Here we are, the second biggest PPV of the year for WWE. Back at Barclays, yet again, so expect a solid crowd, so the opposite of Canada. There are 13 matches in total. Why? Who knows, it’s way too much. Expect to be watching well past 11PM folks. We did the best that we could in predictions. After looking at the odds, I can see that my picks will be terrible.
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- The Hardly Boys & Jason Jordan vs The Miztourage
Keri: Since this PPV is going to be, well awful. I’m going to have a little fun with my predictions. As some of you, or maybe all of you, know Southpaw Regional Wrestling returned this week to WWE.com and that was better than anything we are going to see on Summerslam. So, I’m going to change names to their Southpaw counterparts and all my predictions will be with Southpaw characters. And with that said, on with the predictions. This match seems very thrown together. Oh wait it was and that probably explains why it is on the pre-show. I don’t care about Pork Chop Jones and the Hardy’s or Adam Dung and his entourage. So…
Prediction: Tex2Badd comes out and beats up everyone.
Teddy: I’m not sure if I care about this match. Like why the fuck are the Hardy’s teaming up with Jason Jordan? Thought they were feuding with The Club? Why WWE? Well at least it’s preshow and I have the option to not see this dumpster fire.
Prediction: I will watch the defenders instead of this match
Kent: Nope, don’t care. I like some of these performers, actually all of them in their own way, but together, this is just stupid as hell when somebody like Elias, Sami, and Chad can’t get on the card. The smarter move would have been to have a brand versus brand clusterfuck for kickoff shows. Hear me out. Get rid of the Cass match entirely, same with this one.Those matches don’t exist. Move the 205 and SD Tag Team matches to the main card, they both deserve it. The idea is to have 3 matches, and whichever brand wins the most gets to main event Summerslam. Match 1 would be the battle of tag teams that aren’t being used so Hardlys, Gallows & Anderson, and Ginger Rhynos vs Breezedango, The Ascension, and Hype Bros. In match 2 you could have the leftover women, so it would be Emma, Nia, Mickie, Dana, and Alicia vs Carmella, Lana, Tamina, Becky, and Charlotte. The third match would be The Miz, Elias, Jason Jordan, Big Show, Apollo Crews, and Cass vs Sami Zayn, Tye Dillinger, Mike Kenellis, Chad Gable, Luke Harper, and Eric Rowan. Tell me that kick off show wouldn’t be fun as hell to watch for a clusterfuck.
Prediction: The Hardlys and Jason Jordan since Miz can eat a pin here.
- Cruiserweight Championship Match: Akira Tozawa vs Neville
Keri: After Monday’s match, I don’t care. What I do want to see instead is Big Bartholemew vs. The Sea Creature at Lethal Leap Year.
Prediction: The Sea Creature wins.
Teddy: bout time they took the title off Neville, hopefully they don’t give the title back to Neville. Maybe Tozawa can save the increasingly boring crusierweight divison
Prediction: Titus Worldwide will get more hype than the Hype Bros.
Kent: I just saw this match, and while it was good, I am not interested in seeing it again this soon to be perfectly honest. I was looking forward to this prior to Monday.
Prediction: Akira retains because he just won it and the Titus Brand deserves wins
- Smackdown Tag Team Championship Match: New Day vs The Usos
Keri: I like this feud. It’s entertaining and this should be a good match. Probably will end up being match of the pre-show.
Prediction: Voo and Doo win.
Teddy: This is one of the only matches I’m invested in. New day is always good in my eyes, and Usos are getting more and more over. I still don’t see a new day heel flip or them getting the shield treatment, so only other options are to have them get squashed to push over the Usos, or bury the Usos because NEW DAY ROCKS!
Kent: Gosh, the Uso’s are better as champs. New Day don’t need the belts because it only changes a few words of their whole schtick. The Uso’s don’t need the belts either, but they can feud with The Hype Bros and eventually Breezedango down the line. New Day can feud with The Usos and The Ascension. Yikes. Both brands need more tag teams for guys who aren’t being used. Still, this match should be really good so I am looking forward to it.
Prediction: The Usos after Kofi turns heel. I will keep predicting that New Day breaks up until they actually do.
- Smackdown Women’s Championship Match: Naomi vs Natalya
Keri: Don’t care about this match. But maybe this will give us some insight as to who Debbie Desperado’s opponent will be going forward on Southpaw Regional Wrestling.
Prediction: Debbie Desperado wins. Carmella cashes in.
Teddy: I love naomi, but her gimmick is getting stale. I hate Natalya because her gimmick is Charlotte’s gimmick without Rick Flair or Charlotte’s athleticism. Also can she lose the who Sailor Moon hair? It looks terrible on her.
Prediction: Carmella pulls a corbin and flops her cash in. No chin cashes his in and becomes smackdown’s Women’s champion.
Kent: These 2 could be wrestling in the nude and I’m still not sure that I would care. The build has been more about Carmella than Natty. That’s stupid. That’s really piss poor on WWE’s end. Not at all interested.
Prediction: Naomi retains with a Carmella tease that never fully happens. Thanks WWE.
- Big Show vs Big Cass with Enzo in a shark cage
Keri: Please let this be the final chapter. Please. I want this to end so badly. I think this feud has officially jumped the shark, literally.
Prediction: I don’t care enough to assign a Southpaw Reference to this one. But I am routing for an actual shark in this case.
Teddy: Big show isnt too old for the need to retire him. Hopefully Show continues to show (pun intended) Cass’s glass jaw. Also wtf was the club helping Cass again???
Prediction: Big Show will win and forget Enzo in the shark cage
Kent: Why wrestling gods? What did we ever do to you to deserve this awfulness? I don’t care. Enzo will cost Show the match and I don’t care. Please happen during Game of Thrones.
Prediction: Cass wins and the crowd will not care at all.
- RAW Women’s Championship Match: Alexa Bliss vs Sasha Banks
Keri: No Southpaw reference here cuz I actually care about the match. I would like to see these two feud for awhile. So I say
Prediction: Alexa retains. I will always pick Alexa.
Teddy: Bliss is adorable irl but her gimmick is that of a whiney child. Was looking forward to Bayley bodying Alexa finally, but I’m okay with Sasha doing it.
Prediction: Little Miss Bliss, falls off her throne and cries about it.
Kent: This is one of the few matches that I think can actually be match of the night. They may have a bit of real life bad blood, and their styles mix incredibly well. Sasha thrives in Brooklyn and Bliss is legit. The question is how much time will they be afforded, and can they keep the botches to a minimum? I say yes.
Prediction: Alexa wins thanks to Nia’s interference.
- Rusev vs Randy Orton
Keri: There has been a decent build up for this feud. Kinda sorta. Am I looking forward to the match? No.
Prediction: Big Bartholomew wins and gets his farm back.
Teddy: RKO outta nowhere. Rusev being back he needs some sort of win. I love Orton but I feel like he can hold his own and still put rusev over.
Prediction: Rusev Crush.
Kent: Both guys need a win big time. The thing is that I think some matches need to be shortened, so I think this should be one where Randy catches Rusev. Afterward, he can say that he got caught off guard and get a few wins to put him over Randy. Definitely excited for this one.
Prediction: Randy via RKO outta nowhere around the 6-7 minute mark.
- Finn Balor vs Bray Wyatt
Keri: I’m going to break with tradition here because quite frankly WWE has broken me. Am I excited to see this match? Nope saw it Monday. Am I excited to see the Demon? Kinda sorta much more into monsters these days.
Prediction: Wyatt wins and doesn’t job for a change. Oh look I’m all out of Southpaw references.
Teddy: The Demon build up was super predictable. Hopefully they don’t bury Finn because Finn is the future.
Prediction: Sister Abagail gets Coup De Graced back to the pit Randy Orton burned her in.
Kent: I swear that I just saw this match and Bray won cleanly. Oh? That did, in fact happen. Ohhhh, now we’re going to bring in the demon because Bray dumped some acidic red goo on Finn. Well that changes everything, right WWE? I just am not interested in what should have been one of the easiest feuds to build up. This was sooooo easy to build up. Morons! Not very interested, although if Finn does an original Demon outfit, he will have my attention momentarily.
Prediction: Finn wins because getting acid dumped on you means that you get the win back.
- John Cena vs Baron Corbin
Keri: Corbin will beat up Lance Catamaran.
Prediction: Lance Catamaran will still win.
Teddy: Corbin is pissed, but Cena is back in his “I’m gonna be a dick phase”
Prediction: Can Corbin bury Cena finally?
Kent: Nope. PASS
Prediction: Kent drinks heavily
Bonus Deuce Deuce
- RAW Tag Team Championship Match: Sheasaro vs Dean Ambrose & Seth Rollins
Keri: The match has potential and will be fun to watch. But honestly, I want to see Ambrose and Seth get into it beforehand. Ambrose leaves and Rhyno comes out and we get Sheasaro vs. the Butchers.
Prediction: the Butchers win.
Teddy: I’m hoping that Dean/Seth is back for good. However Sheasaro is still my bae. I think it’s too soon for Dean/Seth to win the titles, but I think it’s a future for them.
Prediction: Baesaro gets another win, Dean/Seth charge their spirit bomb a little longer
Kent: This match could be match of the night, but I don’t think it will. I have it as the 4th best on the card, but it is my darkhorse. Everybody in this match can work their ass off. I like every guy in this match. Unfortunately, I think the storyline will ruin what should be a great match by determining which spots they must hit. Dean or Seth are going to need the hot tag and then get screwed over and whatnot.
Prediction: Sheasaro defy the odds due to Dean not being able to hot tag Seth. After the match, Dean turns on Seth. Yup, both tag team titles will have heel turns according to me. Don’t listen to me.
- United States Championship Match: AJ Styles vs Kevin Owens
Keri: I’m looking forward to this match. It’s one of the few on the card that I am. These guys have the potential to put on a match of the night type match.
Prediction: Malibu Al retains and sells KO a car.
Teddy: KO vs Aj is always good to watch, shane being the ref is just icing on the cake. I feel like I cant solidly predict this match because one of two things. 1. Shane will help AJ leading to Shane v Owens or 2. Shane helps Owens turning him Heel since Steph isn’t around to do that job.
Prediction: mind will be blown either way
Kent: Here is the most obvious choice for match of the night if given the time. I think that it’s a trap. It will be very good, but Shane’s involvement will taint it just enough to where it only hits the 7.5 range instead of 8.5. Trust me, this will happen and you will feel like you got cheated out of a great match. I am absolutely looking forward to this match.
Prediction: AJ retains and KO vs Shane becomes a feud.
- Blue Belt Championship Match: Jinder Mahal vs Shinsuke Nakamura
Keri: I’m looking forward to this match. It should be decent to watch.
Prediction: Nakamura wins
Teddy: Nakamura is Hella over and Jinder is getting stale.
Prediction: Nakamura adds some bumps to the Singh brothers. Hopefully Jinder retains and they take their time with Shinsuke.
Kent: I am interested in Shinsuke’s entrance and Jinder’s. I anticipate fuckery by the Sing Bros. I expect Jinder to walk out of the match incredibly sore. The hard part about this is predicting a winner. Let’s face it, prior to the event that I will not speak of, we all thought that there was a decent chance at Baron cashing in his briefcase. With that gone, I say Jinder wins and has a longer run than his gimmick and workrate deserve, if we are comparing him to his 6 closest peers in the upper card. Should Jinder hold the belt over Cena, Randy, AJ, KO, Baron, Shinsuke, Luke, or Sami? No.
Prediction: Jinder remains unhindered and walks away as world champ, but via count out.
- Red Belt Championship Match: Brock Lesnar vs Samoa Joe vs Braun Strowman vs Roman Reigns
Keri: The only match on the card I care about and the one that will leave me the most disappointed in the end. This match will probably nothing more than a glorified brawl but I will probably be awesome.
Prediction: I would love to see Braun win but Brock will probably retain. Sigh.
Teddy: This match is too hype and will probably dissappoint everyone with a reigns win.
Prediction: Reigns wins but Braun isnt done with him.
Kent: I really think that this is going to be match of the night. It has to be the odds on favorite because you can rotate guys in and out of the ring, hit huge spots, really have fun with it. The crowd will be bonkers for this. There is a caveat though. If they stretch out the PPV too long, the crowd may be dead by this point, like at Wrestlemania. With a lesser crowd, the guys may not be able to feed off the energy and emotions. It’s entirely possible. All 4 of these guys know how to be great. I think that they will be given the time to be great. The question is, will you, as a fan, be worn out by the time you see this and hurt how you feel about it?
Prediction: Brock seems like a lock to retain. With that being said, I’m going with Samoa Joe. Please do the right thing and give Joe the opportunity while he is young enough to have the great matches that he is capable of.
Keri: This PPV is going to be a roller coaster for all of us involved. Wait wasn’t that the thing for Mania? It’s going to have its high points and low points and it’s ultimately going to make some of us feel nauseous in the end. I predict I will not make it past the first two hours of this PPV so in the end at least I will get a good night’s sleep out of it. Thanks WWE, I guess?
Teddy: this PPV has the potential to be Good or completely suck ass. Hoping for the first one always but WWE likes to remind me that they dont give a fuck about what fans really want.
Kent: This is going to be a 6+ hours show. I’m very bitter and the penultimte episode of Game of Thrones airs the same night for season 7. Admit it, GoT for that one hour is going to be better than all 6 hours of Summerslam. And that is where we are at as fans sadly. Hey WWE, try to make it up to us as fans. We are sick of the same old boring BS> Give us something memorable. At least NXT delivered.
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