#146 The Exorcist (1973) Review

A horror movie with an 8.0 rating on IMDB? Well, we must be in for a treat, right? Hmmm, it’s 40 years old. Watching with Raylene who has never seen this, so this is a barometer for people who have no patience, to see an older film.

Well I dropped the ball big time, as I started falling asleep. Then follow that up with a day full of Walking Dead. So here we are, about 30 minutes in. Oh, and nothing has really happened.

So far Regan was getting bloodwork, She saw a demon, and now she is swearing at the doctor. OK, 30 minutes for that. I should say that Regan’s mom, played by the awesome Ellen Burstyn, who I absolutely adored in Requiem For A Dream, she plays an actress who is temporarily in Washington DC for some acting work. There’s a young priest who’s mom is very sick. This is making him have doubts with his faith. And then there is Max Von Sydow, another Father, and he is gonna tangle with an old foe.

Regan interrupted a dinner party with her mom’s friends, and she told some dude “You’re gonna die up there” and then she pissed herself in front of everybody. A few minutes later and Regan is screaming. Momma comes rushing in and the bed is shaking with Regan in it. Regan likes to swear, the doctor thinks Regan has mental issues, and a lesion in the temporal lobe and that may cause spasms.

Yup, Raylene finally had her moment of making fun of a 40 year old movie and how non scary it is. Students of the film game just audibly sighed. I get the viewpoint of both. I try to get people to put themselves in that time frame, the mindset of the time. Uncreative people lack imagination. It happens. But some people are able to wrap their head around it. And at this point, I have settled down her outrage, not with a snickers, but by persistently making my point. You see, I am a persistent prick, and if I am passionate, I’m not losing no damn argument.

Back to the movie, Father Karras is bow trying to help Chris, the mom, with Regan. This is some crazy shit. Keep in mind, 2 generations ago, society was a lot more religious and god fearing. Now I don’t care where you stand on religion, but if you was and had never seen anything like this before, this would be pretty fucking freaky.

This is one of those movies, that once it picks up, it really grabs your attention and doesn’t let go. So yeah, I stopped typing. The whole Exorcism scene was really an amazing thing to behold. It’s funny to me that there have been numerous possession movies since this one, none really top this for drama and aura of the situation. That’s pretty impressive. I’m sure some of you can name a different movie or scene, and that may be true, but I still think this has held the test of time and is still the best at what it does. Maybe it’s not scary to desensitized audiences of today, but it is still very well done.

I would recommend this to anybody who loves films, or like to get some horror history lessons. I really recommend this to younger people, just hold out and show some patience, and you will be rewarded. I give this movie a solid 7.5. It’s just so well done and holds up to the test of time.  Definitely earns it’s keep on the horror film all time pantheon.

The Quest for Breasts Total

56 Bare breasts

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#73 The XXXorcist (2006)

Yes, this is a horror porno. If this sort of thing offends you, move along to the next post, I won’t be upset.

This is as cheesy as it comes. The Sister/Mom figure in this is kinda cute. The possessed girl, well she is an average looking porn girl, but due to the vile nature of lots of green spew, her hotness cannot be properly measured. The story is the sister/mom contacts the priest because Reagan is possessed. The priest has a huge ass cross. Other things that should be pointed out: the priest has an Aqua Teen Hunger Force tattoo. Good shit. So here’s the basic synopsis, and you will not be wowed.

So the bed starts shaking. The priest is gonna a sex-orcism. Something about his mom sucks dick in hell. Needless to say he like ties her up, but he isn’t really tied. She starts sucking him off. Her tits are nice. After about 5.5 mins of sucking him off, now he is gonna copulate with her, he is pounding that crotchal region. Her voice sound effects make this less sexy than it already is. Some dude will have watched this and got turned on.  About 5.5 mins on that, and then she squirts, but it’s this awful green liquid. Ugh. The priest gets flung against the wall. He is knocked out.

The sister enters the room and starts making out with Reagan and she starts rubbing  Reagan’s claptrap.  The sister has a pierced tongue, and now she is at the all you can eat buffet of this girl’s body. Cunnilingus commences for 4 mins. The priest gets up and grabs some sacred dildo that he was gonna implant in the sister’s now possessed area. The girls throw him down on the bed.Reagan rides his schlong. Sister rides his face. The sacred dildo is knocked out of his hands. This goes for about 2 mins, both girls decide to slob upon his knob. Back to the most recent configurations. Oh, sister has her clit pierced. More green puke.

Reagan asks the priest to perform anal pretty much. For anal fans, this is exactly what you expect. He gets in there with minimal effort, she must be a pro. Only 2.5 mins, now she gives him more oral. Back to her ass riding him, still anal. Then a BJ for a minutes. He gets out all of his sacred sex toys. She lays there spread eagle.  Cross shape dildo in her. Small buttplug next. Final dildo in her mouth. He is cursing out the demon which is now in him somehow. He dead or passed out.  A bald priest shows up, talks to him.He dead. The end.

I apologize for all of this, but I figured it would be a change of pace. Overall, for a porno with a story, it was still not pleasant, not very funny, but exactly what you would expect. How does one rate this? I don’t think I do. I would say only download if you like sick shit, or you are curious, or think it may be funny.

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