I’m going old school with one of my favorite classic films. It has Steve McQueen. Do I really need to say anymore? Some of you younger folks may not be familiar with just how awesome McQueen was, but he was really one of the all-time guys back then. He was a huge name.
Let’s just get this out of the way first and foremost, the movie opens with this.
How fucking awesome is that? One of the classic opening songs for a film.
We see a couple in a convertible, and they see like a meteor come crashing down. An old guy finds it, cracks it open, and this blob comes out and goes after his hand. And we’re off to the races. The couple is driving, and they come across the old guy and want to bring him to the doctor.
Steve McQueen’s character’s name is Steve. That’s fantastic. His girl’s name is Jane. The old man’s named Old Man. If any of you have ever seen Legend Of Neil, that is funny. Oh? None of you have seen it? Why am I not surprised? It’s online, it’s funny, and it’s about Legend of Zelda. And now nobody is gonna go look at it. Damn you, readers!!!!
These 3 guys are giving Steve some shit. These assholes want to race because Steve went past them. So they have a race driving backward because the asshole said he could outrace him going backwards. This is some silly 50’s shit. Steve is in his late 20’s portraying a much younger guy I do believe. The cop is threatening to tell their parents, so maybe trying to pull over teens. Too funny.
Old man’s hand looks like it was dipped in strawberry jam. The doctor has his nurse come in to help him. When she goes to check on the Old Man, he is now one big ball of the goo. it looks like a giant blood clot now. Oh god, I am laughing. The nurse is freaking out. The Blob got the nurse and the doc. Steve and Jane go get the cops to Doc’s house.
They see that the place has been broken into, but no sign of Doc or nurse, so cops suspect vandals and not MURDER!!! Some mechanic also got consumed by the Blob. This absolutely feels like some longer episode of the Twilight Zone. You know that in my world, that’s an awesome thing.
Steve tracks the asshole crew at the movie theater where they were gonna meet up. They weren’t so much assholes, but kinda. Anyway, they are pissed that they just blew their 80 cents on the movie. One of the crew was eating an orange in the theater, yes an orange. And the movie playing was The Vampire and the Robot.
Yes, the link is accurate, look in the reference section. Anyway, Steve and Jane end up in a grocery store, and the Blob is there. There’s a lot of meat hanging on hooks, Jane is in hysterics. Hmmm, so this is the origins of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Oh man, the teens set off the air raid sirens. Oh, the town is in an uproar, rabble rabble rabble. The Blob is consuming the theater projectionist. Ohhhh no, the film stopped. The Blob is seeping into the theater. Mass panic, everybody is leaving the theater. There’s the local diner. Jane’s mentally challenged younger brother Danny takes his toy gun to shoot the Blob, but now they are stuck in the diner with a cook, a waitress, and of course Steve. The Blob has wrapped itself around the diner. Holy shit, so funny. The cop wants to drop a power line on it. The Blob is seeping in. Everybody down to the basement now.
Danny is 5 years old and says stuff like “afwaid”. Hate this kid, but enjoying laughing at him. OK, so the electric thing, although extremely impressive looking, didn’t work. The cook used an extinguisher, the CO2 kind. Now the town needs to round up the extinguishers around town. The school has 20 of them. So this posse goes and breaks in the school. You got all of these young strapping gentlemen, and are only taking one out at a time. Now the town is spraying The Blob. Seriously, this is truly a treat.
The final shot is amazing. a cargo grate with 3 parachutes containing the Blob getting dropped off in the Arctic. AWESOME!
In conclusion, I would find it hard to believe that you could watch this and not get some entertainment value out of it. Maybe not as much as me, but some at the very least. People of all ages can absolutely watch it. Go watch it with your grandparents, I’m sure they’d get all nostalgic and would certainly appreciate the time you spend with them. You won’t regret it. Have some PB&J’s to really tie the room together. For a movie of this era, it was probably cheesy. Today, it is still very cheesy. But it is good, harmless fun. I give it a 7.2 with no hesitation. It’s well made for its time, it’s charming, it sucks you in. Very good film.
Final Rating: 7.2
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