9 Deuce Horror Presents: A Christmas Horror Story & Krampus

For the holiday season, the 9 Deuce Horror Group wanted to tackle some festive horror films, so we went with these.  I want to thank Kristi, Chris, and Melanie for taking the time to answer these questions.  Next week, we will be discussing the first 2 Home Alone films, ya know, the good ones.  Please enjoy.

The 9

A Christmas Horror Story (2015) – Let’s start by going over each of the 4 stories in this one.  Please give us your thoughts and in the end if you liked it or not.

  1.  The Student Documentary Story

Kristi:  I didn’t care for this storyline. It didn’t really flow with the others. I liked the few jump moments but all in all, I would have like to see more of the Krampus events.

Chris:  Pretty much creepy as fuck if you think about it: ghost possesses chick to rape dudes to have a baby. On the other hand the worst acted story.

Melanie:  I thought it was ok. Over acted, but not horrible. It has been done a lot before.

Kent:  This one didn’t quite fit in with the others thematically, in my opinion. It wasn’t bad, but for this film, it was probably my least favorite.  The first time I saw it, I didn’t enjoy it that much, but upon a second viewing, it did grow on me.  We don’t get enough dudes getting raped in films by chicks, so kudos for them for doing that!  This may actually be the “scariest” of the 4. The girl’s nose ring was terrible and I felt the need to acknowledge this.  I liked that the ghost allowed Molly to leave.  That was better than her getting killed, for story purposes.

 

  1.  Family Getting Their Christmas Tree Story

Kristi:  I enjoyed this. The Changeling was a good added element. That kid was creepy as hell and thought he did a good job. I was a little bummed that their keeper was killed though.

Chris:  Wow. Pretty creepy as well. The changeling idea wasn’t done as well as say, the Hallow, but it did grope mom’s boobs. Like Kristi said the kid did a really good job of being creepy.

Melanie:  This wasn’t too bad as well. Although it had a new twist, it was still predictable.

Kent:  Scott, the father, was probably my favorite character of this.  Of course, he also gets got.  I did feel a big of pity for Big Earl, mainly because he was the fattest guy in the film.  For a short story, they did about as good as they could with the story.  With more time, they could have delved deeped, but that may have also been boring by the end.  It was the right amount of creepy and it fit the vibe better than the first story.  While I thought the mom did good, I would have liked to see how Michonne from TWD would have done in that role.

 

  1.  Krampus Story

Chris:  Probably the best acted of the 4 stories. Definitely the most graphic. Krampus reminded me of someone I might see in one of your wrestling blogs, but otherwise not bad. Also we get a second of Julian Richings, another horror movie mainstay, so kudos.

Melanie:  This wasn’t bad. The church scene was gross.

Kent:  This has Amy Forsythe as Caprice, the daughter.  Amy was the lead star in this past season’s Channel Zero, so in case she looked familiar, there you go.  This is my favorite one.  This was a great combination of good acting, good story, a bloody good time, even a laugh or 2, plus German people!  That church scene…..yeah, I liked it obviously.  

 

  1.  Santa Slays Elves Story

Kristi:  This was my favorite! I love their choice in the way they represented Santa and the elves. It was more realistic and not so holly jolly Santa. The twist at the end was pretty epic. I did not see it coming at all. This made the movie for me.

Chris:  I liked Santa. I liked Mrs. Klaus. I liked the north pole, and the workshop, and the twist. I hated the elves. Annoying as hell. I like my zombies silent. But the dichotomy of people talking like that mixed with Santa is something you don’t see, usually reserved for Billy Bob Thornton. Again the twist at the end was a pretty cool payoff.

Melanie:  I love this! Santa as a whole badass is very cool. Elves as zombies was neat as well.

Kent:  I’m a tad surprised that this hasn’t been it’s own film prior to this.  You can see this as it’s own feature length with some tweaks, but I loved this.  It was the most Kentertaining of the 4 no doubt, and was the smart choice to leave a good taste in the viewer’s mouth.  Super fun stuff that left a big smile on my face.  I was hoping that Santa was pro-wrestler Goldberg, but he already did Santa’s Slay in 2005. The lady who played Marta Clause is Debra McCabe and is really beautiful and was in Saw III.  The end twist was totally worth it and well done.  Also, the dude who played Santa did the voice of Beast in the 90’s FOX animated version of XMen.  I am dropping so much knowledge on you today.

 

  1.  Which character(s) stood out for you?

Kristi:  Santa was my favorite in the film. He is just a badass santa and that pleases me.

Chris:  William Shatner hammed the shit out of it. What that guy will do for a paycheck. But seriously, he was pretty good.

Melanie:  Bad ass Santa was amazeballs, but the ending was crazy and ruined bad ass Santa for me.

Kent:  I really loved Aunt Edda in the Krampus story.  I thought that Molly did good, despite her nose ring.  Also, major props to Jingles the elf.  

 

  1.  Was A Christmas Horror Story better than you anticipated?

Kristi:  Absolutely! It has become one of my favorite Christmas movies.

Chris:  It was but that’s not saying it was high brow entertainment. Looking at the Cover Art would have made me guess a 3~4. It probably turned out to be a 6~7, so solid B movie territory.

Melanie:  It wasn’t horrible. Horror is not my genre, but my stress about Christmas lead me to enjoy it.

Kent:  I still don’t own it, but I will soon.  It’s really one of my favorite recent horror films, especially anthology horror.  This is still better than most of the horror films that hit the theater.

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Krampus (2015) (Kent: It should be noted that Melanie didn’t see this, so she kept answering using the material from the last film, just in case there is any confusion.)

  1.  What was the funniest scene in the film?

Kristi:  When the dog ate the gingerbread man. That definitely made me giggle. I know, you are shocked I picked a dog scene.

Chris:  Maybe it was just me but a lot of the humor in Krampus didn’t land for me. A Christmas Horror Story made me laugh a couple of times. Krampus just seemed full of cliches. I guess when Max is trying to offer himself, and Krampus appears to kill his cousin and the toss him into hell too.

Melanie:  “Elves becoming the walking dead? No that doesn’t make any sense!” -Bad Ass Santa

Kent:  For a film with Adam Scott, David Koechner, and Conchata Ferrell, this was weak on the comedy.  I honestly liked the opening scene of people Christmas shopping.  It worked for me.

 

  1.  Which character(s) stood out for you?

Kristi: Max. I liked that he did what could at the end to try to end things for his family. I really liked the Uncle as well. He grew on me by the end.

Chris:  The monster designs were pretty cool in this one. The Jack in the Box caterpillar eating kids is one I would threaten my kids with.

Melanie:  The elves were pretty stand out ish.

Kent:  Aunt Dorothy would probably be for the real life characters.  Some of the creatures they came up with were very solid though, as Chris alluded to.  Omi also was great.  Once again, showing support for the Germans.

 

  1.  Did you like the ending?

Kristi:  I was hoping for more of a closure. I mean are they going to replay the same day over and over? Are they constantly fighting Krampus? In the beginning of the last scene, it showed him waking up and looking out the window to the neighborhood. Was that an illusion since they apparently live in a snowglobe now? I just have too many questions.

Chris:  Yes. Haha fuck you Max for being so much of a special snowflake you fuck your whole family

Melanie:  No

Kent:  Yeah, I dug it.  Everybody just getting fucked over, yeah I can totally get behind that.  It is part horror, so there’s your horror part.

Bonus Deuce

  1.  Which of these 2 films did you like better?

Kristi:  A Christmas Horror story, no contest. I like Krampus but it does drag a little bit.

Chris:  A Christmas Horror Story was more inventive, Krampus has better design and budget

Melanie:  I did not see Krampus, so I can’t accurately make an assessment.

Kent:  Mark it a sweep for A Christmas Horror Story.  I love well done anthology films, and this was especially well done.  It had more to love.  Still, major props for how beautifully filmed Krampus was, and that they took a chance on that story.  It did pay off, but did have it’s lulls.

 

  1.  Give me some names of some other Christmas time or themed horror films that you would like to see reviewed in the future, like next year.

Kristi:  Gremlins would be my choice. I really haven’t seen too many other Christmas horror flix.

Chris:  Gremlins of course. Let the Right One in Takes Place during the holidays. My wife suggested the Visit, but I don’t really remember much actual Christmas stuff in the background. I have heard that w foreign movies, Rare Exports and Sint might be good.

Melanie:  I would agree with Gremlins as I haven’t seen a lot of other horror movies.

Kent:  Santa’s Slay, Silent Night Deadly Night, Black Christmas (1976 not the trashy 2006 bullshit), Jack Frost 1 & 2 (“He’s chilling and killing), The Children is a creepy ass movie that is adequate, and I have heard good things about Better Watch Out, which has Patrick Warburton and Virginia Madsen (Candyman).  Gremlins goes without saying and will be on the list for next year.

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Please check us out at the actual 9 Deuce website, on Facebook at facebook.com/9deuceblog , on Twitter @official9deuce, or Instagram at Official9Deuce.  Share this, like this, write us an email with a question at kent@9deuce.com.  Thank you.

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A Christmas Horror Story

Krampus

Please go find a copy and support the creators.  Currently, A Christmas Horror Story can be found on NetFlix while Krampus is on HBO streaming apps.

Mum & Dad (2008)

I saw this years ago while playing Borderlands 2, I think shortly after it came out, so 2012.  I remember liking it but I never watched it ever again.  I remember a girl gets abducted and it’s a fucked up little film.  Will the main girl make her escape sort of deal.  I’m going to go more in depth and with spoilers moving forward.  If you just want my final thoughts and rating.

 

SPOILERS

We meet Lena and Bridie, and they are cleaning bathrooms.  Birdie seems to be the nicer, more outgoing type, while Lena is the new worker.  We meet Birdie’s brother, Elbie and everybody works at an airport.  We learn that Elbie doesn’t like to talk, Birdie likes to steal, and she has lots of cuts on her arms.  Lena is living on her own for the time being.  At the end of the work day, Birdie lost her phone and asked Lena to hold onto her stolen shit, which causes Lena to miss the bus.  So Lena is going home with Birdie and Elbie.  You can see where this is going.  They get to the house and Birdie goes off to do something, Lena just wants to get going, and Elbie is still not interested in talking.  Lena wanders a bit, gets hit on the head and injected.  And there you go.  From there, it’s pretty much what you would expect.

Lena wakes up and hears screaming.  The door opens and there Dad all bloody and we see a woman on the floor who may be dead or badly beaten.  There’s Mum as well.  Mum explains that Lena lives with them now and that they need to calm Dad down.  Lena’s injection made it so that she can’t talk.  She gets put out again by another injection.  Lena wakes up and she is restrained standing up and Mum is touching Lena’s belly and put a big spike/needle through the right side of her belly.  Geez.  ELbie is jerking off and Dad catches him.  Mum is carving angel wings in Lena’s back.  Birdie stops by to check in and now Dad wants to see her.  Dad has his back to them and is bare ass and jerking off when they enter.  He just cum inside some piece of meat or organ, and he’s still covered in blood.  He lays down the law with her.  In the bedroom, her wrists are restrained together and is locked to like a pulley system.  It’s quite interesting to say the least.  She is a bloody mess though.  

In the morning, Birdie and Elbie wash Lena’s back and damn, that looks fucking terrible.  At the breakfast table, porn is playing, Birdie is using the mirror that she stole from Lena.  Along comes Dad who gets some sugar from Birdie.  Elbie makes a mess bringing in some meat, and Lena thinks it’s a good time to make a break for it.  Yeah, bad idea.  Birdie shows Lena the ropes of sorting through the stuff that they steal from the airport.  It’s actually a pretty intricate system, but I feel like the whole “family’s” wardrobe is in Birdie’s bedroom. Elbie has the shittiest jobs it seems like.  Lena may be thinking that she can get Elbie on her side with some advances, but Birdie says it’s unlikely.  

The next morning at the breakfast table, Mum suspects that Birdie is holding out on what she’s stealing and Lena snages some money from birdie’s pocket, and Dad is PISSED.  Mum is please with Angel (Lena).  Birdie has a temper tantrum in her room and yells at Elbie a ton.  Lena gives Mum a nice foot rub and got her to go to sleep and wants the same treatment.  Dad is so over the top, but he’s funny.  Dad likes the attention and Lena is trying to play him, but he calls her out on it.  By the way, they show airplanes flying a ton as transitional shots.  Like 8 times so far.  

Mum wakes up Lena and Lena reveals that her voice is coming back.  Mum wants to inject her to rid her of her voice, but Lena is trying to prevent that.  Mum decides to give Angel a go without the injection.  Mum wants to get back work on her skin cutting design on Angel.  Lena finds a phone while sorting through things, but Birdie set her up and Mum is pissed when she makes the discovery.  Angel gets her injection and is knocked out.  While doing laundry, Lena notices a window and and Dad is outside talking with a man.  She can’t scream for help but throws something to get the guy’s attention.  That didn’t help, so dad is superfly pissed and has Elbie put her inside a suitcase.  Now Dad wants to mallet.  He pounds on that suitcase like 10 times before changing the scene, but now Elbie has to as well, but the other guy has come inside the house, so he gets an injection from Mum for his troubles.  Elbie just went to fucking town on Lena with the mallet, like 20 hits.  Damn!  They finally take her out of the suitcase, and we see that the guy is there, dead and decapitated.  Dad insists that Lena kisses the decapitated head.  Dad is choking her, but Mum stops him and tells him that Lena is hers.  

Lots of scenes at the dinner table.  Dad has found some boxes of new jeans at work.  Birdie tells Mum that there are new girls at work.  Lena is partially crippled at this point.  Mum tells Angle that she really has to behave because the next time Mum can’t save her.  Lena is attached to the heating radiator.  More fucking planes.  Lena has now been able to slip her hand out of the restraints.  Time to go snooping.  Oh boy.She checks out various rooms, but finds Mum and Dad’s room.  She sees Elbie and Dad bringing a wrapped up body inside it appears.  She goes into another room where a girl is restrained and sleep and the is awful.  She sees all the cuts and scars.  The girl wakes up saying Mommy and Daddy, but then has like a seizure.  She bails and finds a dude on the ground restrained and Lena has to leave him, but not before grabbing a screwdriver I believe.  Elbie snuck a sandwich in to her at night.

It’s now Christmas, and wow, this is just fucked.  There are dead bodies hanging on the wall, there was some wang.  Mum and Dad are dancing.  This is really fucking weird, but cool.  I do love the festive music.  Lena gets restrained to the couch and she bites Dad.  It’s funny in it’s own way.  Elbie is gifted a bunch of porno mags.  The bodies are still alive.  Fucking hell, well at least some of them.  The girl with the seizures is apparently Mum and Dad’s real daughter, and she is crippled in some capacity, has to be fed mush.  Dad talks a lot of shit to Lena.  Mum and Dad get into an argument and it is funny in how over the top Dad is especially.  The fucking decorative crowns also crack me up.  Dad gives Mum a piece of jewelry that he got from the other dude, and Mum offers him something that she whispers while looking at Lena.  Lena also is given a new dress.  Birdie and Elbie bring her upstairs and restrain her to the bed.  Birdie says that Lena doesn’t have much time remaining. Dad comes in and lifts his shirt, shows her what he has for her.  HAHA, this fucking guy.   Lena stabs the shit out of him with the screwdriver.  Mum gets stabbed, next up is Birdie.  Birdie gets it good but puts up a hell of a fight, but gets an iron to the face.  Elbie shows up and just looks on.  Mum and Dad are trying to make their way out to stop her.  It’s still quite a walk to the highway.  Elbie kills the legitimate daughter.  Mum stabs Lena in the shoulder with a knife so Lena goes to town on Mum.  Both Mum and Dad appear to be dead.  Lots of planes, Lena lets out a scream/cry.

End Film

 

Final Thoughts – I really enjoyed how they did the credits.  Far too many films get lazy with their credits and you can have fun with them more often than not.  So this is a really well done film I feel and doesn’t get enough credit in the horror world.  This is a different take on the abduction and torture genre.  I loved the crazy parents and how they had imposed their will on the kids.  Like, we have seen films that cover a lot of these subjects, but I don’t think combined in this type of manner.  The writing was clever at times.  A lot of things made sense.  I wish we could have explored Birdie’s past a bit more.  Did she just come from such a broken home that this seemed to make sense, or did she just have the highest survivability skills of the group?  Either way, this is a film that I would like to see on blu ray someday so I can add it to the collection.  

Rating: 6.3 More good than bad.  Some holes here and there, but that’s okay with me because I didn’t expect much.  Well worth a watch.

Please check us out at the actual 9 Deuce website, on Facebook at facebook.com/9deuceblog , on Twitter @official9deuce, or Instagram at Official9Deuce.  Share this, like this, write us an email with a question at kent@9deuce.com.  Thank you.

For the month of October, if you see this logo, click on it to go see the updated list of my 100 Horror Movies In October Marathon.

 

 

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Please go find a copy and support the creators.

Eraserhead (1977)

This movie is on so many lists that I have looked at for years and years.  I don’t know why I never bothered to sit down and just watch it.  Well today is the day.  It’s directed by David Lynch.  If that doesn’t sell you, perhaps Twight and Fast and the Furious are more your speed.  No pun intended because I would have said something like Speed Racer or just Speed, so see, not intended.  I have no idea what to expect from this 40 year old film, but I am excited and cautiously optimistic.  This is the dude that gave us Mulholland Dr, one of the best films I’ve ever seen.  As always, I will be posting spoilers as I watch, but you can skip to the final paragraph to get my final thoughts as well as a rating.  

SPOILERS

 

This is a black and white film, but that shouldn’t stop anybody who actually cares about film.  The fuck am I seeing?  Well here’s a gallery because I don’t have words.

End Film

 

Final Thoughts – How the hell am I supposed to write something competent after seeing it for the first time?  This seems like a film that requires multiple viewings to truly be appreciated.  Not a film to watch with a headache, as I just did.  I think it would be really awesome to see on the big screen.  It’s a weird, weird ass film, which is fine.  Just a lot to really take in.  If you want to see something absolutely unique, this is a fine thing to try.  If you want easy to follow narrative, this isn’t really for you.  I would watch this again I think, but I want to be feeling good the next time.

Rating: 5.0 because I simply am not 100% that I will revisit this, but if I do, it’s probably around the mid 6 range.

All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of:

Please go find a copy and support the creators.

For the month of October, if you see this logo, click on it to go see the updated list of my 100 Horror Movies In October Marathon.

 

Please check us out at the actual 9 Deuce website, on Facebook at facebook.com/9deuceblog , on Twitter @official9deuce, or Instagram at Official9Deuce.  Share this, like this, write us an email with a question at kent@9deuce.com.  Thank you.

Bordello of Blood (1996)

Tales From The Crypt released Demon Knight in 1995 and it was quite a  success, it was a really fucking good movie, so they immediately pounced to do a second one.  Alas, I think most people would agree that they either chose the wrong project or they rushed it.  Looking on IMDB, it didn’t even make back half of it’s budget, and maybe it did after video sales, but the fact remains, this film flopped.  It stars Dennis Miller, Angie Everhart, Chris Sarandon, Corey Feldman, Erika Eleniak, Phil Fondacaro, and even William Sadler briefly.  Not great, but a capable cast.  Another complaint that I want to air immediately is how Demon Knight had a great song on it’s soundtrack that got lots of radio play in Hey Man Nice Shot by Filter.  This one goes uses All Right Now and Ballroom Blitz, so that didn’t help promote the film one damn bit.  Things like that make a difference.  On with the show, and so I will have my spoilers and then my final thoughts and rating at the end.

Please check us out at the actual 9 Deuce website, on Facebook at facebook.com/9deuceblog , on Twitter @official9deuce, or Instagram at Official9Deuce.  Share this, like this, write us an email with a question at kent@9deuce.com.  Thank you.

For the month of October, if you see this logo, click on it to go see the updated list of my 100 Horror Movies In October Marathon.

 

 

 

SPOILERS

 

We start off with Phil Fondacaro, the awesome midget/little person that we have seen in Seinfeld so frequently.  He’s on an expedition in Tierra del Fuego which is in Argentina, as I just learned.  They find an ancient tomb.  It’s the tomb of Lilith, and she is the most horrible woman the world has ever known, and Phil has her heart which is in 4 separate chambers.  He allows the heart to reconnect, and it’s beating.  This is beyond silly already.  He puts the heart in her, and it stops beating.  So he tells the guys to wrap her up, but now there is blood and through the power of terrible 90’s special effects, we see her come back to life.  She’s a vampire and she is attacking Phil’s entourage.  She goes to attack Phil, but he has the key from Demon Knight, and that keeps him safe.  Lilith is played by Angie.  We then see that this is actually a story told to the Cryptkeeper by the Mummy, who is William Sadler.  They wasted half of their talented actors on the first ten minutes of this film.  They play a game, Mummy wins and he chops off Cryptkeeper’s hand, which is a callback to the TV Series.  Now it’s time for the real film.  

Katherine Verdoux (Erika) and Caleb (Corey) are brother and sister.  She seems normal, minus the religious stuff, while Caleb is a go nowhere type of guy.  At the bar, Caleb and his 3 friends decide that they want to get laid, so this weird guy tells them of a place to go get their fuck on.  The address brings them to a funeral home, which is obviously a bordello.  McCutcheon answers the door and takes Caleb and his one buddy, Reggie, and tells him to get in this big ass coffin, they don’t want to, but McCutcheon has a gun, so that’s the way it is.  It appears that they are going to be burned alive, but it’s a trip straight to a pair of delicious titties.  So many titties.  Tallulah is the black chick and she takes Caleb’s buddy, but Lilith joins in and well he’s dead via tongue extending down his throat and causes his heart to explode out of his chest.  Caleb’s chick is Patrice, and she has a third nipple.  Lilith pays a visit, and scene change.  It all goes downhill from here.

Katherine reports her brother missing, and the cops won’t do anything, but Rafe Dennis Miller) is there to help.  Reverend Current is played by Sarandon, and he is so over the top, it’s pretty fucking funny to be honest.  Huh, Phil has another role in this.  Good for him.  McCutcheon likes to play with this bigger dead ladies tits.  He is a creepy fuck, and he does it incredibly well.  Jenkins is the name of the guy that gives out the address and talks about getting fucked.  That dude is probably the best part of this, aside from the mass amount of tits.  Ohhhh man, the “Two, Four, Six, Eight, You can watch me masturbate” while Angie is dressed as a cheerleader scene.  I’m not gonna lie, as a 16 year old without internet porn, I very much enjoyed that scene.  The officer’s name is Noonan, hopefully a shout out to Tom Noonan, who was in Monster Squad.  

So at about the halfway mark here, let me catch you up to speed.  Phil, who’s character’s name is Vincent is still alive and still has the key but he is working for Lilith and JC, yes those are Reverend’s initials.  Clever, right?  So Rafe is doing investigating, and he’s a down on his luck guy who is kind of a joke, his wife divorced him, got all of his money, he’s basically a Steven Weber type character and I’m surprised they didn’t just cast Steven Weber in this particular role.  So he checks out the whorehouse, locks up a girl and accidentally leaves his wallet.  Lilith tastes his blood as the chick had some bloody residue on her fingers, and he apparently has some rare blood.  She hasn’t had this blood since Ivan the Terrible.  Katherine works for JC, she wants to believe Rafe.  They go to the cops with the nose ring that Rafe found at the bordello.  They check things out, but there’s no evidence of anything wrong currently.  Also Katherine saw Rafe with Lilith and her taint is no longer tingling for him.  JC is apparently the #2 guy in charge.  Katherine wants to make a documentary about lust and Vincent stole the key back.  Lilith wants to expand her business into the local strip club, and the key has been destroyed by Vincent for whatever reason.  There is no videotape and photo evidence that they are dealing with invisible people…or vampires.

Caleb calls Katherine, and her and Rafe find him, but he’s a vampire now, and his performance is so fucking over the top.  Good ole Feldman.  The whole scene is terrible.  Katherine is captured by McCutcheon, Vince, and Caleb, while Rafe is put in cuffs by Noonan.  Rafe kills a vampire nurse, and Whoopie Goldberg appears as a patient in a bed briefly.  Rafe drives a car through the front door of the bordello, and McCutcheon and Vincent are taken out.  JC and Rafe join forces to kill the titties, I mean whores, with a super soaker and Ballroom Blitz playing.  This is some of the most 90’s film that you will ever see.  JC goes to free Katherine, but it’s really Lilith, and she stabs him, so Rafe hits her with a battle axe.  Solid.  Rafe finds Katherine, unties her, and they check on JC who is on the verge of death.  So they are gonna go live at the TV studio and crazy shit is happening.  The producer, Jonas is killed, Rafe gets handcuffed to scaffolding, and Lilith attacks Katherine.  Rafe starts the laser up and yeah, I forgot to mention the laser show with the devil, but yeah, it’s there and getting used.  It lasers a cross in Lilith’s back, which isn’t enough to take her out.  Oh, her prosthetics are so badly done.  Katherine removes Lilith’s heart, calls her a heartless bitch, we get some slow-mo for no real reason.  The 90’s, am I right?  Now Katherine and Rafe are all close and lovey dovey.  We then see the vampire bite marks on Katherine’s thighs as she kills Rafe.  By the way, if you didn’t see that coming after Rafe quickly checked her neck for bites, well consider yourself an amateur.

End Film

 

Final Thoughts – This movie has aged really badly.  The pro’s are that tits will always be fun to look at, and the Cryptkeeper is timeless.  Oh, and Corey Feldman may or may not fully know what he’s doing, but you can’t take your eyes off of him.  The con’s are plentiful, from the terrible special effects, to the characters, to the very lousy story. Dennis Miller was fine, but Steven Weber would have been better.  Angie, she tried, and this was a good role for her.  I’m not sure if anybody could have really done the role much better when put into context, but I would have loved to see Kathy Ireland try it.  This film simply lacked the charm that the TV show and Demon Knight and all of the old 70’s films had.  I haven’t seen Ritual yet, so this may not be the worst of the group.  With that being said, I have seen this film far too many times thanks to adolescence.  Boobs are boobs.

Rating: 5.3 because I have seen it so many times, and I do enjoy a few of the characters and scenes.  It’s guilty pleasure material at best though.

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Nosferatu (1922)

This is the first of this month’s #100HorrorMoviesInOctober.  Keep checking back as I shall be updating daily this month.  Any time you see this logo, you can click it and it will bring you to the website where we are keeping track of all 100 films.

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I am ashamed of this, but I have never seen this film.  This is one of the OG’s or horror, so I was very excited to start this year off right by watching an all time classic.  I know that it’s a silent film, and I am cool with that.  I’m mostly excited about the imagery to be honest.  It’s awesome to see what was once the top of the food chain.  This is film that has been referenced countless times, including in American Horror Story Hotel and Are You Afraid of the Dark.  I will be blogging as I watch, so I am labeling that as spoilers.  If you wish to just skip that, the last paragraph will be my final thoughts and my rating.  Please enjoy.

 

SPOILERS

So  this begins in 1838.  The writing is in German I believe, so that could make this a tad difficult.  Oh, hello English subtitles, come to Big Poppa.  So there is a Hutter and his wife, Ellen, and they have a cat and live in Wisbourg, Germany.  These are not handsome people.  Knock, is a property agent who pays his people well and has a lot of rumors swirling about him.  Count Orlok wants to buy a house in their nice town, so Knock wants Hutter to take care of it.  Knock’s eyebrows are something to behold.  Knock wants him to offer Orlok the house across the street from his, and Hutter is cool with traveling to the land of spectres and thieves, and Ellen seems worried.  Oh, and utter has to travel to meet Orlok at his castle….in Transylvania….dun dun dun!!!   Hutter has Ellen stay with shipowner Harding and his sister because Ellen is overly concerned.  Man, Harding is a dapper looking gent.  

Hutter shows up in town at a tavern and wants food quickly so he can get to Orlok’s castle, and the room goes quiet.  The great looking barkeep warns him of not going out tonight due to a werewolf.  In his room, Hutter finds some literature on Nosferatu, the vampire.  The guys taking Hutter on the horses and carriage refuse to go anyplace beyond the pass.  They are scurred.  This dude dressed very uniquely under a cloak and whatnot, comes and gives him a ride and directs Hutter to the right area.  Even the horses got all dressed up.  How nice.  He arrives and Orlok is pissed at how long he had been waiting.  So ends Act I.

Hutter cuts himself while slicing off a piece f bread and Orlok has a raging clue.  Orlok explains that he goes to bed around sunrise.  Hutter wakes up with 2 tiny marks on his neck and a table full of good eats.Now it is Hutter with the raging clue.  Hutter writes Ellen about mosquitos and the bite marks.  Hutter is showing Orlok some paperwork and a locket or some picture of Ellen falls on the table, so Orlok is all about complimenting her lovely neck.  Now he will buy the house.  He’s got a neck fetish apparently.  By the way, the clock at Orlok’s is fucking amazing.  Hutter checks on Orlok and is creeped out after reading that book again, but there’s no easy way out.  Ellen is out and about sleepwalking on a balcony.  Ellen is having nightmares about Hutter.  Hutter got a note from the doctor about Ellen’s condition, so he wanted to leave at sunrise as he wasn’t doing too well himself.  Hutter finds Orlok in the basement or crypt, sleeping in a coffin.  He witnesses Orlok get some coffins on a wagon and the horse tow them away with him inside of one.  It was cool looking.  The cargo gets on a cool raft.  Hutter tries to leave.  End of Act II.

Some farmers brought Hutter in to a doctor and he had a fever and is freaked out by coffins.  The coffins end up on the Empusa ship and are to be taken to Wisbourg, and it is 6 coffins filled with dirt.  They inspect a coffin and there’s dirt and rats.  The rats attack.  We see Professor Bulwer teaching students about carnivorous plants and we see a venus flytrap trap a fly. Knock has apparently lost his shit and is infected and ravenous.  Ellen hung out on the beach a lot and seems to be mopey, but gets hype when she gets Hutter’s letter.  We find out that there is a plague going around at the very least.  Now a sailor has fallen ill.  He wakes up and sees a vision of Orlok it appears. All but the captain and a shipmate fell ill during their voyage.  The shipmate has had enough as he brings a hatchet with him and tells the captain that he is going below deck for ten minutes.  He hacks open one coffin and out come the rats, but then Orlok rose out of his in a great scene.  Loved it!  Well the dude is spooked and he jumped ship, and the captain pissed and ties himself to the wheel.  Orlok goes after the captain.  End of Act III.

Hutter is making his way back home.  Knock can sense that his master is near as the ship lands in the harbor.  Orlok rises from the bottom or the boat, looking creepy and hilarious.  Knock attaches a guard.  Ohhhh, vampires can only draw their shadow power from the accursed earth that they were buried in.  I never knew that.  Hutter finds Ellen, they embrace as Orlok is bringing his coffin around with him.  It’s a tad ridiculous, but great.  The town people check out the ship and find the bleeding captain.  So there was a record stating a captain, shipmate, and 5 sailors, and they are all gone minus dead captain.  Reading the captain’s notes give them an idea of the crew going nuts.  The Professor says there’s a risk of plague and for everyone to go home.  A drummer plays in the street and everybody opens their windows and he reads out his proclamation.  Oh, they even said proclamation.  Basically, they don’t want people traveling or wandering the streets in order to keep this plague under control.  End Act IV.

A guy is going door to door to check for people who are alive and marking doors where there are dead ones.  Hutter told Ellen not to touch the book, so naturally she has to read it like a jackass.  Women….am I right?  “Take heede that his shadow not ember thee like an incubus with gruesome dreams.  Wherefore no other salvation is possible, but that a maiden wholly without sin maketh the Vampyre forget the first crow of the cock.  Would that she give freely of her blood.”  So there you have it.  She points across the street and sees Orlok just looking out his window staring at them and Hutter is a sad panda.  Harding’s woman appears sick. Ellen watches as a line of men are carrying coffins.  Knock is running around town like a fucking maniac and the whole town is giving chase.  He ends up on a roof so people start pelting him with stones.  He climbs down the other side and flees.  This whole scene is solid.  The people attack a scarecrow as they can’t seem to find Knock who is hiding in a field.  Ellen wakes up, grabs hr tit and is in a trance of sorts as she looks over to Orlok.  I’m pretty sure Orlok just did the moves to Thriller.  Ellen asks Hutter to fetch Bulwer, so he goes a running, and then she gets up to look across the way, but no Orlok  His shadow comes up the stairs and he reaches for the handle.  That was great.  She is clutching her tit in terror.  The shadow grabs her tit and she loses consciousness.  Hutter wakes up Bulwer and Orlok is biting.  Knock has been captured.  The cock has crowed while Orlok is feasting, and he looks so disappointed.  Knock yells for his master.  Ellen’s plan has seemingly worked and Orlok stand up, grabs his tit in dismay as he sees the sun coming up and he disappears, and Knock knows his master is dead.  So sad, terrible day for him.  Ellen wakes up and yells for Hutter who comes a running.  That’s all this guy does in the final act, and she collapses.  Bulwer appears to be crying.  The great death has come to an end.    End Act V.

End Film

Final Thoughts – It was very interesting to say the least.  The music was really good and kept you interested.  The acting was, well it was what you would expect from this era.  Some over the top because they had to convey things without speaking.  Some of it was a little hokey, but it worked.  Max Schreck was really great in his role as Orlok, and Hutter and the captain were both pretty solid.  I didn’t really care for Ellen, and I kinda want to blame it on the actress.  I don’t think she was very good to be honest.  I think Harding’s woman would have been better suited for the role.  We’re 5 years away from this film turning 100 years old.  Think about that.  That’s crazy, but cool.  I would recommend this film.  Let’s face it, you know the era, you know it’s silent, so you know whether or not you can handle this or not.  Some people will be bored to tears and put off by it.  The thing is, you know what you are getting into with this and if you sit through it, I feel you will have enjoyed the experience quite a bit.

Rating: 7.0 I don’t even feel that it’s fair for me to rate this film because the criteria is so different.  For it’s time, it’s a fucking masterpiece and worthy of a higher number.  By today’s standards, it’s very cheesy at times.  So no matter what rating I give, I can argue for it to be higher or lower depending on criteria.  Just watch it.  It’s free on YouTube.

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2017’s #100HorrorMoviesInOctober Begins Today

Today I go down a 31 day journey where I watch 100 Horror Movies while I try to maintain a somewhat normal schedule in regards to my blogs, podcasts, and eating.  Speaking of food, expect a lot of food references in my blogs.  Right now, I am eating a bagel sandwich with ham, swiss, salami, and bacon.  I cannot unhinge my jaw wide enough to take a legit full bite.  I am proud.  Also, I have my trusty Monster cereals: Count Chocula, Boo Berry, and Franken Berry.

Now, let’s talk about what a lot of you came here to find out.  What films am I blogging about this year?  While the list is ever changing, I can give you some confirmations.  This year, we lost 2 horror greats in George Romero and Tobe Hooper, so I will be tackling the “of the Dead” film franchise as well as the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise.  But wait, there’s more!  My 9 Deuce Horror Group will be doing 6 large group discussions this month on topics such as IT, Halloween, Trick ‘r Treat, The Monster Squad and more.  I plan on going back in time and tackling some of the classic films from the Universal Monster era, the Hitchcock era, some British Anthologies, and some Asian horror.  If you have been following me from the beginning, there has been one franchise that I have yet to touch upon.  This coming Friday is the 6th, which makes the next one the 13th.  You’re welcome.

After much consideration, and a lot of great suggestions from friends and well wishers….and possibly mortal enemies, I can now inform you that this year, I am kicking off this marathon of macabre with one of the OG’s of horror cinema, and a film that I have never watched.  I’m referring to none other than Nosferatu.  I encourage you to bookmark this page as it will be updated daily.

100 Horror Movies in October 2017

On top of that, if you visit any of my other blogs this month and see this logo, click it and it will bring you to that site as well.

#60 A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)

Not a live running blog, trying to give y’all a break.

Starts right off with an amazing song, Nightmare, by Tuesday Knight, yes that’s her real name, and she replaces Patricia Arquette as Kristin. Really, this song kicks ass. The soundtrack is super expensive sadly. Kristin is in a nightmare, pulls Joey and Kinkaid in. Hooray for continuity!! Joey now talks, that’s nifty. Kinkaid is still Kinkaid. They tell that bitch to be cool, the boiler pipes are cool. Kristin just won’t let shit be.

Poor Kinkaid is victim #1 after appearing in the junkyard, and his dog pisses fire and like re-invigorates Freddy. Well that’s how you attempt to get the audience anti-Freddy. Kinkaid put up a solid fight, dropped a car on top of him. Alas, it was his time to go. Next up, Joey is having a dream in his waterbed. This super hot blond chick, because blond chicks are hot, she’s all nude and looking hot and rises up in the waterbed. Anyway, he gets pulled under, similar to Glen’s death in Part 1. Well Kristin KNOWS she’s next. Kristin gets got but prior to getting thrown into the flames, she accidentally pulls Alice into the dream. Now Freddy has a new group to go after.

So a few things to note. Alice and Rick are siblings, and Rick is/was dating Kristin. Rick tries teaching Alice some kung fu shit. Rick also trained to an amazing song, Anything, Anything by Dramarama. You should look it up.

Black girl gets got by Freddy while in class, he sucks the breathe out of her. It was a medicore kill to be honest, the least impressive of the movie I think sadly. Alice’s panties get moist when she sees this Dan guy who is a jock guy. dan and Rick are talking about the validity of Freddy being responsible for these deaths.

Rick is next. He’s taking a shit, 6 cheerleaders along with Alice come into the bathroom stall. He then sees Kristin, she is then burned up. Rick then goes down in an elevator. Then he ends up in a dojo and Freddy is invisible and beats the fuck out of Rick. Rick then gets penisy, lands a few lucky shots and then Freddy gets him with the glove. That whole thing just played out like they threw darts at a wall, but it was still entertaining. Gotta love this dumb shit.

Alice is now inspired by Rick’s death and she starts using his nun chucks like he was Michealangelo. Now she is really working them and we get these awesome from behind the back shots and the hair is clearly a different color and pretty sure it was a dude. I LOVE THIS NONSENSE!!!

I like the use of really random side characters in this one. A lot of them are fairly creepy.

Debbie is working out, lifting some weights, Alice knows Debbie is gonna get got. During this scene, Alice and Dan play out the same scene repeatedly. Of course Debbie picks up the barbell and Freddy is right there pushing down on the weights. this snaps her arms off and she slowly devolves into a cockroach. Freddy eventually squeezes her to death in the Roach Motel. One of those all time classic kills in my opnion.

Dan and Alice get into an accident trying to run over Freddy. Dan got pretty fucked up. Alice has a plan though of course. She gets into ripped jeans and pops her collar and puts on a bunch of shit to look more bad ass. It works.

The ending was just so dumb, not even writing about it. God was the shit dumb. I forgot how dumb it really was. Just a travesty. Overall, movie gets a 7.9.

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The 9 Deuce Horror Blog Presents The Invitation and We Are Still Here Discussion

In our effort to explore lesser known films that didn’t get big budget film releases, we will be doing 2 of these a month.  No theme whatsoever.  They are simply lesser known but quality horror films.  I have Teddy, Cece, Dom, Chris, and Kristi all here to help me out.

You can find us at the actual 9 Deuce website OR please check us out at facebook.com/9deuceblog , on Twitter @official9deuce, or Instagram at Official9Deuce or Tumblr @ http://superkent92.tumblr.com/.  Share this, like this, write us an email with a question at kent@9deuce.com.  Thank you.

  1.  In the Invitation, what was the significance of Will hitting and then killing the dog, if there was one?

Teddy: just a crazy happenstance

Cece: I mean, it could have been a bad omen for the entire rest of what happens in the movie.

Dom:Wrong place, wrong time…..Death can happen anywhere, anytime

Chris: It sets the unsettling tone at the beginning. Juxtaposes randomness with brutality as well. Sets up the whole putting those in pain out of their misery later on as well

Kent:  This is a film about doing things that you don’t really want to have to do, not in the way of the Saw franchise, but in a slightly more realistic approach.  The dog, the video, the staying at the party, being someplace that’s essentially on lockdown, Claire not wanting to play the game (insert HHH’s music), and even Will just coming back to that house.

 

  1.  Who was your favorite character in The Invitation and why?

Cece: Will. He was the only one keen on all the fucked up shit.

Dom: Will/Eden.   Will was the “sane” one in the situation.  Eden was all kinds of fucked up.  I felt most of the other characters, aside from David, were kinda throw away or filler.

Chris: Kira. Imagine being invited to your boyfriend’s ex’s house for a party, where you aren’t part of any of the memories or nostalgia being displayed. You don’t really know anyone, aren’t in on the inside jokes, your boyfriends is being all sorts of weird and moody and non-committal, and then his ex and her psychos try to kill you. What a shitty date night

Kent:  Ben and Pruitt are my favorites because Ben is a joking dude who likes to drink, very relatable.  Pruitt holds some power and yet is calm and quiet for such a large chunk of the film, and then he unleashes his story about Margaret.  Major props to Eden and Sadie as well.

 

  1.  How deep did you get into the film before you were 100% convinced that Will was right?

Teddy: the cult video. Shit always go down with cults in horror movies

Cece: I knew he was right from the beginning.

Dom: When they got to the party.  It all had that creepy no good vibe.

Chris: Pretty much Choi’s voice message, although they then do a good job of making it seem like a red herring

Kent:  Well, here’s the thing.  I also had seen They Look Like People on NetFlix which has a similar vibe of reality versus what’s just in someone’s head.  With that being said, how highly rated this was, I figured as soon as he killed the dog that something bad was going to happen.  Therein lies the big differences between the 2 films, violence started one out, the other didn’t.  Sometimes it is as simple as that.

 

  1.  What is your interpretation of what was happening at the end of the film in regards to the rest of the neighborhood/city?

Teddy: mass suicide like what happened in real life

Cece: Assuming the whole community was a mass suicide.

Dom: Mass cult suicide/take over

Chris: A lot of fucked up cult people murdered the shit out of their family and friends because they couldn’t deal with their grief

Kent:  I hate to say this, but I don’t know.  I refuse to believe that so many households were all into this cult.  I know that is the implication, but for such a reasonably told story, this last bit is too much of a leap of faith, in my opinion.  So my theory is it was day 7 of a lot of people having watched the Ring video.

 

  1.  Who was your favorite character in We Are Still Here and why?

Dom: The house or the demons?  The house or the demons?  Can’t say.  But on a side note I do love when a filmmaker is able to take a place and make it it’s own character.  (i.e: The Overlook in the Shining, the Bates house in Psycho)   Those paces become the silent talkers.  They say nothing but speak volumes.

Kristi:  The fiery demons because they are fiery freaking demons!

Chris:  The Dagmars. You start out thinking this fucked up family is going to be evil-haunting and murdering people who move into their house, and then find out that they are enslaved to some kind of “entity” living under where they built their house and are forced to do its bidding.

Kent:  This isn’t fair to the rest of the cast, but Larry Fessenden is one of my favorite actors, so Jacob is the answer.  Still, I love Paul and Dave as well.  Jacob being possessed was too great to not rank #1 though for me.

 

  1.  Did We Are Still Here remind you of any other films that you have seen?  If so, which one(s)?

Dom:  I think of House,  the Shining, The Evil Dead, Children of the Corn.  This movie makes me think of Evil dwellings or a collective or killers/murderers. Of course both these films we’ve watched and are now doing a questionnaire on, have the same idea.  They each have a group of people (Cultists/Towns folk) who are trying to sacrifice others for their own gains/purpose.

Kristi: Evil Dead is the only one that comes to mind. The part where the chick is driving off, thinking she escaped then Bam! Fiery demon.

Chris: To go along with what Dom said, add in Black Death ,The Wickerman, and Cabin in the Woods. Trying to sacrifice others so that you may live, prosper, etc

Kent:  Wicker Man, the original with Christopher Lee and not that Nic Cage pile of shit, is the first to come to mind.  The House of the Devil, which is a phenomenal film that came out in the past decade or so.  Children of the Corn is an obvious one.  The Pact 1 & 2, The Others, The Shining, and so many more.  Let’s keep going.  The Sacrament, Last Shift, The Legend of Hell House, House on Haunted Hill (both), and I’ll stop.

 

  1.  What was your favorite aspect of the film?  Was it the creepiness, the history of the house, the townsfolk, or something else?

Dom: All of it.  I enjoyed the slow reveal of the whole thing.  And the demons were kinda cool looking too.

Kristi: The history of the house.

Chris: The way the movie accelerated. Slow, slow, slow, slow, nightmare, youth murders, possession, all hell breaks loose

Kent:  The history of the house and especially how they showed so many cool things at the end was like 92 cherries on top.  The slow burn was the selling point and just how well they did it where you didn’t mind the slow burn.  Some slow moving films bore you.

 

  1.  If you could change one thing in We Are Still Here, what would it be?

Dom: The location of the tree in the front yard.  Bothers me sooooo much!!!!  (Hahaha, that was an unexpected response.)

Kristi:  It started off entirely too slow for me. I actually ended up fast forwarding through some of it.

Chris: I like ambiguous endings, but I also like knowing. When she says her son’s name at the end, I want to know what she sees that would make her think her son was anywhere near that place

Kent:  If I could have summed up the first 10 minutes in 2 minutes, I would have been okay with that.  

 

  1.  Which movie did you prefer between the two?

Dom:  Can’t say.  Both were good and bad in their own ways.  Pace, characters, story…Special effects, gore…

Kristi: We are Still Here. I didn’t care for The Invitation at all. Made it halfway through until I decided to turn it off.

Chris: 2 Different examples of two very different types of horror both came out in 2015 and show that horror isn’t dead. We are Still Here might edge the Invitation for me, only because I can’t fight ghosts, and I am pretty sure I could out shoot most cultists

Kent:  We Are Still Here gets the edge for me, but very narrowly.  I felt the pacing of We Are Still Here is more appealing, and the payoff may be as well.  I still am freaked out by cult stories, and both served that in certain ways.

 

Bonus Deuce

  1.  John Carroll Lynch is a pretty awesome actor.  He’s known for playing Drew Carey’s brother on the Drew Carey show, Eastman who is the guy who trained Morgan on the Walking Dead, Twisty the Clown in American Horror Story, and John Wayne Gacy in American Horror Story.  He’s also been in Shutter Island, Zodiac, Gran Torino, and a bunch of other stuff.  What is your favorite role of his?  Also, he will be starring in season 2 of Channel Zero, which is a pretty awesome show.

Teddy: I would say it’s a tie between John Wayne Gacy and Drew Carey’s brother

Dom: Drew Carey’s brother

Kristi:  I love Twisty but I really enjoyed the Morgan episode so I have to go with Eastman.

Chris: Zodiac. He was in one of the really good scenes. Underrated movie IMO

Kent:  Eastman was probably my favorite character of his.  He did such a wonderful job for an episode that was long and yet one of the most memorable, due to his and Lennie James’ performance.

 

  1.  Would you like to see Larry Fessenden play the role of Jack in a remake of The Shining?  I’m not asking if you want to see a remake, but if they were going to do it, would he fit the role?

Dom:  No.

Kristi:  Nope.

Chris: There is one facial still where he looks like Jack in The Shining,but no

Kent:  I don’t know who you people are.  Of course!  Boooooooo the rest of you. BOOOOO!!

 

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For the Invitation

For We Are Still Here

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#376 A Christmas Horror Story (2015)

This is a horror anthology film, with William Shatner as a radio talk show type of guy who keeps the segments moving.

william-shatner

Let me break down the stories a bit for you.  First, we have a story about these 3 high school kids going to this school to film about a homicide that happened there last year. Well the girl is possessed or some such nonsense and kills both boys. It wasn’t that good.

Secondly, we have a couple who take their son out to cut down a Christmas tree, but they trespass, and he runs off, and they get him back home. He’s not acting himself though. This actually was probably my second favorite, I really enjoyed the boy.

Third, a story about a family who have to fend off Krampus with a bit of a twist at the end and this is almost as good as the second story, so no complaints.

Finally, there’s a story about Santa fighting off zombie elves. The ending is absolutely worth it. I loved this one.

Rating – 6.2 There wasn’t anything absolutely awful. The first story was mediocre or else this may have actually scored higher. This really surprised me.

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#368 Deathgasm (2015)

This is either going to be great or terrible. No middle ground, right?

This is an Aussie horror comedy. We have the loner guy, Brodie, who has to live with his uncle because his mom gave Santa a blowjob. Fantastic. Brodie ends up hanging out with 2 nerds, Giles and Dion, and has the hots for Medina, who is currently with Brodie’s cousin, David. David and Terry are the bullies, and they are dicks. Brodie is into metal, and ends up becoming friends with Zakk, and they go on a mission to find Rikki Daggers, who was this infamous front man for an epic metal group. They find him, he gives them the Black hymn before Aeon’s henchmen can kill him. The Black hymn causes people to turn into demons, and there’s an epic battle. Medina is lied to about Brodie’s interest in her, but they have their thing going on. You get the picture.

There were a lot of scenes that had me laughing. Dion and Giles were hilarious as was Terry. On top of that, if you enjoy metal, this is something that you can simply have fun with and not put much thought into it. Aussie films are really impressing me as of late.

Rating – 6.9 I really have zero complaints with this film. Go watch it if you like to laugh, you like metal, and you like horror.

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