9 Deuce Horror Presents: A Christmas Horror Story & Krampus

For the holiday season, the 9 Deuce Horror Group wanted to tackle some festive horror films, so we went with these.  I want to thank Kristi, Chris, and Melanie for taking the time to answer these questions.  Next week, we will be discussing the first 2 Home Alone films, ya know, the good ones.  Please enjoy.

The 9

A Christmas Horror Story (2015) – Let’s start by going over each of the 4 stories in this one.  Please give us your thoughts and in the end if you liked it or not.

  1.  The Student Documentary Story

Kristi:  I didn’t care for this storyline. It didn’t really flow with the others. I liked the few jump moments but all in all, I would have like to see more of the Krampus events.

Chris:  Pretty much creepy as fuck if you think about it: ghost possesses chick to rape dudes to have a baby. On the other hand the worst acted story.

Melanie:  I thought it was ok. Over acted, but not horrible. It has been done a lot before.

Kent:  This one didn’t quite fit in with the others thematically, in my opinion. It wasn’t bad, but for this film, it was probably my least favorite.  The first time I saw it, I didn’t enjoy it that much, but upon a second viewing, it did grow on me.  We don’t get enough dudes getting raped in films by chicks, so kudos for them for doing that!  This may actually be the “scariest” of the 4. The girl’s nose ring was terrible and I felt the need to acknowledge this.  I liked that the ghost allowed Molly to leave.  That was better than her getting killed, for story purposes.

 

  1.  Family Getting Their Christmas Tree Story

Kristi:  I enjoyed this. The Changeling was a good added element. That kid was creepy as hell and thought he did a good job. I was a little bummed that their keeper was killed though.

Chris:  Wow. Pretty creepy as well. The changeling idea wasn’t done as well as say, the Hallow, but it did grope mom’s boobs. Like Kristi said the kid did a really good job of being creepy.

Melanie:  This wasn’t too bad as well. Although it had a new twist, it was still predictable.

Kent:  Scott, the father, was probably my favorite character of this.  Of course, he also gets got.  I did feel a big of pity for Big Earl, mainly because he was the fattest guy in the film.  For a short story, they did about as good as they could with the story.  With more time, they could have delved deeped, but that may have also been boring by the end.  It was the right amount of creepy and it fit the vibe better than the first story.  While I thought the mom did good, I would have liked to see how Michonne from TWD would have done in that role.

 

  1.  Krampus Story

Chris:  Probably the best acted of the 4 stories. Definitely the most graphic. Krampus reminded me of someone I might see in one of your wrestling blogs, but otherwise not bad. Also we get a second of Julian Richings, another horror movie mainstay, so kudos.

Melanie:  This wasn’t bad. The church scene was gross.

Kent:  This has Amy Forsythe as Caprice, the daughter.  Amy was the lead star in this past season’s Channel Zero, so in case she looked familiar, there you go.  This is my favorite one.  This was a great combination of good acting, good story, a bloody good time, even a laugh or 2, plus German people!  That church scene…..yeah, I liked it obviously.  

 

  1.  Santa Slays Elves Story

Kristi:  This was my favorite! I love their choice in the way they represented Santa and the elves. It was more realistic and not so holly jolly Santa. The twist at the end was pretty epic. I did not see it coming at all. This made the movie for me.

Chris:  I liked Santa. I liked Mrs. Klaus. I liked the north pole, and the workshop, and the twist. I hated the elves. Annoying as hell. I like my zombies silent. But the dichotomy of people talking like that mixed with Santa is something you don’t see, usually reserved for Billy Bob Thornton. Again the twist at the end was a pretty cool payoff.

Melanie:  I love this! Santa as a whole badass is very cool. Elves as zombies was neat as well.

Kent:  I’m a tad surprised that this hasn’t been it’s own film prior to this.  You can see this as it’s own feature length with some tweaks, but I loved this.  It was the most Kentertaining of the 4 no doubt, and was the smart choice to leave a good taste in the viewer’s mouth.  Super fun stuff that left a big smile on my face.  I was hoping that Santa was pro-wrestler Goldberg, but he already did Santa’s Slay in 2005. The lady who played Marta Clause is Debra McCabe and is really beautiful and was in Saw III.  The end twist was totally worth it and well done.  Also, the dude who played Santa did the voice of Beast in the 90’s FOX animated version of XMen.  I am dropping so much knowledge on you today.

 

  1.  Which character(s) stood out for you?

Kristi:  Santa was my favorite in the film. He is just a badass santa and that pleases me.

Chris:  William Shatner hammed the shit out of it. What that guy will do for a paycheck. But seriously, he was pretty good.

Melanie:  Bad ass Santa was amazeballs, but the ending was crazy and ruined bad ass Santa for me.

Kent:  I really loved Aunt Edda in the Krampus story.  I thought that Molly did good, despite her nose ring.  Also, major props to Jingles the elf.  

 

  1.  Was A Christmas Horror Story better than you anticipated?

Kristi:  Absolutely! It has become one of my favorite Christmas movies.

Chris:  It was but that’s not saying it was high brow entertainment. Looking at the Cover Art would have made me guess a 3~4. It probably turned out to be a 6~7, so solid B movie territory.

Melanie:  It wasn’t horrible. Horror is not my genre, but my stress about Christmas lead me to enjoy it.

Kent:  I still don’t own it, but I will soon.  It’s really one of my favorite recent horror films, especially anthology horror.  This is still better than most of the horror films that hit the theater.

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Krampus (2015) (Kent: It should be noted that Melanie didn’t see this, so she kept answering using the material from the last film, just in case there is any confusion.)

  1.  What was the funniest scene in the film?

Kristi:  When the dog ate the gingerbread man. That definitely made me giggle. I know, you are shocked I picked a dog scene.

Chris:  Maybe it was just me but a lot of the humor in Krampus didn’t land for me. A Christmas Horror Story made me laugh a couple of times. Krampus just seemed full of cliches. I guess when Max is trying to offer himself, and Krampus appears to kill his cousin and the toss him into hell too.

Melanie:  “Elves becoming the walking dead? No that doesn’t make any sense!” -Bad Ass Santa

Kent:  For a film with Adam Scott, David Koechner, and Conchata Ferrell, this was weak on the comedy.  I honestly liked the opening scene of people Christmas shopping.  It worked for me.

 

  1.  Which character(s) stood out for you?

Kristi: Max. I liked that he did what could at the end to try to end things for his family. I really liked the Uncle as well. He grew on me by the end.

Chris:  The monster designs were pretty cool in this one. The Jack in the Box caterpillar eating kids is one I would threaten my kids with.

Melanie:  The elves were pretty stand out ish.

Kent:  Aunt Dorothy would probably be for the real life characters.  Some of the creatures they came up with were very solid though, as Chris alluded to.  Omi also was great.  Once again, showing support for the Germans.

 

  1.  Did you like the ending?

Kristi:  I was hoping for more of a closure. I mean are they going to replay the same day over and over? Are they constantly fighting Krampus? In the beginning of the last scene, it showed him waking up and looking out the window to the neighborhood. Was that an illusion since they apparently live in a snowglobe now? I just have too many questions.

Chris:  Yes. Haha fuck you Max for being so much of a special snowflake you fuck your whole family

Melanie:  No

Kent:  Yeah, I dug it.  Everybody just getting fucked over, yeah I can totally get behind that.  It is part horror, so there’s your horror part.

Bonus Deuce

  1.  Which of these 2 films did you like better?

Kristi:  A Christmas Horror story, no contest. I like Krampus but it does drag a little bit.

Chris:  A Christmas Horror Story was more inventive, Krampus has better design and budget

Melanie:  I did not see Krampus, so I can’t accurately make an assessment.

Kent:  Mark it a sweep for A Christmas Horror Story.  I love well done anthology films, and this was especially well done.  It had more to love.  Still, major props for how beautifully filmed Krampus was, and that they took a chance on that story.  It did pay off, but did have it’s lulls.

 

  1.  Give me some names of some other Christmas time or themed horror films that you would like to see reviewed in the future, like next year.

Kristi:  Gremlins would be my choice. I really haven’t seen too many other Christmas horror flix.

Chris:  Gremlins of course. Let the Right One in Takes Place during the holidays. My wife suggested the Visit, but I don’t really remember much actual Christmas stuff in the background. I have heard that w foreign movies, Rare Exports and Sint might be good.

Melanie:  I would agree with Gremlins as I haven’t seen a lot of other horror movies.

Kent:  Santa’s Slay, Silent Night Deadly Night, Black Christmas (1976 not the trashy 2006 bullshit), Jack Frost 1 & 2 (“He’s chilling and killing), The Children is a creepy ass movie that is adequate, and I have heard good things about Better Watch Out, which has Patrick Warburton and Virginia Madsen (Candyman).  Gremlins goes without saying and will be on the list for next year.

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A Christmas Horror Story

Krampus

Please go find a copy and support the creators.  Currently, A Christmas Horror Story can be found on NetFlix while Krampus is on HBO streaming apps.

#381 Krampus (2015)

This has Adam Scott, who I really dig. On top of that, my horror gal pal, Kristi, asked me about this one, so figured that I would oblige. Oh, this has David Koechner (Anchorman), Toni Collette (The Sixth Sense), and Conchata Ferrell (Two and a Half Men) as well.

I haven’t seen anything quite like this. It had a Home Alone vibe early before every got dark. It never got so dark or so grim that it was true horror, but it was that fantasy horror stuff that some people really get into. This was a lot of fun. I think this may end up being a December staple for me. It’s always good to have some fun fallback Christmas movies, and this strikes me as one.

There’s a lot of funny things that happen. Visually, it’s not quite Tim Burton, but it is very, very good. You can get lost in it at times and visually is where this one truly shines I believe. I liked this more than I anticipated. I can see why some people wouldn’t like this, but some people are self loathing ass hats who take themselves too seriously as well. It happens.

Rating – 5.8 This has potential to move up to the 6’s I think over time once I get the lines more memorized.

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Please go find a copy and support the creators.

#305 Final Destination 5 (2011)

As of right now, this is the last of the franchise. Give it time and there will be a 6th or a reboot because Hollywood is just the worst currently. It makes me sad. I hope this is an improvement over the last 1 or 2 of the films. Fingers crossed. This brings Tony Todd back into the fold. I see Emma Bell’s name on here, and she was in the horror film “Frozen” and was Andrea’s sister in the first season of the Walking Dead. Then to round things out, David Koechner is here as well, and I love that dude. Good start!

final-destination-5

Start Film

We start off with Sam, who is lousy at his job in sales. His chick is named Molly, and she cancelled a trip for them, and she is breaking up with him. Peter is Sam’s boss, and Candice is his chick. She’s cute. Who is this hooker?Olivia is her name, and her dude says that she has a Lisa Loeb look to her, and yeah, she is a treat. Isaac is a dude who has been friend zoned by Molly. Peter suggests that Sam just apologize, for what, he don’t know. Koechner is the boss, Dennis. Dennis doesn’t know Sam’s name, or he just likes to fuck with him. Either way, I like it. Nathan is another guy that is joining this crew, but he was dealing with this asshole union rep, Roy. As Sam goes to get on the bus, he notices the “Watch Your Step” sign, and now they are heading to bridge construction. Awesome. We find out that Candice is superstitious. A logging truck passes the bus. They finally make it to the bus, and Sam is all observant. When do we get to the “it was all just a dream” part? I assume it’s about here that the premonition starts. He gets a cut on his thumb, and “Dust In the Wind” plays on the radio, and not John Denver. The bridge is a rockin.  The cement is cracking all over. A car just fell in. Bye Candice as she’s impaled on a sailboat. Isaac is at the back of the bus and it’s tipping and it’s falling, see ya Isaac.  Olivia has fallen, and lost her glasses. There’s only a beam to walk across now over about 20 feet. Molly makes it and Sam helps Olivia get on the beam. She is reaching out to Molly, but the beam tilts, and then she falls, and a car lands on her. Nathan just got got by a cable. There’s Sam, Dennis and Molly I believe, Dennis is hanging off the edge and some hot tar just covered him, so bye Dennis. Peter is still alive, and he makes the jump with Sam, but are hanging on some railing perilously. Some rebar just came down and impaled the hell out of Peter. Sam then gets sliced in half. And he wakes up and cuts his thumb again. Dust in the Wind again, and so he panics and says that everybody needs to get off the bus, and Dennis says to relax. Molly and Nathan follow. Dennis insists that Peter get them back due to liability, and Candice follows Peter. Olivia, Isaac, and Dennis all get off as well and the concrete is cracking, as was predicted. He saved everyone, and of course the old “How did you know?”

Agent Block is questioning Sam about this. Then he questions others about Sam. Forensics came back blaming the bridge collapse on high winds. 17 other Presage employees apparently died on the bridge. They all show up at the memorial service. Everybody is asking Sam how it happened. Dennis is giving a eulogy and included Isaac’s name, haha. Dennis is great. As they go to leave, Bludworth is there and tells Sam and Peter that Death doesn’t like being cheated. Tony Todd is a national treasure damnit! Sam is working at a restaurant, he cooks. Sam visits Molly, and invites himself in basically. The tea kettle goes off, lights are flickering, and Sam sees an old pic of him and her. They talk about how Sam is supposed to go to Paris for a job, but she doesn’t want to go and encourages him to chase his dream. Peter visits Candice at some gymnastics practice for college. The music is ominous.  The AC is not working well and one of the uneven bars is awfully loose. Fans are getting plugged in. Candice we know is the first to die. Water is starting to drop from the AC that is just starting to work, and one of the fan cages is coming loose. Candice  is on the balance beam, and there is a screw on the beam, but she kept missing it. The water is landing on the cord and looks like a spark, but she drops a towel unknowingly on it. Candice is now on the ad uneven bar. The bolt is almost out of the bar. This one girl is on the beam with the screw, she falls, knocks over the powder into the fan, blinds Candice and she lands and just snaps in half. That was gruesome.

Sam checks in on Peter. Isaac will be next. Sam sees Bludworth in the distance in the gym, but then he’s gone. Sam and Molly are at work, and Olivia says that she’s surprised more gymnasts don’t die like that. Dennis is dealing with extra responsibilities, and Isaac is at Debbie’s desk and then Robert’s and he’s going through everybody’s shit, stealing whatever, and he cuts his finger. Nathan comes up, and he has beer, Peter has a bottle of booze, and Isaac has left to spend the gift certificate at the spa. There is some gorgeous Asian lady at the front desk. Isaac is such a dorky dude who tries to be a creepy player. He wants an erotic massage, but then backpedals, and wants it to be happy. This guy is awesome. She gets him laid down and prepped so he can be serviced. And of course it ends up being the experienced old lady who can’t speak English. Hahaha. She is trying to align his back in a painful manner, and the table may not hold up. Olivia gets a call, and she breaks a picture frame where the glass shatter over her face. Peter is all pissy about Candice’s death, and Dennis calls Agent Block. Dennis wants to have code names, ha. Block is at the gym/crime scene. Isaac is still getting worked over. Time for acupuncture. Oh good lord, so many pins in him. His phone is vibrating, so she sets it on a desk by a candle and she tells him to sleep for 30 minutes. She turns the light down and all the candles are blowing weird, and now there’s a fire started in there. He rolls off the table, lands on all of those needles, and alcohol has leaked. He is just wrecked. So many bent pins in his flesh. His phone vibrates the candle and it sets the alcohol on fire, but it doesn’t reach him, but the Buddha statue falls on his head and he dead. Olivia is next.

At the spa, Sam, Molly, Peter and Nathan show up, and there’s Bludworth and Sam asks him why he is there, and Bludworth plays coy. He explains that he has seen this before, and then the lucky few who survive, they get taken out one by one. He explains that they shortened death. He explains that a life has to be lost basically to fix this. Sam says that Molly is safe, as she didn’t die in the vision. Peter is just being a dick. Peter wants to kill people to replace him on Death’s list. Nathan ain’t having it. Olivia is at a laser eye surgery place. She is very nervous and shaky. He secures her head in a vice of sort. He numbs her eye and then attaches the thing that keeps the eye lids open. She is squeezing the hell out of the teddy bear and pops his eye off. He needs more paperwork so he leaves her. There was a cup on the water dispenser, it falls on the electrical outlet nearby and causes the laser control to start heating up and it takes out one eye. She is stuck in the vice, burns her hand all to hell, and she gets up. Sam, Molly and the doctor hear screams and she slips on the bear’s eye, falls out the window, lands on the hood of a car, and dies, and her eyeball fell out for good measure. Nathan is next.

Agent Block is questioning Sam and Molly, and Sam tells him about their theory. Sam is starting to piece together the order of deaths, finally. Nathan is at work watching all the men in the warehouse, and he needs to talk to Roy. Nathan sees a hook about to fall and is trying to save Roy, but he gets the hook through his head, and he dead.  Dennis tells Peter that they are getting shut down, and Peter mentions Isaac and Dennis thought that Isaac was already dead. Haha. Dennis calls Agent Block, saying that Pete sounded kind of threatening. Pete accuses Nathan of killing Roy to avoid Death. Nathan admits that he may have. Dennis would be next. Dennis comes down to see what the hell happened and he got a huge wrench flung into his head and he’s dead. So we have Peter then Sam per the premonition. Sam goes to work in the kitchen of the restaurant.

Sam is a little spooked by all the sharp objects blades and whatnot. He approaches his head chef about the Paris apprenticeship, and it’s his for the taking.  Sam makes Molly something.  Damn, Molly looking good here with the red lipstick. The restaurant is closed, and Peter shows up looking shook up. I trust him.  Oh, the candles just danced a bit. Pete is questioning whether he could kill a stranger to save his own life, and so he went for a walk last night. He had numerous opportunities. But he didn’t do it, he couldn’t kill somebody who didn’t deserve to die. Then he thought about all these other people that didn’t deserve to.  But if nobody deserves to die, then why does Molly deserve to live, and he pulls out a gun and Sam buys her time. Agent Block is there on the scene. Pete fires towards Sam, but he’s really after Molly. Sam almost has a knife fall on him. Pete turns on all the stoves and the deep fryer stuff. Block finds Molly, asks what’s happening, and Peter shoots Block. Peter says that it’s now after Sam’s life. Pete can’t just leave after she witnessed the murder. Sam is up and now we have the big brawl. I doubt that Block is dead. These 2 wrestle, and a gun is on the stove. So that’s something. Pete gets the upper hand, so Molly intervenes as well. And Sam impales Peter from behind. Yeah, that didn’t sound inappropriate.  The gun goes off, but Sam and Molly are fine, and they hug.

Two Weeks Later

Sam and Molly are on a plane.  Hahaha, YES, they did it. Sam sees the fight between Alex and Carter from the original, because they were going to Paris too. So they are on Flight 180. Sam puts on some headphones, and hears “Dust In The Wind” and he cuts his thumb. We watch as the plan starts to break down and go into complete shit storm. Molly is being pulled out and Sam hangs out as long as possible, but she is sliced in half, and he gets burned up. Nathan is at a bar, and a coworker explains that Roy had a brain that was hemorrhaging and was going to kill Roy any day. Then the bar’s ceiling gives out and crushes Nathan.

End Film – I love the credits showing all of the franchise’s deaths. The final shot was of Bludworth.

Final Thoughts – This one was really good. This one really surprised me. I like it a lot. The kills were fine, nothing pissed me off. The only throwaway death happened to Dennis, but that was perfect for his character. Some were gruesome like Candice, and others were just well executed like Isaac and Olivia’s. The absolute best part was that they kept saying Paris, and for me, it wasn’t just the Paris thing that gave me hope that this would come full circle. It was more to do with how they never directly talked about any of the past people specifically, which is always a Final Destination trademark. From the moment that Molly agreed to go to Paris, I would have bet anything that this was going to happen, and yet, I’m such a pessimist, I still don’t buy into my logic, so I was still pleasantly surprised to be correct. I have to say, I didn’t like Molly’s character. I know Emma is a very capable actress, so I think it was more the character needed something else to help stand out and make her more 3 dimensional. This one also had plenty of solid one liners. The first one had them, but they got less and less funny as the franchise grew. This brought it back. Maybe it’s a case of severely lowered expectations, but I found this comparable, and in some ways, better, than part 2. Also, the whole bridge thing was my favorite premonition since part 2, and bridges just freak me out a bit, especially after seeing Mothman Prophecies.

Final Score – 6.5 because it did plenty of things very well for a horror flick. Yes, I think this is better than part 2.

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