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Film Reviews Horror

Resident Evil, Apocalypse, Extinction, Afterlife, Retribution (2002, 2004, 2007, 2010, 2012)

So after taking a breather after that obnoxiously long Ring blog, I am back and I am cheating…..on my wife……with this blog. HA! Nah, I am cheating as far as combining these 4 movies together in one blog, and there is a good reason for that. The first reason is that these movies progressively get worse, but become more and more of the same. Secondly, I felt the need to get drunk by myself that night because I’m depressed I guess. I’m bout sick of a lot of things, and damned if I don’t want a drink every once in awhile. SO yeah, 7 or 8 drinks, you’d have to ask Kelly, but I think it was 7 and no food made for me being a lightweight fat ass. Think about what I just wrote. Now stop, collaborate and listen.

Holy fuck, I think I just figured out how to write this blog normally without doing the html

><<> whatever the fuck it is. I am gonna test this now.Shit negro, that worked. Hmmm, it edited my html stuff, there were b’s, R’s and a lot of < and >.

Back to the blog I suppose. Fuck my sleep habits. Fuck my computer. OK, not back to the blog yet, I lied. While drunk, i dropped my laptop. It has not been working well since. God I’m a moron. NOW back to the blog.

So Resident Evil itself stands the movie test of time in my opinion. I remember going to the movie theater with Amanda, and I got nowhere sexually with that girl, not even a reach around, but damn the movie was good! For a movie based on a video game, this was the best one made at that time, and I still stand by that today. This movie had a great setting, it had some mystery and intrigue, good characters, the laser grid room, Milla Jovavich scantilly clad. The red queen was also awesome.  This movie just did a lot of things right and if the franchise had quality like this throughout, it’d be a different blog, that’s for sure. This movie gets an 8.2 from me, yes I really loved it.

2 years later we get RE Apocalypse. This wasn’t too bad. The characters were still fun, the plot a little sillier, but you could have a good time with it. We’re introduced to Nemesis here. Watching this a third time, I find myself enjoying this for all the wrong reasons. In good conscience, I can’t giving it higher than a 6, but for a sequel, not bad. Still worth a watch. Also we get Dr Ashford and Jill Valentine, both important characters.

3 years later we get RE Extinction. Sigh….we get Claire and Albert Wesker in this one. There are some decent scenes involving the bus, but by and large, this movie just doesn’t do enough to keep the audience enthralled in my opinion. This was a bad time for RE. After this, I didn’t think we’d get a 4th one.  Boy was I ever fucking wrong. This movie only deserves a 4.5 at best, sorry, it really isn’t that good at all. But I have seen it more than once, but still, 4.5 until I watch it again, then it becomes a 5.1 on principle. I’m listening to Pandora right now, my 60’s station, and the Beatles were good and all, but some of their shit is obnoxious. There I fucking said it. Hate me if you want.

3 years later with get RE Afterlife. Now I should point out that there was an animated RE Degeneration that was adequate and I will leave it at that. We have both Chris and Claire redfield, Albert Wesker-biscuit, Jill Valentine, Luther, and most importantly Tig from Sons of Anarchy is in this. So weird, I feel he should stupidly mowing down Pope’s daughters and feeling the wrath of the Niners, but nope, just some zombie shit. I believe we see the Executioner for the first time as well. God he is a fucking HOSS. This was slightly better, but not by much, so 5.2.

2 years later, we get RE Retribution. I am floored to say this, but I really enjoyed this movie. Mindless action scenes with all of your favorite RE characters. Wesker-biscuit, Jill, Ada Wong Leon “Meester” Kennedy, Barry Burton, and Jill valentine. Michelle Rodriguez is also back. Fucked if I understand how or why. It doesn’t matter. They were just throwing so much shit at you that logically, it doesn’t fucking matter. The first 14 minutes were actually riveting. Barry Burton was awesome! 2 big hosses at one point in this. I can’;t believe I am saying this, but I give it a 6.5 and I recommend it.

So we know a 6th one is getting made. The franchise may have been saved by this last endeavor. This is a fun franchise, and I am glad to have the first 4 on blu ray. Sometimes you have to sift through the shit, but it is worth it. Some may find it boring or a waste of time, and they aren’t wrong per se, just a difference of opinion.

All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of:

Resident Evil

RE Apocalypse

RE Extinction

RE Afterlife

RE Retribution

Please go find a copy and support the creators.

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