59
HBK @ 3:42:30
Kane @ 3:38:46
Rey Mysterio @ 3:20:01
Cody Rhodes @ 3:08:30

Honestly, I’m surprised by Cody.  He’s only been in 7 or 8 of them while Shawn has been in 12, and HHH with 9.  Rey has been in at #1, 2, 4, and 8 in the past, and he always did well, except 2014.

Most Royal Rumble Appearances

Kane with 19
HBK with 12
Goldust and Big Show with 11
Taker and Rikishi with 10
Viscera, Mark Henry, Miz, HHH, Jericho,  and R Truth with 9

Basically, Kane should have this record for many years to come.  If he participates this Sunday, that will be 20 out of 30 Rumbles, or two thirds of all Rumbles.  Shawn’s #’s would be higher if he wasn’t out for 4 and a half years, obviously.  Taker and Mark Henry should be higher but injuries to big men is a hell of a thing.  Big Show has been involved in lots of singles matches or he would be higher.  Miz has a shot at Kane’s record in my opinion.

Most Cumulative Eliminations in the Rumble

Kane with 44
HBK with 39
Stone Cold with 36
Taker with 35
HHH with 33
Big Show with 31
Hulk Hogan with 27
Roman with 23
Cena with 22

I absolutely loathe this Roman Reigns bullshit.  He should have to prove himself before being handed all of these things.  Kane had to be Isaac Yankem and Fake Diesel before given his push.  Roman, well he’s Dwayne’s cousin with really moist hair.  I’m surprised that HHH doesn’t have more, and Big Show’s numbers are a travesty.  Big Show actually has a higher elimination average per Rumble than Kane.  Of course Roman is almost averaging 8 a year.  Yeah, would you look at that.Austina averaged 6, Hogan with 6.75, but Roman has 7.67 average.  Stupid WWE!!!


With that being said, don’t expect any records broke this year, but lots of fun….hopefully.  Enjoy!

Please check us out at facebook.com/9deuceblog or on Twitter @official9deuce.  Share this, like this, write us an email with a question at wrestling@9deuce.com.  Thank you.

All pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are property of WWE and wwe.com.

The Royal Rumble Retrospective – Part 3 of 6 (1998-2002)

Welcome to the 9 Deuce exclusive, The Royal Rumble Retrospective.  This has long been the most beloved match of the year for a huge portion of wrestling fans.  Every year, I tend to watch a few of these and have a great time.  This year, I wanted to go back and revisit each and every Rumble from the beginning and find out what each Rumble brought to the table and try to determine my personal favorite.  I’m not going to say the best, as your criteria is probably very different, and incorrect, from mine. This has been an arduous task, but I hope you enjoy this project which will have taken about 35-40 hours when all is said and done.  I will provide links to all of these in each edition for easier navigating. A new part will be added daily until completion. I have also linked each Rumble to it’s Wikipedia page so you can see all the info that I didn’t provide.

Part 1 (1988-1992)
Part 2 (1993-1997)
Part 3 (1998-2002)
Part 4 (2003-2007)
Part 5 (2008-2012)
Part 6 (2013-2016)


1998 – My senior year in high school.  Yup, I am old.  This is the night that would set the stage for the impending Attitude era in a lot of ways.  Austin is on a roll, and Shawn is killing it in DX.  Mike Tyson is in the house as well.  This is the night that Shawn would hurt his back against Undertaker in a casket match and would cost him the prime of his career.  As we all know, Austin would win and go on to defeat Shawn Michaels and get things moving along with Vince as the best heel in the business.  I think that this match loses some importance due to Austin’s performance the year before, just my opinion.  Cactus Jack (Mick Foley) would start off against Chainsaw Charlie (Terry Funk).  Yeah, this is a hell of a way to start things off.   Owen Hart as a face is weird, just weird hearing the crowd pop for him.  I think they dropped the ball with Marc Mero.  He could have been huge, especially with Sable.  Man, Shamrock was over.  This match isn’t boring, and that’s due to having great early guys who last long enough until you get other big names in.  So you have your Foley, Funk, Rock, and JBL to keep you going until Austin and whoever else enters.  Bradshaw is clobbering everyone.  At #16, Foley comes out as Mankind and eliminates Chainsaw Charlie.  Yup, that happened and it was awesome.  Goldust was in bad shape at this point in his career.  Weird seeing HHH with Chyna beating up Owen Hart, and yet Terry Funk is still alive..  Ahmed Johnson had no stamina.  Phineas knocked a ref down when getting eliminated and Ahmed just attacks while Phineas checks on the ref.  No wonder Ahmed bombed.  Smart story that Austin got attacked and nobody came out at 22 to add intrigue.  EVery once in awhile, this story works, but also gives away the winner in my opinion.  At 24 Austin’s music hits, the guys are all looking at the entrance and he hits them from behind.  Good stuff.  Austin and Rock brawling on the outside was a look into the future.  Hahaha, Dude Love at 28, that’s ridiculous and great.  Mark Henry was pretty awful in ring, just saying, despite my love for the guy.  The final four guys are Austin, Dude Love, Faaooq, and the Rock.  Good choice for what was coming up.  Dude is gone and The Rock lets Farooq do all of the work, then eliminates him.  Rock vs Austin at the end and this is great.  Jim Ross just screamed Stone Cold 4 times.  Really great Rumble with no lulls despite all the new faces.  The pacing was smart as hell and they always had guys in there that could keep things interesting.  One of the all time best ones.  I’ll say it’s an 8.4.  Also, Mike Tyson said Cold Stone after the match.   Man this DX vs Taker and Kane story was truly amazing.  Kane turned on Taker, then him and Paul Bearer lock Taker in the casket, and then set it on fire.  What a great ending!  It was almost epic.  

  1.  Best Save – The Rock at the end before getting stunned
  2.  Best Quick Elimination – Tom Brandi eliminated by Foley and Funk.
  3.  Favorite Elimination – Farooq getting eliminated by Rock
  4.  Best Rookie Hazing – Bradshaw hazing Kurrgan.  Bradshaw on a lot of these young guys.
  5.  Best Hoss Showdown – Austin vs Rock, duh
  6.  Best Eliminator – Austin with 7
  7.  Best Survivor – The Rock @ 51:32, Bradshaw @ 35:45, D-Lo @ 32:21, 8 Ball @ 30:43, plus Phineas, Funk, and Goldust made it past 25 minutes, which is a record I think.
  8.  Best Surprise Entrant – Honky Tonk Man
  9.  Best Returning Superstar

1999 – This year, Vince had put a $100,000 bounty on Austin’s head as he was #1 and Vince was #2.  This was such a huge and hot angle.  WWF was flying high at this point.  DX, The Brood, The Corporation, the Ministry, The Oddities were all around.  The story was the Vince would do anything to assure that Austin lost, including setting a trap in the ladies bathroom.  It never got dull in the ring as you had a constant flow of good to very good guys  in the ring, although the greats were largely left out.  Most of the legends at this point were in the beginning of their rise, like HHH, Edge, Test, Kane, and others.  This was actually a huge night in the career of the Big Bossman and as far as I’m concerned the Bossman Royal Rumble.  I rate this one a 7.5.  In ring was lacking but the story and continuity and crowd was all top notch.

  1.  Best Save – Edge
  2.  Best Quick Elimination – Gilberg, Golga
  3.  Favorite Elimination – Mabel via Ministry abduction, Kane eliminates himself chasing the white coats
  4.  Best Rookie Hazing – Blue Meanie
  5.  Best Hoss Showdown – Mabel with Taker, APA, and Mideon I suppose
  6.  Best Eliminator – Stone Cold Steve Austin with 8
  7.  Best Survivor – Big Bossman was awesome @ 18:53.  Vince and Austin @ 58:36
  8.  Best Surprise Entrant – None
  9.  Best Returning Superstar – Mabel

2000 – The year that Austin was hurt.  The year that HHH and Foley had one of the greatest championship matches of all time  The night that Kurt’s undefeated streak came to end at the hands of a debuting Tazz.  The tag division was ridiculous, the Dudleys and Hardys had one of the matches of the year in a tables match. Chyna was fighting for the IC title with Hardcore Holly and Jericho.    Great show prior to the rumble,.  The year that Too Cool all danced together mid Royal Rumble in what was absolutely cheesy, but is incredibly memorable.  Kaentai interfered 4 times, well Funaki 4 times, Taka only 2 times because he broke his face.  The Mean Street Posse cost both Faarooq and Bradshaw in ridiculous run ins.  X Pac got eliminated, but the refs never saw it.  Kane hit an enziguri followed by a bodyslam on Big Show.  The Road Dogg spent almost 20 minutes hugging the bottom rope.  The 3 longest survivors were Bossman, Gangrel, and Test, yes Test.  The night ended with The Rock being victorious, leading to a terrible Wrestlemania 2000 main event.  Great overall show, fun Rumble, memorable as hell, but not great.  6.3 seems right.

  1.  Best Save
  2.  Best Quick Elimination – Viscera, Blackman, Scotty, but Kaentai kept coming out and it was hilarious, until Taka smashed his face, Bossman elbowing Chyna out is the best,  Mean Street Posse follow Faarooq out beat him down and Bossman eliminates him
  3.  Favorite Elimination – Bossman on Chyna
  4.  Best Rookie Hazing
  5.  Best Hoss Showdown – Rikishi vs Viscera
  6.  Best Eliminator – Rikishi with 7
  7.  Best Survivor – Road Dogg for doing the Martel and Bossman for being awesome, Test @ 26:17
  8.  Best Surprise Entrant – Bob Backlund
  9.  Best Returning Superstar

2001 – This was another big Steve Austin push.  Honestly, in the moment, I was getting sick of the megapush.  Yup, we can look back on it with rose tinted glasses, that’s fine.  You can say that it was what was best for business.  I can’t even argue that one.  As a fan, I wanted variety in my main event, and I felt that they blew their load so many times with Austin previously, which was unfortunate because this one was well worth it.  I loved that he worked with the crimson mask.  Make no mistake, this was the night that Kane earned everyone’s respect and will always be Kane’s night.  Don’t try to suggest otherwise.  He went 53:46, and that is unheard of for a big man, but he did it, and he dominated, and it was refreshing.  I loved a lot of guys in here, but the reality is that a lot of it was made up of midcarders. I give this one a 6.1 mainly for Kane.

  1.  Best Save – Taker saving Kane
  2.  Best Quick Elimination – Tazz
  3.  Favorite ELimination – Drew Carey, Blackman by Kane,
  4.  Best Rookie Hazing – K Kwik
  5.  Best Hoss Showdown – None really, Kane vs Rock is the closest thing
  6.  Best Eliminator – Kane with 11
  7.  Best Survivor – Kane @ 53:46
  8.  Best Surprise Entrant – Haku, Honky Tonk Man
  9.  Best Returning Superstar

2002 – A month before Vince would go crazy and bring back the NWO, this event took place. The Austin era is coming to a close, The Rock will be making movies soon enough.  It’s now the time of the WCW and ECW guys to get in some main events before WWE takes back over.  HHH was coming back from his infamous quad injury, and was heavily advertised for this.  Believe it or not, he won it.  That really wasn’t the biggest story, despite the WWE’s insistence that it was.  Vince and Flair were having a feud over the ownership of the WWE.  Maven was the first ever winner of Tough Enough and was gifted the elimination of Taker after he destroyed the Hardy boys.  Taker would proceed to destroy Maven, but what a great memorable moment.  Austin coming in mid way, getting rid of people, doing the watch gimmick and then HHH arrived.  They had a few comedy spots.  We ever got Big Show and Kane out there, and Kane picked up and eliminated Big Show.  At the end, it came down to Austin, Perfect, Angle, and HHH.  Austin went out, so he hit them all with chairs. Then Perfect and then finally Kurt.  It had a really great pace to the whole show.  Nothing boring.  Really fun night.  Hurricane trying to dual chokeslam HHH and Austin was great.  My only complaint was how heavily WWE foreshadowed HHH’s win, kinda made it anti-climatic.  Still, I would give this Rumble an 8.  

  1.  Best Save – Perfect at the end was decent
  2.  Best Quick Elimination – Maven for all intents and purposes, but also Jeff Hardy, Albert was quickest but not as funny, and Godfather lasted under 2 mins excluding entrance, Hurricane was funniest though, Faarooq in under a minute, Kane, Booker T
  3.  Favorite Elimination – Maven eliminating Taker
  4.  Best Rookie Hazing – Taker on Maven
  5.  Best Hoss Showdown – Austin vs HHH, Kane vs Big Show
  6.  Best Eliminator – Austin with 7
  7.  Best Survivor – Austin @ 26:46
  8.  Best Surprise Entrant – Godfather
  9. Best Returning Superstar – HHH, Mr Perfect?

Please check us out at facebook.com/9deuceblog or on Twitter @official9deuce.  Share this, like this, write us an email with a question at wrestling@9deuce.com.  Thank you.

All pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are property of WWE and wwe.com.

The Royal Rumble Retrospective – Part 2 of 6 (1993-1997)

Welcome to the 9 Deuce exclusive, The Royal Rumble Retrospective.  This has long been the most beloved match of the year for a huge portion of wrestling fans.  Every year, I tend to watch a few of these and have a great time.  This year, I wanted to go back and revisit each and every Rumble from the beginning and find out what each Rumble brought to the table and try to determine my personal favorite.  I’m not going to say the best, as your criteria is probably very different, and incorrect, from mine. This has been an arduous task, but I hope you enjoy this project which will have taken about 35-40 hours when all is said and done.  I will provide links to all of these in each edition for easier navigating. A new part will be added daily until completion. I have also linked each Rumble to it’s Wikipedia page so you can see all the info that I didn’t provide.

Part 1 (1988-1992)
Part 2 (1993-1997)
Part 3 (1998-2002)
Part 4 (2003-2007)
Part 5 (2008-2012)
Part 6 (2013-2016)


1993 – One of, if not, THE all time worst Royal Rumbles from all perspectives.  Here’s what you have to work with. You have Hogan out because of an injury, I think he may have been filming, and same with Beefcake.  There was no Shawn Michaels, therefore no Diesel.  Hall and Bret were in a singles match, as was Bam Bam and Boss Man.  So you are left with Ric Flair who was on his way out, Ted Dibiase who was close to being done wrestling, Mr Perfect who was almost done wrestling for WWF, 44 year old Backlund, Macho Man who was on his way out at #30, a dominant Yokozuna, and the Undertaker who was taken out by this terrible creation known as Giant Gonzalez.  Yeah, this was a fuckery of epic proportions. So many dull points of midcarders at best.  Hell, Lawler even looked adequate here, and I never say that. I will give it a 2.5 for Mr. Perfect randomly punching Million Dollar Man in the arm after getting eliminated, and for the debut of Giant Gonzalez.  At least Savage didn’t eliminate himself.

  1.  Best Save – Owen skinning the cat
  2.  Best Quick Elimination – Papa Shango
  3.  Favorite Elimination – Perfect
  4.  Best Rookie Hazing
  5.  Best Hoss Showdown – Giant Gonzalez vs Taker, Yokozuna vs Earthquake
  6.  Best Eliminator – Yokozuna with 7 
  7.  Best Survivor – Bob Backlund @ 1:01:10
  8.  Best Surprise Entrant – Tenru, Carlos Colon
  9.  Best Returning Superstar – Bob Backlund

1994 – Talk about a bad time to be a WWF fan.  We are in a place where Hogan is gone.  They are trying their best to make stars in Razor Ramon, Bret Bart, Lex Luger, Tatanka, Owen Hart, and Diesel, but it got them nowhere.  Half of those guys would be gone in a little more than 2 years, to WCW.  This is also not a year of putting in great talent early on, as the Steiner Brothers, Samu, Kwang, Owen, Bart Gunn, Diesel, Bob Backlund, Billy Gunn, and Virgil are the first 10.  That is so bad.  The sad part is that it never feels like it gets much better.  I did enjoy the dominant hoss clearing the ring, in Diesel, but he got rid of Backlund, which is just ironic considering that Bob would be the world champ that Nash beats in November. Bad planning.  Was Macho Man wearing pink and black a wink to the audience about who he liked?  Times when Diesel, Bam Bam, and Crush are fighting each other just failed because the crowd had nobody to cheer on, and then they toss in Mabel.  Wow, so bad.  The final four consisted of Bret,Lex Luger, HBK, and Fatu (Rikishi). Which doesn’t sound so bad, and in 3-5 years, this would have been amazing.  At the time, Lex wasn’t doing great, Bret was still iffy as a main eventer, and Shawn hadn’t quite made it yet.  Fatu was just a tag team wrestler.  Yeah, the modern day comparison would be Cesaro, Ambrose, Baron Corbin, and Jey Uso or Luke Gallows, only somehow less impressive.  With the double elimination finish, it’s hilarious watching Earl Hebner fighting for Bret to be the winner.  God, this is only slightly better than 93’s.  I’d give this a 4.4 due to the unique finish.

  1.  Best Save –
  2.  Best Quick Elimination – Billy Gunn was fastest, but Virgil’s made me laugh more, as did Backlund’s.
  3.  Favorite Elimination – Bret and Lex both being losers
  4.  Best Rookie Hazing
  5.  Best Hoss Showdown – Mabel and Diesel but not really
  6.  Best Eliminator – Diesel with 7
  7.  Best Survivor – Bam Bam Bigelow @ 30:12
  8.  Best Surprise Entrant – Virgil???
  9.  Best Returning Superstar

1995 – Well, the WWE lured Pamela Anderson at her peak, to attend the Royal Rumble, which was smart.  She was magnificent at the time.  Hell, it may have been the highlight of the event.  I don’t say this as a perv.  This was another year in a terrible, boring doldrum.  Shawn drew #1, British Bulldog drew #2.  They are the first 2 and last 2 participants in the rumble.  Everything else is beyond pointless.  This was just milking Shawn for all he was worth, and Bulldog was one of the few guys that could hang with him.  Fortunately, entrants came out every 60 seconds, making this the shortest Royal Rumble I think.  Good decision as this is just terrible.  Other notable entrants were Owen Hart, King Kong Bundy, Lex Luger, Mabel, and Bob Backlund.  Seriously, look it up.  This is just beyond awful.  7 guys lasted under 24 seconds, including Owen Hart, both Buswhackers, and Backlund.  Like, what the hell were they thinking?  Honestly?  This was the best that they had to offer?  You had IRS, Taker, Razor, Jeff Jarrett, Bret, and Diesel.  Perhaps you should have double booked some guys to make appearances to add star power.  .  The washed up stars plus the young guys that they couldn’t make into stars.  I mean, Crus was big as was Doink at the time.  That’s the hell that we are dealing with.  This was all about getting Shawn over and it worked, to an extent.  Overall, I give this a 4.6 because it’s so short so not as grueling.  That’s the only plus.  Also, Vince proclaimed that 2 men will never go out simultaneously ever again.  Yeah.  That ending is friggin good, it’s a really well done ending.

  1.  Best Save – Shawn at the end for obvious reason
  2.  Best Quick Elimination – Seriously, take your pick.  Mo running down to the ring, gets in, runs to King Kong Bundy who back body drops him out.  Hilarious!
  3.  Favorite Elimination – Duke the dumpster Drose took out a ref, I think Earl Hebner
  4.  Best Rookie Hazing
  5.  Best Hoss Showdown – Mabel vs King Kong Bundy which was really good
  6.  Best Eliminator – Shawn with 8
  7.  Best Survivor – Shawn & Bulldog @ 38:41
  8.  Best Surprise Entrant – Dick Murdoch
  9.  Best Returning Superstar

1996 – Well, this is the end of the awful “New Generation” era and we start transitioning to the Attitude era.  There’s still another bad year, but you can start seeing the seeds planted.  Until then, we get this sort of nonsense.  Even Wikipedia has the most barebones explanation for this, so that may help you figure out how mediocre this is.  On the plus side, they finally play the wrestler’s entrance music when they come out.  Yay.  It’s all downhill from here.  When you think stars have you ever once thought about Henry O Godwin, the hog farmer?  How about Bob ‘Sparkplug’ Holly, the racecar driver?  Old ass Jerry lawler?  Old ass, but slightly younger than Lawler by a few months Bob Backlund?  Mabel….I mean, he has been around for how long and accomplished what exactly?  Way past his prime and our of shape Jake the snake Roberts?  You get the point.  Aside from HHH, who was still pretty green, you simply had talent that was too young/green, or too old to make this feel exciting.  It really doesn’t get much better either.  55 year old Dory Funk Jr is #8. How you doing?  We finally have a highlight!  Lawler is hiding under the ring.  We get Yokozuna out, and he was the best guy in 93, so he should logically kill everybody.  Guess what happens?  He doesn’t.  We round out our first 10 with the 1-2-3 Kid, who got chased off by Razor Ramon for a bit.  Wow, so bad.  Why did Owen Hart have such bad music, considering his character, it never fit.  I feel that Savio Vega was criminally misused during this time period.  HBK enters and works HHH, then X Pac, then Owen while Vader and Yoko duke it out, which is awesome.  Then Shawn gets to eliminate both guys simultaneously in the fakest elimination ever.  I have now checked out. Vader gets back in the ring, eliminates Shawn, HHH, and Holly, and they say that those don’t count.  REALLY?  This fucking match and it’s bullshit inconsistencies.  Why does it count every other time that it happens?  I may have to score this even lower than anticipated.   Shawn wins, nothing interesting happens aside from Diesel and Isaac Yankem, who is now Kane.  I give this one a 3.0 and I advise against watching this one. Kama, better known as the Godfather, had one of, if not his best Rumble, lasting over 15 minutes.  Also, Austin made his debut in the Rumble, as The Ringmaster.  Man, this is wretched.

  1.  Best Save – Lawler hiding under the ring
  2.  Best Quick Elimination – Both members of the Squat team were great.  The highlight of this year, aside from watching Vader work a great match.
  3.  Favorite Elimination – Vader eliminating HBK despite it not counting because I loathed Shawn at this point.
  4.  Best Rookie Hazing
  5.  Best Hoss Showdown – Vader vs Yokozuna
  6.  Best Eliminator – Shawn Michaels with 8
  7.  Best Survivor – Hunter Hearst Helmsley @ 48:01
  8.  Best Surprise Entrant – Dory Funk???
  9.  Best Returning Superstar

1997 – This was a shitty year.  WCW had raided the WWF’s talent roster.  They had to re-utilize 6 guys from previous matches including HHH, Goldust, Vader, Taker, Faarooq, and Ahmed Johnson.  So that only left a handful of guys to work the match and they just weren’t up to snuff, except Stone Cold, and so this is the night that Austin really carried a whole PPV.  Bret did his job.  Alas, Mankind, Rocky, and Diesel (Kane) were all too green to hold their own, the Mexicans were simply cannon fodder, and then the legends like Jake and Terry were just too old to do much.  As much as I loved the finish, this was a bad Rumble.  I would avoid this unless you are a hardcore Austin or Bret fan.  I give this a 4.1.  Just not enough talent at the moment.  They probably did the best that they could all things considering.

  1.  Best Save – Austin being eliminated and then returning to the ring and eliminating Bret, Taker, and Vader and winning
  2.  Best Quick Elimination – “Razor Ramon”, Bart Gunn, Jake the Snake Roberts
  3.  Favorite Elimination – Ahmed Johnson eliminating himself for no reason whatsoever, Mil Mascaras eliminating himself and not understanding what he did
  4.  Best Rookie Hazing
  5.  Best Hoss Showdown Taker vs Vader or Austin vs Bret
  6.  Best Eliminator – Stone Cold with 10
  7.  Best Survivor – Stone Cold @ 45:07
  8.  Best Surprise Entrant – Mil Maascaras?
  9.  Best Returning Superstar


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