I’ve seen this once before. It’s awesome. Enjoy the show!!
A clown is banging a chick in his little trailer, and he has an egg in there similar to his face paint, and he is late for a kid’s party. All the boys are staring at this kid’s mom’s cleavage. Our clown, Stitches is driving with his feet. Up in the treehouse, Kate kisses Tom, it was cute. Stitches is a complete dick. The kids are flipping him off and calling him an asshole. He does the coin behind the ear bit. He is an awful clown. One kid comes from behind and ties his shoes together, and a kid throws a soccer ball at him, which causes Stitches to fall face-first on to a knife in the dishwasher. He pulls it out, sprats Tom in the face with blood, he then slips on his own blood, and the knife goes back in him, and mom freaks out. Delightful.
Tom visits the grave of Stitches at night, He hears something. He checks and sees a bunch of clowns entering the morgue. There he sees a bunch of the eggs, and a stone statue of a clown and the clowns are performing a ritual. They see Tom snooping. He gets a stern warning from the head clown.
6 Years Later
Tom’s mom gives him breakfast and the food is the shape of a clown face. Tom just took some Hypnocil, which is a nice nod to Nightmare on Elm Street 3 and Freddy vs Jason. We meet Bulger, he is thicker. Vinny is a guy with fun hair. Richie is the short dude. Then there’s Kate who looks like the lead chick from Jug Face, only younger. Paul and Sarah are dicks who are mean to Tom. Tom wants Richie to come over, have some beers. Tom daydreams that the teacher is a clown and has torn Richie’s balls off. Tom is disturbed.
At gym class, we are very aware that Bulger is gay. Time to play basketball. Bulger just doesn’t give a fuck. Richie says that Tom should have the party Saturday as Kate and Dan are on the verge of breaking up. Tom still has the coin. He is using his telescope to spy on Kate being pissed on the phone. And then she shut the curtains. Poor dude. And Tom has made the party official.
Oh man, the principal has amazing hair, it’s a delightful comb-over. Kate is getting detention for her boots not meeting school uniform policies. Tom actually has invitations. Tom told Kate to bring her girlfriends to the party. Smart. Paul and Sarah know about the party via “My Face” social media. A party invitation is blown by the wind and onto Stitch’s grave.
It’s party time. Lots of people are here, lots of stuck up bitches. Tom is the uptight party person, and Kate isn’t there. Oh, and Stitches is rising from the grave. The guys are staring at the sexy bitch in the skirt playing pool. Tom ate a cookie laced with weed, and he is fucked up. Haha. Kate showed up. Tom and Kate have an awkward conversation, it was classy. Bulger just said that it’s not 92. Mary shows up, and Richie wants dat ass.I get Vinnie and Richie all mixed, and Dan shows up and is a total dick to Tom.
Tom has another fantasy about Stitches, but it’s just Paul dressed as a clown. Bulger is having a catfight with Sarah. Bulger just verbally wrecked her and Paul, and Tom is bleeding from his head and runs to his treehouse. Bulger has found the pantry, and he is a hungry man, and fabulous. Kate comes up the treehouse with him. She notices that the telescope is pointed at her room. We have a boob falling out of her top, fantastic. Paul has to piss, can’t get his costume off in time, pisses himself upstairs, and Stitches is observing him. Paul wring his piss soaked clothes from the balcony and it ends up in a dude’s wine glass, and the guy says that it tastes like piss. We also get history on the clown eggs. Stitches just ripped off Paul’s ear, and then his arm then pulls a hare out of Paul’s mouth, and finally punted Paul’s head off.
Richie is making out with Mary’s friend. Kate gives Sarah some shit. Kate just head-butted Sarah for calling her Blowjob Kate. Bulger is gorging on cans of strawberries, like 3 or 4 cans. Hahaha, the party just got pumped by “I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight” and Stitches is using the can opener and then ice cream scoop on Bulger. This is like the equivalent to the Superbad scene with “These Eyes”. Mary is the crying girl. Vinny says that he can make her nipples hard without touching them. He then grabbed a handful. Meanwhile, Sarah is being mean to everybody at the party, and it’s funny. Tom see Stitches in his telescope. Vinnie is now with Mary in a bedroom.
Sarah comes up to Stitches and she thinks that it’s Paul. Uh oh. Stitches is about to stab Sarah with an umbrella, and she puts her high heel in his throat. She gets away until he javelin throws it through her head. Stitches does a hip thrust and says “Taken from behind”. Classic. Vinnie and Mary are in bed, very undressed. Stitches nose can like move around on its own, so the cat plays with it.
Tom is trying to tell everybody that it’s not safe as the clown is in there. The 3 guys outside just mock Tom. Stitches kills the cat, and it’s so silly, it’s funny. Tom has a kitchen knife at least. Stitches is with Richie. So now he is making a balloon animal out of his intestines. Nice booty shot of Mary. Stitches is using the balloon pump on Richie’s head until it explodes. Mary is pissed and leaving. Stitches finds Vinnie in the bedroom and Tom stabs Stitches in the back. They take him down and stomp on him. Tom won’t leave without Kate. Noble til the very end.
Stitches is on the prowl. Tom just punched Dan, it was sweet. Richie’s woman is looking for him. Stitches has revealed himself to the remaining party goers. Stitches punches out blowjob Kate. He is trying to drown Tom in the kitchen sink. Tom gets out and Kate tossed the knife in his bad eye. There was something with an egg. Tom and Kate are riding their bikes to the graveyard and Stitches gives chase on a tricycle. They break into the graveyard, and Stitches is tight rope walking. This is silly. They are hiding, but Tom gives away their position be hiccuping. He can’t stop it so Kate kisses him. There, he finally gets his kiss. Tom is in the clown room, and Kate stays as a guard. Kate is a lousy guard. Tom has the egg and is knocked down via punch. Stitches wants to decide who should die first, and Tom sees Vinnie and suggests a coin flip, and Vinnie ties the shoes again, and the egg gets cracked. Stitches’ death is a tad ridiculous, he explodes like an egg.
6 Months Later
Tom and his mom are moving, Kate gave Tom a bigger telescope, and they make out. We see a clown getting a blowjob and putting the egg of Stitches’ back together again.
End film. Some funny outtakes.
This movie is incredibly silly. I really enjoyed this in a guilty pleasure way. The kills were incredibly over the top, but they worked. Stitches himself was great as was Sarah and Paul. They made me laugh the most. This was a bloody good time.I would recommend this for anybody who wants something incredibly mindless where you just eat some popcorn and laugh like an idiot. This has some really good one-liners. No tits though.
Final rating: 6.5
All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of:
- MPI Media Group (presents)
- Tailored Films
- Fantastic Films
- Bórd Scannán na hÉireann (presents) (as Bord Scannán na hÉireann / The Irish Film Board)
- Solid Entertainment (in association with) (as Solid Entertainment AB)
Please go find a copy and support the creators.