I know that what I’m about to say is gonna get me a lot of flak. I don’t think I have ever seen this movie, and if I did, I don’t remember it. I know some of you are thinking, “Ohhhh, you’d know if you’d seen this”. Maybe, but maybe not. I have avoided reviewing this movie because it cannot reach the height of the hype, most likely. I feel that this is more Top Gun and less Goonies. I want to be wrong.
I also don’t want to take this too seriously. I was never a big fan of the Transformers. I didn’t have their toys. I had G.I. Joes, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, MASK, and those were the big 3 for me. So I missed out on the Transformer stuff. When the movies came out in the 2000s, I gave zero Fs. I just didn’t care. The movie sucked, by the way. BIG donkey dick. If you want to argue that with me, I would gladly debate the merits or lack thereof. It wasn’t a very good movie, and it had a lot of dumb moments. Deal with it.
This movie could be great, though. So I want to give it my attention. I am gonna eat a bag of popcorn and try to enjoy this. No play-by-play. Just a review afterward.
Wow, I just finished it. The fuck did I just see? Seriously, what was that? Having never watched the cartoons, I had very little knowledge of many characters aside from Optimus Prime, Megatron, Starscream, and Bumblebee. Oh, and how many of them were killed?
Now, I know this may sound angry, but I’m not. I am confused because I didn’t know who was who. Hot Rod may have been important before this, I don’t know. I didn’t even know about the Dinobots, but I admit that I am now a fan of Grimlock.
That leads me down the rabbit hole, though. Is Grimlock supposed to be cool, or is he the Jar Jar Binks of this film? I don’t know. I truly need somebody to tell me. I feel that Grimlock was far more badass than Jar Jar, but I see some similarities. Please, somebody, tell me that he’s cooler than Jar Jar, and not just because of nostalgia.
Nostalgia, that word kept running through my brain. Those who still praise this for being great, I simply can’t agree with it being great. A great movie tends to flesh out things a bit better. Was this an incredibly nostalgic movie? I can affirmatively give that a Hell Yeah! Is this the animated equivalent of Top Gun? Go ahead and come up with a better comparison. Good actors, great soundtrack, and people from the 80s put it high up on a pedestal that it probably shouldn’t be on.
Since I just mentioned it, I must say that the 2 best things about this for me were the soundtrack and actors. This soundtrack kicked ass. And how the hell did Weird Al end up in this? My mind was blown, but in a positive way. The fact that Robert Stack had a big role is incredible, as did Judd Nelson, Leonard Nimoy, Orson Welles, Scatman Crothers, and Frank Welker (no surprise there), among others. Perhaps the most surprising voice that I heard was Cobra Commander’s voice, by Christopher Collins, who didn’t even bother changing the voice to suit Starscream. Maybe it existed before Cobra Commander, but they are damn near identical.
I’m still not sure what all happened. I have no idea why there is a dude and his son helping the Autobots. I am not sure if Megatron died or if he just became another character. Like did his soul move on? I have questions, but I don’t need answers. To be perfectly honest, I’ll watch this again, maybe in the background. It was fun. (Side note. I absolutely did rewatch it and had a really fun time.) I know a lot of people will find my rating too low, and they aren’t considering that I am watching this for the first time in 2022. It makes a huge difference.
Final Rating: 6.2 seems fair. If Phantasm is a horror fever dream, then The Transformers: The Movie is an animated fever dream for those unfamiliar with the characters. And that’s okay. But it does lower the score. The voice acting and great soundtrack make this very fun and rewatchable.
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