The Walking Dead 9 Deuce: S:8 Ep:3 “Monsters”

Well here we are with our 3rd straight action packed episode of the season.  Guys, you can slow it down and give us some Eugene and Carl.  That would be nice.  Eric and Morales got got this week and Morgan is going a little crazy.  Actually, this is a great song.  Listen to it while you read.  Any comments in bold are made by Kent.

The 9

  1.  Did you feel that Eric was more than just a background character?

Briana:  Not really, no. He was just a way to give Aaron’s character more depth.

Bob:  Appeasement to culture. (It actually amazed me how much pandering the comic does for this exact reason.)

Bitty:  I think Eric’s character was created to invest more in Aaron. Over the past 2 Seasons WD has tried to make us connect to Aaron. Honestly For Me i couldn’t even remember his name until last year. Now i see Aaron as human and compassionate, I think we’ll see a big Aaron arc because of the loss of Eric.  (You and Briana both hit it pretty solidly.  He was an Aaron enhancement character.  In the world of pro wrestling, Eric was the Brooklyn Brawler.  They use enhancement talents to take all of the moves and make another person look dominant, or in Aaron’s case, it gave him a bit more of a dynamic.  Plus in some ways it would be kinda weird to have all of these gay characters on the show and have none of them hook up.  Now if we can get Rosita and Sherry together…)

Brian:  I believe that they are attempting to make us like the band of murders. And if Aaron truly loved him he would not have allowed him to join the herd. And that may come back to bite him in the ass… hopefully literally lol  (Brian is pro ass biting.  We haven’t seen that in the show yet…..so maybe he’s on to something.)

Kristi:  He was always a background character for me.

Raylene:  No Eric was precisely that a background character. He wasn’t given much of a story other than being a househusband to Aaron. Poor character development on TWD part  (Very poor.  He was sadly better on Talking Dead than he ever was on TWD.)

Kent:  I felt that he was more of a character in the comics.  I didn’t really like Eric on the show and it was because he was rarely given much to do.  I would consider him more of a background character than a Tobin or Dianne.

 

  1.  Will Aaron raise Gracie?  If not him, then who?

Briana:  I didn’t get the impression he wanted to keep her, just that he wanted to get her to the Hilltop.  (Alas, I think you and Bitty are probably closest to the right answer in that he gets her there and she is perhaps never mentioned again.  I will say this, if I could get 10 – 1 odds on Gregory stealing Gracie and bringing her back to Sanctuary to get in Negan’s good graces, I would totally toss $10 down.)

Bob:  It’s going to have to be Aaron. (It appears that we are in the minority here in this belief.  Just keep it in mind so when it happens, we can do victory dance together.)

Bitty:  Hopefully Gracie will fall to the background at the Hilltop. Someone there will raise her. (Gracie will make for a wonderful background character.  Probably better than Eric.)

Brian:  Carol and Morgan raise grace as their own. After Carol uses her feminine powers to set him straight.  (I really do like this idea, but I fear for Morgan, so I am still on the Carol and Daryl train while also acknowledging the moment that Carol and Daryl decide to be romantic, one has to die that season.)

Kristi:  I don’t think so. It seems like he’s just at a loss and wants to help in some way. Carol or Maggie will probably raise her. (As long as Carol teaches her how to cook and tell scary stories, I am sold.)

Raylene:  I can see perhaps Maggie and Enid raising her. Although for a long shot Daryl getting her he did bond with Little Ass Kicker and was very invested in finding Sophia  (The Daryl thing would be nice in it’s own way.  He really took to Judith and him and Aaron have ate together.  Just sayin’.)

Kent:  I can come up with scenarios in which Enid, Carol, Tara, or a lesser known character takes her, but I think it’s going to be Aaron, and perhaps another gentleman down the line with magnificent hair and dreamy eyes…..Eugene.  OK, I went too far. (You went too far.)

 

  1.  Do you think that Rick and Daryl will start conflicting over Daryl’s new ways of shooting first and asking questions later?

Briana:  No. Darryl was right to shoot him and his explanation made perfect sense. This is what they came to do and Moralez would have killed them no problem if he’d not been told to spare Rick.  (I would have liked to know if Moralez would have still bored Rick with his 3 page monologue if he wasn’t waiting for backup.  These are questions I want answered.)

Bob:  Daryl killed the guy for having another gun I thought…?  (Nah, you’re right.)

Bitty:  Yes. You could feel the setup for that in their final scene. I’m dreading their demise. (Demise?  At worst they will have a heart to heart and get interrupted by something inane.)

Brian:  Rick is starting to realize that he is killing his former business associates. And Darryl is a junkie who is trying to keep his drug use at bay by killing those associated with his old dealers.  (THis all really makes a lot of sense week to week.  I love the story arc.)

Kristi:  No. Darryl is taking care of business.  Kill now, worry later. They have seen so many people turning on them. Why take the chance?  (There is zero reason to take the chance, but there’s always going to be the question of where’s the line.  The reality is that there is no line.  No true moral compass exists.  They just bring us back to that every season for conflict amongst characters.  This has been happening every single season, and I bet if you spend 3 minutes thinking, you can remember them.  Off the top of my head: 1 the CDC should I stay or should I go decision, 2 Dale & Shane with Randall, 3 What to do with the prisoners, 4 Rick trying to teach Carl when it’s ok to kill, 5 Glenn and Rick in Noah’s neighborhood, 6 Rick and Porch Dick, 7 Oceanside.)

Raylene:  Perhaps once the war is over then Rick will start to question Daryl’s motive but because of Daryl being held hostage by Negan he wants all Saviors to pay  (I don’t know if Rick can be the one who questions it.  That’s the problem.  Maggie sure as hell won’t.  This is kind of a bad story idea I think.  Hopefully they avoid this.)

Kent:  It seems like it is building up with all the things that Rick is seeing and doing.  There was the guy that Carl left food for, Gracie and then Morales, and I am sure that I am missing others.  Still, it’s war and Daryl is doing the smart thing.  This will be a discussion at some point, but they do something similar seemingly every season.  Some years Rick is overly sensitive and then Daryl is, and in season 10 Negan will be the hooker with a heart of gold.   Yeah.

 

  1.  Did Morales’ monologue alter your opinion or viewpoint of the Saviors?

Briana:  No. I can understand the perspective is different for them and that they think they’re justified in what they have to do to survive. But perception doesn’t always make you right. In the end, they’re forcing people to starve and struggle for their own benefit. That’s not ok. (It is kinda silly that we don’t get a good perspective of what other groups have done to survive aside from from bits and pieces.  They have made sure to tell us a lot about the Saviors though just so there is a big neon flashing sign above their HQ saying “These are the bad guys!!!!  All groups have done some less than desirable things I would speculate, although the Kingdom seemed to do well.)

Bob:  Not in the least.  I just don’t like Negan, the folks are probably okay.  (Is it because of Negan’s posture?)

Bitty: No. kill them all. I wish we heard more bout his time after leaving the original group. (Yes, that’s all I wanted from him is his travels from season 1 to now.  We all get the Savior’s perspectives.  Whether we agree or not is always an entirely different thing.  I would have enjoyed the opening video being of Morales’ voyage.  I could have done with one less gun fight.

Brian:  not at all. The saviors are taking people in and as long as they follow the rules they are allowed to create a home and have a successful life. Unlike the band of killers that is wandering through the countryside murdering anyone who is unlucky enough to cross their paths.  (I wish TWD would have done a fake 30 infomercial to advertise this season with Negan walking us through Sanctuary and talking about how he takes people in, like those feed the starving kids or any of the sad Sarah Mcla…… whatever her name is with the pet commercials.  That would have been such a good advertisement.)

Raylene: No that didn’t change my opinion of them but they are starting to show case that some of the Saviors are there because the choice was taken out of their hands it’s either join or die  (In a lot of cases, whether it’s said or not, whether the Saviors tell a person or group that, it is often join a group or die.  Just because they are bold enough to say it, I don’t think that’s a horrible thing.)

Kent:  No, it certainly didn’t.  I know that I am in the minority, but I still don’t think of the Saviors as the bad guys when looking at it objectively.  If anything, it further cemented my belief that if this show started off with Negan and showed us his journeys, he would be held in the same esteem as Heisenberg from Breaking Bad.

 

  1.  In the grand scheme of The Walking Dead, which character had the bigger impact: Morales or Eric?

Briana:  Morales was definitely more intense in the moment for us viewers but for the basis of the show, it would be Eric. The grief Aaron will deal with and the group’s grief. Morales was just there for a minute and then he wasn’t. (Aaron’s character arc moving forward will really be a testament to which answer is right here.  As we know, some deaths are more meaningful than others.  Poor TDog.)

Bob:  Eric.  He had air time on the show.  And culture. (Pop culture!)

Bitty: Eric had a bigger impact. Not during his life but during his death. (What a terribly lame ass death for Eric though.  He got the shaft and then he got screwed over in his zombie scene.)

Brian:  Morales. He got to Rick and showed him the errors of his ways. Eric was just a ploy to get us to think that the ricktards are kinda human. And if they truly liked Eric they would not of let him wander off. In the past the characters who meant something were not allowed to wander off.  (Okay, that is a huge point.  Nobody who mattered has ever been left to wander once bitten.  I was actually surprised it took this long for somebody to say it.)

Kristi:  Morales. Eric was boring for me. (He never got a chance to shine and his personality was laid back and whiny.)

Raylene: I have to say Morales because he had more character development in the first episodes of the show (Morales was actually kinda cool and a bad ass fighter in the few scenes we got of him.)

Kent:  Morales had more dialogue, but fueled nobody.  Eric’s death has unleashed Aaron to hopefully become the great character that he is in the comics.  Aside from Eugene, I would say that Aaron may also get a good strong story.

 

  1.  Should Maggie have let Gregory back in Hillside?

Briana:  I wouldn’t have! I’d have let him stay out and fend for himself or go back to his buddy Negan. (Would that have been better than keeping him in your line of sight?)

Bob:  Nope.

Bitty: Yes. He’s just a worm who Maggie may be able to use as a smoke screen in the future. (I don’t mind this theory.)

Brian: Yes he will be able to liberate the POWS and allow the return to their home after eradicating the evil enemy that is occupying their home.(We don’t see the word eradicating enough in this blog.  Thank you for bringing it back.)

Kristi:  No. I just cant stand him and sure as hell don’t trust him!  (boooo)    (haha)

Raylene:  Yes Maggie will make some use out of him (Like having Gregory and Jesus do entertaining 2 man shows for the Hilltop?  Sold!)

Kent:  Yes!  Gregory is surely sorry and he sounded contrite.  Let’s face it, Gregory is one of the 2-3 funniest guys on the show along with Simon and Eugene and sometimes Negan.  We NEED Gregory around as much as possible.  Gregory made me giggle a lot Sunday night and I need some levity in the midst of all the wasted ammo.  In all seriousness, how did nobody suggest that she take him in to kill him?  He’s a huge threat inside and out, so just get rid of him before he does more damage.)

 

  1.  Were you hoping that Morgan would kill the Saviors that escaped?

Briana:  Yes!! Jesus is getting on my nerves the last couple episodes. I mean that was a kick ass fight scene but Morgan was right. These people aren’t going to just assimilate to their society after they’re no longer prisoners.  (In theory I would say that your right (and I did accidentally type write the first time), but my fear is that you will take umbrage with what happens on the show in a very unrealistic way.  Hopefully I am wrong.)

Bob:  It seemed like he was going to, but I don’t like it when he is nuts.  (I love how Lennie does the performance, but I do like Morgan more when he is grounded because I feel like it makes him tougher.)

Bitty:  yes that was my thought however the fight between Jesus and Morgan was the best match up in a long time. (So I just sat here thinking about best fights in the show’s history and am kicking myself in the nuts for not asking everybody’s favorite fight scene in the show’s history.  Probably next week I will ask.  I am trying to think of good ones and the best I can think of is Rick vs Shane season 2, Rick vs Porch Dick Season 5 or 6, Glenn vs Nicholas, Michonne vs Governor, and I feel like Merle was in one or 2.  Super Daryl doesn’t count.  Also, Tyrese vs Rick and Daryl simultaneous!)

Brian:  No and I’m glad that our turncoat Jesus beat him down to save the lives of those pour souls. That are being held against their will.  (Right?  Nobody is thinking about all the families that are being torn apart by this.)

Kristi:  Yes! Do away with them. They are just going to end up being a bigger problem in the future. (You may not like where this is going.  Sheer speculation on my part.)

Raylene:  I wanted him to at least get Jared because let’s face it he’s going to cause trouble sooner than later  (I think that if they executed Jared, it would have helped keep everybody else in line.  But no, I do not want Jared dead.  He is one of the best characters on the show.)

Kent:  Absolutely!  I love the killing machine version of Morgan.  Even more so, crazy Morgan is amazing.  He snaps, and I truly admire the job that Lennie James has done with this character.  Keeping those Saviors alive is not a bargaining chip, it’s simply a liability.  I understand the endgame for when the war is over, but I wouldn’t risk it.

 

  1.  Is there any benefit to keep the Saviors alive, per Jesus’ plan?

Briana:  I mean maybe if Negan wants to make a deal for hostages but even that isn’t a big enough benefit to actually keep them. I say they went to kill them all, kill them all!  (That’s something that I feel is overlooked.  Negan would make some kind of deal to get his men back because they are the backbone of his operation, especially with so many casualties.  I hope that this gets brought up in show.  I doubt it will.)

 

Bob: 

  (Yeah, nobody is topping that response.  Fantastic.)

Bitty:  If i try to see the war from Jesus’ viewpoint maybe some of the Saviors want out. Maybe they can be used for good in the future. (Really, that is the whole crux of Jesus’ beliefs is that some people had no choice and would like to have one when ALL OUT WAR is finished.  You’re welcome AMC.)

Brian:  Of course Jesus is a plant by Negan to spy on the Ricktards. He is helping save the saviors. (I’ve got to say, that would be a stroke of genius.  A stroke of Jesus’ lovely hair.)

Raylene:  Perhaps the ones that were just the workers not the henchmen   (Soooo, how are you going to find out who was who?  Are they going to confess?)

Kent:  Yeah, so that they have characters to run the Sanctuary after the war. That’s the real answer.  In the moment, hell no.

 

  1.  Was Ezekiel too arrogant or cocky for his own good?

Briana:  Maybe but I like to think he was more just impossibly optimistic rather than cocky. It made me so sad watching all of his men jump on top of him, taking his bullets. He definitely celebrated too soon. They should have checked the building before hanging around as if it were over.  (I especially didn’t enjoy seeing the ginger dude die.  This is becoming a serious epidemic of back to back seasons with a ginger death.)

Bob:  Yeah, he rode that wave a little high.  “Not lose one of our ranks.”  Stick to victory – because by saying you won’t lose anyone, that means you lost and the mentality of your group.. Or the morale will decline.  (This felt like me saying “Not one single goal allowed to the Disciples, let’s shut em out 92-0.  Then The Disciples score the first goal and I hang my head in shame.)

Bitty: No. I don’t think he was being arrogant at all. He was playing a role. He was being a leader. He was acting. However everyone has a breaking point. (Yeah, I do believe that he was doing what he could and thought was right, especially in his role.  People can easily forget that this was just a dude who worked at a zoo a few years ago.)

Brian:  The “King” is leading his flock to slaughter. His gut knows that life was simpler when they were helping Negan and the Saviors lead a peaceful life. Now he’s in way over his head and is way past the point of no return.  (Let’s consider that.  It did seem like life was way more peaceful prior to Carol and Morgan showing up.  Is Carol playing the role of Yoko here?)

Kristi:  Nope. He has a tiger and is considered a King! He should be arrogant. (I was getting worried as you hadn’t mentioned Shiva all blog.)

Raylene:  No he was neither just very inexperienced in fighting with the Saviors  (He doesn’t strike me as a guy that ever got into more than one fight his whole life prior to the ZA.)

Kent:  Yeah, definitely arrogant and complacent. The rules of war and horror are very similar. Boasting in any capacity will get you got. Still, I love to hear him. Carol is still the smart one.

Bonus Deuce

  1.  Pick a character that doesn’t get much screen time that you would like to see or hear more of this season.

Briana:  Negan! It irritates me that he hides during most of the crazy shit that goes on! Come out coward and fight like the man you pretend to be! Lol!  (I’m all for more Negan time. I do like him though, so for me it’s without the negative connotations.)

Bob:  Simon.(YES!  We all deserve a bit more of Simon.)

Bitty:  Oceanside!! (I may have said this just to humor a certain Kball)  (Well since you did this with your boob out, I will let this slide.  Bonus points of breastfeeding!  I also dread going back to Oceanside, but I feel that it is inevitable.)

Brian:  Eugene… he knows….. he knows what Rick truly is…. Abraham told him during their many lonely nights together… he knows all…. (I agree that Eugene reads everyone incredibly well.  While I did say that this would be his season, it may not be in effect until the second half.  We need more of the Tennessee Tophat!)

Kristi:  Eugene and Negan. This season is about them taking him down. I would like to see more of them. (So you don’t want 4 more hours of gun fights?  AMC disagrees!)

Raylene:  Jadis and her people  (Well if we don’t get more of her, you can always watch The Badlands again, or The Woman, or The Exam, or I think she was in Tales From Halloween.  I really like her as an actress.)

Kent:  Dianne is my answer here.  I could go for more insight on Gavin, Tobin, and Arat.

 

  1.  With 13 remaining episodes of this season, how many of them will be these episodes with lots of gun fights that resemble an action flick?

Briana:  I would say at least ⅓-½ of them! They’ve been hyping this up to be the most action packed season in a long time so I’m holding them to it! Lol!  (It appears that they don’t intend on letting you down.)

Bob:  Ugh, too many…..  (Seriously, doesn’t it feel like the first 3 episodes has just been one long action film and not much else?)

Bitty:  We will have action episodes thru mid season. (That makes me a saaaad panda.)

Brian:  I hope that it continues to be exciting but they need to be more realistic. The gun fights seem to be designed by the left wing that believes semi automatic firearms never need reloading and each magazine holds an infinite amount of bullets. (Say what???  This is nothing new.  I present to you this gem.)

Kristi:  8. Wishful thinking here. (Yike, that worries me.)

Raylene:  4 (4 is not your friend.)

Kent:  5 is my answer.

Final Thoughts

I found this at IMDB.com.

Briana:  What’s happening with Negan and Gabriel!!!??? It’s making me crazy that they left it the way they did and haven’t gone back yet! Also, I hope Morgan doesn’t go too far! I’m pretty concerned for his well being at this point and if he wanders off for too long, he may not come back.

Bitty:  Favorite Quotes of the episode:

“Officer Friendly died right along with them” Morales

“We’re the same. Everybody turns” -Morgan

“I did not eat those pancakes!”-Gregory (Gregory was so great in that bit of his.  Also always glad to hear somebody say Officer Friendly.  I miss Merle.)

Brian:  Here are my thoughts.. Negan was distributing the blue meth on the east coast. Rick and Abraham were part of the distribution network. Ezekiel was also part the network selling to the theatre crowd and stealing animal tranquilizers. Jesus is an undercover agent who worked with the DEA to bring down Negan but has grown to realize that Negan has provided order during the chaos and is a respectable leader. Now this blue meth is the secret to stopping this virus. So the fight is on to find Jesse to save the planet. (Wasn’t Rick already boning Jessie?  Oh, wrong Jesse.  Nope, your story checks out.)

Raylene:  Where the hell is Eugene?

Kent:  I want to see Gregory with his own show or do a spin off. Something. The guy is just so damn charismatic. He’d be the perfect wrestling manager for the bad guys.  Starting next week, I hope to be getting questions from the contributors of this blog to add some dimensions to what you read. Also, if you go to IMDB, I find the pics that they are using for Ep 4 and 5 to be a tad odd.  Go there at your own risk, but it is kinda odd to say the least.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1520211/episodes?season=8

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#112 Feast II: Sloppy Seconds (2008)

Feast 1 was a treat, and we know how good sequels usually are, so I’m expecting this to be awful, BUT I have never seen Feast 2 or 3, so I gotta see what they are about and hopefully find myself a hidden gem. Really, that’s what this is all about. We all have friends that have recommended movies to us that we’ve never heard of, and every once in awhile they nail it. Back in the day, you could go into your local video rental place, and look and look and rent a well known movie and then try something that you’ve never heard of. Without rental stores, in some ways it is harder now to find these hidden gems. We have to depend on trying out movies on Netflix, or scouring message boards on IMDb or reading somebody’s newest “top 20” bullshit list. My taste in films will certain differ from yours, but I try to give you the info you’re gonna need to make a solid judgement regarding whether you want to invest the next hour and a half to two hours on a film.  I am really tired. On with the movie!!!

Feast 2 brings back a few members of the original cast. That’s cool with me. I won’t say who because, well that would be a spoiler for those who haven’t seen the first. it’s not like Halloween 3, you can make the safe assumption that Michael Meyers will keep returning. Wait, there’s 10 Halloween films, and Michael Meyers was in all of them but part 3? That would be idiotic. It happened. I always have to bring this up.

So the movie starts right off where the first one left us it appears. Continuity is amazing. Also love that this is called Feast 2: Sloppy Seconds. They know their audience. IMDB is recommending that I watch Hatchet. Yup, I’ll hit up those 3 this year I think. And we already have boobs. Score one for the good guys.

Well the biker chick’s sister is in this one. It’s the same lady from the first, so they must be twins. One of my favorite characters has returned! And is this a midget? 2 midgets? And their wrestlers called Thunder and Lighting! I am so happy. They also just tried portraying a woman’s bush, but it was beyond fake, so can’t count it for any of my totals. It was about as fake as any time Bud Bundy got flung in Married With Children.

There is a hobo character. Really good character ideas so far. Wow, the dude who played Cole on the TV show Martin is in this and his name is Slasher. I so want him to live long in this film. I knew I recognized his name, just would have never guessed from Martin.  Biker momma has 4 other girls with her. And yes, I just sang the whole Sons Of Anarchy song in my head. “The crow flies straight”. Some of these biker chicks are sleazy on the eyes.

So it appears these monsters are tearing up this whole small town. They are trying to appeal to dudes who enjoy biker chicks with guns. Good call! The bikers are called The Bleeders. One chick is trying to go for the Kelly Bundy first 3 seasons look. I’m not opposed whatsoever. And, she dead. Damnit.  Very nice, 2 hammers brought down to smash a head. Delightful! Woohoo, one of my favorites is back on screen.

So the biker chicks are hunting down somebody. People from the previous film are back. This is definitely different from the first one, I’ll give them credit there. We’re at about the one third mark, so this is where I kinda sit back, take it all in, just like yo mutha, and reflect upon it when it’s finished unless something epic happens in the meantime.

There’s too much “gross out” moments, puking and stuff with other appendages and body fluids. 10-20% of that would have gotten the point across. Sometimes less is better. I enjoy that the one midget only speaks Spanish and likes to say “Save the pussy”. I really dig the red headed biker, possibly my favorite out of the group. Great plan involving the midgets, and 2 more pairs of boobs, one being my red headed lady. Otherwise, this has delineated into SyFy movie of the week type effects and plot. Midget fight!!!! Also, these 2 girls are just gonna be topless for the rest of the film, so 10-15 mins I am assuming. That is fantastic. One girl is in a thong, that also counts. Hell both are skimpy, plus a third chick.

What the fuck kind of ending was what? All of that build up….and we get that? Wow, they got balls to do that.

OK, so final thoughts. The T&A was above average based on quantity but not not quality. The jokes were sloppy, but the midgets helped that. Too may times were they going for the gross out. I mean how many times do I need to see somebody puke? It was not a good story, it just wasn’t. The first made so much more sense. This story just dragged on and on. It reminds me of one of the Phantasms that simply goes very little, very slowly. They did try though…I think. And there was a lot to love. In the end, I don’t foresee myself viewing this ever again. I’m going to give it a 4.1. You may like it if you like the SyFy channel original movies, add in more puking, guts, gore, and T&A, but at what cost? Funny thing, looking up a suitable pic, and about a third of them are of the topless women. At least it’s fans have their priorities straight, I guess.

I don’t own the rights to this picture or film. It’s from the film, so they are the owners, not me.

T & A Totals updated, but note the amount of ass in this was nice, but it didn’t fit any category. Also, dropping rape as a category…for now.

17 Bare breasts

3 bare asses

2 concealed breasts

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#111 Feast (2005)

I have seen this movie once before and I remember liking it. The cast is absolutely stacked. It has Jason Mewes of Jay and Silent Bob fame, Henry Rollins who has done a ton including Sons Of Anarchy which was entertaining, Treach from Naughty By Nature, Judah Friedlander from 30 Rock, Krista Allen and well maybe some other people that I just don’t recognize by name yet.

So this is taking place at one of those bars in the middle of nowhere, about 20 people are in typically. The bartender is n awesome old dude. This is like a from Dusk til Dawn set up, only instead of vampires, they take on these hungry viscous monsters or aliens, I don’t know what you’d call them. On the plus side, there’s lots of gore, and it is presented in a fun manner, introduced us to all the characters, even telling us their life expectancy. I like knowing my cast of characters right from the get go. It’s very chaotic. As soon as people are all introduced, we get a death, some people hurt, and this was only the first wave of attacks.

Shit, I didn’t even recognize the guy who plays Boss Man is Maynard from Pulp Fiction. Sweet! Gimp’s sleeping. Him and Zed were great.

One chick, possibly the hottest depending on one’s taste, was just in bra and panties. That’s gonna be the most amount of pleasing skin we’ll see during this film, but no complaints. I mean sure, I always want more because I’m greedy, but oh well.

So they are starting to barricade shit, and getting things figured out. I think 3 people are dead as of now, but not 100% sure. I really wish I had some slim jims and easy cheese. Do not knock it til you try it. It’s a LingFest specialty. Barring that, I want some McDonald’s breakfast or pizza. Horror flicks make me hungry.

You can kinda make some guesses as to who will be in say the final 6 or 4 of this film. It’s like watching the Royal Rumble. You can also speculate how some may die. Like the mom will probably die protecting her kid. The bar owner, well he’s gonna die, but he’s gonna shoot them with his shotgun in a heroic effort. The heroine may live. Henry Rollins is too confident, so I’m guessing no. Jason Mewes may already be dead, I haven’t seen him in awhile. I gotta type and watch simultaneously. Hot chick, she’s almost guaranteed to die because hot chick never lives. Boss man and Judah, they are both big dudes, they have a target on their back. There’s a young dude in a wheelchair, I like his odds to live long but not survive, perhaps he has a sacrifice scene. The main dude Bozo seems like a good final candidate. Grandma, well she has very very few lines, so you know she’s expendable.

Unfortunately, I can’t tell you the outcome because then what’s the point? If you are a fan of the token black person in a horror film, as I am, well you can rest assured that he’s dead. I always want more black people in my horror flicks, especially when they turn the tables.I don’t care about other races, there’s not as much stigma. ALWAYS cheer the black people, you just have to Bo-lieve!!!

This is a perfect set up for a horror film. When you want some mindless horror, this is perfect! It’s a familiar ideaa, a bunch of people banded together to take on something evil. You have fun, likeable characters. You have lots of death. You have good looking women, and a few rednecks. Perfection. It’s not going to win an Oscar, but it is enough to satisfy most people’s appetites. You can absolutely make a drinking game out of this movie.  Drink 3 times when someone dies, drink every time somebody swears, a gun is fired, or an insult is said. BOOM, I just made you have a very fun evening.

Man. nobody wants Grandma’s help, but she seems like she is the thinker of the group.  Now the group is splitting up, because it wouldn’t be horror without that. Old man has a fucking machete. I need to get me one of those. It would make me feel safer in life. I need to shut up before this blog gets too long.

Just finished. So Wes Craven, Ben Affleck, and Matt Damon produced this movie. What an odd collection. By the end, I got bored. It has a great premise, but some aspects fell way too flat. I enjoyed it, I will watch it again. I can’t tell you that I loved it. Another movie with strong first half, weak second half. That’s very typical moreso in horror and comedies I think than any other movie genres.

I’m giving it a 6.2 and look forward to the 2 sequels. I really do want McDonald’s breakfast though.

I don’t own the rights to this picture or film. It’s from the film, so they are the owners, not me.

T&A Totals remain the same, but there was a rape scene (with a monster), so now I have to include that as well

14 Bare breasts

3 bare asses

2 concealed breasts

1 rape

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#100 The Cabin In The Woods (2012)

Yes, here it is….#100. In my opinion, this is the best horror film to come out since SAW. That’s how much I thoroughly love this movie. It starts off in a Cabin…..in the woods. Yup, that’s #100 for us this year. This movie is fucking hilarious while being a horror flick with tons of awesome visuals. This is a magical movie that transcends the genre. Perhaps not the most popular choice, but as you will see, this movie makes my bulge bigger.

This movie starts right off with the Dad from Step Brothers, Richard Jenkins, whose character’s name is Sitterson. He is joined by the antagonist in Billy Madison, you know the really funny Adam Sandler flick with amazing replay value, Bradley Whitford, and his character’s name is Hadley. They work at some government facility. Next we meet the 5 college students. We have the goodie girl who is not wearing pants, Dana. The other hot chick is Jules. Jules’ boyfriend is Curt, played by Thor Hemsworth. We got his buddy Holden. And finally we have our stoner, Marty whom I wasn’t terribly excited about, but he has some damn fine lines. These 5 are going to a cabin in the woods.

On their way they stop at a gas station, the dude there is a fucking weirdo. They get gas and move along to the cabin. We see that the people at the facility are taking bets. Something is quite odd.  We get a report about the young people from somebody. Curiouser and curiouser. Jules is a hot horror slut and she makes no bones about it. After a fun game of Truth or Dare where Jules makes out with a mounted wolf head and then her and Thor go outdoors to fuck. During the Truth or Dare, Dana finds a books that tells a story that ins’t taken terribly serious. Marty keeps hearing hearing shit, but he is a stoner…..so yeah.

Back at the facility, our 2 guys say a prayer, and a handle is pulled, and some liquid, appears to be blood, gets cracked out of a bottle and flows through this carving of sorts. I don’t really know how to explain. So Thor and Jules go out to fuck, we finally get to see her tits. Then they get attacked by the the zombie family that was discussed in the book. Marty makes a bulge reference, goes outside and Thor comes blasting by warning him to get inside. Thor wants to board up windows and unsure everybody stays together. So the guys unleash some gas so that now Thor suggests they split up to cover more ground, everybody agrees except for Marty who condescendingly says “Really?”. Now that everybody went into separate rooms, our 2 guys push a button, now all the doors in the cabin are locked.

Marty makes a discovery and they almost drug him, but daddy Buckner is  closing in, so they let him get Marty instead. He is dragged off by Buckner while screaming for help. We then hear what sounds likes stabbing and a last gasp of breathe. Poor Marty, he was a fun character.

The Buckners are attacking the house. Holden and Dana are working on getting to the basement. Thor, well he’s doing Thor things, but there’s no Loki. Dana is slowly putting the story together, the basement is where people get killed. Holden gets attacked by a beartrap on a chain to the back. It was sweet. Dana attacks and potentially “kills” a zombie Buckner. I dunno. The 3 of them get in the vehicle and drive off.

We see some oriental girls in school hand in hand in a classroom singing and this is apparently taking down a an evil ghost spirit and turning it into a frog. We see in the monitors and other major cities in other countries have the word fail written. Some talk about how they can’t fail, in the facility, something about a ritual. There is panic as the tunnel is still open, it hasn’t blown and Jenkins is a man on a mission to make sure it happens, he fixes the electrical malfunction just in time so they can’t escape. Goood. Oh, they were also pissed at how well Marty had dome due to how much they had laced his weed with chemicals.

Now back to the group. Thor fucking decides that he is getting on his motorcycle and attempting some Evil Knieval shit and trying to jump this large gap to get to the other side to go get help. In a favorite and sad moment, As he is in mid air, he hits some invisible electrical barrier and down goes Thor. I say sad because I just loved his character. I hope he has a long and healthy career. So now it’s just Holden and Dana in the vehicle. And a Buckner just stabbed Holden through his neck, and he dead. Now it is just Dana. That came somewhat out of nowhere. I love shit like that. The vehicle ended up in the lake and Dana is trying to get out.

Back to the facility, everybody is celebrating except the government black skeptical dude. He asks if everything is good with Dana still being alive. Apparently the virgin is optional in this ritual, as long as she suffers. Let the celebration commence, and Hadley screams “Tequila is my lady”. This scene is hilarious, asking about if they get OT. Hadley says he was upset there wasn’t a merman. Jenkins is talking to the guys in the department that had the electrical failure, and Jenkins is joking how they gave him a scare, and they are insistent that they never got the call from upstairs. Suddenly the phone rings. The party has to be quiet. It sounds like somebody aside from the virgin is still alive. We have a case of uh oh (Sealab reference to any of you who enjoyed that great show).

Fucking A, Marty is still alive and just saved Dana who was getting her ass whooped by a Buckner. They work together to take down the Buckner. They running and they hop into the grave. Interesting. Now they are having some ah hah moments, in the grave is an electric panel and there is an elevator. To go down, or not to go down, that is the question every girl must ponder when they meet me. Most choose no. But these 2 characters, they choose to go down, and then it goes to the side. They appear to be in the facility. It’s all black looking out the elevator, suddenly a werewolf rears it’s ugly head, the elevator moves again, and there is a ghostly spirit. Then we meet the ballerina who’s face is like the vagina in the movie Teeth. yes, i said vagina. Behind them is this bad ass looking dude who has circular saw in his head, he looks like he could hang with Pinhead. Suddenly the camera pans away. Let me try tackling all the various cubes, I am sure I will miss some. Ya know what, fortunately somebody with far more ambition than me has already made a list, so here is the link.

Monsters in Cabin In The Woods

I love the robot, the 2 little girls, the clown. I love almost all of them to be perfectly blunt. The 2 dudes are trying to plan out the survivors deaths, some dude came at them with a gun. He got shot instead. How silly! Suddenly a voice over the loud speaker. Is that who I think it is? As a fan of futurama, that sounds so familiar. There are government agents coming at them. The voice say that they must placate the ancient ones. Dana and Marty enter like a control room. They open up the doors and unleash all the hell. My god is this ever fun. Haha, the evil tree!!!! Well the swat team or whatever just got fucked up.Now everybody in the facility is getting it. Oh my god, this is pleasure overload. I’m about to, I’m about to, BOOM, all over the keyboard. Not really, but mentally I kinda am. There’s the clown on the monitor!!! Dana and Marty are trying to escape. So much awesome is happening.

Yes, more clown, and a sadistic unicorn. How clever! Hahahaha, the Merman kills Hadley, oh the irony since he always pulls for the merman!! EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!!! Jenkins ends up in a room with Marty and Dana, and he implores her to kill him. With that being said, ladies and gentleman, Mr Conway Twitty.

Now they enter a room with weird walls with carvings/pictures/paintings. There’s 5 of them. They realize it is them and they are part of the ritual. And there she is. some may say an icon, Ms Sigourney Weaver! Basically, this ritual allows the human race to continue. Marty needs to die or else the whole world goes to hell. Dana has the gun pointed at Marty. She apologizes, then so does he as he sees the werewolf behind her. He gnaws on here. Now Sigourney and Marty are fight for the gun. Sigourney is a hoss. And then little girl with axe creeping up, and axe to head of Sigourney. Marty and Dana have a nice heart to heart. They’re having a smoke. Having a real moment at the thought of giant evil gods. They’re now being selfish, refusing to kill Marty so the whole world is gonna go to shit. So he’s gonna die either way. What the fuck does it matter then? That piece of logic bothered me, and then I saw a giant hand come out of the ground and I felt better. End of movie.

Now during the movie, I had to pause it, and i want to show you the still frame shot.

Can you see what I see? Do you see why this may hold any relevance? Thanks to the zoom function on my phone, let’s explore a little deeper, like Peter North.

That’s right friends, 9 mother fucking Deuce in full effect.

I want to thank all of you that have reached the #100 milestone, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for reading all of this. BUT WAIT!!! Could it be that I have a surprise or 2 up my sleeve? Shit negro, that’s all you had to say.

I’ll be back!

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#99 Quarantine (2008)

I don’t understand why I have heard so much negativity around this movie. The original Rec, was a Korean movie perhaps. One of those Asia countries. Anyway, this was a fun, original feeling movie. Yeah, it was does the bouncy handheld camera thing due to the premise, but it works well and isn’t too chaotic in my opinion. There’s no big names here, but the acting is fine for what it needs to be.

Sometimes I just want to copy and past IMDB’s synopsis. But why come here if you can go there….right?

So this reasonably attractive female reporter is to spend the night with the local fire department. Well you spend 10-15 mins getting to know some of these guys, it was filler but it wasn’t boring really surprisingly. Then they get a call, so her and the cameraman go on a ride along. At some apartment building, so lady was going a lil crazy with yelling. Well she got infected with a disease that causes her to like this killer but zombie-ish, lots of biting and shit. Well of course she attacks somebody, then they get the disease, and the cops and firefighters are trying to restore order, but it keeps spreading. When they try to leave, they find out the government has quarantined the building and they are not getting out thanks to the CDC. So basically they are left to fend for themselves. They have no contact to the outside world at this point. They be fucked. Of course lady survives towards the end and what we are seeing the found footage so to speak.

This was a very fun movie. Don’t take it too seriously and enjoy a gory film with a few potential scares. I think it gets a bad rep because sometimes the public just wants to hate on some horror flicks because they be stupid. I am giving this a 7.1. If you don’t like it, why are you reading this garbage?

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#22 The Descent (2005)

Wait, I thought I just reviewed the worst rated movie on my list. Hahaha, nope. This fucking movie. In theory, I should love it. a bunch of cave dwelling troglodyte monsters kill a bunch of dumb bitches. And THAT part is great!!! The problem is the journey. How much awful time is wasted in the beginning showing the ladies bonding and having some girl time? It was terrible, waste of fucking film, shoulda had a fucking V8, would have rather been punched in my 3 testicles, been married to Peg Bundy, watch the whole Twilightt franchise, beyond awfulness. Still, this is better than Paranormal Activity. I have nothing terribly positive to say, and a shitty sequel exists. Lists that rank modern day 2000’s horror flicks and have this in the top 10 or 20, well they are wrong. Everybody is entitled to their own opinion, but mine is better than yours in this case. Just a fucking travesty. I’m giving this the anti 9 deuce, giving it the 2.9. At least all the dumb bitches got got basically. Otherwise, epic fucking fail. And now I have probably lost half of my reading audience.

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