#84 The Devil’s Rejects (2005)

This movie is almost universally hailed as a better and more likeable film than it’s predecessor, House of 1,000 Corpses. I’m hard pressed to argue it as this is a fucking great movie. It’s a movie that sucks you in. Even if it is background noise, I defy you to not find yourself gawking at this movie for minutes on end. I defy you not to get pumped when the words “Tuity fucking fruity” is uttered. The first time you realize that the tall goofy comedian (Brian Posehn) is in this and it feels right. Now you may watch it and suddenly recognize that Axel from the Walking Dead is in this. You may get a little mahogany in your pants when you hear Danny Trejo for the first time or realize that his sidekick is none other former WCW wrestler with the self high five, DDP. Or how do you ignore the guy going off on Elvis in defense of Groucho Marx? The shootout at the beginning. Sheriff Wydell being a fucking hoss all movie, he steals the movie oftentimes.

And of course I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the 3 main stars of this. Captain Spaulding stealing the car and fucking with the kid. Hell the opening Captain Spaulding scene! Sherri Moon being a crazy, sexy, cool bitch, flirting with Roy, making the bitch hit the other bitch, and that ass. Of course I saved the best for last, my man Otis. I am gonna make a wrestling reference here, and I do apologize. Otis is the epitome of an old school heel who gets his heat by being a bastard, and is never concerned with being cool or likeable. The other 2 have their fans for various reasons, and that shit is cool. Otis is just a bad ass mother fucker, and he never lowers his character’s philosophy for a quick joke or cheap pop. To make another analogy, more suited for you horror fans. Otis is Freddy Krueger in 1, 2, and New Nightmare. Baby is him in part 3 and 4. Spaulding is 5 and Freddy’s dead. Yeah, that analogy felt more cathartic.

The other 2 things that need to be brought up is the storyline here is significantly tighter which made for better character development. This is key to the improvement between films. The other thing that is often overlooked is the music. What a great soundtrack! Midnight Rider, Funk No 49, Rocky Mountain Way, and of course fucking Freebird. How many horror movies, hell movies in general end on such an epic feel? Admit it, you was cheering on the bad guys despite knowing they had no chance, but you still pulled for them.

I realize as I talk about this, it is better than House. It just is. Rating? 8.0, possibly higher. It’s THAT fucking good.

All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of:

Please go find a copy and support the creators.

House of 1,000 Corpses and The Devil’s Rejects 9 Deuce Horror Discussion

Yes, we are finally tackling this franchise!  Most of us here are quite excited about this one.  I say most of us as one of our contributors was not a fan of House, to say the very least.  That’s not a bad thing though because it’s more fun to have some disagreement.  If you find yourself agreeing with most of us, or if you think Chris has some valid points, leave us a comment.  Any comments in bold will be made by Kent.

You can find us at the actual 9 Deuce website OR please check us out at 9 Deuce Horror on Facebook , on Twitter @official9deuce, or Instagram at Official9Deuce or Tumblr @ http://superkent92.tumblr.com/.  Share this, like this, write us an email with a question at kent@9deuce.com.  Thank you.

  1.  Let’s start off with an easy one.  Who was your favorite character in House of 1,000 Corpses?  Who is you favorite in Devil’s Rejects?

Kristi: Captain Fucking Spaulding in both films. I do like Otis more in Devils than in House but Captain Spaulding is the man, or clown, if you will.

Chris:  Doctor Satan. He looks like the prototype for one of the bad guys in a video game called Outlast. Rondo in DR, Danny Trejo is a badass

Teddy: I like Baby the most, but that’s because she is hot lmao

Cece: Captain Spaulding for sure. I also love Otis. For both.

Kent:  Baby won me over in House.  She simply was evil and sexy at the same time.  Captain Spaulding probably comes in at #2 followed by Grandpa Hugo.  As for Devil’s Rejects, it’s Captain Spaulding, but Otis is a very close 2nd and Sheriff Wydell was also pretty fucking good.  This line from him always cracks me up.  “Son, if you ever say another derogatory word about Elvis Aron Presley in my presence again, I will kick the living shit out of you!”

 

  1.  Name your favorite death from each film.

Kristi: House- Mother Firefly shooting the cop in the neck. It’s just a nice clean kill.
Devil’s- Gloria. I know it’s obvious that Baby will kill her but it’s just unexpected and a straight shot to the heart.

Chris:  Nash in House. The amount of time they make you wait with Walton Goggins on his knees is one of the only suspenseful parts of the movie. Wendy in DR, they did a good job with the aftereffects of a truck hitting a person like that

Teddy: Fish boy from house, and probably the I am the devil scene in the desert with Otis

Cece: House- I love Fish Boy. Rejects- probably the end scene.

Kent:  Walton Goggins in the first one, just how it was filmed.  I know that it was a bit controversial, but it really sticks with you.  As for DR, the final shot.  Something about long drawn out deaths seem to work for me.  Plus Freebird kicks ass.

 

  1.  Did you consider House a rip off of Texas Chainsaw Massacre or more of a TCM for a new generation?

Kristi:  I do not consider it a rip off at all. I think Rob did his own thing. He is a fan of all things horror so I think perhaps he had it in his mind but I really think he created this out of his own mind.

Chris:  RZ had no fucking clue what he was doing with House and it shows. He was definitely more coherent in The Devil’s Rejects and it shows. House tried to riff off of TCM amongst other horror movies, and failed miserably

Teddy: I mean that’s like saying the hills have eyes is a TCM inspired film. I feel like they’re their own thing.

Cece: I consider it more of an homage if anything. I love the TCM elements involved!

Kent:  I definitely think it was an hommage.  For fuck’s sake though, the ending was a tad bit of a rip off if we are going to be honest here.  With that being said,I think it inspired people to go back and rewatch TCM and that’s a good thing.

 

  1.  Would you have any interest in a prequel to these films?

Kristi:  Abso-fucking-lutely!!!

Chris:  No. Unless they got someone other than Rob Zombie and Sheri Moon to do them

Teddy: Nah prequels about horror movies never work out. Just listen to the songs plenty of a backstory there.

Cece: Hell yeah!

Kent:  There is a part of me that would love more history behind the family, especially Dr Satan.  But no, I don’t want a prequel.  Prequels almost always require a whole different group of actors because they are younger.  It sets up highly unrealistic expectations from fans, and it simply doesn’t work out nearly as often as it fails.  As much as I would love more from them, this is a case where I want to leave greatness as is without expanding beyond the story told.

 

  1.  Give me your thoughts on Dr Satan in House of 1,000 Corpses.

Kristi:  He is a sadistic fuck. I don’t think there is much more to say.

Chris:  I read in an interview once that Rob Zombie is hard to interview because he is so stoned he doesn’t think or speak coherently. The paper cut I got from the magazine I read that interview in gave me more enjoyment than watching House of 1000 Corpses. Who cares

Teddy: TBH they put soooo much hype around him just for him to barely be in the movie…also where the fuck did he go after House?? Like makes no sense

Cece: DOCTA SATAN!!!! Honestly, kinda cool. I wish they’d go more into his story.

Kent:  All hype with very little substance.  He seemed cool, and I wanted to know way more.  Instead it was the horror version of a cock tease.  The character is one of the biggest issues I have with this film.  All of this hype and you finally get a taste, but it feels so empty when they deliver him.  It saddens me because I wanted it to be cooler.

 

  1.  Who do you “cheer on” by the end of Devil’s Rejects: the cops or the killers?

Kristi:  The killers. Mostly because I wanted to see another sequel.

Chris:  If you feel bad for the killers it might be time to start upping your meds. Also let me know when you’re in Florida so I can hide my family. 

Teddy: The cops, despite Sherry Moon Zombie being hot like they were still fucked up killers, so no pity there.

Cece: Honestly, it’s like the almost make you feel bad for the Firefly family…

Kent:  The killers, obviously.  It’s a simple matter of getting to know their personalities over knowing very little about those officers.  It’s that simple.  If we had gotten to know both equally well, maybe it would be different.  With that being said, I tend to side with the killers in these films anyway, so what can I say?  Plus, by the end, you want another sequel really badly.

 

  1.  Give me a favorite line from one or both films.  They are loaded.  Yes, we all love Tuitu fucking fruiti, so give me another gem.  Captain Spaulding alone has plenty of them.

Kristi: House- Fuck yo Momma, Fuck yo sister, Fuck yo Grandma, but most off all Fuck You!! Lets face it. That entire scene is fantastic!  (This was going to be my answer.)

Devils-I’m gonna have to be taking your car today. See I have some top secret clown business that supersedes any plans that you might have for this here vehicle.

Chris:  “I’m not calling you a chicken fucker, but that boy over there looks sexually frustrated, and I don’t approve of chicken fucking.”

Teddy: “There is no fucking ice cream in your fucking future” and “if you don’t got a reason you hate clowns I will kill your whole family”

Cece: House- Not really a line spoken, but I love Spaulding’s shirt, ‘If I wanted to hear an asshole, I’d fart’
Rejects- ‘The next thing out of your mouth better be some fuckin’ Mark Twain shit…’

Kent:  House – Otis: [ranting to tied up cheerleaders] “Why”, you ask? “Why” is not the question. How? Now, that is a question worth examining. How could I, being born of such, uh… conventional stock, arrive a leader of the rebellion? An escapist from a conformist world, destined to find happiness only in that which cannot be explained? I brought you here for a reason, but unfortunately you and your sentimental minds are doing me no good! My brain is frozen. Locked! I have to break free from this culture of mechanical reproductions and the thick encrustations dying on the surface!

[sees the girls aren’t understanding]

Otis: Oh, Christ. Fuck it!

More quotes are here:  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0251736/trivia?tab=qt&ref_=tt_trv_qu

Devil’s Rejects – Candy: What you lookin’ at?
Otis B. Driftwood: I’m lookin’ at you, mama.
Candy: Yeah, you see something you like?
Otis B. Driftwood: Maybe. I set my standards pretty low, so I’m never disappointed.
Candy: Oh, well I don’t disappoint.

Otis B. Driftwood: You had to come all fuckin’ big stick, walkin’ tall, like a big fuckin’ hero. Got yourself to blame, hero. Look at you now, hero, you’re gonna fuckin’ bleed to death!

Baby: Just in case anyone’s interested, I think I’m gonna be wanting some ice cream in about 10 miles.
Otis: [in a mocking tone] “I think I’m gonna be wanting some ice cream in about 10 miles.”
Baby: Don’t you fucking imitate me, it’s fucking rude!
[mocking]
Baby: “I know what I know and I know I don’t like that nut sack… ”
Otis: Fuck you.
Baby: Fuck you!
Captain J.T. Spaulding: Two fucking seconds for the kid, is that gonna kill you?
Otis: Yes, it is going to kill me! I have calculated the time, and two seconds is the exact amount of time that is a hazard to my fucking health.
Baby: What the fuck is your problem? I’m in and out in two seconds!
Captain J.T. Spaulding: You know? I think I’m gonna get me some tutti fucking fruity.
Baby: Tutti fucking fruity, that sounds good!

More Quotes here:  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0395584/trivia?tab=qt&ref_=tt_trv_qu

 

  1.  Which actress playing Mother Firefly did you prefer: Karen Black in House or Leslie Easterbrook in Devil’s?

Kristi:  Karen Black!

Chris:  Karen Black. She made M.F. crazy instead of just slutty

Teddy: I have no preference, but the lady in devil’s was a hoe lmao

Cece: Karen Black, for sure!

Kent:  Much like everybody else, Karen Black is the preference, but I am left wondering, If you switch what film they were in, would we change our tune?  Was it the actress so much or was it the role that they were given and the story that each had to tell that is the preference?  My guess is that we simply enjoyed teh character more in House than DR.

 

  1.  Would you consider this the high point in Rob Zombie’s film career with these 2 films, or just the beginning?

Kristi:  I have to say yes. I enjoyed Lords- it gave me nightmares so I conclude that it was good. 31 was not as good as I hoped. I did enjoy his renditions of the Halloween flicks. Getting to see more of young Michael and more of the story inside the asylum and his relationship with Dr. Loomis was great but I remember when House came out and I was infatuated with this flick!

Chris:  I remember liking Rob Zombies music. I remember being excited before House came out. I remember seeing it and being like this is the biggest piece of shit I ever payed money to see. I never bothered with the Devil’s Rejects because of this. Talking with Kent about this before I rewatched House I wondered if my opinion would have changed with time. Nope. It still fucking sucks. Between the shitty cinematography, plot, acting, relative lack of gore, lack of a point, etc. it is still pretty much one of the worst movies I have seen. That being said The Devil’s Rejects surprised me. It wasn’t bad. With another director I think it could’ve been great. There was a good soundtrack, characters seem to have developed only one personality, and it had a plot. I have heard mixed reviews about his Halloween’s and almost nothing good about his later efforts. So yes this probably was his hey day

Teddy: I feel like this is his middle ground. Halloween 1 was his peak. Halloween 2 doesn’t exist to me.

Cece: Most definitely. I loved these two films and the first Halloween. Once Halloween 2 came, I stopped really following his movies. I feel like he dropped off.

Kent:  I think DR is great and probably my favorite of his films, but I think Halloween was his pinnacle.  After that, boy did it go downhill.  I am not as hard on Halloween 2 as others are.  I accept it’s many flaws and simply try to enjoy it now, but I understand all the criticisms and didn’t enjoy the film the first time that I saw it in the theater, which was the only one of his films I saw in the theater.  Lords of Salem and 31 were both incredible disappointments and whoever was helping Rob with cinematography and edits and stuff from DR and Halloween 1 must no longer be around.  Simple as that.  Huge drop off.

Bonus Deuce

  1.  Pick a type of horror sub genre that you would like Rob Zombie to make a film out of, like vampires, haunted houses, found footage.

Kristi:  Found footage. He seems to do really well with the gore factor. I’m not a huge fan of found footage movies but if it was more like Roanoke where the camera was steady but still told the story, I would dig it.

Chris:  I pretty much dislike everything he has done, so none. Let him stick to music, where I can appreciate him

Teddy: Tbh I want to see him take on a stephen king novel. Maybe he could take on something like thinner or the stand.

Cece: To be fair, I’d like to see his actual take on a TCM remake. BUT, I’d like to see an almost re-telling of a real life serial killer too.

Kent:  I’d like to see his take on the film The Snowtown Murders, that seems like something that he could handle.  Something cult based could be fun.  I’d also really love to see where he would take a House on Haunted Hill style film and see what crazy shit he could come up with.

 

  1.  Pick a favorite song from these 2 films.

Kristi:  House- Little Piggy by the man himself- Rob Zombie
Devil’s- Rocky Mountain Way- Joe Walsh

Chris:  I never knew Michael Damian’s version of Rock On in the ‘it’s was a remix. So I’ll.go with David Essex’s original, I liked the slowed down beat and the minor key it’s in compared to the one I grew up with. The Devil’s Rejects had a pretty great soundtrack altogether

Teddy: I honestly don’t know any songs from here but I’m a fan of the devil’s rejects and house of 1000 corpses by Zombie himself

Cece: House- I guess I’ll pick ‘Pussy Liquor’ by Zombie and Rejects, ‘Midnight Rider’ by Gregg Allman.

Kent:  Brick House in House, for sure.  Devil’s had way more options for my taste in music.  Midnight Rider, Fuck No. 49, Rocky Mountain Way, and Freebird.  Freebird seems like a given, but I have always been a huge fan of Funk No. 49.  The way that all 4 of those songs were used in the film were incredibly well done.

All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of:

House of 1,000 Corpses

Devil’s Rejects

Please go find a copy and support the creators.

The Wrestling 9 Deuce – March 6 & 7, 2017 – The Ravishing Rick Rude Edition

Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the blog that isn’t looking forward to Wrestlemania, whatsoever, the Wrestling 9 Deuce.  I am joined by Russ and Keri, as is tradition.  This week, WWE announced that Ravishing Rick Rude will be inducted into the Hall Of Fame, by Ricky the Dragon Steamboat nonetheless.  I know that I speak for all of us in acknowledging that this is long overdue and well deserved.  Then we snap back to reality and know that Brock is fighting Goldberg in the main event.  Well, at least they got one thing right this week.  This week’s Are You Not Kentertained podcast is very funny.

Of course, we also did our podcast, Are You Not Kentertained, where we discuss some of these topics and others, plus do our weekly segments.  It’s like a verbal companion to the blog. Please check us out at facebook.com/9deuceblog , on Twitter @official9deuce, or Instagram at Official9Deuce.  Share this, like this, write us an email with a question at wrestling@9deuce.com.  Thank you.

The 9

  1.  Should the Kevin Owens and Chris Jericho stay just a one on one, or would you be open to adding more guys to the feud such as Sami and Joe?

Russ:  As much as I like Joe and Sami I kind of don’t want them in the picture.  KO and Jericho have been building a story for the past 8 or so months that had a huge pay off with the Festival of Friendship.  While I had a better story in my mind than what WWE decided to go with, I still think KO and Jericho should get an emotionally heavy match for the US Championship that is one on one. They will have a great match, one that could steal the show.   However, the way WWE is going these past few weeks I guess we are getting a fatal four way because logic… screw that noise.  

Keri:  Harumph. Just kidding. I don’t mind talking about any of these guys. KO and Jericho is probably going to be one of the matches of the night at Mania. With that being said though, I wouldn’t be mad at Creative if they added in Zayn and Joe as well. That addition just adds an extra layer of awesomeness to a match that is already going to be awesome.

Kent:  I don’t like my answer, but here it is.  I would rather see the best guys get spotlight matches.  I pity any top name stuck in the battle royal.  If that means that Wrestlemania is a clusterfuck of numerous multi-man/woman/team matches, then I am all for it.  We aren’t in the 80’s and 90’s any more.  We want memories made at Mania, so do whatever you can to make things memorable for me.  I don’t want to see Samoa Joe as just a guy in the AtGMBR or a bystander in the HHH and Rollins feud.  Granted, Jericho and KO deserve to have a memorable one on one, but still, I deserve to be entertained.  I feel entitled to it. Also, if Joe can continue racking up count out victories, that would be delightful.  

  1.  Braun wanted Roman, but instead, Taker comes out.  Braun cowers away like a little bitch.  Roman comes out, and him and Taker look at the sign.  What the hell just happened? What does this mean for Braun?

Russ:  Yeah, I’m not sure why they made Braun look like a total punk bitch in this whole thing, but if it leads to him getting mixed into this match I’ll take it.  Roman vs. Taker was something I wanted to see maybe if the streak had never been broken.  It would have had way more impact.  Now, I just don’t give a damn.  So to make the match tolerable add Braun into it.  We already saw that Roman and Braun can put on a decent PPV match.  Add Taker into that and we have something here.  

Keri:  Harumph. Roman doesn’t need the push. Braun, on the other hand, could use a match with Taker and the subsequent push. And to that ladies and gents, I say Harumph!!!!!

Kent:  I am having a hard time getting past Braun being a weak ass, little pussy bitch.  Quite frankly, I have been dwelling on it in anger.  I love that Braun is starting to excel in the ring.  Unfortunately, his talent will be squandered if he stays on RAW and it’s pissing me off.  Add Braun to the match, make him a beast, and this will allow Taker to take plenty of breaks in the match.  Add Big Show too.  Add Kane too.  Add Mark Henry too.  Add James Ellsworth too.

  1.  We had a Triple H-ah interview-ah and a Rollins rehab update. What are your thoughts on both parts of this segment? Should this match even be happening?

Russ:  Given the timetable of everything I feel the WWE’s best option here is to make this a tag match if Rollins is ready to go by WM.  The tag partners are obvious HHH and Joe vs. Sami and Rollins.  This will give Sami and Joe something to do at Mania and it will give Rollins a way to ease back into wrestling.  Rollins vs HHH in a singles match could never live up to expectations now if he goes into it right after an injury so just settle for a tag match and give us the 1 v 1 later.  As for the segments I hardly paid attention to them because RAW is suck.  

Keri:  I’m not going to harumph here too much. However, I do have to say that it’s nice to hear the same old same old coming out of Triple H’s mouth for the second week in a row. Given his involvement with NXT, I wonder if he says to himself before he does a segment like this, “Do I really have to say this crap again? Is this really the best we got?”Also, it was an interesting viewing experience watching Rollins rush back to what will probably be another injury. An injury that will put him back on the shelf for another half year. Does WWE have so little faith in a Triple H-Rollin-less card that they are rushing back a guy that probably should be slowly rehabbing an injury?  And to that I say a half a harumph.

Kent:  The match shouldn’t be happening as a one on one.  Does anybody remember a charismatic fellow who once upon a time was everybody’s darling wrestler.  He was beloved and getting pushed into a huge role.  As his role expanded, his popularity grew.  He had won the crowd, and they would do his chant in unison like the pathetic drones that the fans are.  He climbed the mountain, and then fell and continued tumbling.  His injury was awful.  Here’s the thing, WWE insisted on continuing to have him on screen raising his arms vigorously, doing his YES chant.  The WWE wouldn’t just suck it up and allow him to stay at home and rest and heal.  He finally returned, and 6 months later, he was retired.  Stay classy WWE and then make fun of a former great wrestler for calling you guys out on your shitty medical practices.  Assholes.  Let Rollins get fully healed and have this match headline a PPV.  Wow, how hard was that?

  1.  RAW was kind of garbage, so let’s do some WrestleMania fantasy booking for the next couple of weeks here at the 4 question.  This week:  Book Rusev for WrestleMania:  Only stipulation is your imagination.  

Russ:  That’s the 4th question for you; always taking us in new and better directions.  So Rusev has been disrespected lately on RAW and that needs to change.  He is the Bulgarian Brute and he needs to be respected.  So how do we do this.  For starters we need him in a proper feud.  I have the perfect foil for Rusev and that is Big E.  It is so simple to start this feud.  Handsome Rusev feels that since he is so handsome (so, so handsome!)  he should be the host of WrestleMania.  Of course we already have hosts in the New Day so they will of course take offense to this.  A few segments of talk and then we have Rusev attack one of the New Day, either Kofi or Woods.  Big E takes major offense to this and goes after Rusev during a match.  We then get a 1 v 1 match at the RAW before Mania.  Of course Big E is going to get a cheap win this match to set up Mania.  Mania hits,  New Day is out doing hosting duties.  Rusev of course comes out and causes a ruckus which will finally prompt Big E to finally take Rusev down 1 v 1.  Big E sends the rest of New Day to the back and we get what would be a really great match from two great competitors with some story background.  

Keri:  Let’s see fantasy booking for Rusev. Am I the only one that could totally see him doing a program with Samoa Joe at Mania? I think that could be a great match. Let’s add in a face turn for Handsomer Rusev and I think we may have the makings of a perfect storyline too.

Kent:  I actually thought RAW was well done soooooo, this questions is chock full of epic weak sauce., LOL!  Literally, you couldn’t have asked a dumber question, LOLZ!  WTF is your problem with RAW?  Wut kind of response R U rlly expecting from me?  Yeah, that’s how I feel about this and how Rusev has been booked.  OK, so here is how I would book Rusev.  My understanding is that this year at Wrestlemania, they will give us a second screen experience for just $9.99 extra.  This year before each wrestler’s big entrance, we will see a camera in the Gorilla position, and we will see Rusev with his pants down and places in the stocks, and each wrestler will anally rape Rusev while wearing a WWE shirt.  This will be totally worth the extra $9.99.  I wouldn’t bother booking Rusev at all for Mania.  I would have Braun go on a rampage backstage next week and injure Rusev.  Then give him 3 months off, then have him come back and have a bad ass hoss feud with Braun.  Towards the end of the feud, I want Stephanie to try to break it up and get flung into the big caring arms of Rusev who prevent her from falling  off the entrance ramp.  This will cause a bit of jealousy with Lana.  Rusev starts getting preferential treatment from Steph as he white knights for her.  Eventually HHH gets pissed and then we get a HHH vs Rusev feud at Summerslam.  Christ, this isn’t difficult.  

  1.  Well, it appears that Austin Aries is back as a wrestler, and will be feuding with Neville.  If it remains a 1 on 1 match, would you say that this will be the best match on the card, providing that they get 15 minutes minimum,  or would you take the field?

Russ:  Tough call, with Aries returning he is going to want to have a great match, but on the other hand it would be Cruiser Weight match and the WWE won’t allow it to steal the show.  I’m going to take the field on this one.  There are a few matches that, given proper time, will make for some great matches.  Joe and whoever (maybe Balor?)  Dean vs. Corbin, AJ vs. Shane (not because of Shane.)  Randy vs. Bray all have the potential so I’d rather take my chances with more options.  

Keri:  I would say one of the best. We still have KO vs Jericho; Dean vs. Corbin; whatever Zayn and/or Joe are in; and Bray vs. Randy that all could be possible contenders as well.

Kent:  It will be the match of the night.  Deal with it.  Austin Aries is every bit as good as AJ.  If AJ and Neville were having a match at Mania, would you suggest that would be match of the night?  Yeah?  Exactly.

  1.  Dean and Baron’s rivalry just got significantly amped up.  This is the best blood feud since……?  Well, obviously without the blood.

Russ:  CM Punk and John Cena

Keri:  Matt Hardy and Edge. But didn’t that one have actual blood though?

Kent:  HHH vs Daniel Bryan 3 years ago.

  1.  Will any other females aside from Alexa, Mickie, Nattie, and Becky participate in this Mania match/challenge?

Russ:  I hope that Naomi will be back in time so she can shine in front of her home crowd, she deserves it!  I am also hoping against hope that Eva Marie will show up get on the apron get hurt and be out of competition for another 6 months (seriously, best storyline ever!)  

Keri:  Well, we still have the possibility of an Eva Marie or a healthy Naomi being added to this match. However, recent news has me thinking that it may be someone else though. Asuka has been added to several house shows, including the one at MSG, in the days leading up to Mania. She is supposed to be filling in for Naomi at these shows. I suspect, if Naomi is not healthy by Mania, that Asuka may be making her debut at Mania instead of the Smackdown after Mania. But because I would love that,  it won’t happen which is why we are probably getting Ms. All Red Everything herself, Eva Marie at Mania.

Kent:  The back door has been left open in case Naomi is healthy enough.  We could also get an Eva Marie or Carmella.  Hell, I’ll make it simple though.  Askua loses that weekend to Ember Moon.  Asuka debuts at Mania if Naomi isn’t healthy and walks out as champ.  

  1.  Choose one.  Do you feel that Miz was better on Smackdown or on Talking Smack?

Russ:  This is like asking was the ice cream before dinner better or was the ice cream after dinner better?  Either way I’m getting lots of delicious ice cream!  I’m going to go with better on Talking Smack though.  He was ruthless on Talking Smack (granted having Daniel there really helped.)   and I just loved his last line:  Paraphrasing in 3..2..1  “  See you next week on Talking Smack! It won’t be as good as this week’s because we won’t be on it.”  that was great!  

Keri:  Why not both? Miz, despite the fact that he has  said the same thing that everyone has who has feuded with Cena before has said, has been exceptional on the mic to kick off this feud. We even saw Maryse kinda step up this week. I was dead set against this match in the beginning but Miz is starting to make me Bo-lieve in this match. Good job Miz! Wow, I never thought I would say that about the Miz and he made me say that twice over the past year.

Kent:  He was better on Smackdown this week.  The Talking Smack segment was better, but only because of Daniel Bryan.  Miz on his own accord had a better Smackdown though.  Both high quality stuff though.  Miz should get a world title run this year.  Bray vs Miz could be fun.

  1.  Well, it’s official: Randy is taking on Bray at Mania.  They also did an angle with AJ and Shane backstage.  Did you feel that it was well done or did it feel forced?

http://www.wwe.com/playlist/smackdown-live-exclusives-march-7-2017

Russ:  Super duper forced!  Though AJ and Shane did a great job of trying to not make it seem forced.  I’m still not sure why they went out of the way to make Shane show support for AJ, I get that it was to establish him as the baby face… but why do that?  With AJ and Shane we don’t need babyface vs. heel.  We need a good reason to have this fight.  It would have been better if Shane was indifferent as the boss, because you know he is the boss, and AJ felt disrespected.  Instead it’s good guy Shane vs. Pissed off at the wrong guy AJ.  Not a big fan of that choice.  

Keri:  This is another Why not both? moment. Yes,  you could tell it was staged. But, the emotion was so real, that unless you knew what you were looking for you wouldn’t have noticed it at all. I still don’t care about this feud or it’s potential match though. And to that I say, Harumph!

Kent:  It felt incredibly forced.  I really didn’t like it.  Maybe it’s just because I hate this story and idea that AJ has to fight Shane at Mania.  I don’t know.  I am just not feeling this one.

 

Bonus Deuce

  1.  Did Daniel Bryan just let it be known that he plans on wrestling again in a year and a half, whether it be with WWE or another organization?  Do you think that he should continue to wrestle?

 

Russ:  Wow, I hope so.  Talk about an unfortunate turn of events.  The man should wrestle forever, but we know it won’t happen.  If WWE lets him have 1 match a year for the remainder of his career, I think I’d be very happy with that.  I also believe that he has the itch to start wrestling again, but not until after the baby is born.  I hope he does wrestle again and I hope it is with the WWE.  

Keri:  This is why I really should start watching Talking Smack. I had no idea he said this or why he thought it would be a good idea. I’m going to take what I believe is probably Brie’s and his family’s stance on this one. And that stance is:  Bryan, you are a father and a husband and your health has been compromised enough already. You should not get back in the ring no matter how much you (or the fans) may want to. With that being said, yes, I would love to see him wrestle again but sometimes your health and your family is more important. So, I’m going to say that he should stay retired.

Kent:  He’s gonna do it I feel.  He’s going to burn some bridges.  It’s not going to end well.  I hope that after Brie has the baby, it changes Daniel’s mindset.  Hell, come to a compromise where Daniel gets one last match, preferably against The Miz or AJ.

  1.  RAW was in Chicago, and that led to plenty of CM Punk references.  Tell me your thoughts.

Russ:  I’ll be honest I barely paid much attention on Monday so almost any reference made about CM punk was missed by me.  The only clear one I discovered was the one where Stephanie clearly crushed the audience into submission, which I loved.  Seriously,  it is time to stop the CM punk chants.  He made his decision for better or worse and now the ball is in his court to decide what he wants to do.  Let’s stop interrupting the hard working people in WWE.   

Keri:  I love the Chicago crowd and honestly they were the reason I turned on RAW Monday night. This was after I had said on this very blog that I was done with RAW for the time being. With that being said though, while, yes, the CM Punk chants were adequately timed, I feel that this chant’s time has passed.  I mean what has it been 3 years. Just let it go people. I was (and still am) a big CM Punk fan but I have let it go and accepted that he will probably never return to the company. I have moved on. Fans, I think you should too. Especially since we know he has.

Kent:  HHH is trying to cut a promo, the crowd is chanting CM Punk.  HHH then calls the doctors the “Best in the World” and I started cracking up.  I actually love the HHH and Steph handling the Punk stuff.  It’s  a win win situation because if Punk ever comes back, there will be so much fuel to that fire, that could main event a Mania, well co-main event.  Also, as much as I don’t like Goldberg, I liked how he reacted to the crowd.  That’s the smart way for him to handle it, while somebody like Steph has become a master at shutting down the crowd that it has officially become a thing.  The fans will never let her get in the ring in Chicago without chanting his name, and I think it’s because they want to hear her insult.  That’s a fine love hate relationship.  Just keep it to Chicago, please.  All other cities should keep Punk’s name out of their mouth.  By the way, if WWE had any common sense, they would have reached out to Punk and try to sign him for Mania.  Have HHH come out and say that the doctor will not clear Seth and he is banned from the event.  Then have him and Joe talk about how they have nothing to do Mania weekend, and then Cult of Personality hit.  You can’t tell me that you wouldn’t have marked the fuck out.

Oh, and this is like the perfect metaphor for what WWE has done to Wrestlemania.


All pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are property of WWE and wwe.com.

WWE’s Wasted Potential – An Editorial on Goldberg and Wrestlemania

Somebody get Bad News Barrett because I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news. I made the decision to go with logic, and in the world of the WWE, that’s just pure foolishness. During the Fast Lane Preview on 9 Deuce.com I said: “ I’m not doing it, I’m not saying it.  It’s not happening.  Spoiler alert, Goldberg is not walking away as the champion tonight.  It just makes zero sense moving forward.  The WWE is dumb, but is it this dumb?  Reputation time.  I will go so far as to say this, IF Goldberg leaves tonight as the champion, I will write a 5 page essay about all the dumb things that WWE has done over the past 14 months.  It will be absolutely insulting, and time consuming, but I will do it if WWE is this fucking stupid.  I’ve laid down the gauntlet.  Kevin Owens deserves to be treated better.”

Well, less than 2 days later, I am here to pay the Piper.  I’m pissed off, and this is not going to be appropriate for children, or anybody.  Let the hate flow.

March 28, 2010, there’s a date to really think about.  Why is it significant?  It was the date of Wrestlemania XXVI or 26 for you dumbasses.  This featured the last great Wrestlemania main event.  It featured Shawn Michaels vs The Undertaker in a career vs streak match, and it is one of the 10 best Mania matches.  These guys did everything and delivered.  Since then, 7 years later, we have been treated to such great main events as Miz vs Cena, Rock vs Cena Once in a Lifetime, Rock vs Cena History Repeats itself, Daniel Bryan vs Randy Orton vs Batista, Roman Reigns vs Brock Lesnar, Roman Reigns vs HHH, and now Goldberg vs Brock Lesnar.  Look at those names and matches.  I had to really think on a few to remember some that were less than memorable, and I love wrestling.  There used to be a time when the young guys got to go against the established stars and helped make new stars, especially in the main event.  Who did they help with any of the aforementioned matches?  The Miz had his only world title run overlooked thanks to Rock and Cena.  Punk was champ and couldn’t even main event.  The fans had to protest to get Daniel Bryan in the main event, but by then, his body had simply taken too much abuse and he was already made in the fan’s eyes.  Roman Reigns…..yeah, years later and people still hate him, or at least the character and his push.  Seth Rollins technically benefitted, but he wasn’t even advertised, so I can’t really count that.

April 6, 2014, there’s another date.  My parent’s generation and probably grandparents generation, they knew the date, February 3, 1959.  That was the infamous “The day the music died”, which was a result of a plane crash that took the lives of some incredibly popular talent at the time.  Well, for wrestling fans, April 6, 2014 is the day Wrestlemania died, and it was the dawn of a New Day, yes it was.  Sure, we got to see Hogan, Austin, and Rock all in the ring together, and that was fucking awesome.  Daniel Bryan finally climbed the mountain and was put over by 3 out of 4 members of Evolution.  It was the dawn of a great run, or it was meant to be, but sadly, Daniel would never be the same, and that robbed fans of one of the greatest technical wrestlers alive.  In January of that year, CM Punk had seen the writing on the wall and said fuck it, and he left.  That was the year that Bray Wyatt was going to put his stamp on WWE with his Wyatt Family, and they were due for one of the most “epic” matches ever against The Shield.  But they gave it away in February.  The Shield would go on to face Kane and the New Age Outlaws and Bray would get buried by Cena.  Oh, and one other thing may have happened that night.  The streat, the most prestigious number in wrestling, in my opinion, the holy grail of accomplishment, well it ended.  Well, fans had accepted this as a possibility, knowing that Undertaker would insist on retiring on a loss and putting somebody over, but it wasn’t his time.  More importantly, he didn’t have an opponent that would benefit from such a rub.  Instead, it went to Brock Lesnar, a guy who has quite a few significant claims to fame in the world of wrestling.  He didn’t need this, but they gave it to him.  

The thing is, since that day, WWE has pulled a Curtis Axel, the chains were off.  Nothing was sacred anymore.  The WWE said fuck the fans that got us here.  They said, we will do whatever we can to get a headline every once in awhile to try to a ratings pop for a night or two, and logic be damned, we will scramble to patch it up after we realize how bad the mistake was.  The streak, it’s gone.  Ric Flair’s record, the other holy grail, it’s tied, soon to be broken.  You get sick of Cena, well then, we are going to job him out so hard to Brock that even that harshest of haters wonder why.  We have entered bizarro land.  The bullies are the faces, and the bullied are the bad guys, but we’re supposed to be a star and rise above hate.  We have a guy in Mustafa Ali, and his whole gimmick is that he’s Muslim, but he’s trying to prove to the fans that he is not a terrorist.  Think about how fucked up that is!  Muhammad Hassan says hello, and hopes that no terrorist attack happens on a Monday or Tuesday or else Mustafa will be canned immediately.  

Do you remember how awesome The Nexus was when it formed?  Wade Barrett, Daniel Bryan, Skip Sheffield, Darren Young, Justin Gabriel, David Otunga, Heath Slater, and Michael Tarver.  They were so incredibly over, and they had everything to offer the world.  On June 7, 2010, the Nexus was formed.  2010, we meet again.  They never were allowed to truly get over.  Now when you look at the names, I feel like quoting the great film, A Bronx Tale.  “The saddest thing in life is wasted talent.”  That quote applies not only to the Nexus, but WWE, and Wrestlemania in general.  Heath Slater is the only active wrestler out of those guys on a WWE roster.  Technically Darren is still around, but always injured, and Otunga is a commentator.  Daniel Bryan is the Smackdown GM.  All of that wasted talent.  I suppose that’s the crux of my issue.  So much talent wasted, never being given the rocket push.

Wrestlemania is a great time to make a new star.  You have that, Royal Rumble, Survivor Series, Summerslam, and Money in the Bank.   What event has made the most stars since 2010?  Money in the Bank is the answer.  How fucked up is that?  Mania should always have some old guard vs new blood type of matches to pass the torch.  There are a lot of guys who are nearing the finish line, and are sure fire hall of famers.  So we should keep them built up for Mania and then have them put over the young guys.  It’s not complicated.  Yet, with a combined age of 89, we have Brock vs Goldberg.  

Just look at this shitty shitty card.  Who is going to benefit from these matches?  Brock supposedly does, but he doesn’t ever need this huge of a push because he’s a legitimate bad ass and we know that he is.  Nikki Bella is gonna get a rub before she retires, and giving Cena a win too.  Meanwhile, a guy like the Miz, a guy who should be near the main event at Mania does the shitty job.  The potential Shane vs AJ Styles match, whoever wins doesn’t do them any good.  If AJ wins, well he’s supposed to and he wins nothing.  If he loses, well that would just be fucking stupid.  I’m afraid of that one.  You have Taker vs Roman, at least that’s what we’re led to believe.  Once again, who benefits here?  If it was Taker vs Braun, I’d be cool with Taker putting Braun over if he was so inclined.  By virtue of being in a match with Taker, that would be a big enough rub though.  Roman though, his push can’t get any bigger, so him winning doesn’t help him.  Taker winning doesn’t add much.  It’s a lose lose match.  

Kevin Owens vs Chris Jericho is a great story, and WWE did something right with this one, right up until Jericho broke his promise on keeping the belt on KO.  Why would Jericho help him lose his belt when he could challenge for it in a month?  Logically, I get that he’s your enemy, but you also want what is best for you.  Now, KO doesn’t even act like he gives a fuck about the red belt.  He has a rematch clause, so he should use it, but nah, logic be damned!!!  Jericho’s actions didn’t serve him properly, so it was illogical, and it hurts the feud a bit.  Goldberg vs Brock is actually worse off for having a belt at stake.  KO and Jericho could have really benefitted from it’s inclusion.  Jericho putting over KO as a great champ is important.  Now if KO wins, it just won’t feel as important.  Once again, not how you make a fucking star.

The guys are ready to be made.  They have busted their asses and are ready for the opportunity, but you have to offer the opportunity for them to seize it.  Not only that, but you have to vary who you give the opportunities to.  Last year, AJ, Dean, and KO were given opportunities, and all of them owned it and did great, yet come Mania time, WWE fears that, so bump all of them down the card so we can have part timers and The Shield boys occupy the main matches.  Seth vs HHH works in theory, but imagine how much better it would be if Cesaro or Sami was getting that match against HHH.  Seth is made.  It doesn’t help him or get him more over if he beats HHH.  It’s just a feather in his cap to beat a 47 year old dude.  

So let’s look at an example of something that makes sense.  Dean vs Baron.  Dean is a made man, he can eat a loss here and there if it makes sense, especially to get another guy closer to his level to add more variety.  That’s the way that the Shield Boys should be utilized.  On RAW, they take on HHH and Taker.  On Smackdown, they help make a star.  On RAW the title match is 2 old fucks that bring zero to the table and don’t help long term in any way.  On Smackdown, Bray is about to go against Randy at the very least, with AJ and Luke still in the hunt potentially.  Bray is about to be made by another established guy to make Bray and even bigger star.  Wow, what a concept.  

Every week, we sing the praises of Smackdown because they strive to create new stars, and if a guy puts over too often, they build them up quickly, like Dolph or Miz, and then have them go back to attempt to make a new star, help them climb the ladder.  They don’t utilize 50/50 fucking booking.  No, AJ owned the Cena feud by and large.  AJ owned Dean.  Dean owned Dolph.  Miz and Dolph took turns but it worked.  Bray got over by adding an established guy to his group.  The fun thing was that you can tell that it revitalized, not only Bray, but also Randy and gave new life to Luke.  Luke is now on the verge of being a star.  By the end of the year, if Baron and Luke stay on Smackdown, they will be made men.  I think Apollo could be too.  Then you suddenly have 10 guys that can all be in the title pictures and yet not hurt by dropping down a bit because there are other guys in a similar position, so it doesn’t look like a weak feud.

Think about this one.  John Cena, AJ Styles, Bray Wyatt, Randy Orton, Luke Harper, Baron Corbin, The Miz, Dolph ZIggler, and Dean Ambrose are all on a similar playing field at the moment.  Add a Bobby Roode or Shinsuke, and that makes 10, or maybe they elevate Apollo or Eric Rowan.  But 9 guys is amazing.  You could put any of those 9 guys in a main event title feud, and it wouldn’t feel odd.  Hell, Heath Slater could be in that conversation if they wanted to go that route with  some initiative.  This is why Smackdown is great, plus how the women go, but I’m saving that.  Now look at RAW.  Who can realistically be in a main event feud and feel believable currently, who isn’t a part timer?  Roman, Seth, KO, Y2J and that’s it.  You could make an argument for Sheamus, Cesaro, Sami, Rusev, or Big Show, that that’s the problem.  You have to strain to make an argument, You have Braun and Samoa Joe as wild cards that can go in the main event.  Joe, yes he could feasibly win the belt, but I don’t think Braun can because he’s such a coward.  Finn Balor will return, and that adds a credible name, but he shouldn’t be a threat.  My point is simple, If Roman or Seth is your champ, how many of the singles guys can you actually see getting a championship win?  It’s more staggered and tiered.  That hurts.  Cesaro, Sheamus, Rusev, and Sami all need feuds with the top guys and they need to start getting some wins.  Right now, Samoa Joe is a priority, and rightfully so, but Braun should be too, and that’s tough with 2 big heels.  Joe vs Roman makes a lot of sense.  KO vs Cesaro makes sense.  Seth vs Braun or Sami makes a lot of sense.  Both all of those guys can win, but at least 2 of them need to win the big matches up to Summerslam, and then those guys that you just made can help out 2 other guys.  Seth and Roman are stars, but they need to lose the feuds this year.  They can still win matches, but they should lose the feuds.  The US Title needs to mean something again.  If you want to relegate guys to midcard, then make that midcard vicious and all wanting that US belt.  Make it feel important.

Vince can claim that guys need to reach for the brass rings, but that’s all just bullshit, and I say that with all due respect to Vince and all of the great things that he has done.  It’s a bullshit thing.  You make the argument that you need the part timers to bring in more fans, but you didn’t need that in the Attitude era.  You needed good matches and storylines that the fans didn’t want to miss.  I think Vince is afraid that a Mania with no part timers would be a huge failure, and he’s right.  Consider making new stars, and by next year, no need for Rock, Brock, Goldberg, Hogan, HHH, or any other old timer to boost the show.  Taker has a lifetime pass and he is the exception. Make the youth movement.  You were successful with the Shield Boys, except Roman who needs a change, and The Wyatts.  You know how to make stars, stop being so stubborn.  Having 20 big stars is better than 10.  It makes the shows less grueling during the year.   How fucking hard is this to grasp?  We know that stables work, soooo we need a new stable, or 2.  It’s really quite simple.  I would like to see the guys who have been overlooked to unite and take down the establishment.  How cool would it be to see Sami, Cesaro and Rusev to just come out during a HHH promo and declare war.  Cesaro could expect Sheamus to join him, but Sheamus stays true to HHH.  HHH makes a big deal about KO and Joe having his back, but they decimate HHH, and KO and Sami are on a side.  HHH makes a deal with Roman, Seth, Big Show, Mark Henry, those guys, and just run with it.  WCW tried this with the New Blood vs the Millionaire’s club, and it was smart initially, but needed better booking.  This would be just the thing to get people into RAW again.  You can bring in a Dolph, Miz, Cena, Dean, Randy, any of those guys.  Turn the Shield heel to help HHH because the fans will be booing the shit out of the old school anyway.  This shit could culminate in the new guys having a leader, and it’s Bray.  So HHH and Bray can go at it.  Bray goes over, and then by next year’s Mania, the old times have one last hope, and it’s The Undertaker to take on Bray, and we get the passing of the torch.  There, I just made wrestling great again on RAW.  That was easy, but the fuck heads that get paid thousands of dollars could never come up with such a simple story.  You listen to the fans and I’m telling you, make Roman a beast as a heel that can’t be beat by the young guys.  That could open up all kinds of good and new feuds with new dynamics.

I said that I would talk about the women, but that’s 5 pages for another day.  I got more gripes here.  Yes, the tag teams are a mess, but once again, that’s another 5 pages for another day.  I gotta go back to Goldberg, because it was the absolute wrong call.  I can elaborate why by using history, and WWE is all about history.

One of the things that people have long made fun of WCW for, and usually bring up when discussing the fall of WCW was the David Arquette thing.  WCW failed for a number of reasons, ya know, like not making new stars and being content with the same old shit.  But the David Arquette thing was different.  WCW had used plenty of celebrities in the past.  Some were good to great like Dennis Rodman, Karl Malone, and even Jay Leno.  On the other hand, there was Robocop, Kiss, Master P, and so many other horror stories.  David Arquette was different because they actually had him win the WCW World Championship, the same belt that Ric Flair made famous, that belt.  

Now I am a fan of David Arquette.  I like quite a few of his films.  I blogged about Bone Tomahawk this past October, and he even liked it.  I still hated the idea of putting the belt on him, or any non wrestler.  I hate the idea of the belt going on a part timer even.  Brock and Rock, neither should have held it.  It’s a slap in the face to the guys busting their asses by the bookers, in my opinion.  They did the Arquette thing to get a buzz for Ready To Rumble as well as make headlines in various places that would never talk about pro wrestling.  And it worked!  But did it help in any way?  The ratings didn’t skyrocket.  It was acknowledged as a publicity stunt, appropriately.  It didn’t help anybody get more over, from my perspective, as I felt DDP was already incredibly over.  So with no real benefits, they just wanted to get their name out to a bunch of eyes that still wouldn’t give pro wrestling the time of day.  WWE has made fun of that stuff.  Yet, isn’t that exactly what they  just did with Goldberg?  By the way, if WWE can’t get Bob Barker in to the Hall of Fame this year, I say get David Arquette, that would be awesome.  

At least David was a fan, and I think that he genuinely enjoyed his time.  Goldberg is doing this just to show off for his son and stroke his ego. Goldberg has never been a respected wrestler.  He’s never going to be known as one of the all time greats.  He was a presence.  He is probably a very nice guy, so I don’t say this to demerit Bill Goldberg the human being.  I say this, that looking at things objectively, Goldberg never stuck me as a guy who gave back to the industry like most of the greats.  Look at Jericho and Shawn and now HHH and Randy.  They give back.  I feel that Bill is back for a lot of the wrong reasons, and WWE just encouraged this further by offering him incentives.  This is how you create a monster, this is what WCW did.  Yeah, in a month, he will most likely have dropped the belt to Brock, but the damage is done.  You can say that I am taking this way over the top, and to you, I’d tell you to go fuck yourself.  There are rules and ways to make this thing that we call pro wrestling fun to watch, and occasionally meaningful.  You have an opportunity to make a star, instead, you just keep inflating the egos of 2 well past their prime guys who are no longer great, and in Goldberg’s case, he was never great.  He was cool, he was fun, he was a presence, but he was a shit wrestler and doesn’t deserve the accolades while guys like Cesaro get nothing.  Try to convince me that Goldberg has a better personality or better anything over Cesaro, and try doing it with a straight face.  Same goes for Rusev or Braun.  But yeah, let’s put the belt on a 50 year old part timer and kill all momentum for the biggest show of the year.  

Keep pointing at your stupid fucking signs.  Just remember, WWE, the worst thing in life is wasted potential.

All pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are property of WWE and wwe.com.

Live To Win – February 23, 2017

Yeah, here we fucking go again.  I’m not making any bold claims.  We both know that I will probably give up far quicker than I should because I hate diets and exercising.  I do have a reason as to why I am back to this.

Monday, I went to the doctors, and the news wasn’t great.  My blood sugars are up to a level that require medication, my cholesterol is finally high, my blood pressure is absurd, and my heart beats are more frantic than ever.  So I made a deal with the doc that we;d do a follow up in 3 months, and I would do some blood work 2 weeks prior.  That gives me approximately 10 weeks to drop some weight and get myself heading in a better direction.  I honestly have no idea if I will achieve this or not.  I hope that I do, but I won’t know for 3 months.  In the meantime, I am dieting, exercising, and looking to start some yoga.  Fucking hell.

You know the drill by now.  I give you my exercise playlist, and you pretend that you care.  Deal?

All videos belong to the proper owners, and please support the artist.  Well except for the last one.  That guy is a total dickhead.

Wrestlemania 32 Rewind: Baron Corbin Edition

Sometimes, I enjoy being a big dick with a small penis. Every once in awhile, I take special interest in a particular talent in WWE, or back in the 90’s with ECW or WCW. I’ve been right more often than I have been wrong. I’m proud of this. Sometimes you see somebody so good and you are wondering why they aren’t getting a push yet. Some of my best examples would have to include Batista, Test, Diesel, Steve Austin, Mick Foley, Chris Benoit, Chris Jericho, Eddie Guerrero, Stevie Richards, Raven, Kanyon,New Age Outlaws, Edge, and most recently, I have taken Dean Ambrose and Luke Harper under my watch in WWE and in NXT, I have been patiently waiting for Enzo and Cass to make their way up. I have been wrong before with New Jack, The Ascension, and Scott Norton. Last night, it was my pleasure to see my newest prospect get his time to shine. Obviously, I am talking about Baron Corbin. For most of last year, he improved. He went from a guy who tried to wrestle less than a minute in his matches, to a guy with Rhyno, and then going on his own, and eventually a guy so pissed off, that he blindsided Austin Aries upon his debut. Last night, he entered the Andrea The Giant Battle Royal. Yes, I was the only person in the room excited, and I kept making fun of Raylene as she likes to tell me how horrible Baron is, and I tell her that he is the real deal. Let’s take a few minutes to remember the greatest Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal of all time…..easily.

baron-entrance

They start off with a mass of men coming out before a few guys get their own intros. Initially, we get the Social Outcasts, Jack Swagger, The Ascension, Tatanka, Goldust, R Truth, Tyler Breeze, Darren Young, Fandango, Damien Sandow, and there is Mr. Corbin at the end. Cole even mentioned Baron, but to be honest, I was too busy gloating at the moment, making sure that everybody knew how happy I was. Then we get the solo guys in this order: Mark Henry, Kane, DDP (super happy to see him), Big Show, annnnd Shaq???? The fuck is this?  Needless to say, Shaq and Big Show have their stare down.

Everybody is staring, and then Kane goes and grabs both big guys by the throat, so Shaq and Big Show double chokeslam Kane for his efforts. Then everybody piles into 2 corners, each trying to take down one giant, but both giants ward off the attack. Mark Henry then gets the KO punch from Big Show, and down goes Mark! Everybody is down minus the big boys. Fandango dances for them, so Big Show eliminates hims. Sandow comes in to a huge pop, so Shaq tosses him out. Back to the Hoss fight! All the guys are on the floor just watching. They each grab each other by the throat so everybody slides in and gang up and eliminate both Shaq and Show. It was a cool moment.

I watch Baron most of the time, well him and DDP. Baron does a lot of work with the Social Outcasts, as he has familiarity with Bo and Adam at the very least. Goldust works over him. Baron is probably teh second biggest guy in the ring after Kane, although Konnor and Swagger are both big boys. DDP hits the Diamond Cutter on Viktor and eliminates him. Konnor seeks retribution. Baron is busy with Bo. DDP goes for Diamond Cutter on Konnor and fails, and he eliminates DDP. Shortly after, Konnor is eliminated from behind. Tatanka is now try to get fired up, and that guy has shit for talent, just saying. He is taking on Adam Rose. Tatanka is lining up Rose, but Baron is working on Bo, but just has his arm on Bo, keeping him at bay. Tatanka goes for the hit, but Baron rushes from behind and eliminates Tatanka!!! This is amazing!  Corbin laughs at Tatanka.

Swagger attacks Baron, then gets eliminated by Kane. The Social Outcasts are dominating this at the moment. Truth is getting some offense on Curtis, but then says whats up and is eliminated by Heath and Rose. Now they work on Goldust, and gets eliminated by Bo and Curtis. We are down to the final 8. We have the Social Outcasts, Darren Young, Kane, Tyler, and my man Baron.

so-scared

The outcasts start running around in the ring celebrating until they run into Kane who is now up. Celebration is over boys. They decide to head to the right, but they now find a standing beast named Baron, and they back up some, fearful of the Lone Wolf.  Baron attacks Bo and Rose, while Kane attacks Heath and Curtis.  Curtis eliminated by Kane. Rose is out by Corbin. Kane chokeslams Baron. Ohh shit, Mark Henry rolled back in, I had forgot about him. Heath goes for a top rope splash, but Mark catches him. See ya later Heath. Tyler goes after Mark, and Mark gorilla presses him out  of the ring.

bye-radical-mongoose

We now have a hoss match up between Kane and Mark. We are down to 5 men. Kane gets the upper hand, and Darren helps Kane to eliminate Mark. Darren celebrates and so Kane grabs him by the throat. Bo comes at Kane, so Kane grabs him by the throat and pushes them back to the rope for a double elimination. Baron gets up and eliminates Kane from behind.

Here is your winner……..Baron Corbin!!!!! The crowd is chanting NXT and you can see Baron is pumped beyond belief. What a huge moment. This young man has been a boxer and a pro football player, and has started from the bottom and has risen to win the 3rd ever Andre The Giant Battle Royal.

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Let’s be honest, this was the best part of the whole show. Nothing after this moment was in any way better, even if I may have been a little silly previously, this Mania would go in a downward spiral from this point on.  We don’t know if this is a call up for Baron. I hope it’s not because to be honest, we don’t need another Roman Reigns situation. Baron is very good, and is a nice young prospect, but he needs more seasoning in NXT for another 6-12 months, then slowly move up the rankings in WWE. He doesn’t need to get the jet pack strapped to him. Let him continue to evolve and become a true superstar. This guy has Batista like potential, and that’s saying quite a bit. All I can say is that for one night, and maybe one night only, I was right.

And damn it feels good to be a gangsta. Thug life! 9 Deuce!!!!

I will have a better Wrestlemania review later today, but I had to rejoice in Baron’s monumental victory. Thank you for reading.

All pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are property of WWE and wwe.com.