I’ll be perfectly honest. I am not looking forward to this one. I was so surprised by part 666, that I am bound to be disappointed. A whopping 3.4 on IMDB. Oh boy. Let the torture begin!!!
Hey, Michael Ironside is in this, that’s cool. Some old lady got evicted. Her granddaughter has arrived and is looking for her. 11 and a half minutes later, that’s honestly all I can tell you. The pacing of this one is beyond slow. There better be tits in this or else I am rioting. I don’t know how I plan on rioting from the confines of my recliner while writing this blog, but the intention will be there. Hey, the lady just found the 2 creepy kids from the elevator early on. The kids are interested in playing House of the Dead. Fantastic! I love those games!! Raylene thinks the boy is creepier than the girl. I disagree. So as you can imagine, she is wrong. I was also just called a “dick faced dick” by the wife. The level of classiness is astounding. The girl just teleported outside and demanded another quarter. I wish the wife would disappear, maybe to Antarctica. But what would be there? Maybe we will find out in movie 200. I like to leave random hints for people who read my stuff.
Some old dude was standing on a pentagram that was drawn in chalk. He was useless. This movie is useless. Do you know what would make this movie better? If for the next hour we simply watched the kids play House of the Dead, and the ending could be them turning around and shooting the lady with the guns, and she gets teleported into the game. You’d watch that, right? No? I can’t say I blame you, but I tried. Ole dick faced dick has to try to entertain himself during this garbage. So apparently there is a Halloween themed Cap’N Crunch where the ghost-shaped crunch berries turn the milk green. SWEET! The wife also kept saying Captain Crunch. I try to explain that it is Cap’N, no T sound. Other names were flung in my direction. And I’m supposedly the one that needs a Snickers bar. I mean, I still ate one of those mini ones, I ain’t turning it down, but as they say, you can’t fix stupid.
Well hello miss. You are beautiful.Hot blond in pink panties and some side boob. I’m counting it for the Quest for Breasts. Her name is Crystal Lowe. Her IMDB pic has her as a brunette, which doesn’t look as good as her as a blonde. Hey, it happens. Some girls look much better as brunettes, but this girl should always be blonde. He showed her tits in Hot Tub Time Machine, Wrong Turn 2, and Final Destination 3. I like her a lot. She has a great personality. Oh yeah, there’s a movie going on.
So some dude was on top of a building listening to fun party music, and suddenly the 2 kids teleport up there. Well they motion for him to come to where they are and he sidles over and they throw him over the ledge, and he falls into the cornfield. Our main girl, Jaime, she comes up to see him, and the kids teleport to the door. She sees the old guy from before. He’s a priest and it’s Michael Ironside. Jaime ain’t too shabby herself. She’s a redhead. I have never been with true redhead. OK, if I start listing a bucket list of girl types I haven’t been with, a blonde, redhead, black chick, Asian chick, Filipino specific as well.
My girl was full-on topless twice now. Good lawd. I uhmmm, I need me a chick like that. The creepy kid is in the bathroom with a ridiculously hot chick. He dropped some corn in the tub that she is in and well she just got got. While she is screaming, some old crotchety neighbor in the building is banging his slipped against the wall and telling her to shut up you fucking whore. Oh my god, he was delightful. The girl’s body got dragged away. Awww, no more hot chick. That was the only enjoyment I got from this movie.
About 30 minutes to go. I don’t really know what the plot is. I mean, I kinda do, but it is beyond dull. Hahaha, the old crotchety wheelchair guy was yelling at those fucking kids. Man, he is, well was great. They killed him. The guy that worked at the convenience store got it, we didn’t get to see it. My bologna has a first name, it’s O S C A R. My bologna has a second named, it’s M E Y E R. Oscar Meyer has a way with bologna. I’m so ready for this movie to end. It is not holding my attention. I am gonna eat lunch after this because it’s almost 2:30 and this fat bastard is hungry. My breakfast was tater tots.
Hey, Michael Ironside actually spoke!
OK, so I just said that whoever directed this garbage, never got to direct again. I looked, and he never did. I feel so happy about that. I looked at what he has done. He directed 2 episodes of one of my all-time favorite shows, Sliders. He directed 2 of the episode from season 5, including the premiere which really set the stage for how bad the show would become after losing Jerry and Charlie O’Connell. I may be awful, but that director is worse than me. Way worse.
This is a movie that never ends. Just go away. End damn you, end!!! This movie cost 2.5 million to make. How? The special effects are cheesy as fuck. Michael Ironside probably cost 100 grand for his bit part. The hot chick may have 200 G’s to show her nips. I don’t understand why this movie cost 2.5 million. It’s not like it was marketed at all. Fuck this film. It’s done. I can’t tell you what the plot really was, I can’t even tell you how it ended. My brain needs something more stimulating.
I need to wrap this up now. I am giving this movie a 2. I saw a really hot girl, she had a sweet body and showed us her tits. That’s 1 whole point. We had a cranky old guy. He was worth 0.5. We say House of the Dead. that was worth 0.4. The rest of the movie was worth 0.1. Fuck this film. Only watch to fast forward to see the chick, if you’re a guy. If you’re a chick, there’s nothing redeemable about this one, I mean unless you like tits, which is cool. I do not recommend this at all. AVOID AVOID AVOID!
Final Rating: 2.0
All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of:
Please go find a copy and support the creators.