#109 Antisocial (2013)

I know nothing about this, but this is the 4th film I have tried within 30 minutes, and the beginning was solid. Something about an outbreak or epidemic. I am happy with these types of films. This only got a 4.4 on IMDB, so that doesn’t scare me too badly.

The main chick’s name is Sam, and her boyfriend and her are having issues and taking time apart. I loathe dumbasses taking selfies. I wanna start an anti selfie movement. Ohhh, I gotta hold it up and angle it down just right to get my cleavage and the right lighting so my smile isn’t as fake. Fuck that.

So far, this movie is dumb as hell. Sam went to some New Year’s party. Some white chick is flighting with a black guy, oh and she’s blonde. There is no surprises here. Oh, she’s stripping. OK, she has some sexy shit on. This movie is keeping my interest thanks to that move. I bet she would buy him a pair of sneakers and carry them in the mall for the black guy.

Now they are reporting some incidents on the news, maybe a plot can finally pick up.  Back to hookerbot dancing, but no nudity yet.  This could be like a rage virus epidemic. Seriously, still no tits. I just read, no fucking nudity. C’mon fuckheads. This is why I really wish I was making horror films. I know my audience. Some raging dude intervened during the dancing, so black guy shoved him off like the second story of a house. Everybody is supposed to keep their doors locked and whatnot.

Needless to say a friend is asking to come in, but he is bleeding from his ear and nose. So they decide against it. And now one of the 5 people is bleeding. I’ll leave it at that. This movie has pacing issues.

As per usual, the people in the film lack any kind of common sense and act like they live in a bubble where there’s never been a movie or a story about an epidemic of any kind. That always frustrates me. You know those zombie movies where nobody has ever heard of a zombie, but they have smart phones? Yeah, that shit bothers me, it’s fairly insulting.

Another thing to go along with that is with any kind of outbreak, you know that you need to keep yourself as covered as possible until you learn how this stuff is spread. You get blood on you, clean it ASAP. Do not hesitate to put a fool on his back if that’s the difference between you surviving or their last thoughts being that you’re an asshole. If you see on the news, numerous reports of a ton of people experiencing certain symptons that are unusual, and then someone you know is doing the same bizarre shit, that’s when you tune up Boys II Men’s “End of the Road”.

I guess my main point is, don’t come to me during an epidemic unless you are absolutely willing to earn my trust, and follow my guidelines. Otherwise, go find someone else. Oh shit, there’s still an awful movie going on, right?

A good movie allows you to sucked in, even momentarily no matter how big the plot hole, you even start forming arguments to support what you’re watching. And then there’s this garbage. You’d think I’d dig a film making fun of people’s overuse of social media. I am all for mocking people who live vicariously through their phone. You don’t need to take daily or weekly selfies. Nobody wants to see or hear about every meal that you have when you dine out. And if you do, YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM!

Fuck this movie. I tried hard to like it. I tried to get past a lot of the awfulness, maybe it’s so bad it’s good type of film. Nah, it just sucks. There is like a tumor in people’s heads caused by bullshit, that’s what they determine. I think I may have developed a tumor in my brain after seeing this. I give it a 3, and the next movie I see better be entertaining damnit.

I don’t own the rights to this picture or film. It’s from the film, so they are the owners, not me. That picture reflects how I feel at the moment.

T&A Totals still didn’t change at all sadly.

13 Bare breasts

2 bare asses

2 concealed breasts

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Unbreakable (2000)

I had to make myself a white Russian to make it through another M Night movie. Rest assured people, it gets better, then it gets really bad again, then it slightly improves, then After Earth with the black Karate Kid and Fresh Prince.

Let’s get this out of the way, I liked the movie the only time I saw it. I gave it a chance, and it was fine at the time. I love Samuel L, so this helps. Now time to give my impartial thoughts.

A black baby was born with broken arms and legs or some such nonsense. That’s gotta suck. Now, you and I both are gonna deduce that the black baby will eventually be Samuel L. We also have a blurb in the beginning about comic book collectors. Bruce Willis is back, and he’s an ok actor, but I don’t always get his full appeal, he is good to great in this one though. Shit, I just realized that this is probably not a horror movie at all. I’m already messing this up 2 movies in???? Damnit! Fuck it, I may as well keep on keeping on.

It’s cool Robin Wright is in this. Even cooler than Samuel L’s name is Elijah, as I’m a big fan of that name. I also like that Samuel L isn’t too damn skinny like he is in those credit card commercials nowadays. The scene where the kid pulls the gun is clearly one of the best of the whole film. Willis does a dandy of a job there.

Long story short, one of the best things you can say for this movie and M Night was that this did realistic superhero 5 years or so before Nolan took on Batman. This movie is really well constructed, and I think it would get better upon repeat viewings. Willis carries the film, but Samuel L was the perfect counterpart. I would absolutely recommend this to just anybody who can appreciate a story and not just the glitz and glam of superhero movies. The ending really ties the room together. I’m going to give it a 7 for now, and that score could always rise. I doubt it will drop. I can’t count this as a horror flick, so no boob ratings. Sorry….and there was no boobs anyway.

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#101 The Sixth Sense (1999)

I figure I may as well keep the number system for the blogs. We all cool with that? Good. At the end of every blog, I will post how many bare breasted women as well as ladies in say a bra, because that has to count for something. All of this is to help a great cause. With that said, I’m ready to put myself through 31 days and 100 movies, and a few video games, all for the sake of getting 5 hits a day! Woohoo, low expectations!!! Exclamation Points!!!!!!!!

I have just opened my first new box of Count Chocula of the year. Let’s face it, it’s not official for me until I taste the absolute deliciousness known as the black version of Lucky Charms.

I should tell you that there is a very good reason why I chose The Sixth Sense as the first movie to kick things off this year. Some of my closer friends may know that i consider this movie to be the most overrated horror film of all time. I have hammered this movie so bad that my best friend Chris refuses to see it. This was a movie strictly based around a plot twist, a lousy plot twist. I saw this in the movie theater, and I remember walking out being the only group of people that wasn’t wowed by this nonsense. It was a terribly predictable tweeest as M Night would say. I haven’t seen this movie since that night. Well ladies and gentleman, let’s see how this movie holds up 15 years later. Welcome back, I appreciate you taking your time to view this blog of mine.

In case you don’t know the twist, just stop reading. Well you can read, I’m gonna spoil it for you and save you almost 2 hours of your life….you’re welcome.

The kid sees dead people. This had been made clear in every trailed I ever saw. So guess what the twist is? He sees dead people. WHAT? Don’t give away your twist in the F’N trailer. I seriously sat there waiting for some twist while in the theater, and then I realized that people suddenly had this “aha” moment, and I asked my buddy if that was the twist. He said, no, there’s gotta be something more, they advertised that. Yeah.

Let me ask you something. Did the trailer for the Usual Suspects give away the twist in their trailer? Did the trailer for Fight Club give away the twist in their previews? NO, the answer is no. Nobody in their right mind would do this. Why were people surprised in the theater? I have spent 15 years wondering this, and I am still baffled. It is currently #162 all time on IMDB. What the hell am I missing? The movie itself is ok, it doesn’t do anything bad, but the hype, of the hype, and the people that slurped it up. I get why Halloween was and is still relevant today, despite it being a little meh to me. Oh, the kid just said that he sees dead people. This scene is actually decent and creepy, but it didn’t belong in the trailer. Sadly, apparently the vast majority of the audience didn’t quite get the point of the scene entirely. I admit, I am oblivious to a lot of twists in movies, so that’s why this was all the more appalling to me. The scene in the classroom with the kid calling his teacher Stuttering Stanley was also solid.

I still have over an hour to go.This is only going to get worse because I have Unbreakable, Signs, The Village, the Happening, and Devil all coming up. I like 2.5 of those movies. I’m so sick of cliched loud music, sudden movement on screen to get a reaction from the viewer. That’s not scary, that’s just lazy. Less than 30 minutes to go. I have been bored the last 30 minutes. M Night is very plodding sometimes.

Wow, this movie is finally ending. Bruce Willis was dead, the kid saw dead people. Get it? Great. This movie bored the hell out of me, and it should have been capable of so much more. Time to make a white Russian and hope the next movie is better. Wait, the next movie is Unbreakable? Fuck me.

I give this movie a 2.5 for a few good scenes, and a plot that should have been better, much better. Most overhyped horror film all time if you ask me, and you are kind of asking me, or else you wouldn’t be reading this. I wasn’t going to include any pictures, but I found this one and it reminds me of going upstairs at Teasers, the worst strip club ever. Now that shit is scary. This movie has nothing on Teasers from a horror standpoint.

Final Boob Tally.

One lady in a bra

One lady nude in a shower, but the door was too foggy.

2 close calls, but no bare breasts yet.

I don’t own that picture, I don’t want no legal issues, and blah blah blah, stuff I don’t know about.

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#95 The Strangers (2008)

Here’s a movie I want to love. Raylene is scared of it, so obviously there’s a part of me that has to love it. Sadly, it’s not that good, especially after the first time you view it, it loses a lot of it’s luster. Another issue is I had seen Them, the French movie that The Strangers is based on, and Them is a much better movie in my opinion. The tension and scare factor was significantly higher. I have found though that people tend to be partial to whichever film they see first. So I still recommend finding Them and seeing what you think. it’s not a terribly talkative movie, so the subtitle factor shouldn’t factor into one’s enjoyment.

Back to the Strangers. My first beef is that Liv Tyler is not that great of an actress unfortunately. The best thing she ever acted in was Aerosmith’s video for Crazy. So suck it fans of Lord of the Rings, Armageddon, The Incredible Hulk (abomination) and The Strangers. The acting doesn’t kill this movie, Liv doesn’t have to be great here. The Strangers themselves are solid, but I want more from them. And of course there is the best scene, you see Live on the right of the screen looking right, and then we see one of the Strangers in the far left. That scene really alone is worth a point.  There’s plenty for one to like, but as I have said, it gets slaughtered on replayability. The concept, 3 strangers invade a couple’s home. Why? Because they were home.  BRILLIANT!!! This came out around the time that horror was getting shitty again in American thanks to the Descent. Boooo. Still, I recommend this as well as Them if you haven’t seen them. It’s more suspense than anything, but that’s not a bad thing.

Rating wise, I give it a 5.9 due to lack of replayability. On the movie’s first viewing, it’d be a high 6 to low 7 rating. Hope that helps.

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#363 Curve (2015)

I came across this movie over the summer, and liked it just enough to deem it re-watchable. I’ll tell you why.

We have this chick, Mallory, played by Julianne Hough, and she is on her way to a wedding I think. Anyway, she has a truck problem, and this handsome gentleman happens to be walking by, Christian, and he helps her out. She questions whether to give him a ride for a bit and of course, she does. He gets to know her a bit, then starts talking about sliding his big dick down her throat, and business picks up. She tries to give him the boot, but nope, so she tries to run away, but nope, so she sends the truck careening off the road and down and embankment, where the truck flips over.

Unfortunately for her, she is pinned in there upside down, her leg is stuck, but he is free to wander. So there’s like this 40 minutes of stuff, which is fun stuff. She gets hungry, eats a rat, gets thirsty, drinks her urine, tries to attack him a few times as he taunts her. He gives her a saw to cut her leg off so she can get out.

Anyway, they get a storm, and it starts flooding. He ends up at a cabin with new people, she breaks free and then there’s a whole showdown. Julianne no sells her injuries, and it’s silly. This feels like a good Lifetime movie. Just silly enough to keep you amused. I like the back and forth. It’s not for everybody, but obviously I enjoyed it.

Rating – 5.4 as I know that it’s not a great movie, but I do recommend it for some laughs and tension.

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#346 Sacrifice (2015)

This movie has the great and lovely Radha Mitchell, who I have long been a fan of. Rupert Graves is in this, and you would know him from V For Vendetta. Finally, Ian McElhinney is in this, and you may know him better as Sir Barristan Selmy from Game of Thrones. That dude was amazing in that show.

Our main character’s are Dr. Tora Hamilton , who can’t have kids, so her and her man, Duncan, want to adopt from Scotland, because when you think adoption, you think Scotland damnit! We meet Duncan’s parents, and his dad is a profound man who is very set in his ways, but clearly successful. This house is quite posh, and like there are so many fucking keys hanging on a wall. The place to adopt from is Tronal, and even the dude doing the paperwork got his son from Tronal, but looks Similar. I am cautiously optimistic here. They have to stay for a full year before they can adopt a baby. I’m sure that she will find out all sorts of creepy things about this place as it is a film called Sacrifice. DO we have some Wicker Man and Pagan stuff? Time to watch. Wait, just met Detective McKie, and there my man, who is there because Tora just dug up a dead body, with some runes carved into it. So there you go. I’m into this already.

OK, so this is partially The Wicker Man, the good one, not the Nic Cage one, and like a thriller/crime mystery where you get clues to piece everything together. It worked really well. If you haven;t seen certain films, Rosemary’s Baby, this will feel new and fresh. Alas, I live in a world of been there, done that horror. With that being said, this was a good, albeit entirely predictable film to me. Being predictable isn’t bad, as long as the film is still good.

While the film is good, it is certainly not without it’s flaws. There were times when shit was too obvious and they were beating you over the head with stuff.  The Jimmy stuff was flat out insulting. I also hated the ending. But I can’t really mark this down too negatively, this was never presented as a horror, but a thriller. In a thriller, the hero lives. In a horror, the hero can often die, and then the main bitch lives and women’s empowerment, and fuck my life. Still, I would have had Tora sacrifice herself at the end to save the baby, and make it a true sacrifice, or the husband, anybody, just sacrifice yourself, but nope.  Furthermore, there is zero intrigue to make me want to ever see this again. I’m not trying to be mean, but this stuff was painfully obvious at points.

Rating – 4.2 Perfectly fine, mediocre movie that was fun but you get it and you don’t need it ever again.

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