#145 Sorority House Massacre (1986) Review

I need a slasher to get my head back in the game. So why not go to the decade where the slasher genre was perfected? We are back in 1986, and a sorority house is going to apparently get massacred. Here’s the synopsis from IMDB.com.

“A little girl’s brother kills the whole family but her (she escapes by hiding in the basement). He is committed, and she grows up with a new family, eventually going to college, where she joins a sorority. Due to a memory block, she doesn’t remember that the sorority house was her childhood house. Her brother senses her presence in the house and escapes so he can finish the job he was unable to complete.”

There’s absolutely nothing outlandish there at all. I mean, I usually sense when somebody I haven’t see in years goes in a house that I haven’t been in in many years. That’s like a sixth sense. It’d be better than seeing dead people.

OK, the outfits…..this is way better than your typical 80’s style in a horror movie. Check these ladies out. Especially the white dress.

Or this pic.

The boobs just piled up. 1….2…..3, 3 boobs! The girls were playing dress up in awful outfits, so many awful outfits. And this all happened during some smooth sax, reminded me of Kenny G’s version of Careless Whisper. I wanna hear that song right now, it’s great. “The hair, dresses, the music, the breasts” is what I just said outloud. The killer just stole a station wagon with the wood paneling on the side, and the woman half assedly tried to stop him, so she got half assedly hit.

Naturally we’re at the point where teh boys come over to scare them, Here was the best thing, our main girl has the same haircut and color as her boy toy. This really happened. I couldn’t tell who was who. It’s not like she dresses like a lady, or has big knockers or anything like that.

This movie is bad, but in a silly way. It keeps me paying attention.  This whole bullshit with the brother and sister sensing one another….that’s just garbage.

So that whole paying attention thing…..I apparently lied. This movie has hit a really bad lull. the middle third has been boring as hell. Yeah, even now with the killer doing his thing, he is beyond dull.  I don’t need a charismatic murderer, but I want him to want it. That’s very important to me. This guy seems determined, but lacking that special something that all horror icons have.

We’re down to 3 girls still alive, and I just want everybody to die. No amount of great ending will make this good. We know it’s watchable. Hell, there’s a Dee Snider poster in the beginning on a wall. That is solid. A movie shouldn’t progressively get worse. It can have highs and lows, but it shouldn’t peak 20-30 minutes in and just snowball downhill after. That’s not cool. Here’s another downfall, with 12 minutes remaining, including credits, so we’re in final 10 minute territory, they spend 4 minutes hiding in the same place. I’m sorry, that is not anywhere close to how you should be spending the last 10 minutes of a horror film.

This girl keeps hitting the killer with a shovel, like you are trying to save your friend from murder, and it’s like an 8 year old girl is hitting him with a shovel that is too heavy for her to wield.  That’s just poor directing  Storyline, the idea was there, but the execution was abysmal

I really, really wish I could make a sweeping recommendation. I can’t and won’t. Too many issues. It’s ok as cheesy background noise horror flick while you’re playing poker or something like that. It is on Netflix, so feel free to check it out. But I can’t even use the “it’s so bad, it’s good logic” because that charm wore off quickly. I am giving it a 4, although it was almost a 3.5. I can’t overlook the fact that the plot idea in an of itself could have really made this stand out, but it needed a little more than slight tweaking. Oh well, missed opportunity. I’d like to see this movie revisited and remade with some alterations. I’m not saying that would make a great movie, but you could easily get to the 6-7 range with proper directing and a smarter script.

The Quest for Breasts Total

56 Bare breasts

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