9 Deuce Horror Presents: A Christmas Horror Story & Krampus

For the holiday season, the 9 Deuce Horror Group wanted to tackle some festive horror films, so we went with these.  I want to thank Kristi, Chris, and Melanie for taking the time to answer these questions.  Next week, we will be discussing the first 2 Home Alone films, ya know, the good ones.  Please enjoy.

The 9

A Christmas Horror Story (2015) – Let’s start by going over each of the 4 stories in this one.  Please give us your thoughts and in the end if you liked it or not.

  1.  The Student Documentary Story

Kristi:  I didn’t care for this storyline. It didn’t really flow with the others. I liked the few jump moments but all in all, I would have like to see more of the Krampus events.

Chris:  Pretty much creepy as fuck if you think about it: ghost possesses chick to rape dudes to have a baby. On the other hand the worst acted story.

Melanie:  I thought it was ok. Over acted, but not horrible. It has been done a lot before.

Kent:  This one didn’t quite fit in with the others thematically, in my opinion. It wasn’t bad, but for this film, it was probably my least favorite.  The first time I saw it, I didn’t enjoy it that much, but upon a second viewing, it did grow on me.  We don’t get enough dudes getting raped in films by chicks, so kudos for them for doing that!  This may actually be the “scariest” of the 4. The girl’s nose ring was terrible and I felt the need to acknowledge this.  I liked that the ghost allowed Molly to leave.  That was better than her getting killed, for story purposes.

 

  1.  Family Getting Their Christmas Tree Story

Kristi:  I enjoyed this. The Changeling was a good added element. That kid was creepy as hell and thought he did a good job. I was a little bummed that their keeper was killed though.

Chris:  Wow. Pretty creepy as well. The changeling idea wasn’t done as well as say, the Hallow, but it did grope mom’s boobs. Like Kristi said the kid did a really good job of being creepy.

Melanie:  This wasn’t too bad as well. Although it had a new twist, it was still predictable.

Kent:  Scott, the father, was probably my favorite character of this.  Of course, he also gets got.  I did feel a big of pity for Big Earl, mainly because he was the fattest guy in the film.  For a short story, they did about as good as they could with the story.  With more time, they could have delved deeped, but that may have also been boring by the end.  It was the right amount of creepy and it fit the vibe better than the first story.  While I thought the mom did good, I would have liked to see how Michonne from TWD would have done in that role.

 

  1.  Krampus Story

Chris:  Probably the best acted of the 4 stories. Definitely the most graphic. Krampus reminded me of someone I might see in one of your wrestling blogs, but otherwise not bad. Also we get a second of Julian Richings, another horror movie mainstay, so kudos.

Melanie:  This wasn’t bad. The church scene was gross.

Kent:  This has Amy Forsythe as Caprice, the daughter.  Amy was the lead star in this past season’s Channel Zero, so in case she looked familiar, there you go.  This is my favorite one.  This was a great combination of good acting, good story, a bloody good time, even a laugh or 2, plus German people!  That church scene…..yeah, I liked it obviously.  

 

  1.  Santa Slays Elves Story

Kristi:  This was my favorite! I love their choice in the way they represented Santa and the elves. It was more realistic and not so holly jolly Santa. The twist at the end was pretty epic. I did not see it coming at all. This made the movie for me.

Chris:  I liked Santa. I liked Mrs. Klaus. I liked the north pole, and the workshop, and the twist. I hated the elves. Annoying as hell. I like my zombies silent. But the dichotomy of people talking like that mixed with Santa is something you don’t see, usually reserved for Billy Bob Thornton. Again the twist at the end was a pretty cool payoff.

Melanie:  I love this! Santa as a whole badass is very cool. Elves as zombies was neat as well.

Kent:  I’m a tad surprised that this hasn’t been it’s own film prior to this.  You can see this as it’s own feature length with some tweaks, but I loved this.  It was the most Kentertaining of the 4 no doubt, and was the smart choice to leave a good taste in the viewer’s mouth.  Super fun stuff that left a big smile on my face.  I was hoping that Santa was pro-wrestler Goldberg, but he already did Santa’s Slay in 2005. The lady who played Marta Clause is Debra McCabe and is really beautiful and was in Saw III.  The end twist was totally worth it and well done.  Also, the dude who played Santa did the voice of Beast in the 90’s FOX animated version of XMen.  I am dropping so much knowledge on you today.

 

  1.  Which character(s) stood out for you?

Kristi:  Santa was my favorite in the film. He is just a badass santa and that pleases me.

Chris:  William Shatner hammed the shit out of it. What that guy will do for a paycheck. But seriously, he was pretty good.

Melanie:  Bad ass Santa was amazeballs, but the ending was crazy and ruined bad ass Santa for me.

Kent:  I really loved Aunt Edda in the Krampus story.  I thought that Molly did good, despite her nose ring.  Also, major props to Jingles the elf.  

 

  1.  Was A Christmas Horror Story better than you anticipated?

Kristi:  Absolutely! It has become one of my favorite Christmas movies.

Chris:  It was but that’s not saying it was high brow entertainment. Looking at the Cover Art would have made me guess a 3~4. It probably turned out to be a 6~7, so solid B movie territory.

Melanie:  It wasn’t horrible. Horror is not my genre, but my stress about Christmas lead me to enjoy it.

Kent:  I still don’t own it, but I will soon.  It’s really one of my favorite recent horror films, especially anthology horror.  This is still better than most of the horror films that hit the theater.

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Krampus (2015) (Kent: It should be noted that Melanie didn’t see this, so she kept answering using the material from the last film, just in case there is any confusion.)

  1.  What was the funniest scene in the film?

Kristi:  When the dog ate the gingerbread man. That definitely made me giggle. I know, you are shocked I picked a dog scene.

Chris:  Maybe it was just me but a lot of the humor in Krampus didn’t land for me. A Christmas Horror Story made me laugh a couple of times. Krampus just seemed full of cliches. I guess when Max is trying to offer himself, and Krampus appears to kill his cousin and the toss him into hell too.

Melanie:  “Elves becoming the walking dead? No that doesn’t make any sense!” -Bad Ass Santa

Kent:  For a film with Adam Scott, David Koechner, and Conchata Ferrell, this was weak on the comedy.  I honestly liked the opening scene of people Christmas shopping.  It worked for me.

 

  1.  Which character(s) stood out for you?

Kristi: Max. I liked that he did what could at the end to try to end things for his family. I really liked the Uncle as well. He grew on me by the end.

Chris:  The monster designs were pretty cool in this one. The Jack in the Box caterpillar eating kids is one I would threaten my kids with.

Melanie:  The elves were pretty stand out ish.

Kent:  Aunt Dorothy would probably be for the real life characters.  Some of the creatures they came up with were very solid though, as Chris alluded to.  Omi also was great.  Once again, showing support for the Germans.

 

  1.  Did you like the ending?

Kristi:  I was hoping for more of a closure. I mean are they going to replay the same day over and over? Are they constantly fighting Krampus? In the beginning of the last scene, it showed him waking up and looking out the window to the neighborhood. Was that an illusion since they apparently live in a snowglobe now? I just have too many questions.

Chris:  Yes. Haha fuck you Max for being so much of a special snowflake you fuck your whole family

Melanie:  No

Kent:  Yeah, I dug it.  Everybody just getting fucked over, yeah I can totally get behind that.  It is part horror, so there’s your horror part.

Bonus Deuce

  1.  Which of these 2 films did you like better?

Kristi:  A Christmas Horror story, no contest. I like Krampus but it does drag a little bit.

Chris:  A Christmas Horror Story was more inventive, Krampus has better design and budget

Melanie:  I did not see Krampus, so I can’t accurately make an assessment.

Kent:  Mark it a sweep for A Christmas Horror Story.  I love well done anthology films, and this was especially well done.  It had more to love.  Still, major props for how beautifully filmed Krampus was, and that they took a chance on that story.  It did pay off, but did have it’s lulls.

 

  1.  Give me some names of some other Christmas time or themed horror films that you would like to see reviewed in the future, like next year.

Kristi:  Gremlins would be my choice. I really haven’t seen too many other Christmas horror flix.

Chris:  Gremlins of course. Let the Right One in Takes Place during the holidays. My wife suggested the Visit, but I don’t really remember much actual Christmas stuff in the background. I have heard that w foreign movies, Rare Exports and Sint might be good.

Melanie:  I would agree with Gremlins as I haven’t seen a lot of other horror movies.

Kent:  Santa’s Slay, Silent Night Deadly Night, Black Christmas (1976 not the trashy 2006 bullshit), Jack Frost 1 & 2 (“He’s chilling and killing), The Children is a creepy ass movie that is adequate, and I have heard good things about Better Watch Out, which has Patrick Warburton and Virginia Madsen (Candyman).  Gremlins goes without saying and will be on the list for next year.

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A Christmas Horror Story

Krampus

Please go find a copy and support the creators.  Currently, A Christmas Horror Story can be found on NetFlix while Krampus is on HBO streaming apps.

#381 Krampus (2015)

This has Adam Scott, who I really dig. On top of that, my horror gal pal, Kristi, asked me about this one, so figured that I would oblige. Oh, this has David Koechner (Anchorman), Toni Collette (The Sixth Sense), and Conchata Ferrell (Two and a Half Men) as well.

I haven’t seen anything quite like this. It had a Home Alone vibe early before every got dark. It never got so dark or so grim that it was true horror, but it was that fantasy horror stuff that some people really get into. This was a lot of fun. I think this may end up being a December staple for me. It’s always good to have some fun fallback Christmas movies, and this strikes me as one.

There’s a lot of funny things that happen. Visually, it’s not quite Tim Burton, but it is very, very good. You can get lost in it at times and visually is where this one truly shines I believe. I liked this more than I anticipated. I can see why some people wouldn’t like this, but some people are self loathing ass hats who take themselves too seriously as well. It happens.

Rating – 5.8 This has potential to move up to the 6’s I think over time once I get the lines more memorized.

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#324 Holidays (2016)

This is an anthology it sounds like. Kevin Smith is involved. I liked 90’s Kevin Smith. I hated Tusk.

Valentine’s Day – A girl named Maxine is on the swim team, well, diving at least. The rest of her classmates or teammates call her Maxi Pad and she has a thing for her coach. One blonde chick has a real hate on for Maxi. It sounds like Coach needs a heart transplant, and there’s going to be a talent show. Apparently Maxi’s dad slit his wrists and well blondie went over the line with her insults. Coach puts a Valentine’s Day card in her locker while she’s showering. This goes straight to her head, and she views it as he loves her. After school, Maxine follows Blondie, close behind, never saying anything, but truly frustrating and scaring her, so she cuts through the woods, and you would be shocked the find out, she fell down, in the woods. Well she gets pissed off, and Maxine bashes her in the face with a brick.  Maxine mounts her, gets out the box cutter, and starts carving a bitch up.  Maxine shows up at Coach’s house with Blondie’s heart.

St. Patrick’s Day – Haha, a teacher is correcting some papers, and a girl talks about her magic whores, but meant horse. Hilarious. Wow, that was fucking terrible. The teacher gets impregnated and has a snake for a baby I guess. Nope.

Easter – A scared girl gets fucked over by the Easter Bunny I guess. That was trash.

Mother’s Day – This woman has her man wear 2-3 condoms every time they have sex.  She gets pregnant every time that she has sex, and goes to this fertility retreat with a bunch of bitches who can’t get…….boobs and lots of them…..pregnant. So much cleavage and tits. This is great. Wait, no, it still sucked.

Father’s Day – It would have been funny if they kept the story from Mother’s Day, if it had involved a dude, and made it about him. Totally missed opportunity in my opinion. Annnnnnd totally let down.

Halloween – Done by Kevin Smith, and by far the best one so far, and it’s not even close. It was funny, witty, and some great payback.

Christmas – Well, it has Seth Green, and he missed out on the last UVU toy, or whatever the fucking it’s called. The guy who got he last one would not accept double the price, then dropped and had pills, but Seth chose to take the toy and not even give the guy his pill. Oh, and he came home to a miserable bitch of a wife, Sarah, who is attractive, but a total bitch.  That toy allows you to see put on these glasses and show you what you like to watch online. The kid’s version was of being on Mars, but Seth’s was some awesome kinky shit, but then returns back to the scene of the scene of the crime. Seth comes home to a pissed off Sarah who saw everything as Seth failed to log off. He tells the truth, and gets laid. Seth wakes up and finds the UVU and Sarah never logged out, and we see her kill her boss. Well done.

New Year – The Final one involved a murderous dude who needs a new chick to abduct and torture. So he meets up with this chick from online, they go out to eat and she invites him back to her place, and she apparently likes to collect testicles, so yeah, you can guess how this went.

All in all, this is a complete mixed bag. nobody will blame you if you skipped the first 5. Also nobody would blame you if you started watching at the beginning out of curiosity and tapped out before you got to the good stuff, the last 3.  It’s nothing I ever need to see again. The first one was also serviceable, very middle of the road.

Rating – 4.0 because the production values were there, and the acting was fun. 3 out of 8 were good, one was average, and the rest were variants of meh to terrible, like St. Patrick’s Day.

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Please go find a copy and support the creators.