Well, this should wrap up the trilogy, and I am excited. (Now it’s a quadrilogy.)
We see Marybeth as she fires her last shot into Victor’s head. She is all bloody and kneeling with her back to him. He sits up like Undertaker, and she doesn’t see it. She is wandering, seeing the dead bodies. She goes for the chainsaw and starts it, but Victor has her up in a choke. She punches what’s left of his head. He lands on top of the chainsaw and is cut in half. She is walking away with his head in her hand. Roll the credits, and it is GWAR playing a song that I am not at all digging. Sean Whalen is in this!! He was Roach in People Under The Stairs.
She walks into the police station with the gun and head. Fowler is played by Zach Galligan of Gremlins fame. Hey, they hose Marybeth down, and she is nude and has a large body tattoo. She tells them about the murders and about Victor Crowley. Fowler is not buying her story. Fowler is saying how ridiculous and contrived the story is, and we see a drunk prisoner, and that is Mike Green, the writer of the franchise. HAHA. The cops are looking for the bodies, and find quite a bit. Amanda comes in and wants to go to the crime scene, I think she is a reporter. She is his ex I guess.
So the cops and paramedics and everybody is at the crime scene. There is Andrew, the same Asian guy who played Justin and Shawn. NICE!! Amanda tried posting bail for Marybeth and is talking to Marybeth. I am convinced that Danielle Harris just sat in a way to show off as much cleavage as possible. Marybeth is a bitch to Amanda, and Amanda tells her that due to her family history, she will be convicted and face execution. So far, this isn’t funny.
Andrew brings back most of Victor. Haha, Randy says this one victim looks like Andrew, and Andrew says it’s because he’s Asian. Haha. I love the jokes.
Per Amanda, Victor Crowley returns to the spot of his death to relive it. Marybeth is like, he’s dead, and Amanda is like, Nope. Good commentary by me, right?
Randy is alone with a corpse, and the hatchet is on the boat. We see the body starting to stir. Victor is up and uses the chest paddles to explode Randy’s head. The guy with the eye patch just got his head like sliced in half.
Amanda says that they need to give the ghost what he wants, which is to find his daddy. They are getting radio calls that people are dying. Amanda is telling the black cop to open the door. Victor has 2 or 3 more kills in quick succession. Marybeth and Amanda are gonna work on this. Officer Hawes shows up at the crime scene and he is taking over for Fowler. A young sheriff is named Corey, and some chick is talking to him named Mikaela. This movie is not winning me over. Elliot is driving Amanda and Marybeth to wear Victor’s dad is buried. I am convinced everybody in this is a fucking moron.
The guy playing Hawes is the guy who played Jason Voorhees in the remake. Nice to have him and Kane Hodder in the same movie. Cory and Mikaela are blathering on about believing in ghosts. I just don’t care.
Amanda and crew are heading to Abbot McMullen. Mary is being mouthy to Sheriff Elliot, who is still worried about having the prime suspect in his car.
All the officers are all looking, and Cory points out that those are testicles on a tree. Hawes smacks the balls around. Andrew just startled them all. There is like 10-12 in the crew. He is what’s left of the first response team. Fowler wants to get the military involved. Hawes puts a stop to that, and he wants to figure everything out and he’s a cocky dick. Cory walks away to leave, and Hawes is a douche and throws Cory up against a tree. There was movement in the bushes, everybody opens fire, like in Predator. They find the animal that they shot and some guy says “Good job fucktards.” That’s how I feel. OK, Victor kills one guy, and he harpoons a lady, and they open fire, but both are dead. We are just doing another stand and fire as much ammo as humanly possible, Predator scene. A bald guy gets it, 4 guys come upon Victor and he tosses then, rips bald guy in hand proceeds to kill the 4 who attacked. Why are we using pistols when SMG and whatnot aren’t working. Victor has Hawes now and does the predator and rips the spine and skull out. And another guy used a shotgun to get Victor’s attention. Cory has a bazooka. And he fires, big explosion, and Cory is pumped, but here comes Victor, and he throws a piece of wood and impales Cory. Mikaela gets bitchslapped. Victor rips off Cory’s arms and then boots his face down to drown in the mud. and the house just fell from all the fire. What is the humor and love in this one?
Now with Amanda and Elliot are going to talk to Abbot. I am excited about this. Sid Haig!!!!! “Who is the colored?” Haha. He is such a funny dude. He keeps telling Elliot that he mumbles too much. When the best part is Sid Haig being racist, you have a bad film, with a few minutes of levity.
At the swamp, we have some random EMT, he finds Ben from the original, who is somehow still alive with an axe in his head. Nice!
We have Fowler, Andrew, and Mikaela left, and Victor is after them. They went in an Ambulance boat. Fowler is calling The National Guard, and they are bringing some air support. They wait and they hear some machine starting up. Victor has the power sander. Of course, he does.
Amanda is a terribly annoying character.
Back at the boat. The power sander/grinder is slowly tearing through the side of the boat. I remember when you could cheer on Marybeth in the early ones? Amanda, Mary, and Elliot find the burning house. Amanda is yelling for him to come get his daddy. So he leaves Fowler, Andrew, and Mikaela alone. SO Victor stops, Fowler hears Amanda and decides that it is safe to stick his out through the hole. Seriously, and now he is beheaded. Mikaela is reaching for ammo, and inching closer, but it is near the hole. Oh, it’s his gun. This is smart. Yeah, she gets grabbed. Andrew is the only smart one. She’s dead, and rightfully so, she got pulled through the hole. Victor finally made it to Amanda’s group. Amanda is insistent that Mary gives him his daddy’s ashes. Then they will shoot Victor. This seems very smart and safe. Mary apologizes for what her daddy and everybody else did to him. Victor says “daddy”. Elliot just opens fire like a jackass. He puts 2 full clips in him, thinking that has accomplished shit. Victor rips Elliot’s chest open. Victor pulls Amanda’s head off. He just picked up Mary and impaled her on a branch horizontally. She bashes the urn over his head. The ashes are melting Victor. She breaks the branch, falls, and grabs a big gun. He is basically bloody bones now. She waits for him to get up, but he doesn’t, so she shoots the big gun, explodes him more. The choppers show up as she is dying a slow death. Is Andrew going to actually survive? Marybeth is gasping for air.
End film.
Well, you can tell that Adam Green didn’t direct this. It was slow, plodding, not at all funny, and bad characters. Like Adam has a way of bringing out more personality from the actors. This felt soulless almost. I didn’t like anybody aside from Mary Beth when she was nude. No tits at all. The gore was silly at this point. They tried making this Predator almost. It just didn’t work for me, basically from the time Randy died, and the Abbot scene. I felt ultimately let down because this could have just been all-out insanity, over the top dialogue, some funny characters, just go for it. Instead, they bored the shit out of us with Amanda and Fowler was a lousy character. I expected better.
Final rating: 4.0
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