Grotesque (2009)

This movie sounds incredibly graphic and sometimes, that’s what I am looking for.  This is a Japanese and I have read that this ups the ante from Saw and Hostel, which isn’t hard to do.  It’s a question of much they up it.  I am giving you a fair warning, the images below are incredibly graphic.  

We get this doctor who kidnaps a young couple, Aki and Kazuo.  Aki is the female, Kazuo is the dude.  I seriously couldn’t determine it via name, so I had to look it up.  Oh, I am watching the unrated version.  Nice.  So basically, the doctor tortures them the whole film.  SO the rest will be spoilers until the end when I give it a final rating, so you have been warned.

 

SPOILERS

Aki wakes up on a table that rotates vertically and she is tied down to it and has a ball gag in her mouth, and so Kazuo, and now they are facing each other.  He gives Kazuo the option to be first or second.  Doc starts off poking Kauo inside of his mouth and then someplace around the belly, and Kazuo is already passed out.  We are getting flashbacks and I suspect we will get more as the film progresses about their relationship.  I think I have seen this before.  Ohhh, right before they were abducted, she asked him if he would be willing to die for her, and after hesitation, he said he’d try his best.  I’m also waiting to some chicken cordon bleu that I threw in the oven because I talk about food a lot in these blogs.  She just pissed herself, and I’m not sure why that had to be made into a focal point, but alright.  Like it made sense in Frozen because that would only make matters worse in that scenario.  Gotta love the psychopath listening to good classical music.  I always enjoy that.  Oh, Kazuo has never been laid but she has.  

Doc says that they will both die unless they can excite him with their will to live.  He removes Kazup’s pants, cleans his wound and then lifts up Aki’s skirt and order Kazuo to watch.  Down comes the panties, and no censoring so far, and he cleans area a bit.  He switched sides of the cassette for more music.  He continues to undress her and cuts her bra off, revealing her nice tits.  Quite nice indeed.  Let’s face it, we all can assume where this is going. He’s doing a bad job of allowing the hair to be covering the boobs.  Yeah, he starts kissing at the ankles and moves north.  This guy has such a great role.  Good for him!  He just gets to grope and lick her ta-ta’s.  This has got to be better than 50 Shades of Grey the film.  Oh, now he is going downtown for the all you can eat buffet, and then fingerbang bang…bang bang.  The sound effects are tremendous.  She is starting to like it, and squirter!  We have a squirter, ladies and gentlemen.    Doc that shows off his soaked hand of victory and rubs it in Kazuo’s face.  Wow, I as much as I enjoyed everything there, I am not good in the fine art of describing sex stuff in horror.  Oh, and now Doc is jerking Kazuo off.  The fuck?  He is wondering if it will reach her.  My money is on yes…..and it sure dide.  Shot on her navel.  OK, fantastic.  Guys reading this are like “sign me up” and women just don’t like reading any of my stuff.

The Doc says that he will remove the gags if they promise to not speak unless he asks them a question.  Aki is good, but Kazuo just can’t handle that responsibility, so time to pay.  They get knocked out and when they come to, they are laid horizontal on a table and doc chainsaws Kazuo’s fingers off.  It’s something different, no doubt.  He makes a finger necklace places it on her.  Now the Doc wants to give him a present from her.He cuts up one of her hands, she says stop, he didn’t ask a question, so she must be punished.  He cuts her new top off.  He just cut her fucking nipples off.  Oh my.  Back to the chainsaw and instead of fingers on the last arm, he juscuta good chunk of her arm off.  Doc made a necklace of fingers and nipples for Kazuo.  

Now, the rules are simple.  He’s going to torture Kazuo until he gives in.  If he gives in, then Doc tortures Aki.  He has a mallet and is going to pound long nails into Kazuo’s testicles.  Why did I pick this film to eat during?  Closeups on a ballsack with nails in it.  Oh, now time to saw off his wang.    Nah, fuck that.  Let’s put a spike in his eye, then the penis.  She says stop.  Uh oh.  Shaft is no more.  The Doc felt excitement and proclaims victory for them, so they get to live I guess.  I mean, fuck.

They appear to be in a hospital setting, and the Doc is going to nurse them back to health.  He says that he will get them healthy, drive them to the cops, turn himself in and liquidate all of his wealth to them, which I guess is like 700 million.  Yeah.  Aki tells Kazuo that if they get out alive, she’d like to help him out.  And now he wants to take a dump.  After that touching moment, good job!  We see a montage of Doc helping clean their wounds, including Kazuo’s man region.  In about 2-3 days, they should be healthy enough, and awww, the couple is holding stumps.  Time to take the meds……and wake up in the bad room again.  Of course.    This movie can’t end on that kind of a note.  Doc wants more excitement, to see their will to live.  

Well, the decision is to cut open Kazuo’s stomach and pull out some intestines and apparently it’s going to be close to Kazuo’s anuz.  Fanfuckingtastic.  Wow, this just got fucking twisted….yes more so.  So his one end of his intestines will be attached on one side of the room.  Kazuo can then walk over to Aki, pulling his intestines out as he goes, grab the pair of scissors, detach his intestines, cut Aki free and die in the process.  Her life is in his hands.  Well, so starts the process.  Fuck man.  The intestines are attached to a hook.  The Doc offers to rape her and cut her up some more if that would be preferred while Kazuo is laying on the floor.  Kazuo makes it halfway, falls into a cart with stuff on it.  Hmmm, will he try to grab something to kill Doc with?  How can he even use the scissors successfully?  He’s got the scissors!!!  He cuts the intestines.  He cuts her feet free!    Doc is having a raging clue.    Kazuo just needs to stand up to cut the hand free.  Kazuo gets halfway through and there’s a wire in the rope.  Kazuo can’t take it any longer and he drops dead.  

More music, this time it’s Pomp and Circumstance, you know the graduation song or Macho Man Randy Savage’s song.  There, I got food, tits, and wrestling all in one blog.  Anyway, Doc wants to see her will, so she spits at him and he slaps her.  As is tradition.  Aki says that Doc mom is a fat whore-ish pig.  Nice.  Aki is telling him that no women aside from his whore mom and gold diggers.  She basically him and him and his mother have horrible body odor.    HAHAHA, that’s fucking great.    Wow, this is some verbal undressing that I would be proud of.   So chainsaw to the belly after she said that he had no friends and nobody to love him.   Axe to the throat and it pops off, the head lands on him and bites his neck.  As he backpedals, Kazuo slices Doc’s Achilles tendon.  Aki’s mouth drops the chunk of flesh and dies.  

Doc makes a grave and hangs a pair of scissors in between these wrapped stumps/posts and like has a moment of silence and pours salt, I believe.    He walks away with a gimp, and we see many other posts now.  This wasn’t his first or probably even 20th go round.  We now see him in his van and he sprays some cologne before going for his next victim.

End Film

 

Final Thoughts – I am pretty sure that I have seen this before, but my memory is what it is.  Yeah, i would watch this sadistic shit again, mainly to show other people.  It was well done, although it got overly silly at the end.  As far as the plot goes, it made perfect sense to me, and it was simple to follow.  If you can’t handle extreme gore or mutilation, avoid this at all cost.  If you can get beyond that, you have a film that would definitely qualify as torture porn, but well done.  

Rating: 5.9 I admit that I really enjoy some sick stuff sometimes, but it it is not everyday viewing.

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A Serbian Film (2010)

So here’s the plot. We have this ex-porn star who has a wife and child. Money is running out. He gets an offer from this rich dude to make a film with him because he is so enamored with this dude’s body of porn work. There’s some bullshit side plot with porn star’s brother, I don’t know, I really don’t care. LOTS of sex in this film. I’m not gonna lie to you, there was one scene that I thoroughly enjoyed in the first 30 minutes. So porn star is given no script, and he agrees to do this because rich dude is gonna pay enough so that his family is well taken care of. Hey, sounds like a fantastic deal to me. Something tells me by the end of this movie, I will still be thinking it was worth the money while everybody else just thinks much, much less of me. Ah well. I have never sat down and watched this film, so sick of subtitles, but this seems like a must see. So I’m like 40 mins in.

The first scene of this porn film that he’s making involved some lady losing her daughter to some like adoption school place, and the daughter is clearly in her teens. There’s a lady or a teacher, I don’t know where they are, but this lady takes porn dude to a room. She starts slobbing on his knob and on the wall or on some TV screens, he sees the teen girl sucking on like an ice cream stick thing. And that is where I paused it, felt inspired to write, and now we continue on. By the way, THAT was not the sexy scene I was referring to. Fucking perverts!

So porn dude’s bro is a cop and he is asking the bro to do like a background check on the rich dude. The whole phone conversation, bro was getting his cock sucked. He is watching a home video of his nephews BDay party. I don’t know what is going on. And on seemingly the same tape is a porn of his bro’s. Oh and bro has lost his hard on. Him and sexy bitch sucking him off are talking about how hard his bro’s dick is. Props for showing full frontal nudity by the way!! I so don’t see a problem with this movie so far if you like lots of tits and sex.

Porn star dude’s connection to rich guy is this chick porn star. She’s not hot, but not bad. Accurate portrayal of what you’d expect from a chick doing porn for like 15 years. Kid just hit dad in face with a long balloon and now we are back to filming.  Some police officer guy yelling at this blond chick, smacking her around in this dark room with like one overhead light. She crawls over to porn star, and she’s gonna suck him off. Mid suck, the teen girl is in a chair, looking like Alice from Alice in a Wonderland, so he stops. He’s not happy, and he has a huge cock. Whore bites his cock, some strong jacked dude grabs him from behind, insists on him punching the whore while she is biting his dick, so he does, she goes to town, blows his load all over her face. Well there’s still a chance for this to be the most vulgar blog I have ever written. GREAT!

I’m eating ham, bacon and chicken by the way. All came on this foccacia bread sandwich, some Swiss and tangy dipping sauce. America, FUCK YEAH!

Porn dude’s name is Milos, so I can now call him that. He bitched about the last scene. Ahhh well. Back to the dark room, whore is on ground, she may be dead. She is naked. There’s Milo’s big dick again. OK, Milo’s is losing his shit as his kid is now in the room cheering on his dad to fuck that bitch. And it was a dream. And his son also is starting to realize that he get’s funny feelings on his willie. Good stuff there. This blog is gonna end up long I fear.

Milos wants to quit because of the kid aspect and Vladamir here, the rich guy’s name starts with a V, so I am calling him Vlad, he assures him nothing is fucked, everything is fine. At this point, I don’t know where I stand. he’s getting paid a lot of money and he isn’t fucking any kids, he’s not touching them, he did get his dick bit, but I say run with it for now. I know this has to get worse, but I’d still keep going if i was him at this point. Vlad is trying to make some political or artsy statement about how everybody is victims except Milos. Yeah….totally. And now they sit down, and watch a video. Some very pregnant lady is on a table, nude, spread eagle, hair bush, but nude……and what? Close up on vagina, and she is delivering this baby. How’s a nigga supposed to enjoy his swine (bacon and ham) while this occurs. WHAT THE FUCK? Dude that delivered the baby is fucking the baby. the mom is smiling.  Milos gets up and walks out and Vlad is pissed screaming shit like “What, you  don’t get it, NEWBORN!”. So yeah, this film just took a very dark turn for the worse. God, up til we saw bushy pregnant vagina, this were going well.

Milos drives off, he has a hard on, stops at a red light, some hot chick walks up to his car, and starts jerking him off, and sure enough, it was a dream, but now all this fucked up shit is flashing through his mind. We have a case of uh oh. He woke up a lil bloody, he is pissing blood. I don’t get what just happened. He just tried calling himself on the phone, then his brother. I am baffled. Back to the car scene, more titty goodness. OK, I am fine with weird when tits are involved…usually. He is going to town on those tits as she drives…and it was a daydream. Now he is back at Vlad’s crib. Note to self, trying to write a blog while watching a movie with subtitles, that distorts real time with dreams and fantasy, not my best idea. So chick in his dreams I think is real and she drugged him and he is handcuffed, and they gave him some Viagra concoction. Some chick just got brought into the room and he handcuffed her limbs to the bed. Kinda sexy. And now he is fucking her hard. Apparently she’s a junkie bitch who has drowned her babies. Milos is fucking losing it, he is crazy tapping that ass. He has a ear piece in and Vlad is telling him all this shit about how bad she is and Milos just smacks her and starts beating her while fucking her from behind, getting a little weird. Oh now he is handed a machete, told to strike her. And he cuts her head off but keeps fucking her. Yeah……I can see why so many people have this on their list.

Now he is in a room watching some girl with a donkey, nothing happened, but it is alluded to. SO yeah, wait a moment, we just saw Necromantik shit. Good lord. Fucking Europeans. Milos is watching some footage of Vlad and his helper make the bed he just fucked that bitch on. Vlad was convinced Milos would come back. Now Milos is nude on a table passed out and some dude just ass raping him. There’s sugar tits, injecting Milos with shit. All of this is caught on camera that Milos is watching.  The porn star chick is pissed at Vlad and said she was done working for Vlad and leave. Next thing we see is her tied to the ceiling by a chain, and there’s pliers and teeth on the floor. Some dental work has been done. And some dude comes in and forces his cock in her mouth. He is pinching her nose and suffocating her with his cock. Classy move. And he killed her. WOW. I understand people have said once you see this movie, you can’t unsee it so to speak.

Milos is in some house now on the couch with middle aged lady and teenage girl. Oh, Alice in Wonderland reference. This may be her mom. And she wants Milos to fuck her daughter, to take her because this would be good for pride or some shit. She is rubbing his thigh. Milos flips out, takes his cock out and threatens to cut it off, before jumping out of a window. This was also on camera or flashback, I really don’t know. Why the fuck am I watching this at 2:45 AM? Seriously, what is wrong with me?

I think Milos is now at the teenage girl’s actual house. I don’t know if this is real or dream. This is starting too feel like a very perverted Mulholland Drive. Now he is in like a convenience store and some chick is butchering meat. I hope this is dream, but nope, it appears to be real…..sooo weird. Milos is sitting on the street in like an alley watching 2 young dudes harass an underage prostitute, so he begins jerking off. the 2 guys start beating Milos, and then Vlad and his 2 cronies get out, snap the 2 guys necks and put Milos in the car.  Less than 20 mins to go. Good, cause I’m tired, confused, and sick of subtitles.

Milos is now back in the room where he got drugged up. More flashbacks here. He stabbed sugartits in teh neck with a syringe of the shit she was giving him. The bitch is OD’ing like in Pulp Fiction. Nice shot of her crotch, had a landing strip. And Milos is now naked. Oh no, we’re entering a new room. There’s a bunch of bloody bodies on the floor. One is a naked dude. Vlad apparently was filming. Milos is fucking somebody on this bed from behind. Their head is covered. I am sure this will be devious. There are 2 bodies covered.  A dude next to Milos starts fucking the other body. Milos is making whoever he is fucking bleed. The dude next to Milos was his brother. The person that his bro is fucking is Milos wife. Milos was fucking his son.  The brother seems cool with all of this. What the fuck did we just witness? Sugartits barges in, bleeding from her vajayjay, and foaming out her mouth. She collapses, Milos attacks Vlad. the wife attacks the bro and bites his throat out. Milos gets a gun, shooting and punching everybody. Wife is decimating bro, like mutilating him. Milos ran out of bullets, so he beats this one dude to death, and then stick his cock in the dude’s eye socket. And Vlad is like “perfect”. Milos approaches his wife and she pulls a knife on him, so he punches her in the face. Now he is driving with wife and son in back seat.

He locks them in a bedroom together. He tries to shoot himself in the head, but no bullets. Soooo tired. Less than 10 mins to go. He ends up back in the room with his wife, and he hugs her and his so Now everything appears fine, but not really. Everybody looks traumatized. They are just lying in bed all together. We hear a gun shot. He shot her in the back it appears. That bed is soaked. 3 guys with cameras are in there. I think all 3 are dead, the family that is. One dude says to start with the little one, and roll credits.

Now I know this is going to make me sound awful, but I don’t know if this even crack my top 5 what the fuck movies, probably top 10…probably. I just don’t know. Get rid of preggers scene, and this may not crack top 20. Worth a watch if this sounds like something you have to see for the shock value. Better than Human Centipede. Still, I don’t really recommend this to 99.8% of the population.

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#73 The XXXorcist (2006)

Yes, this is a horror porno. If this sort of thing offends you, move along to the next post, I won’t be upset.

This is as cheesy as it comes. The Sister/Mom figure in this is kinda cute. The possessed girl, well she is an average looking porn girl, but due to the vile nature of lots of green spew, her hotness cannot be properly measured. The story is the sister/mom contacts the priest because Reagan is possessed. The priest has a huge ass cross. Other things that should be pointed out: the priest has an Aqua Teen Hunger Force tattoo. Good shit. So here’s the basic synopsis, and you will not be wowed.

So the bed starts shaking. The priest is gonna a sex-orcism. Something about his mom sucks dick in hell. Needless to say he like ties her up, but he isn’t really tied. She starts sucking him off. Her tits are nice. After about 5.5 mins of sucking him off, now he is gonna copulate with her, he is pounding that crotchal region. Her voice sound effects make this less sexy than it already is. Some dude will have watched this and got turned on.  About 5.5 mins on that, and then she squirts, but it’s this awful green liquid. Ugh. The priest gets flung against the wall. He is knocked out.

The sister enters the room and starts making out with Reagan and she starts rubbing  Reagan’s claptrap.  The sister has a pierced tongue, and now she is at the all you can eat buffet of this girl’s body. Cunnilingus commences for 4 mins. The priest gets up and grabs some sacred dildo that he was gonna implant in the sister’s now possessed area. The girls throw him down on the bed.Reagan rides his schlong. Sister rides his face. The sacred dildo is knocked out of his hands. This goes for about 2 mins, both girls decide to slob upon his knob. Back to the most recent configurations. Oh, sister has her clit pierced. More green puke.

Reagan asks the priest to perform anal pretty much. For anal fans, this is exactly what you expect. He gets in there with minimal effort, she must be a pro. Only 2.5 mins, now she gives him more oral. Back to her ass riding him, still anal. Then a BJ for a minutes. He gets out all of his sacred sex toys. She lays there spread eagle.  Cross shape dildo in her. Small buttplug next. Final dildo in her mouth. He is cursing out the demon which is now in him somehow. He dead or passed out.  A bald priest shows up, talks to him.He dead. The end.

I apologize for all of this, but I figured it would be a change of pace. Overall, for a porno with a story, it was still not pleasant, not very funny, but exactly what you would expect. How does one rate this? I don’t think I do. I would say only download if you like sick shit, or you are curious, or think it may be funny.

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#5 The Loved Ones (2009)

Nope, this isn’t Stephen King, not by a long shot. But it is a perfect break in the monotany of the 70’s-80’s to bring a movie made in 2009 in Australia. Note that most people think this is a British movie, but what the fuck does it really matter?

So I am guessing you have never heard of this movie, so hopefully you click on this one as opposed to some of the more main stream names to find out more. Thank you. This movie is a tad pricey to buy, $29 for the DVD at Amazon for instance. Not cool. I can’t argue for the movie being priced that much, so go used or download the movie, and if you like it, then buy it. I do not support movie pirating, but sometimes a movie is too damn expensive unfortunately.

So there are 2 plots going on here. One matters, the other one is the proverbial flip side of the coin to change up the pacing which I think was a wise move. So main plot without spoilers is a girl asks a boy out to prom, but he already is going with his girlfriend. She is jealous. Bad stuff happens. Torture stuff, but in a very well done manner. I know that don’t sound like much, but it is truly a well done story with great pacing, great gore, entertaining acting.

Now here is more in depth details, spoilers if you will, so skip this paragraph if you don’t want anymore plot. So anyway, the girl is jaded, so her dad kidnaps boy, they set up prom at her house where they torture the fuck out of him, find out many twists and turns which I won’t reveal. The side story involves the dude’s friend taking this hot gothish girl to prom and he gets lucky and he is hilarious. The side story has a minor tie to main plot, BUT it is mainly used to take the edge off from the torture aspects. END SPOILERS

As far as acting goes, there’s 5 main characters. The 2 side characters which provide some comedic relief, especially the guy. Then there is the main dude, he’s adequate at getting tortured. The adult male character oftentimes helps steal the show, and he has been in a few major films as a minor character. And finally the main psycho chick who according to Raylene, plays a whore on Hell on Wheels, a show I have yet to watch. This girl is so fucking great in her role. I can’t imagine not dying laughing through half of her scenes and dialogue, but she was very entertaining.

Everything really works in this film, there is even a catchy song. There really isn’t much dead time aside from maybe first 5 minutes. At times people are dumbasses, but that’s the real world as well. I really encourage you to watch this movie as I have yet to show it to anybody who found it bad. Most seem to dig it. Try it out and if you like it, spread the word. Yeah, definitely download this movie before buying it I’d suggest. I’m rating this a 7.5.

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