Fast Lane came and went, like a drunk guy watching a Paige video. Russ and Kent do their best to review this night of mediocrity. Over on our podcast, Are You Not Kentertained we discussed this and other topics that may or may not be relevant. Please enjoy.
- Breezedango & Tye Dillinger def American Beta & Mojo
Russ: Amazingly, I actually caught this match. It’s rare that I turn on a PPV before it is actually time for the PPV. I like to fast forward between matches. This match is the other reason I don’t turn on a PPV early. This was bad. I love most the guys in this match, but damn it was boring. The crowd did not care about this match and neither did I. Poor Tye Dillinger he deserves so much more. Rating: 2.5
Kent: Normally I don’t get overly critical of a kickoff match, because….well it’s a kickoff match. But then I saw this fucking travesty. This was the match version of a Charlotte promo. It was ugly. It was a trainwreck. Breezedango looked like they didn’t belong and that breaks my heart. Go watch the dropkicks again. Fuck man. Fandango has on the Konnor diet it appears. Like, what the fuck is happening? Breezedango, get your shit together and look the part if you ever hope to be taken seriously again. Fuck, I hate to see these guy look like shit. Everybody else was adequate to good. I hated this match though.
- Shinsuke Nakamura def Rusev
Russ: This match was a lot of fun. Both guys are way over and this crowd was no exception. I honestly think the crowd really made this match better than it really was. The fact that Rusev has nothing to do for Mania is a damn criminal act. The pacing of the match was well done and brutal. The kicks especially looked devastating. It was obvious that Shinsuke was going to win this match. So I’m glad that they at least let Rusev shine a bit. Rating: 4.9
Kent: This was a great match technically. Yes, the crowd was in it, but even with a shit crowd, this match was a very, very good match.This was a good showcase for both guys. The fact that Russ gave this a 4.9 tells me that he would not rewatch this. Are you shitting me? This was a really good match with lots of good strikes and reversals. This was comparable to last year’s Randy vs Luke match that we all raved about despite knowing Randy was going to win that. I don’t think Russ watched this match, to be honest, so don’t believe his lies. I may just have to call him John G. That is a reference to Memento.
- Randy Orton def Bobby Roode to become the NEW US Champion
Russ: The match itself was ok. I’m very shocked that Jinder didn’t interfere in the match itself, but I guess with what came later in the night in the form of a bludgeoning, it wouldn’t make sense to have the same ending in two matches. I’m ok with Randy winning the belt here as long as the end game here is to have Roode regain it at Mania. It gives Randy the honor of being a grand slam champion, while not having to worry about keeping it for a long time. I just hope that is the end game anyway if not… Well, then they have no faith in Roode. Rating: 4
Kent: This was fine, but it felt like a Goddamn eternity. I was bored throughout and I wanted to like this more. I think it was technically sound, but both guys working as faces when both are dick-ish, it didn’t work for me. Sorry. When Jinder is the highlight of your match, something has gone awry.
- Natalya & Carmella def Becky & Naomi
Russ: I paid attention to this match for all of 10 seconds. 10 seconds I can’t get back. I am happy that they finally let Carmella get a win here, but it was over Becky. Becky is the Luke Harper of the women. Lots of talent completely overlooked. Rating: 2
Kent: I liked this match. Unlike the Rusev match, I can’t make fun of Russ for not liking this. I am a huge fan of Carmella and I love Becky and Naomi as well, so I quite enjoyed this match, believe it or not. Carmella is really improving in the ring and she should get a good run this year, I hope. It’s her time, and I would like her and Becky to have a great feud.
Rating: 5.0 Yeah, I liked it. Deal with it.
- The Usos vs New Day ended in No Contest
Russ: This is tough to rate. On the one hand the match itself was really good, which is to be expected from these two teams. On the other it ended in a no contest, which is frustrating. Still this was the best possible outcome. We have seen these two teams go at it so much this past year that this one ending the way it did doesn’t tarnish anything. Seriously, would either team winning make much of a difference? At least with this ending we have a clear idea what will happen at Mania. The Bludgeoning, Verbal Trademark, was well done. They decimated both teams and I’m glad they finally used those hammers! Rating: 5.8 (a solid full point is added because of “The Bludgeoning”.)
Kent: The match was great for what it was. Which was to be expected. The angle afterward was also great. So I would just rate the entirety of the segment and I thought it was expected, and still well done. I’m no longer finding the Bludgeon Brothers as cheesy as I once did, despite the outfits. Their entrance is really solid. We all know I have long advocated for Luke Harper as my favorite wrestler. Baron is 2nd, and then Rusev and Braun round out my top 4. Then there is AJ, Sami, Bray, and a few others. This was good, I look forward to their match at Mania. I think it may steal the show.
Rating: 6.0 It did exactly what it was supposed to do.
- Charlotte def Ruby Riott to retain her belt
Russ: So, you know how I said that I like to watch PPV’s after they have already started so I can fast forward commercials and crappy matches. Yea, really regretting watching this from the start. Ok, so the match itself wasn’t terrible. If I’m being honest I thought Ruby looked good out there. She had some decent moves, very little in the way of botches and the way she carried herself as a heel was well done. Charlotte, on the other hand, was so… meh. I just can’t get over how bland Girl Natch has become. I don’t know what happened to her since she moved to Smackdown, but she has been boring and uninspiring to watch. She needs to step up her game. She will definitely have to do that soon now that Asuka has chosen her as her next victim. I’m ready for Flair to get buried. Rating: 3
Kent: This week on The Walking Dead, they killed the other Dr Carson. I didn’t see that one coming. So now Carl’s sacrifice is even more important because he provided the community the only doctor that is around. He will be responsible for delivering young Herschel. Eugene got his swagger back as a leader of an outpost to make ammunition. Father Gabriel has lost most of his vision but is being guided by God, and it’s really well done. Meanwhile, Daryl and Tara remain the biggest bitches in the room. Oh, Dwight had to rejoin the Saviors to save the Alexandrians as they finally made it to Hilltop just so we could see Enid absolutely lose her shit upon hearing of Carl’s fate. It got a little dusty in here, no not Dusty Rhodes. Fuck this match by the way. Not going to watch it.
Rating: TWD gets a 6.7 mainly for Eugene and Gabriel. The match will go unrated.
- AJ Styles def John Cena, Baron Corbin, Dolph Ziggler, and kind of def Sami Zayn and KO
Russ: I enjoyed the match. A lot of stories played out here and several of them were done well. Unfortunately, the match was just such a clusterfuck that it was tough to follow at some points. Loved the beginning with Cena AAing 4 guys and then one on one with AJ. I also loved the beat down Cena got after that. Each guy got there time to shine a bit and I liked how they progressed Sami / KO / Shane. Shanes blatant interference was needed to move that story forward (only after spinning its wheels for 2 months.) AJ winning seemed inevitable, but the tease of Cena winning at least put a little doubt in my mind. I’d watch this again. Rating: 6.2
Kent: This match was fine, but I felt underwhelmed. The most compelling aspect of the match is what would happen with Cena. Kudos to WWE for somehow making John Cena one of, if not, the most compelling figure in WWE at this moment. I also loved the KO, Sami, and Shane stuff. It was inevitable. I just wish Daniel had been there. This is even a match that I would rewatch, but foregone conclusion matches struggle too often to offer intrigue. I’m happy that we are getting AJ vs Shinsuke, so I am not shitting on this outcome. This match simply didn’t need to happen.
Rating: 5.5 I don’t think I can go any higher. This may seem too low, but the match wasn’t that exhilarating. Hell, I never even mentioned Baron and Dolph sadly.
- How SHOCKED were you to see Asuka challenge Charlotte?
Russ: I was completely shocked! If by shocked you mean saw it coming a mile away.
Kent: I felt like The Shockmaster did during his debut. That’s how shocked I was.
- What match should we expect KO, Sami, and Shane to be in at Mania?
Russ: Well the theme of Mania seems to be triple threat matches so I would surmise that would be the case here. However, with it being Shane KO and Zayn I just don’t see an ordinary Triple threat match sufficing. There has to be other stipulations we will learn about in the coming weeks. Im hoping for a last man standing type match, but that seems impossible.
Kent: I don’t want a triple threat. I think Shane should have a surprise tag team to represent him against SamiKO, and that would be the Authors of Pain. That would be a great fucking match. They could book that in many intriguing ways. That’s what is most important.
- Best match of the night?
Russ: Gotta go with the Main Event.
Kent: Rusev vs Shinsuke easily
- The Walking Dead match of the night?
Russ: Carmella and Natty vs. Becky and Naomi.
Kent: The Kickoff match had to be worst than the Women’s match….right? I won’t watch it to be certain, I will just make my assumptions.
Russ: This PPV was built terribly and the results were at best mediocre. This felt like such a waste of time and PPV. They need to stop putting PPV’s so close to Mania or do what Kent suggests and make the months between Rumble and Mania 205 or NXT PPV’s. Rating: 4.1
Kent: Can we just get to Mania already. Fuck this mediocrity. Rating: 4.2
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