#144 Children of the Corn: The Gathering (part 4) (1996) Review

We are back to those crazy kids in their corn. This sequel was filmed a year after Urban Harvest (Part 3) and that was a treat, so hopefully this will be too.

This movie actually has 2 stars, how the hell did that happen? Naomi Watts, I love that lady, so much as well as Karen Black from house of 1000 Corpses (Mother Firefly). We hopefully are in for a good time.

So of the important things, Naomi Watts, although attractive here, really got more beautiful over the next decade plus.

I don’t think I have ever seen this one, but so far, it’s been dull and not much cohesion.  The story here is that Grace (Naomi Watts) has come back home because her mom June (Karen Black) is having mental issues, going a little crazy.

Grace has 2 younger siblings, Margaret and James. Apparently she has a black chick friend, Sandra. Sandra’s dad and brother are in this Grace and Sandra help out at a doctor’s office. The doctor is an awesome old dude. You just know he is going to die at some point. A bunch of the town’s kids are all experiencing fevers. Oh and here is the bad ass kid who will be our leader of the children I am sure. These kids are running temps over 105, and they are convulsing because evil kid is somehow fucking with their dreams or something. This is nonsense at it’s finest. It all culminated in a girl screaming, and the kids are in ice baths, and the fevers are dropping. How does a movie with such talent have such a bad story?

Looking through the cast list, there’s a character without a last name, named Josiah. I’m taking a giant leap of faith and guessing that he is the evil kid. Ugh, so sick of these bugs in these movies. I don’t think they existed in part 1 or part 2. Hell I can’t recall. It’s still stupid as hell. Uh oh, black did named Marcus is now evil, and mommy just got it. The cops think daddy did it, and he’s trying to explain to the cops that his boy ain’t right. The boy just casually climbs over a fence, and into the cornfield. The cop is following. I fully anticipate some cornstalks roughing him up. Let’s see how this plays out. I was wrong. Marcus distracted him and another kid killed the cop.

This movie is so uninteresting. I tried to care, I genuinely tried, but this was borderline unwatchable. I hated this, I gave up midway and it was on, but my mind wasn’t functioning. I am giving it a 2. How did a movie with those 2 stars end up soooo bad? I can’t recommend this to anybody. The story with the kids was way too off the wall, even by CotC standards. I’m not even going to make fun of it. I just want to move on. If you want a good Naomi Watts movie, go watch The Ring. If you want a good Karen Black film, go watch House of 1,000 Corpses. Enough said.

The Quest for Breasts Total

53 Bare breasts

All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of:

Please go find a copy and support the creators.

#50 The Ring (2002)

I am doing this blog live stream of thought goodness. This may be weird, I have had a long hard emotionally draining day. So without further adieu, I bring to you what I consider one of the 3 scariest movies ever!!!

SO we start off with these 2 strumpets, teens I guess. I wouldn’t fuck them without an ID. They wouldn’t fuck me unless they were desperate and dying, and still, eh I doubt it. And here we go. Have you heard of this tape that causes you to die. Instantly get right into the folklore. No dicking around. So many movies could learn from this. Uh oh, strumpet 1 saw the tape last week. Strumpet 2 cares about 1 being in a cabin with her bf. Stupid bitches. Strumpet 1 pretends to choke, bait and switch. Back to sex talk and a pillow fight. They know their audience. And then the phone rings. We have a case of uh oh. Reality is sinking in. #2 decides shes gonna be a bad ass and answer the phone. She hands the phone to #1, and it is her mom. 2 Bait and switches already. They learned a lot from Scream I feel. The TV is now on in the living room, and it is all static. Needless to say, she think #2 is fucking with her. Turns the TV off. Walks a few steps away, TV comes back on. Now #1 is fucking panic scurred. She turns around, back to the kitchen, and the fridge door is now open. She knows she is fucked. She hears a noise upstairs. She goes up and there is a lot of water coming out from under a door, presumably the bathroom. Nope, bedroom. Zoom shot to the tape of the ring, some high pitch noise, and we are led to believe something bad just happened. Fantastic start.

Now we have the lovely Naomi Watts at her kid’s school. She was late getting there. Teacher wants to talk. Obviously the kid is acting weird because thats what happens in movies. We find out the girl that died was Aiden’s cousin, and Aiden is Naomi Watt’s son. Her character is named Rachel. Here we go, the kid has some messed up drawings. The mom dismisses the concern. The cousin died 3 days ago. Aiden drew these pics a week ago. Dunh dunh dunh.

The kid is starting to really dwell on death. Katie, the cousin, told Aiden she was gonna die, she was running out of time. This kid is already creepy. And Naomi Watts in her undies…fantastic. Something about a hot blond chick in black undies. OK so now we are at the funeral or wake. I am eating chicken wing pizza, and the chunks are too big and the sauce is unevenly distributed so you have random pockets of heat instead of consistency. Very sad by this. Rachel’s sister isn’t bad looking either, considering she’s been crying. The sister is asking Rachel to investigate more about this death, and noted Katie’s face when she was found, and she looked royally fucked up. Another good shot. Rachel is asking Katie’s friends some questions, seeing if she did drugs, but then this dude says it’s all about the tape. And now we find out Josh is dead, the dude Katie was boinking in the cabin. The plot thickens, like a tasty gravy, or Peter North after getting sucked off.

This is gonna be a long ass blog. Aiden entered somebody’s room, possibly Katies, yup it is Katies, and he saw some weird visual distortion, think like the Predator, then he was staring at the TV, and Rachel came in, and is now snooping through Katie’s shit. Katie liked to draw over hot chick’s faces. Oh, there’s a slip for one hour photos, so that’s where we are heading next. Lots of typical dumb pics, and now we have a distorted facial pic. All 4 kids, their faces were blurred and looked fucked up. Rachel is reading up on Josh’s death. Now seeing other kids same age, same lime of death. Coincidence? Rachel’s boss is giving her shit, so she tells him that she is working on a juicy story, she put him in his place.

21 minutes in and I have written this much. Fucking A. Rachel goes to the cabin place, and some dude is trying a card trick. He failed at guessing her card, he is entertaining. Apparently the kids complained about the TV. The cabin has VCR’s and a small selection of VHS tapes. Rachel snags a tape and puts it in her purse, and the guy tries guessing the card again. Anyways, Rachel is off to investigate. There’s the tree. The tree is important, but you already knew that. But if you already knew that, why are you reading this drivel? And now Rachel is watching the Taps. We see a bunch of unique visuals, the well, water, the chair, the lady in the mirror, the tree, fly, maggots, water, centipede, sheep, fire, the ladder, dude in upstairs window, more water, and lady jumping, ladder falling, there’s the well, and static. And now, as Europe would say, Its the final countdown. And the phone rings, some weird voice is on the other end. Rachel, you dumbass, now you did it.

Day 1, Thursday, Rachel is obsessed with tape, Aiden heads to school. Rachel is trying to get some expertise about the distorted picture, and come to fine out, now her face gets distorted on camera. This guy is like an AV expert. Rachel doesn’t want him seeing the tape. Needless to say, he watches the tape. Rachel is out on a balcony peering into other apartment’s windows, being a creeper. The AV dude is named Noah, that’s a solid name. And the phone rings. Rachel is being demanding of him, typical fucking woman haha, and asks him to figure out who made the tape. She then deleted the message on the answering machine before playing it. Sneaky move. She’s obsessing over this video. She is watching the video in super slow, and is concerned with the fly.

Day 2, Friday. The numbers on the tape are all fucked up, and Noah can’t make sense of what the video source was. She thought she saw a picture and why trying to look at it, they stretched the tape like a moron. Stupid Rachel. Noah’s sister comes up and Noah was gonna show her the tape, but Rachel takes the tape. SHe just bitched out Noah, and riding down the elevator. My god the typos are gonna be bad. Rachel is outside, and she sees a ladder. Some dude comes up to her and says to watch out due to bad luck.

Day 3, Saturday. Now we are in a nursing home/hospital setting. The girl is girl #2, Becca, from the beginning. Looks like bitch has gone insane. Rachel is trying to get info about the tape. Becca is forewarning her about 4 days. It was creepy, it was good. Now Rachel is at an editing studio and getting screen shots from the tape, and figured out the imagine she was looking for was that of a lighthouse. She also picked off the fly that was on the tape, but it came to life sorta, and then she had a nosebleed. Kind of creepy, kind of.

Day 4, Sunday. Rachel is researching this lighthouse, She somehow miraculously finds it fast. Oh, she now knows the name of the lady doing her hair, it is Anna Morgan. Rachel is better than the Hardly boys. Now there is some story about horses drowning and sure enough Anna is involved. Anna Morgan was in some mental hospital, and then she died. Curiouser and curiouser.

Day 5, Monday. Noah was in a grocery store. Rachel comes home to the babysitter, boring. Rachel calls somebody to babysit Aiden for 2 days, Rosie I think it was. Rachel takes a drink and pulls out this long ass cord with like an EKG thing attached. Rachel has some dream that she got grabbed, woke up and there’s the hand print. So Freddy Kruger shit right there. Rachel finds Aiden in the living room watching the tape, and it just finished. Rachel is flipping out. Noah just called, he buys her jibber jabber.

Day 6, Tuesday. Just realizing Noah is Aiden’s father…..yup, I am a moron. Noah and Aiden are having some heart to heart and Noah is saying that he makes a bad father. Noah doesn’t want anybody to replace him as Aiden’s dad, and Aiden says that is a conundrum, a word her recently learned. Rachel and Noah are talking about how before you die, you see the ring….foreshadowing, not to be confused with foreskin or foregone conclusions. And Noah gave her a pic that Aiden drew. Now she is on a ferry boat, and I am pumped. She saw a horse, and it flips the fuck out. It breaks out, stomps on a car. The horse then runs around scaring everybody and then it hauls ass charging Rachel. It jumps at her, she ducks, and it jumps off the boat, and then everybody waits as the horse gets shredded up by the boat propellers. Noah is now trying to get records from the hospital, so he breaks in. Back to Rachel, she at a house, teh horse ranch, also the house where you see the guy standing in the window in the tape. Business is about to pick up. That horse scene was solid, i enjoyed it. She approaches Mr. Morgan, she wants to talk with him and he offers to talk to her. They are making small talk about horses. Rachel is being weird and he is catching on. She shows him that she has the tape, and he is disturbed by this. Was hoping it was the only copy, but it wasn’t. He doesn’t wanna see the tape. Mr Morgan may be the best character of the whole film, acting like a creepy bad ass but won’t give out info. Noah is finally finding horspital records, just came across some Japanese writing, and the nose bleed begins. Rachel is asking Aiden about the drawings, and he says that the little girl helps him. This prompted concern. Now Rachel is visiting the island doctor. She is explaining to the doctor that her and her son are seeing shit and it is due to the daughter. The doctor said she hasn’t heard that in awhile. They just mentioned Samara. YAY! The mom used to see shit too due to Samara. The doctor referred Samara to a mainland psychiatrist. Noah is bullshitting with this black dude, claiming to be Samara’s dad, and the black guy calls him out, and we get a decent laugh. I am getting tired. New paragraph time.

SO Samara’s dad, Richard signed out the tape. Rachel is gonna visit Richard again. Rachel found some papers, and in the papers was the centipede from the tape. Now she watches the tape of Samara locked in her room at the hospital. These are some videos of the doctor interacting with Samara. She can’t sleep and she wants to see her mom. Samara doesn’t want to make the hurting stop. She said her daddy only cared about the horses. The father came up from behind Rachel and smacked that bitch. He grabs the TV and brings in into the bathroom where the floor is flooded and he is all connected to electrical plugs. And he electrocutes himself in a showing of bad-assery. Noah comes from behind Rachel. She tells him that the horses keep Samara awake. they go in the barn, and there’s the tall ladder. It all keeps coming from the tape. Up top, they find Samra’s room at the top of the barn, which would probably get chilly, but what the fuck do I know? Now they are peeling off wall paper, and sure enough, there is a drawing of the tree.

Day 7, Wednesday. Well she’s fully aware of how fucked the situation is. They can’t tie everything together to make coherent sense. Rachel tells Noah to take care of Aiden. Noah flips out, marbles roll to the center of the room, and they pull up the rug, and now Noah is working his axe, giggity. Sure enough, underneath is a well, or the well. Now water is coming from the TV, screws are automatically coming up. Supernatural shit. A bunch of bugs come up, like flies, distracts the 2, the screws came loose prompting the TV on teh water to slide down take Rachel into the well. She finds a fingernail down in the well. The lid to the well is sliding closed. With the lid closed and Noah off to get a hose, now Rachel is fucked. And now there is some Samara hair near Rachel. Now we have a flashback of what Anna did to Samara. She put a garbage bag over her head and dumps her in the well. And then she closes the well lid, and there was the Ring. Rachel now found Samamra’s body, picks it up and now it decays in her arms. Allright. She lays the body down in the water. Noah is trying to get her ass to talk to hin, but she’s being dumb. The cops show up, and they get her out of the well.

Noah starts gloating about how it is over. He gets her home, and all is well. But why isn’t the movie ending. Rachel is in bed with Aiden, not like that fuckheads. Everybody seems all happy. Aiden asked what happened to Samara. This is the best part of the movie. He asks why they set her free. They weren’t supposed to help her. She never sleeps. Now Aiden has the hand print on his arm. And now Noah’s TV came on. Samara is on screen and she is creeping towards him and comes out of the TV. Noah, you are fucked sir. Samara can move real fast and like a electrical ghost. She is pissed. She stares him down. And then it happened. The phone rang, and he got got. Rachel is too late. She finds him dead. She gets the tape and destroys it. The copy was made. So now they need Aiden to make a copy and pass the buck off to somebody else. Trying to save Aiden’s life. Aiden asks what happens to the person they show it to, and then ominous static.

Holy fuck, no more live streaming blogs. This was a hefty endeavor. I hope you all enjoy some of it! Going to bed now.

All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of:

Please go find a copy and support the creators.