So some history to this movie. Amanda and I were hanging out during college, or maybe in the summer, and we ended up going to Hollywood Video, we found this movie, it looked dumb as hell, so we had to see it. I can’t say that we was disappointed. It was somehow worse than we imagined. God I was behind a lot of terrible movie suggestions. For instance we once got a porn parody called Ally McFeal and that was awful as well. We did occasionally find a diamond in the rough, like May. But we are here to unfortunately discuss this movie called Slashers.
I am going out on a limb and guessing you may have seen The Running Man starring Arnold back in the 80’s where he was on a game show with people trying to murder him. Well take that idea, change it to a game show in Japan with American contestants and 12 million at stake. Somehow this movie supposedly cost $165,000 to make. And I have just one question. What the fuck did they spend the other $160,000? This movie is one of the cheapest looking movies I have ever seen. They are in this warehouse setting and most of the set pieces are made of thin plywood. Like they don’t even try to make it look remotely decent. There’s a couple of nicely decorated rooms. The kills are sooo sloppy and fake, real fucking amateur hour here. You remember on Married with Children when Bud would get thrown out a window and it was obviously a dummy used and it was funny because how fake it was? Yeah, that’s this movie. Only one pair of tits that were very uneven.
Now I am writing this as a person who has acted a lot. I am not suggesting that I have acted well, but I have a lot of experience under my wing thanks to theater, TV, and film. I have had the privilege of working with some very talented people, and some of the worse actors ever. The acting quality is definitely the latter here. There’s a few people who play their role admirably. The black guy shouldn’t have been so nice a cooperative, you gotta keep some stereotypes alive. The latin guy was my favorite guy. The white guy was obnoxious. The girls……I don’t even want to. The lead actress, there is only a few ways she got the lead. A) she fucked and sucked the director, producer, audio guy, and all set hands. B) She is related to somebody who was financially funding the project. C) She is related to somebody important. D) She was literally the only female that was willing to show her uneven tits and they were insistent on having boobs in this film. On principle, any slasher flick should have tits. But you can sacrifice 2 seconds of boobs for quality, and I hate, repeat HATE to say that, but it’s the truth. God she was fucking awful. She single handedly ruins a movie that needs no help in being ruined, it does a fine job on it’s own accord. There are 3 main slashers/villain/bad guys. Sadly, 2 are played by the same guy….sigh.
Now do not take this next comment as me being cocky, but I can guarandamtee you that with a budget of $165,000, I could make a very nice looking horror flick with better acting and set pieces. Fuck, with 55,000 I could achieve this and I am not good at what I do. I suck. Fuck, if Jay and I can make a feature length film for under $10,000, we can make a fucking masterpiece with that budget. Fuck, this movie is just so bad. Yet I insist on watching it every so often for the laughs.
Now this film is an anomaly on my rating scale. I don’t believe in giving a film less than a 5 if I will rewatch it willingly unless it is to win a bet, like Daredevil just to prove how bad it is. But Slashers is a movie i have seen 4-5 times now, but under no circumstance will it be getting a 5 or higher. Nor will it get a 4 nor a 3. I will give it a 2.1 and that is very fucking generous. Still, i encourage finding a copy or finding a way to download it. You will hate me for it, but hey, sometimes you just gotta go for it.
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