Hellraiser: Inferno is the first film in the franchise to be direct to video and not be considered canon. I hate when people start going with what is and isn’t canon. Get your shit together! For a direct to video movie, Hellraiser: Inferno has a solid cast. Doug Bradley returns and this time around we get James Remar and Nicholas Turturro. I like both of those dudes. And there doesn’t appear to be many females, so maybe no final girl bullshit in this one. I am talking myself into liking this film already.
I don’t have much else to offer. Here’s to positive thoughts as I begin, Hellriaser: Inferno.
Start FIlm
Detective Joseph Thorne has a great voice, if nothing else. Ohhh, this film is cheesy as hell. I am liking it for the wrong reasons. Thorne’s woman, Melanie, is pretty. Thorne is all about fidelity but also all about picking up prostitutes. The prostitute, Daphne, is better looking than his wife, so good upgrade my friend. The music is absolutely abysmal and this is more about a detective than a horror film so far. Yikes. Thorne decides to play with the puzzle box and that brings me much joy. Open up the door to Hell, please and thank you.
So I think we are meeting the “sexy” Cenobites. Okay, that’s a really long tongue. They like to reach into his chest, but he seems to dig it. We hear this kid say “help me”. Hey, and a Chatterer with only the upper half of its body. And now it is snowing inside. He opens the door and there’s Pinhead who looks to do something with his face and bam, he wakes up from the dream with the box nearby. Okay, this has improved, slightly.
Daphne is calling Thorne and she is freaking out. How did she get his number? She is screaming and gurgling. Must be a gang bang, clearly. He goes to the hotel room where he and Daphne hooked up. Bad times in that bathroom. It was in room 9, at least. Det. Tony Nenonen isn’t happy about any of this. They try to wipe off any possible prints. Awww, Daphne got hung in the shower and there’s another severed finger. They gotta find the kid with missing fingers. They got a hit on the prints.
This brings Thorne to a guy that is a body piercer named Leon. The first victim was named Jay Cho that wanted the box from The Engineer or Leon and Leon hates Cho. Leon has tattoos on his back of the sexy Cenobites….nope, just a hallucination. Thorne is trying to get info from this Ice Cream truck driver and asks about Daphne and the Engineer. Terry is the newest name being mentioned. Terry had a thing for a hooker and fell in love, so he went against the Engineer. The Engineer made the girl disappear. When you hunt for the Engineer, The Engineer will hunt you. The Engineer kept sending all of these gifts to Terry, like clumps of hair and a wedding ring. One day, he finds her in bed but when he pulled the cover, there was no body.
Tony wants to admit what they did and cleaned up the scene, but Thorne planted Tony’s pen and a package of cigarettes. Dick move. Good job, Thorne! In a bar, a kid delivers a VHS tape to Thorne and he just puts it right on the TV. It is the Ice Cream Truck guy getting beat. The sound effects, very silly. And there’s a finger chopped and the guy doing it looks like a Cenobite. He eaves the finger in the cash drawer. Was that really appropriate to show at a bar? Now that Thorne tries to show the other detectives, the tape has been erased. The captain tells Thorne that he has to see a doctor, Dr. Paul Gregory, played by James Remar.
Thorne visits the doctor now. The doctor really loves children. Thorne loves closeup magic. Thorne asks to reschedule. Thorne keeps seeing Cenobites that aren’t there. They find Bernie dead. Bernie also had a voicemail from Terry. Jesus, now we are at a cowboy poker night while Thorne tries to find the next guy that Terry mentioned. He asks this one guy is he is the Engineer and this guy felt flattered. The Engineer likes to play games, just like Jigsaw. This is just absurd shit, but humorous. He sees a Cenobite leave a table and then the bar or whatever this place is. Now that he is outsides, he sees the ones from his earlier dream. Such a terrible fall. Stu Redman, from The Stand, would be jealous. Two cowboy silhouettes approach Thorne and can do spin kicks and all kinds of ridiculous shit. The lead cowboy approaches. Thorne says that he is still going to find the child.
Thorne visits the doctor. The doctor tells Thorne about a cop who had similar issues and was pursuing the Engineer. When he killed himself, the puzzle box was on his desk. Oh, the box is called the Lament Configuration. I kept seeing people call it that, but I don’t recall anybody in the prior films calling it that. And yet, this isn’t supposed to be canon. Do you see my issue?
Thorne doesn’t even realize that he’s in Hell. Doc suggests that the Cenobites are still around. Thorne comes home to make sure his family is okay. Immediately, Melanie gives him shit. Then his daughter asks him if he is home yet. Yes, he’s right there, physically. Little girl, you can see him. But then he tells her now, that he’s only going to be there for a little while. I’m hungry and getting cranky. When he goes to touch his wife’s face, he sees his hand as a claw. So he sleeps. Then the phone rings. Thorne’s mom just called and said that the Engineer was visiting her. He gives Melanie a gun, the little girl is crying.
He stops at a nursing home or hospital where his mother is. He’s all wobbly, very dreamlike. This shit is creepy and kinda well done. I guess it is his dad that is in the hospital and the mom is just fine. His mom is very weird. He goes to step into the hallway, but now it’s a bedroom. He hears his mom screaming in pain and some thuds. Thorne can’t break through the door. There is very thick blood pouring in under the door. And then he wakes up in bed the same as he did 5 minutes ago. The exact same scenario of his mom calling and talking to Melanie and that it was The Engineer visiting. This time he doesn’t even stop to talk to the nurse. He comes in with his gun out. The Thornes aren’t there and have been missing since dinner and seem to have vanished. Then who called? Is this inception? A dream within a dream, and so on. The bed is apparently wet with blood. That was interesting. There’s a gift on the stand. He opens it and it is two fingers and tells Joseph where to look.
Tony shows up as Thorne is leaving. Captain wants to see him. Oh man, Thorne just sounded like Cary Elwes in Saw. Tony is suggesting that there is no Engineer, just Joe. Now they scuffle. I really like Nic Turturro but he is quite often typecast. Thorne goes to the address in the box. This movie can end soon. I’d be fine with that. About 20 minutes to go. Thorne opens a window and sees Tony getting tortured by a Cenobite…or The Engineer. Wasn’t one of the Cenobites in past 1 or 2 called The Engineer? The man on the phone tells Thorne to go home. Sad to see Tony get got.
Thorne rushes home, grabs his shotty, and is ready to do work. His family is attached to the spinning pillar. It is snowing in the living room and the doctor is there. This whole thing has been a dream since he opened the box is my best guess. He accidentally just tore daughter’s arm off. Both girls shatter. The doctor has a smirk on his face. And he has a cut-off finger. Is the doctor the Engineer? Is he working with Pinhead? Is he Pinhead? The child’s finger in Tony’s mouth matches Thorne’s fingers. Doc told him that what he meant when he told him to go home was to go to his childhood home.
Thorne accuses the Doc of being the Engineer and then he transforms into Pinhead. Well, there’s that. I’m glad I had considered this option. Pinhead is not the killer. Thorne has to go back home to find out who the killer is. That was the extent of Pinhead’s speech? Seriously, he gave such big speeches in the prior one. This bedroom that we keep seeing is Joseph’s as a child, I am guessing. I want some mac ‘n cheese. Yup, Thorne is now following his younger self. His mom made brownies. Now I want brownies. I have some Little Debbie ones. That’s the one woman in my life that has never disappointed me. Those brownies look old. Thorne tries to talk to his mom but the house shakes and everybody is aging very badly.
Now his mom, with no eyes is swinging a knife at Joe and his dad gets in the picture so Joe shoots them both. The film is called Inferno. Is this Joe’s own personal Hell? But isn’t that something Pinhead usually mentions in every film? Daphne jumps onto Joe so he shoots her. There’s the kid screaming for help again. There’s Tony with knives in his back that he keeps throwing at Joe. So Joe shoots him. I just wish Joe had a hand cannon like in Resident Evil 4, the game. Now Bernie attacks Joe with a whip and Joe shoots him. There’s Upper Half chatterer and sexy Cenobites. Oh, Joe ran out of ammo. Joe opens a door leading to blackness.
A child is in a chair with 8 missing fingers comes spinning in on a chair and it is young Joe. The man who he thinks is the Engineer stands in front of him. He tears off the mask to reveal himself. Now he gets his arms chained. Pinhead comes in to talk about playing chess. Joe has been a horrible person and indulged in too much shit and this is the hell that he has created for himself. Jo kills little Joe, his spirit. Hooks to Joe’s face. Only one finger remains. “Welcome to Hell,” says Pinhead.
Joe wakes up on the floor next to the puzzle box in the bathroom, like earlier. He comes out and there is Daphne in bed. He touches her shoulder and she asks if she hasn’t earned her money yet. He goes to his office and looks at a picture of his family. Joe gets a call from Daphne. Joe pulls out his gun and shoots himself. He wakes up next to the puzzle box in the bathroom. He acknowledges that he has to live with his demons forever while sitting in his childhood bed.
End Film
Nope, I won’t be watching that again anytime soon, if ever. That dragged on and on. There was a good story that could have been told in like half the time. This didn’t require Pinhead or the Hellraiser name. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone wrote a script without Pinhead and the producers just tacked him on and attached the name. It was a decent story, but should have been a standalone story and Pinhead could have just been Satan or some shit. Wow, that got a 5.5 on IMDB. I need time to think about this one.
Rating: 4.4 – I slept on it and it could have been so much better and at times felt a bit much. This film would have been better without adding Pinhead to it, quite frankly.
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