Tomb of Annihilation (TFTPB) – Chapter Six

This week, we are welcomed to the jungle.  That sounds quite familiar.  I fear the jungle.  Too many damn bugs.  Hi everybody, this is Kent, and I am your introductory host before we get to what you came for.  Does anybody even read these intros?  I learned that there is such a thing as a “Used dinosaur lot” and what a Hadrosaur is, and they are also called Hadrosaurids.  They are these duck-billed dinosaurs.  See, you are learning things today.  Anyway, all of this is just in the first paragraph, and I know that you are thinking, this fucking clown just read the first paragraph and built the intro around that.  That isn’t true because I can tell you that Xilix casts Grease, and we are not talking about the awful musical, so there!  Hmmm, that gives me an idea for this week’s music video.

I freaking love this group.  I highly recommend giving these guys a chance. I found them yesterday while listening to Havana.  How the hell I managed to get to these guys from that is a big mystery.  I really liked Banjo Odyssey by them as well.


Tomb of Annihilation

Chapter 6 – Welcome to the Jungle


Upon reaching the docks the party learned that Jobal had provided less a boat, and more three canoes tied together.  Tempest, being a former pirate, insisted that she could steer anything that floats on water, so the party gave her command as they tied the supply canoes to the lead canoe.  Not having complete faith in Tempest’s abilities, Compassion went to the used dinosaur lot and purchased an aquatic duckbilled Hadrosaur, which the party secured to the lead canoe to help pull them along.  Compassion named the Hadrosaur “Ducky.”

The first few days of travel were relatively uneventful.  While on watch one evening, Ethyl found that a male Hadrosaur had infiltrated the camp and was in the middle of performing a mating dance for Ducky.  Ethyl decided that it was none of her business to intervene and left the love birds to their devices.

While looking to set up camp on another day, the party saw a group of Aarakocra (bird-men) flying high above them.  Upon getting their attention, the group learned that they were a scouting party from Kir Saval City, home of the bird men.  Upon hearing they were scouts, the party explained that they were on their way to investigate the recently destroyed Camp Righteous, and asked if the Aarakocra scouts had any idea what may have attacked the camp.  Per the bird-men, the Order of the Gauntlet soldiers who established the camp had set it up directly in between a goblin camp to the north, and a horde of undead to the south. Learning nothing else, the party thanked the bird-men for their time and proceeded to set up camp for the evening.

Prior to turning in for the night, Xilix proceeded to summon a new familiar.  This one turned out to be a celestial nighthawk that he named “Gryff II.” Xilix then sent the familiar out to monitor for threats while the party rested.  It was a good thing Xilix did so, as early that morning Gryff II returned and woke the party. Gryff II told Xilix that undead ghouls were headed straight for the camp, and that they looked hungry.

As the ghouls burst into the camp, Xilix cast Grease, causing two of the six monstrosities to slip and fall.  Seeing that Xilix had only managed to incapacitate two of the undead, Hertz held up his holy symbol and announced that he, “would take care of this.”  Hertz then called upon the power of Talos to Turn Undead.  Unfortunately, Hertz quickly learned that something in the swamp was blocking his holy power over the undead and/or making the undead more powerful.  Unable to turn the hungry ghouls, combat ensued.

After a fierce battle, the party had killed most of the ghouls and driven the rest away, however, the party was not without their own casualties.  During the fight the strongest ghoul got his claws through Compassion’s armor and tore out a significant chunk of Compassion’s flesh, causing him to fall unconscious and begin bleeding to death.  As Hertz was engaged with two enemies at the time, it did not appear that healing magic would be forthcoming.

Seeing his compatriot dying on the ground, Xilix yelled, “Gryff II, come to me,” and he proceeded to throw a healing kit into the air, which Gryff II grabbed in his claws as he flew by.  Then, against all reason, logic, and peer-reviewed medical research, Gryff II landed on Compassion’s chest, pulled out a roll of bandages, and used his claws to begin stitching up the wound.  

The party cheered as Gryff II stabilized Compassion’s wound.  However, that elation soon turned to horror as the ghoul that had incapacitated Compassion grabbed Gryff II and ate him.  At the end of the fight Hertz was able to magically heal Compassion’s physical wounds, but he was unable to fix Xilix’s mental wounds from losing yet another familiar.  After a 6-hour long crying session, Xilix composed himself long enough to summon yet another familiar. Xilix again summoned a celestial nighthawk which he named “Gryff III.”  Upon being so named, the familiar looked directly at the camera and gulped hard.

After another day of travel the party reached Camp Righteous, which consisted of tent housing and a wooden temple.  Not a soul was to be found amongst the camp, which had been looted of all valuables, however, dried blood stains were plentiful.  This led the party to believe that one of two things happened:

  1. The goblins to the north raided the camp, took everyone hostage after a protracted battle, and stole anything of worth; or
  2. The zombies to the south raided the camp, ate or turned everyone into a zombie, and after the zombies left the camp the goblins came in to raid at their leisure.

In an attempt to obtain the answers they needed, Hertz cast Augury and prayed to Talos.  Specifically, Hertz asked Talos if they would find prisoners taken from Camp Righteous at the northern goblin camp.  Talos responded that they would not. Hertz was then forced to inform Compassion that his Order of the Gauntlet brethren were likely either zombies or zombie food.

Not being strong enough to either assault a goblin camp or a zombie horde alone, the party concluded that the best course of action was to continue their travels to Camp Vengeance and report in.  Before leaving, however, they decided to check out the wooden temple. As they entered they quickly found out it was a death trap.

Down the hallway were two floor traps.  The first floor trap would send out numerous scythe blades whenever various plates were triggered.  The second floor trap would send out pillaring jets of flame from the ground whenever the wrong ground stone was trod upon.  Seeing the devious traps laid out before them, Tempest and Ethyl looked at each other, said “screw that,” and they each casted Levitate on themselves.  They then proceeded to float the party members across the floor traps.

Upon crossing the trapped floors, the party found themselves before a puzzle door.  After a few failed attempts to solve the puzzle, Compassion asked Hertz to provide Talos’s guidance.  Once the blessing was placed upon Compassion, he went into his pack and pulled out a crowbar. Compassion then proceeded to use his divinely enhanced strength to pull the magically sealed puzzle door entirely off its hinges.  

Having used might to overpower the intelligence test, the party entered the room beyond and found themselves standing before a spiral staircase.  Forgetting that they were in a deathtrap dungeon, Tempest began walking up the steps. Upon hitting the fifth step, Tempest was blown the hell up.  As the smoke cleared, Tempest’s unconscious body landed at the base of the stairway. Rather than look for clues to assist in determining which stairs were safe, as Hertz healed Tempest, Ethyl went from stair to stair and used Mage Hand to set off every trap.  By the end it became questionable whether the stairs would remain standing under their own power.

Upon reaching the top of the stairs, Ethyl saw a magnificent sight (to her at least), a copper jug with 12 corks sticking out from the sides.  From her years of study in the underdark, Ethyl believed that this was one of the mystical Alchemy Jugs.  What Ethyl knew, and didn’t share with the party, was that upon pulling a cork some form of liquid would spill out.  Most importantly for the party’s purposes, the Jug could magically provide enough water each day to keep the entire party from dying of thirst.  Most important for Ethyl’s purposes, the Jug could also provide an endless supply of mayonnaise.  Without saying a word, Ethyl went over to the jug and pulled out the cork corresponding to the mayonnaise, and proceeded to take a mayonnaise bath.  Disgusted, the rest of the party left the room and started heading for the temple entrance.

Tired, frustrated, and disgusted with Ethyl, the party emerged from the temple . . . to find a goblin raiding party waiting for them.  Not wanting to fight, Compassion offered their chief a shiny gem worth 10 gold pieces to leave. When the chief instead demanded the Alchemy Jug, Compassion pulled out a second gem and told the chief that they could accept the two gems or Hertz, who was now pulsing with lighting, could blow them all up on the spot.  The chief happily accepted the gems.

With the goblins gone, most of the party set up camp while Ethyl continued to eat/bathe in mayonnaise.  When the sun rose the next morning, the party awoke refreshed and excited to finish their trip to Camp Vengeance after their annoying trip to trap-land.  However, upon arriving at the Camp Righteous docks the party quickly learned that their canoes, and the supplies they had been entrusted with, were gone.


Where did the canoes go and how many humanoids are going to have to die in retaliation?  Find out next time on Tales from the Plunderbund Consortium!


Okay, I can’t be that big of a dick.  Here’s Guns N’ Roses.

But when I think of Welcome, I think of a movie from the 90’s, Welcome to the Dollhouse.  One of those underrated films.  Sorry for all the videos this week.

You can find us at the actual 9 Deuce website where we have the archives as well as other content such as horror movie reviews, wrestling blogs, podcasts, and some other material.  We’re on Facebook, on Twitter @official9deuce, or Tumblr @ superkent92 or Instagram at Official9Deuce .  Share this, like this, write us an email with a question or a comment at  Hell, you can subscribe via RSS.  Facebook and the website are probably the best bets.  Thank you.

Tomb of Annihilation (TFTPB) – Chapter Five

It’s Tuesday, so here we are.  This week, we get the fallout of our party dealing with Yan-Ti as well as meeting a legit Gladiator.  I love Gladiator.  Here’s a true story.  I had this girlfriend, and she was cool as hell.  We used to watch movies all of the time.  She borrowed Gladiator and told me that she didn’t like it.  At that moment, I realized that she wasn’t the one.  Within a week or two, we split up. She like The Italian Job, but not Gladiator.  So any single guys reading this, make sure to draw a line in the fucking sand when it comes to women and horrible tastes in movies.  I can accept a bitch not liking Star Wars, but not Gladiator.  This has all been brought to you by a not so famous podcast: Are You Not Kentertained.


Tomb of Annihilation

Chapter 5 – Yan-ti?  I hardly knew ye!


With Dina-Saur and his cultist friends now dead, the party scanned the room and found both a set of stairs leading up and a door that appeared to lead outside.  Deciding to head upstairs first, the group found themselves in a room with three cages. While one cage was empty, the other two had a cat-person in one and an elf in the other.  Both appeared to be leaking glowing green fluids and were unconscious. After Compassion broke the locks to their cages, Xilix cast Detect Magic and found that the two were heavily radiating transmutation magic.  Putting their heads and magical notes together, Xilix, Ethyl, and Hertz determined that the two were likely cursed and were currently in the transformation process to become slaves to the Yan-ti snake people.  Worrying that they could turn at any moment, and without proper curse dispelling magic, the group voted to lock them up in the third cage and return after their quest was complete.

As the group was about to leave the room Xilix was hit by a premonition.  In it, a Yan-ti snake man casts a spell that put Compassion under his power.  The Yan-ti then directed Compassion to kill his fellow party members. Xilix warned Compassion of his vision and told Compassion to concentrate on creating a barrier of iron will around his mind.

Returning downstairs, Compassion opened the door leading to the outside mezzanine.  Upon opening the door, Compassion saw one Yan-ti snake man standing in the middle of the yard surrounded by four fully transformed humanoid slaves.  Xilix also saw that just outside the door were a number of poisonous “Vile Beauty” plants, and he informed Compassion of this fact. Compassion then made the tactically sound decision to shut the door as the party readied itself for battle.  Through the walls, the party could hear the Yan-ti yelling/hissing about how the Amulet was his and how his men would crush them.

The possessed humans eventually busted through the door into the room.  Luckily, the opponents had all run through the Vile Beauty plants, causing them to become nauseated.  As the group battled the minions, the Yan-ti began the incantations to cast a spell. Just as Compassion was about to kill one of the possessed humanoids, the Yan-ti finished the spell, and whispers began to cloud Compassion’s mind, ordering him to kill his teammates.  Thanks to Xilix’s warning, however, Compassion was prepared for this mental assault and expelled the Yan-ti from his mind.

Enraged by the failure of his spell, and seeing his minions on the verge of defeat, the Yan-ti cried out to some profane deity to help him defeat these fools, even if it cost him his own life.  Before Tempest could even react, divine forces ripped open Tempest’s backpack. The Dreamer’s Amulet flew out at a high speed and embedded itself into the Yan-ti’s chest. As the yan-ti cried out in pain, he was surrounded by translucent, fiery-green chains.  Uttering words in a language the party could not understand, the Yan-ti called upon the power of the chains to create a giant green spectral serpent. The yan-ti directed the serpent to swallow the party whole.

As the serpent came in to devour the party, the remaining minions, and likely half the building, Hertz beseeched Talos for the power to protect the party from the spectral serpent.  Raising his Warhammer to the heavens, Hertz was able to summon a lighting beast that took the form of a jaguar. Unfortunately, at his low level of experience, the lightning jaguar was significantly weaker than the spectral snake.

Tempest, who had just impaled yet another possessed humanoid on his spear, yelled to the party that he would finish off the minions while they found a way to kill that giant freaking snake.  Unsure what would happen when divine and arcane magic mixed, Xilix decided that now was as good a time as any to experiment. Summoning power from the elemental plane of fire, Xilix was able to turn the lighting jaguar into a lighting-fire gorilla.  While significantly stronger, the lighting-fire gorilla was still only able to stop the advance of the spectral serpent and did not have the power to turn the serpent back.

With no ground being made, Compassion devised a plan.  He yelled to Ethyl to cast Mage Hand on the tip of his whip and asked that, if possible, Ethyl should give the hand claws.  While normally not possible for Ethyl, with death imminent, she was able to call upon the wild magics that permeated her blood to form a mage hand in the shape of a dragon claw.  With the magical dragon claw attached, Compassion let the whip soar. As the yan-ti was concentrating on the spectral serpent spell, he was unable to dodge the whip attack in time.  The tip of the whip struck the yan-ti’s chest, and Ethyl’s magical dragon claw began digging into the yan-ti’s chest cavity. Once it appeared that the claw had taken hold of the amulet, Compassion pulled back on the whip with all his might.  The Amulet of Dreamers broke free from the yan-ti’s chest and came flying back into Compassion’s hand.

Bleeding profusely out of the gaping hole in his chest and quickly losing power, the yan-ti fell to its knees.  The spectral serpent visibly weakened, at which point the lightning-fire gorilla grabbed it with both hands and pulled it apart, resulting in an explosion that incinerated the yan-ti and leveled half a city block.  

Upon seeing the destruction that had been caused, Compassion was about to fall to his knees and lament the loss of more innocent life.  Luckily, Xilix was able to inform Compassion that the area that was destroyed was a deserted section of the city. The only thing that used to be there was a drug den that had mysteriously disappeared the other night after its patrons had tried to rob a mysterious, amnesiac elf who had been looking for “medical supplies.”

With the danger having passed, the group went back upstairs to check on whether defeating the head snake man had resulted in the curse being broken; it had not.  Looking at a map of the city, the party identified three nearby temples to which they could bring the victims. Specifically, the temples were to the gods of truth, wonder, and beauty.  Tempest, pointing out that, “snakes are totally ugly,” suggested that the temple to Sune, the goddess of beauty, was the best choice. Upon reaching the temple, only Compassion was allowed in due to him being the most aesthetically pleasing with that enticing red skin.  Hertz responded by playing a ballad about the time Sune and Talos, “totally got it on.” While not amused with Hertz’s sacrilege, the priests agreed to treat the patients.

Realizing they may have been betrayed by Sagi and Narissa, the party sat down on a park bench to eat lunch and discuss how they would confront the pair.  By the time they reached dessert, the group had decided to take advantage of Compassion’s infernal heritage. Using the party’s various illusion and glamor magical abilities, they decided to make Compassion look as devilish as possible, to the point where Compassion resembled Satan him/her/itself.  So enchanted, Compassion would intimidate Sagi and Narissa into confessing.

After the party reached the inn and the spells were cast, Compassion kicked in the door to the inn and yelled, “Sagi you backstabbing, drunken bastard, why did you set us up?”  Upon seeing Compassion in such a state, Sagi immediately peed himself and began incoherently babbling; pretty much the Sagi usual. Narissa, who saw the illusions for what they were, stepped in to calm the situation.  

At the conclusion of the conversation, which was witnessed by a number of scared patrons of the inn, all parties were satisfied that Sagi was not a traitor.  Rather, it turns out that not only is Sagi an alcoholic, but he is also really bad at his job. Sagi simply took everything Dina-saur had to say at face value, as actually performing background checks and verifying the offered information would have taken up too much valuable drinking time.  In the end, Narissa summed it up best: “Huh, I guess the Dreamer’s Amulet had nothing to do with the death curse.” Legends say that Compassion face-palmed so hard at that statement that the slap could be heard all across Chult. As the party had no more use for the Amulet, they gave it to Narissa in exchange for hospitality should they ever find themselves in her ancient village hidden within the jungles of Chult.

As it was only mid-afternoon, the party was left to decide how to spend their time before escorting the priest to Camp Vengeance for merchant prince Jobal in the morning.  Checking the job board at the inn, the group found a quick job they could complete that day, collecting an overdue debt from a deadbeat. Pulling the job notice from the Board, a sketchy looking human sprung up.  The creepy dude introduced himself as Clau and told them that it was he who put up the job listing.

Clau explained that a gladiator named Tavan had borrowed the sum of 500 gold from Clau, which he appeared to have spent on a fancy new set of armor to wear in the arena.  The group was to either bring back the money owed or bring Clau the armor. Clau told the party where Tavan could be located.

Upon entering the merchant district, the party was easily able to identify Tavan based upon Clau’s description.  As it turned out, Tavan, in his fancy new armor, was challenging all comers to a street fight, with an entrance fee of 5 gold.  Hertz pulled out his lute and began playing stadium-music to pump up the crowd, as Ethyl pushed Compassion forward to accept the challenge.  As Compassion paid the 5 gold entry fee, Tempest asked Xilix to dip a blowgun dart into some of his “medicine that is totally not poison.” Tempest then took the “not poisoned” dart and hid in the crowd.

As the entire party was confident in Compassion’s abilities, Ethyl put a 10 gold side bet down on Compassion.  Unfortunately, it soon became apparent that Tavan had a lot of experience in one on one fights in the area. Seeing that Compassion was on the verge of being overpowered, Tempest shot Tavan with the poisoned dart.  Much to the party’s chagrin, it turned out a poisoned Tavan was still more than an adequate match for Compassion. As such, the party decided to forgo the rules of gentlemanly combat, and they all rushed in and proceeded to beat Tavan into the ground, to the loud booing of the crowd.  While dragging Tavan’s body away, one of the commoners yelled, “just what I’d expect from Gladiator Tempest, the Dishonorable Head-Kicker!”

Upon dragging Tavan into a side street, they proceeded to strip him of all of his valuables and his shiny new armor, which they then brought to Clau.  Thankful, Clau paid the party for a job well done. Exhausted from a long day, the party retired to their rooms.

The party awoke the next morning to the sounds of loud noises coming from the common room of the inn.  To their surprise, Jobal had arrived early that morning with an entire contingent of wait staff that were preparing breakfast.  Also to Ethyl’s surprise, her hair was growing back at a pretty significant pace!

Taking a seat and eating, Jobal introduced Undrel, half-orc priestess of Savarn to the party.  Their job would be to take the provided boat and escort both Savarn and a boatload full of supplies to Camp Vengeance.  Jobal explained that these supplies were necessary as Camp Righteousness, which the party will pass on their way to Camp Vengeance, had been attacked and was completely destroyed.  As the party headed to the boat they gave each other knowing glances . . . they would be making a stop at Camp Righteousness on their way to Camp Vengeance.


What will the party find at Camp Righteousness?  How many days worth of supplies with Ethyl eat during the journey?  Find out next time on Tales from the Plunderbund Consortium!

You can find us at the actual 9 Deuce website where we have the archives as well as other content such as horror movie reviews, wrestling blogs, podcasts, and some other material.  We’re on Facebook, on Twitter @official9deuce, or Tumblr @ superkent92 or Instagram at Official9Deuce .  Share this, like this, write us an email with a question or a comment at  Hell, you can subscribe via RSS.  Facebook and the website are probably the best bets.  Thank you.

Tomb of Annihilation (TFTPB) – Chapter Four

Holy Hells Bells, we are back to our normal schedule.  I am just happy to be back in black, I mean on schedule.  In a battle of who has the biggest balls of them all, our group continues its adventure, and we are left wondering if the Money really does talk.   Plus we got a Thunderwave!  How fucking exciting is that???  Obviously, I have my own theme.  I came across this interesting band’s renditions of songs that I enjoy.  I hope that you enjoy as well.


Tomb of Annihilation

Chapter 4 – Now You’re Playing With Power


With none of the mercenaries alive to interrogate, the group searched their bodies and found a large, rusty key.  They were quick to learn that said key opened a grate leading into the sewers.  In an abundance of caution, Xilix sent his trusty bat companion, Gryff, down into the sewers to scout.  After Gryff reported back that the coast was clear, the party headed down into the sewers.  The party traveled until they found a hidden room containing a desk and various crates.  Said crates were obviously used to smuggle in awesome things to be sold on the black market.

Finding nothing of particular value in the crate room, the party continued until they came across a cart with a gold bracelet sitting inside.  Assuming it was a trap, the party got ready to perform all manner of trap searching methods on the cart and the jewelry.  Unfortunately, this was the first time the party realized that they didn’t have a rogue in the group.  Ethyl said, “screw it, I need a new bracelet,” and pulled it out of the cart.  Much to their surprise, nothing happened.

Despite the fact they obtained the loot with no danger to themselves, Compassion, who was leading the party down the single file sewers, decided this was the perfect opportunity to lecture the group on “dungeon safety.”  Ironically, as he was just getting to “the good part of his lecture,” the distracted Compassion failed to notice the pressure plate that he was about to stand on.  Upon hearing the “click” of the pressure plate triggering, Compassion attempted to jump out of the way.  As he was wearing bulky metal armor, Compassion failed to dodge, and was brained by a hefty sized rock falling from the ceiling.  The lecture ended then and there.

Using the tried and true method of “taking every left in a dungeon until you either reach your destination or finish making a circle,” the party eventually came to a room that contained more empty smuggling crates.  On the other side of the room was a lever and a door.  Having taken Compassion’s lecture to heart (prior to him taking it to the head), the group stood outside the room as Ethyl conjured a magic hand from the doorway to pull the lever.  

As the lever was pulled down, a giant metal plate came slamming down from the ceiling, cutting the party off from the room.  Listening closely at the plate, the party could hear water rushing into the room.  Having avoided the cliché “water room death trap” the party members gave each other hi-fives while looking smugly at Compassion.  Compassion, who was sure that he had a concussion at this point, just grunted out his approval to the party.

After the water receded from the room, Compassion went over to inspect the door.  Before they could (attempt) to check for traps or even listen at the door, the door flung open, and Compassion was immediately stabbed twice, shot with an arrow, and hit in the face with a firebolt by the four smugglers waiting for them in the next room.  Compassion fell to the ground dying.

Seeing Compassion laying on the ground dying, Hertz looked the two smugglers in front of him in the face and said, “if your troops up top had been smart enough to retreat, they could of warned you this was going to happen.”  At this point Hertz again called upon the power of Talos and began surging with electricity.  Pointing his finger forward, Hertz uttered the magical holy word “Boom” and a crack of thunder rang out.  Upon the sound dissipating, the two smugglers who were not in the path of the Thunderwave saw that the two smugglers at the door had been reduced to bloodstains on the floor.

With their number cut in half, the remaining two smugglers dove behind some wooden barrels and began sniping at the party.  It was at this point that Xilix had the genius to send Gryff the bat out with a flask of oil to drop on the barrels.  Once the barrels had been doused, Xilix or Ethyl could strike the barrels with a firebolt to ignite them.  What actually happened was Gryff flying into the room, throwing and completely missing the barrels with the flask, then then getting shot dead by the archer-smuggler.  

Crying in anguish over the loss of his familiar, Xilix took a lot of painkilling drugs and ran into the room shooting firebolts akimbo like he was in a John Woo movie.  While the smugglers were distracted, Hertz called upon the powers of Talos to heal Compassion’s wounds.  Springing to his feet in an enraged fury, Compassion ran into the room, grabbed one of the barrels that had been set on fire during Xilix’s assault, and began beating the caster to death with it.  Just before Compassion caved in the caster’s head, she and the archer surrendered.

During the negotiations it was agreed the two remaining smugglers would leave and the group would be free to loot the room.  Aside from standard treasure, the group found two items of interest, the last piece of the amulet and a dinosaur egg.  Tempest took the final piece of the amulet as she had all of the other pieces, and Compassion took the egg because, being half-demon in nature, he was a “natural incubator.”  

Returning to the inn, the party reconvened in Xilix’s room where they reassembled the pieces of the Amulet, now fully forged into the Dreamer’s Amulet.  Those with magical attunement could instantly feel the evil radiating from the Amulet.  Hoping that such powerful magics could restore his memory, Xilix immediately began meditating with the Amulet in order to learn its secrets.  With the rest of the party concerned by Xilix’s foolhardy actions, Compassion agreed to watch over him as Hetz, Tempest, and Ethyl went to speak with Sagi in the barroom.  

Finding Sagi in the bar, the party was once again prepared to deal with a confusing, rambling, and drunk Sagi.  Much to their surprise, Sagi was actually sober!  Also much to their surprise, Sagi turned out to be less comprehensible when sober.  After a 30-plus minute conversation in which Hertz had to resort to pantomiming and drawing pictures, Sagi told the party that if they had assembled the Dreamer’s Amulet they should bring it to Dina-Saur, member of the Order of the Triceratops branch of the Kepka society.  Sagi insisted that Dina-Saur would have information on how the Amulet was related to the Death Curse.

Meanwhile, back in Xilix’s room, Compassion began to notice that the longer Xilix meditated with the Amulet, the deeper Xilix’s trance seemed to be, and the quieter the room became.  After about 30 minutes of meditating with the amulet, Xilix had fully entered a black, subspace world.  Despite the darkness, in the distance Xilix could see a form slithering in his direction.  Soon after Xilix saw the figure, which appeared to be a giant snake-like creature.  

As this being was no scarier than the worst of his hallucinations while high on particularly powerful drugs, Xilix tried to engage the snake-monster in conversation.  When Xilix asked the monster who he was and what he wanted, the snake merely responded with a question, “what do you want? *hissss*”.  Xilix truthfully responded, “knowledge and power.”  The snake responded, “you are not worthy,” and proceeded to devour Xilix whole.  Xilix awoke from the trance screaming.  

Finding that the amulet would not bend to their will, the party agreed to meet with Dina-Saur and his Kepka Society brethren.  When Sagi informed the party that they would find Dina-Saur running a local bathhouse, they became suspicious that Sagi was just pulling some elaborate prank on them.  However, upon entering the bathhouse, they immediately saw a man in purple robes matching Dina-Saur’s description.  Walking up to Dina-Saur, Compassion used the secret Kepka Society hand gesture taught to him by Sagi.  

Excited to meet the adventurers that had assembled the Dreamer’s Amulet, Dina-Saur informed the party that he would be escorting them to the Kepka Society hideout, which turned out to be the abandoned warehouse from Reservoir Dogs.  As they walked through the warehouse, Dina-Saur proceeded to drone on about various non-Amulet related things that bored Hertz.  

While Hertz was looking around the room waiting for Dina-Saur to shut up, he saw that a nearby carpet seemed to bow inward.  Curious, Hertz went over to inspect the carpet.  Just as Hertz discovered that the carpet was concealing a pit trap, Dina-Saur rushed over and attempted to push Hertz in the pit.  This cunning plan failed for two reasons, 1) Hertz wears like 300 pounds of metal armor, and 2) when at full power Hertz is basically living lightning.  Upon touching Hertz armor, Dina-Saur was killed in a manner not dissimilar to the Joker’s joy buzzer attack.

Enraged that their leader had been bested so easily, the remaining cultists in the room prepared to attack.  The party then proceeded to kill most of the cultists and their pet giant snake.  While they did leave one cultist alive to interrogate, he answers mostly consisted of hissing sounds.  Upon telling the group that the only thing waiting for them in the next room was death, Compassion threw the remaining cultist into the pit.


Does death await the party in the next room?  Did Sagi betray the party?  Find out next time on Tales from the Plunderbund Consortium.  


Like I wasn’t going to put a Nintendo commercial on this as well with a name of a chapter called “Now You’re Playing With Power.”

You can find us at the actual 9 Deuce website where we have the archives as well as other content such as horror movie reviews, wrestling blogs, podcasts, and some other material.  We’re on Facebook, on Twitter @official9deuce, or Tumblr @ superkent92 or Instagram at Official9Deuce .  Share this, like this, write us an email with a question or a comment at  Hell, you can subscribe via RSS.  Facebook and the website are probably the best bets.  Thank you.

Tomb of Annihilation (TFTPB) – Chapter Three

Did you think I forgot about this?  I didn’t, I have simply been dealing with bronchitis, the death of my father, and a kidney stone.  But who gives a damn about that when we could be reading some Tales From The Plunderbund.  I am you host, Kent.  This of course was written my by good friend Eric.  This week, I had 2 songs picked out.  In tribute of a lady that we lost recently, and in honor of a game that Eric and I have been playing recently, I give you The Cranberries “Zombie”.  Tomorrow, yes tomorrow a new blog is coming, I hope you know something about Sam B.

Tomb of Annihilation

Chapter 3 – Murder-Hobos Come to Frog Town


Upon removing the second piece of the amulet from the alter, the adventurers could feel their minds attempting to be penetrated.  While most fought off the icky visions, Ethyl could not, and her mind began to flood with images of giant eyeballs leaking black fluid and more tentacles than can be found in the backroom of an anime convention.  Luckily, as Ethyl was from the underdark, such images were nothing more than an average Tuesday night for her.  She quickly came back to her senses, unconcerned about the horrific visions that had just been pumped into her head.

Needing to rest and regain their spells, the party headed back to the inn.  In the morning, before Xilix could take too many of his medicinal herbs, the party insisted that he tell them the location of his Emerald Enclave contact.  After searching through his notes for about 20 minutes, Xilix informed the party that they should meet with female cat-person Screaming Wind just outside the city.

With a new goal, the party set out to meet Screaming Wind.  After leaving the city and traveling for about an hour, the group found themselves near a bridge spanning a ravine.  In the middle of the bridge the group could see a fish-man getting his butt kicked by two pterodactyl-men.  As the party stopped to debate whether the fish-man was the victim or the aggressor, a cat-person jumped out of the nearby trees and proceeded to stab the pterodactyl-men in the throat.  The fish-man thanked her and ran the hell away (because he was a fish and she was a cat).

As all cat-people look alike to Xilix, he assumed that this cat-person was his contact Screaming Wind.  Luckily, in this case Xilix’s casual racism happened to be correct.  At first conversation was slow, as Screaming Wind’s accent (aka cat screeching) made it hard to understand her.  After acclimating to the horrible cat sounds coming from Screaming Wind, the group found that she was very happy to see them, as she had a job she wished them to complete.  Specifically, in the area of the jungle known as Molar’s Throat, all sorts of bad shit was going down.  Most notably, the pterodactyl-men were being driven crazy and undead were starting to spring up all over.  If the situation didn’t improve, the cat people were going to have to leave their village in the Throat.  Screaming Wind hired the group to find the source of the madness and stop it.

For the next three hours the party stumbled clumsily through the jungle, rubbing up against all manner of poisoned foliage.  As such, the group spent most of the afternoon feeling sick and in a hallucinogenic state.  While the majority of the group was miserable, Xilix was in heaven.  

As the hallucinogins began to wear off, the party came to a clearing where it appeared a cat-person and a half-elf were unconscious and trapped in some brambles.  Not sure if this was an illusion due to their hallucinogenic encounters, Tempest went over and started poking at the brambles with her spear.  Tempest and the party quickly learned that not only was the bramble patch alive, but the rustling bushes made it obvious that they were surrounded by a handful of other shrub-men.   While the shrub men were all self-satisfied with themselves for pulling off such an ambush, they made the fatal mistake of ambushing a group with two magic users who just love to throw fire around.

Tempest, Xilix, and Ethyl set up an assembly line of murder.  In step one, Tempest would spear a shrub-man and pin him to the ground.  In step two, Xilix and Ethyl would burn the ever-living hell out of said shrub-man; rinse and repeat.  Meanwhile, as those three were disposing of the foliage, Compassion was trying desperately to save the cat-woman and the half-elf.  Thanks to his efforts, the cat-woman lived . . . while the half-elf was completely drained of blood.  At the end of the fight everyone congratulated Compassion for now having an overall victim rescue rate of approximately 15 percent!  Compassion just grunted at them as he prepared the half-elf’s body for purification and burial . . . again.

Continuing their trek, the party came to the edge of the jungle.  From the tree line, the party looked out onto a field where six small and adorable frog-men were performing some sort of ritual around a pillar.  As the party bickered about whether or not to engage with the frog-men, Ethyl, hating conversation with the other party members, decided to crack open Volo’s guide to see what she could learn.  Thanks to the guide, Ethyl learned many interesting facts, including that the frogs have a democratically elected republic, their favorite animal is the teddy bear, they poison everything they touch, and they are slavers.  As the party came to the realization that the last entry was particularly concerning, Tempest, using her monk vision, noticed that at least two of the frogs had seen the group but were pretending not to.  

With visions of a future life of frog-slavery in their heads, the group decided to kill the frog-men before that happened.  Realizing the party wasn’t going to go down easy, the frogs immediately began trying to hide in the nearby grasses in the hopes of sneaking up on the party.  Seeing half of the frogs immediately disappear, Xilix cast a sleep spell at their last known location.  This resulted in the half of the frog-men that had hidden suddenly deciding it was nap time.

From there a fierce battle ensued, with the party engaging with spells, war hammers, swords, spears, and Tempest’s famous “headbutt of caving your head in.”  After the three conscious frog-men were dispatched of, the group went to the sleeping frog-men and proceeded to kill them all in their sleep.  While the group members themselves took very little damage, unfortunately for Ethyl, one of her spells backfired, causing all of her hair to fall off of her body.

After saving themselves from a grim future of frog-slavery, the group proceeded to loot the bodies and examine the pillar.  To their surprise, another piece of the Amulet sat upon it.  As Tempest collected the Amulet piece, the minds of the party members were once again assaulted, however, this time they were all able to resist being shown totally gross scenes of tentacles and ichor.  Upon examination the Amulet piece, Screaming Wind deduced that it was the cause for all of the trouble in the jungle, and she thanked the group for taking the Amulet piece from the cursed alter.

It was quickly becoming apparent that 1) the amulet likely had nothing to do with the death curse, and 2) bringing all the pieces of the amulet together might actually be a terrible idea, as it may summon some sort eldritch abomination.  Despite such concerns, they decided to press on with reassembling the Amulet.

Wanting to reassemble the Amulet and get it out of their possession as soon as possible, the group followed their next lead.  Specifically, they went to talk with Kelvin Venscion of the Order of the Gauntlet.  On their way, Ethyl insisted that they stop by the black market so that she could purchase a magical hair growth formula that had specifically been tested on animals and humans.  While Ethyl found someone willing to sell a “miracle hair growth formula,” only time will tell if the formula will truly work (as opposed to just poisoning the heck out of Ethyl).

Upon arriving at Kelvin’s shop, the group explained that they were not there to buy any of the very fancy clothes on display, but instead to obtain information about an Amulet piece.  While disappointed that he would not be making a sale off of gullible adventurers on this day, Kelvin was nice enough to inform the party that the object they were looking for was likely part of a shipment being smuggled into the city underneath the sewers that evening.  In order to reach the most easily accessible entrance, the group would have to go to the harbor district.

As they traveled to the harbor district, everyone made sure to inform Ethyl that absolutely no hair was growing back yet.  Arriving at the harbor near the sewer entrance, the party saw four individuals standing in the middle of the street, and one standing off to the side.  As Compassion and Tempest went to speak with the larger group (at which point they had a very nice chat about sports, drinking, and floozies), Hertz went over and introduced himself to the loner in the corner.

The loner introduced himself as John Johnson, and explained that he and his compatriots were sell swords under the employ of Jobald, merchant prince of hirelings.  He advised Hertz that the party should go see Jobald about work in the future if they were so inclined.  Hertz thanked John for his advice and then told John that he and the party were about to travel past them through the harbor.  In a most friendly and cheerful way, John told Hertz that they had been specifically ordered not to let anyone proceed any further into the harbor.

Rather than immediately start killing innocent mercenaries, the group decided to head to Jobald’s compound and request that they get special permission to enter the harbor district.  Upon reaching the nearby compound, Compassion told the gate guard that they were a mercenary party looking for work.  Always needing new recruits, the guard let them in straightaway.  Of interest, the guards at the compound were wearing uniforms that looked nothing like the uniforms of John and the other sell swords at the docs.  Failing their intelligence checks, the party thought nothing of it.

Upon being ushered into the office, Jobald, a large human with a stern but friendly demeanor, greeted them all warmly.  As Compassion again explained that they were there for work, Jobald quickly evaluated the group’s capabilities and offered them a job escorting a priest to “Camp Vengeance” to the south in the jungle.  The group accepted the job, but asked if the priest could wait two days while the party took care of other business.  After Jobald agreed, the party pushed their luck even further and asked if they could have special permission to bypass his sell swords guarding the harbor, Jobald responded, “what sell swords?”

Realizing they had been hoodwinked, the party immediately headed back to the harbor district.  Seeing the party return, the five “sell swords” assumed a fighting formation and engaged.  The battle was tough, but the enemies were no match for our heroes.

Nearing the end of the battle, realizing that they should capture one of the bad guys to pump them for information about the incoming shipment, Hertz called upon the power of Talos.  Storm clouds formed, and electricity began pumping through Hertz’s body.  Hertz pointed a single finger at John, who had survived the battle thus far, and told him and his remaining men to surrender or Talos would smite him where he stood.  

While Hertz was focused on John, one of the last remaining sell swords broke away from Tempest and charged Hertz.  Hertz paid him no mind and allowed the sell sword’s metal short sword make contact with his body that was infused with divine lightning.  Upon striking Hertz the sell sword screamed in unimaginable pain and was quickly turned into a pile of ash.

Having seen what just happened to one of his best men, most people would have simply surrendered in the hopes of living another day.  But not John, he was apparently special.  Despite literally seeing his friend being smited by divine lighting for merely having the audacity to strike Hertz, John decided to yell, “I’m not afraid of your god,” and he attacked Hertz head on.  A sound of thunder echoed throughout the harbor district, and where John once stood, only chunks of flesh and blood remained.  


What will the group find when they enter the sewers?  Just how much vengeance is required to fill a camp?  Will Ethyl’s hair ever grow back?  Find out next week on Tales from the Plunderbund Consortium!    

You can find us at the actual 9 Deuce website where we have the archives as well as other content such as horror movie reviews, wrestling blogs, podcasts, and some other material.  We’re on Facebook, on Twitter @official9deuce, or Tumblr @ superkent92 or Instagram at Official9Deuce .  Share this, like this, write us an email with a question or a comment at  Hell, you can subscribe via RSS.  Facebook and the website are probably the best bets.  Thank you.

Tomb of Annihilation (TFTPB) – Chapter Two

It’s me, it’s me, it’s that K E N T.  I gotta say, my favorite line of this week’s blog is: “Subsequently, Ilana and the others met up with Alexa, Dimebag, and a pile of dead elves.”  How does that not tantalize you?  Speaking of tantalizing, I was watching a model dance to this song earlier in the night and now the damn song is stuck in my head.  Skip to 2:28 to get to the actual song.  You’re welcome.  Send all hate mail to somebody who cares.


Tomb of Annihilation

Chapter 2 – Ziggurats and Zombies

As the party took their places on the winner’s podium, the national anthem of Chult was played (because nobody cared where the group was actually from), the medals were placed around their necks, and the losers were awarded their participation trophies.  Merchant Princess Aquenieffa, who it turned out sponsored this tournament, invited the group back to her place for refreshments and the awarding of the Oracle Eye.

Upon arriving at the swanky digs, they were immediately treated as barely tolerated guests and potential future customers.  Once the Eye was in hand, Compassion inquired as to where she had acquired the item and why she was giving it away as a reward.  Aquenieffa told the party that it was a gift from a suiter and had little sentimental value to her.  Seeing a dinosaur set on fire during the gladiator match was worth the price.  When pressed for the suiter’s name, she told them to mind their gods-damn business.

After failing to get any useful information on the suiter, Compassion immediately began negotiating a deal to get cheaper armor and weapon prices from the merchant princess.  A tough round of negotiating was conducted, with Compassion successfully earning a discount of prices from, “you won’t be able to afford a damn thing before the end of the campaign” to “by the time you can afford this, you will have found a more powerful version after fighting the boss of the last dungeon.”

With negotiations concluded, the adventurers began asking if she knew anything about the death curse or the soul monger.  She knew nothing, other than the fact it would be awesome if somebody were to break the death curse.  When pressed, she told the group about Wukanga O-tamu, the merchant prince of magical artifacts.

Impatient, and having struck the last blow on Bro Dudehammer, Tempest insisted that they head back to the inn so that he could talk with Drunken Master Sagi about getting the Eye to the Harpers.  As they walked to the inn, Xilix informed the party that he had to go collect some “medicinal spell components” and that he would meet up with the group later.  When asked how he would be able to find the group, Xilix said he would simply appear when it was “narratively appropriate.”  Hertz translated this to the party as, “more addict wizard gibberish!”

Upon arriving at the inn, the party found that Sagi was as drunk as ever.  When Tempest approached with the Oracle Eye, Sagi seemed to kind of, somewhat, maybe recognize it.  Rather than simply had the Eye over, Tempest began to ask Sagi about what he said earlier, that the Eye was merely a part of the larger whole.  If that were indeed the case, Tempest wished to know where the other pieces could be located.  After a long, drunken tangent about “kids these days” and how he once taught a dragon to love, the group was eventually able to piece together that each of the major factions either had, or was looking for, a piece of the amulet.  

Sagi specifically noted that the Emerald Enclave was actively searching for a piece of the amulet.  Upon learning this, the party immediately looked at the door as it would have been the narratively appropriate time for Xilix, a member of the Emerald Enclave, to show up.  After staring at the door for a sold ten minutes, the group gave up, and decided to meet with Compassion’s contact in the Order of the Gauntlet.

Compassion brought Hertz, Ethyl and Tempest to see his OG contact, Alister Bole.  Traveling to the nice part of town, the party soon realized that Bole lived in a McMansion in a gated community meant to keep out demihumans, poor people, and other undesirables; prostitutes were good though.  Within minutes of meeting Bole, everyone, with the possible exception of Ethyl, was ready to punch him in the face repeatedly as he continually said things that made him sound like a d-bag.

Preferring receiving money to not receiving money, the party resisted the urge to get punchy and listened to what Bole had to say.  Unfortunately, Bole didn’t seem to have any info on the pieces of the amulet or how to stop the death curse.  What he did know was the fact that poor people were going missing in the poor district, aka Old Town.  One such poor person was his servant Daro.  As a healthy number of poor citizens are necessary to make the nobility look even nobler, Bole hired the group to find out what was happing to the missing lower-class peasants.  

As the poor people regularly went missing at midnight, the party waited until the sun was setting to head into Old Town.  Due to the danger that Old Town presents at night, the streets were nearly deserted, however, the group came across a young lady who was “totally not” a prostitute.  She made sure to let the party know that she was an intern with the Port Ninzaro Department of Social Services, and that she was currently earning money to finish her graduate degree in social work.  

When asked about the missing peasants, she told the group that the brother of one of her “clients” (social work client, totally nothing to do with prostitution, honest) had gone missing.  Supposedly, just before going missing, the victims would yell and scream that they could hear, “THE CALL OF THE DEAD!!!1!!11!”.  She advised the adventurers to head to the nearby tavern, The Shiv, if they wanted to know more.

Upon finding and entering The Shiv, the group’s suspension of disbelief was shattered as who should be sitting at a nearby table, but famous Forgotten Realms Dude Volo, who “in-game” recently published his guide to monsters which the party could buy for 50 gold.  By some stroke of coincidence, in the real-world Wizards of the Coast (a subsidiary of Hasbro) recently published its second monsters manual entitled “Volo’s Guide to Monsters.”  It the group was willing to pay 50 gold in game to buy the book, and then was also willing to pay $50 to buy the real world book, they would be allowed to use the information in the real book to get information on their future monster battles!  Despite the obvious, if not insulting, market ploy by Wizards/Hasbro, as the DM and the person playing Hertz already had copies of Volo’s Guide, Tempest immediately ponied up the cash to buy the in-game copy.  YOU WIN THIS TIME CAPITALISM!

After purchasing the in-game downloadable content (DLC), Compassion went over and chatted up the bartender.  Luckily for Compassion, the bartender liked his “I’m a half-demon, my heart is all dark and sad” look.  Upon Compassion purchasing a tankard of honey ale, the bartender was more than happy to share some actual useful information without putting the characters through a bunch of extraneous bullshit, which instantly made “Bartender #1” the group’s favorite NPC to date.  

As to the call of the dead, Bartender #1 informed the group that the previous night Daro, after having his death call fit, ran off in the direction of the area affectionally known as the “executioner’s run.”  The run was so named because criminals would be put in the dug-up channel and forced to run to the end while being pursed by hungry animals.  If the criminal could reach the end before being eaten, he would earn the right to be exiled to the jungle (where he would eventually be eaten by different animals).

Further, Bartender #1 told the story of Queen Zalquore, the most beautiful woman in Chult.  Stories tell of how hundreds of men would kill for her and would bring her all manner of shinny treasurers.  Rumer has it that many of these treasures remain in a vault in her abandoned castle deep within the jungles of Chult.  With no reason to believe otherwise, the party instantly assumed that another piece of the amulet must be contained within the vault!

With Bartender #1 dry of any additional information to share with the group, a loud crash sudden rang out from the back of the bar.  Xilix, obviously in a medicinal herb-induced fog, came rushing from the back yelling, “Narratively Appropriate Time Bitches!!!”

After Xilix’s triumphant return, the group headed out to continue its investigation, putting the jungle castle on their to-do list for another day.  Upon arriving at the executioner’s run, they saw that on the other side of the trench were two rundown and completely creepy huts, a small one and a big one.  Using “monk sense,” Tempest was able to discern that there were approximately four individuals in the small hut.  The group assumed formation, with heavily armored Compassion and Hertz in the front, Tempest immediately behind them, and the arcane magic users in the back.  Before Compassion could even knock on the door, four incredibly fast and tough zombies came rushing out at the party.

Prior to attacking the group, the zombies sized up their meal.  Realizing they could either try to rip into the walking tin cans (Hertz and Compassion) or immediately start chowing down on a half-naked chick (Tempest), all four immediately charged for the easily accessible morsel.

Unfortunately for the zombies, Tempest didn’t wear armor because she didn’t need it.  As the zombies jumped in and tried to bite her, Tempest was quick to dodge their pitiful attacks.  In very little time Tempest used her spear to stab the first zombie in the head while Compassion began chopping a second zombie up with his sword.  Hertz then used his holy light to burn those weakened zombies into cinders.

Realizing that Compassion, Tempest and Hertz were not going to provide them with an easy meal, the zombies turned their attention to the other two fleshies in the back after one of them was struck by Ethyl’s firebolt.  The two remaining zombies charged Ethyl and began chowing down on her delicious fatness.  

With Ethyl bleeding out on the ground, the zombies and Hertz began playing their own mini-game of “resurrection pinball.”  In round one, Hertz would use clerical magic to stop Ethyl from dying.  In round two, the zombies would continue to eat Ethyl.  This went on for several minutes as Compassion, Tempest, and Xilix huddled up to devise the most stylish way to end this farce of a battle.  Calling upon the power of the elements, Tempest summoned the winds to carry Xilix high into the air.  Upon Xilix reaching maximum height, Compassion ran in and clotheslined the two zombies off of their feet and onto the ground, while at the same time shouting at Hertz to grab Ethyl’s body and run.  Hertz grabbed Ethyl’s unconscious body while he and Compassion ran for their lives.  With his comrades out of range and the two zombies laid out on the ground, Xilix used his drug-induced power to call down a napalm death fire strike upon the two remaining zombies.  By the time Xilix was done, nothing was left where the zombies had laid other than a smoldering crater.  

The danger seemingly over, the group searched the zombie bodies and the small hut.  While nothing of particular note was found, it quickly became obvious that they were the bodies of the missing poor folk.  Despite Ethyl having taken a few licks (and bites), the group was still in pretty good condition and thought it was worth the risk to check out the nearby large hut.  Ethyl and Xilix stayed far behind, while Compassion, Hertz, and Tempest assumed their usual formation.  While battle ready, they unfortunately were not trap ready.  As Compassion turned the door knob, a poison needle jutted out and poked his finger.  The paralytic poison coursed through the tiefling, leaving him disabled on the ground.

Despite losing their tank, Hertz and Tempest pressed forward into the house.  Luckily, the house was deserted and had no other armed traps.  As such, the remaining conscious members of the group began searching for clues.  Soon into the search Xilix found a hidden compartment in a desk containing a leather-bound journal entitled “Viplo’s Evil Journal of Evil Machinations.”  Reading the journal, Xilix learned that a necromancer by the name of Viplo was using a hidden area underneath the nearby Ziggurat to create zombies.  Too beat up to confront Viplo at this time, the group headed back to the inn to rest and recover.

Early the next morning the party geared up and headed out.  Thanks to Viplo’s journal, the group was easily able to find the entrance to the secret underbelly of the Ziggurat.  Unfortunately, the journal did not warn them of the traps or inform how to open the secret doors to the rooms beyond.  Luckily, despite his amnesia and horrible, horrible drug addiction, Xilix is incredibly smart, and was easily able to solve the puzzles . . . until the last room.  Overconfident, and possibly suffering from withdrawal symptoms, Xilix completely botched the last puzzle, causing everyone but Ethyl, who was still three rooms behind due to her fat out-of-shape-ness, to get chopped to hell by whirling saw blades.

As the trap didn’t kill any of them, the party members bandaged themselves and walked into the next room, which turned out to be a giant alter/worship room.  Before they could take stock of their surroundings, a shout of “interlopers” rang out, and Tempest was immediately hit in the face with a firebolt spell (presumably cast by Viplo).  In response, Ethyl cast a spell causing a giant fog cloud to engulf the room, blocking line of sight, and allowing the group to retreat to the previous room.

Using “monk vision”, Tempest was able to determine that through the fog there were four zombies, Viplo, and three prisoners chained to the wall.  After forming a strategy, the group executed plan “take pot shots from the alcove until everything dies.”

After a few rounds of his zombies getting beating up by hard to see intruders, Viplo yelled, “my zombie minions, feel free to eat the prisoners as I’m sure you are hungry, if any of them are heroic enough to try and stop you, KILL THEM!”  Compassion then barked, “you heard them men, lets save those innocents,” and charged head-first into the fog.  Hertz then yelled, “uh yea, um Talos, please watch over those chained up innocents while I continue to say behind and just cast support spells,” while Xilix and Ethyl just continued to take potshots from the alcove.  It didn’t take long for Compassion to realize that not only was he alone in the zombie-fog pit, but he was also in danger of friendly fire from his teammates’ spells.  Compassion began to question his choice of teammates.

Compassion fought valiantly, but was unable to stop the zombies from devouring all three innocents, including Daro, ruining any chance of a performance bonus from their employer.  Mocking their failure, Viplo began laughing at the group’s pitiful performance, and how it would take more than some silly cloud of fog to stop him and his zombies.  Viplo, however, did not realize that Tempest had enacted plan “walk through the fog and kick the distracted necromancer in the head until it explodes.”  By the 5th kick, Compassion had about 30% of Viplo’s brain and skull pieces on him.  With the master dead, the group easily dispatched of the remaining zombies.  

Celebrating a job adequately done, the group began searching the room for anything useful.  As Ethyl approached the alter an uneasy feeling came over her.  She touched the alter and a vision appeared . . .

What will the vision show, will the group ever learn if the amulet has anything to do with stopping the death curse, and will the party ever again meet an NPC as helpful and straightforward as Bartender #1?  Find out these answers and more on the next exciting episode of Tales from the Plunderbund Consortium: Tomb of Annihilation!

You can find us at the actual 9 Deuce website where we have the archives as well as other content such as horror movie reviews, wrestling blogs, podcasts, and some other material.  We’re on Facebook, on Twitter @official9deuce, or Tumblr @ superkent92 or Instagram at Official9Deuce .  Share this, like this, write us an email with a question or a comment at  Hell, you can subscribe via RSS.  Facebook and the website are probably the best bets.  Thank you.

Tomb of Annihilation (TFTPB) – Chapter One

Welcome back friends, this is Kent.  What a big surprise last week, right?  That kinda came out of nowhere.  New beginnings are good and I’m very excited.  So far I have seen a Dudehammer and Poxmark Poe which makes me want to watch Con Air, so I think we are on the right track.  As I’m not involved, I am strictly an outside observer, I will say that I straight up don’t trust Xilix.  Never trust a name that has two non-consecutive X’s in it.  These are rules to live by.  In honor of Poe, I bring you one of my favorite under the radar songs of the 90’s….by Poe.


Tomb of Annihilation

Chapter 1 – Death Curses and Dinosaurs


As is tradition, four low level adventurers with no prior association, Hertz Cunningham, cleric of Talos, Young Tempest, pirate monk, Xilix Andethia, amnesiac wizard, and Ethelwynn Devir of Mantol-Derith, sorceress of pie, all arrived at the mansion’s gates at the exact same time.  The four had been directed by their various patrons to meet with former adventurer Syndra Sylvane at her palatial estate.  After engaging in forced and awkward pleasantries and introductions, the four entered the compound.

Knocking on the door to Syndra’s mansion, they noticed that the estate, while nice, was very quiet.  The door was soon opened by Syndra’s man-servant Claud, who ushered the group into the dinning room.  Sitting at the head of the table was someone who appeared to be dressed in Harry Potter Death Eater Cosplay, basically just a robe and metal mask.  It was most unnerving.

The creepy figure, who introduced herself (himself? itself?) as Syndra, invited the group to sit and eat lunch while they discussed business.  Claud was apparently a very good cook and the group happily ate their free meal, with Ethel eating triple portions of everything.

Syndra explained that she was dressed in such a creepy manner because she was recently afflicted with the “Death Curse,” a malady that appears to have been spreading across the globe.  In explaining how the curse worked, Syndra noted that during her days as an adventurer she had been slain and clerical magic was used to resurrect her good as new.  Unfortunately, the death curse, which appears to have first manifested within the past few weeks, specifically targets individuals who previously died and were resurrected through magical means.

The bodies of those who were previously revived through magical means, and were now subject to the death curse, were now beginning to necrotize and fall apart until the individual was no more.  Basically, Syndra had super‑leprosy.  Upon hearing this Hertz, Tempest, and Xilix lost their appetites, while Ethel cleaned their plates for them.

Syndra explained that she did not have much time left, and she gathered the adventurers together in the hopes that they could discover the source of, and destroy, the death curse.  Why she entrusted a group of low-level adventurers who had never worked together with this task was not explained.  She conveyed her belief that the cause of the curse was a magical artifact known as the “Soulmonger,” and that said artifact was likely hidden somewhere in the land of Chult.  Obviously hesitant to undertake such a dangerous mission, the group quickly changed their positions on the matter when Syndra offered them each a magical item from her vast treasure hoard should they succeed in breaking the curse and saving her life.

With the greedy adventurers prepared to risk their lives for profit, Syndra and Claud prepared a teleportation spell which sent the six of them to Port Ninzaro, one of the few bastions of civilization in Chult.  After the teleportation dizziness wore off, and Ethel finished puking up lunch, the group found themselves in a vibrant port city that was totally not just fantasy Brazil (spoiler: it’s totally just fantasy Brazil, please put that mental image in your head so I don’t need to spend time describing the the city’s details).

Before the group could even begin to consider how to proceed, Xilix saw some awesome flowers that he had not previously studied (or that were studied prior to his being an amnesiac).  As Syndra was explaining to the group that she would be staying at a nearby tavern and that she looked forward to receiving regular reports of their progress, Xilix paid her no mind and went over to the flower bush, cutting one off for study.  It was at this point that Xilix realized that there was an angry shopkeeper standing over him, holding the club he had named “Shoplifter’s Demise.”  Xilix quickly apologized and paid the shopkeeper 1 gold for the flower, about 10 times its actual value.

As the four conversed with the now much more affable shopkeeper, the camera panned over to a tiefling (basically half-human, half-demon) warrior who had been intently watching the motley crew ever since they teleported onto the docks.  The voiceover explained that this man’s identification code was “Compassion,” and that he was wandering knight in training.  A montage then played of Compassion’s previous training exploits, including saving puppies from being eaten by wolves, saving puppies from a burning building, saving puppies from an evil wizard, and killing puppies that had been possessed by a legion of demons intent on using demon dogs to assault the heavenly stronghold of the god of cats.  Basically, Compassion’s trainers had decided that his training had become a bit too puppy focused, and they decided to send him to Chult where it was exceptionally unlikely that his adventures would involve puppies, or even full‑grown dogs.

The voiceover also explained that Compassion was looking for the gold half-dragon quartermaster Zindar.  By some stroke of coincidence, both Hertz and Ethel had been told that if they ever found themselves in Port Ninzaro they too should look up Zindar.  As such, we he saw that the shopkeeper had directed the crew to Zindar’s location, Compassion shadowed their movements in the port.

Upon seeing the motley group approach Zindar, Compassion came out of the shadows to join their conversation.  The group did not find this strange at all and acted as if Compassion had been with them all along.  While not in anyway helpful in sharing information about the death curse, Zindar was able to inform the group about individuals looking to hire adventurers for work, specifically, Pockmark Poe and Alister Boll.  Zindar informed them that Poe was in a rundown hut in the “old city.”

While on their way to the old city Compassion, now a full-fledged and accredited member of the party, because reasons, asked if they could stop off at an armorer’s stand so he could purchase some splint mail.  Unfortunately, the party was quick to learn that all metal armor in Port Ninzaro had a 300 percent markup because GOD FORBID ANYONE NOT PLAY A DEX-BASED CHARACTER.  Instead, the only thing they got of use from the armorer was knowledge about the political structure of the city, namely, that Port Ninzaro is basically run by a handful powerful merchant princes (and princesses).  His merchant princess boss, Aquenieffa, might be able to offer the group a discount if they spoke with her.

Unable to purchase reasonably priced armor, the group continued to old town and easily found Poe’s hut.  Entering the run-down and rather creepy hut, they soon found that Pockmark Poe truly lived up to his name.  They also found that he must be rich, as he was attended by a number of scantily clad average to slightly above average looking women (and one man) fanning him and feeding him grapes.  The group explained that they were looking for work and Poe immediately sprung up.  He began to tell the group that he wanted them to enter a dinosaur racing competition . . . at which point everyone enthusiastically accepted.  When asked if they wanted to hear more or if they wanted to know what they would be paid, Hertz replied, “fine, whatever, just hurry up, we have dinosaurs to race.”  Poe explained that he had paid their entrance fees and gave them their competition tickets.  He then told them that the purse would be gold and a trinket known as the oracle eye.  The group was to win the race and bring him the eye, the winnings would be theirs to keep.

With a few hours prior to the race, the group decided to head to the House of Repose where Tempest had been directed by his faction, the Harpers, to meet with a contact.  Upon arriving at the tavern Hertz pulled out his lute, got on the empty stage without asking, and began to play his latest hymn to Talos, “The Storm in Our Hearts.”  Hertz was convinced he had at least 20 new converts by song’s end.

Meanwhile, Xilix, realizing he knew nothing about riding, much less racing, dinosaurs, decided to “make friends” with a group of patrons dressed in green who appeared that they might know a thing or two about dino-racing.  Unfortunately, Xilix lacks certain social traits such as “personality” and “not being an annoying elf,” and quickly put himself in a position where he was about to get his butt kicked.  Luckily, Compassion was nearby and quickly ushered Xilix the hell out of the tavern.

As Hertz was entertaining and Xilix was offending, Tempest was meeting with his contact, Sagi, master of the Body Beast Drinking Style of unarmed combat.  While Sagi was very entertaining, he was also very unintelligible.  By the end of the conversation, Tempest was pretty sure she learned that 1) the oracle eye was a smaller piece of the broken up Amulet of Dreamers; and 2) fellow Harper Urissa wants the eye.  For the time, Tempest decided to keep this info to herself considering they had already been hired to deliver the eye to Pockmark Poe, and only an idiot would betray an obviously rich and somewhat-powerful underworld boss.

Nearing race time, the inexperienced and completely unprepared dino-racers headed for check in.  Upon being assigned their individual racing velociraptors, the group headed to the starting line where, surprise, surprise, the green dressed men from the House of Repose where their competition.  Each racer was then provided with a staff that could be used to beat the other competitors.

As the starting bell was about to ring, Ethel turned to one of the opposing racers and said something so insulting and utterly emasculating that the opponent immediately withdrew from the race in shame (his body was found later that evening after hanging himself from the tree outside his children’s’ bedroom window).

Knowing himself to be an average rider at best, Hertz decided to play a support role.  He started his helping by using his quarterstaff to slap Tempest’s dino on the rear end in the hopes that it would go “super extra fast.”  To his surprise, it worked, and Tempest’s dino ran out far ahead of the competition.  Unfortunately, as Tempest was a former pirate with no real land-based mount riding skills, she was unable to control the beast, which decided to run off in the wrong direction, negating any benefit from the increase in speed.  Xilix tried to use his “medicinal herbs” to inspire his mount to go faster , however, the herbs only served to nauseate the beast and cause vertigo, resulting in the dinosaur running into the stands and injuring five bystanders.

After a good 30 seconds of trying to regain control of her mount, Tempest was ready to race for the finish line, that was, until, one of the opponents came flying by and knocked her off of the mount with his staff.  Upset that a man would dare lay his hand on a fellow female party member, Ethyl attempted to cast a spell to hinder the green rider’s dino.  Unfortunately, the spell backfired, resulting Ethyl being teleported off of her dino and onto the opponent’s dinosaur.  In the resulting confusion, a massive 5 dino-pileup occurred, taking out the majority of the competition.

It was at this time that Hertz noticed that Compassion had been ignoring any of the fun parts of the race and was instead racing straight for the finish line.  Never one to miss an opportunity to exalt in the glory of Talos, Hertz pulled out his lute and began singing about how Compassion was inspired by the divine righteousness of Talos to embrace the power of the storm and to gust through to the finish like the wind.  New converts by end of race – at least 16!

As Compassion crossed the finish line he dismounted and waived to the crowd.  He then walked forward, ready to except the prize money and the Oracle Eye.  Unfortunately, it was at this point that Compassion learned that he had only won round one.  In the next round, he, and any friends he so chose, would enter the gladiatorial area and face its champion, Bro Dudehammer, and his pet dinosaurs, Snuggles and Baron Von StudDino, in hand to claw to tooth competition.

Upon finding out that winning the Eye would take more than winning the dino race, Tempest came up with a plan.  It was then that he informed the group that he wanted the eye to give to his friend Urissa, who would pay them money for it.  Hertz was particularly against this as they already had a contract, and betraying a man named Poxmark Poe would likely result in future assassination attempts and not getting invited to all the best parties in Chult.  After five minutes of debate that went nowhere, the group agreed that whoever got the knockout blow on Dudehammer would get to decide what to do with the Oracle Eye.

As the group entered the area and set up a tight-knit formation, they were explicitly told not to kill Bro Dudehammer or his pets; nonlethal damage only please.  As the war horn sounded, Ethyl responded to this directive by casting a firebolt spell directly at Baron Von StudDino’s face.  The resulting explosion burned off at least half of the dinosaur’s face, with the good Baron falling to the ground, apparently dead.

Enraged at the harm done to his brother, Snuggles ran past the front line and bit deeply into Ethyl’s side, chomping off at least five years’ worth of fat accumulation in one bite.  Ethyl fell to the ground and it was obvious she was bleeding to death.  Seeing an ally in trouble, Hertz went over and prayed to Talos to stop Ethyl’s bleeding, stabilizing her condition.  Xilix, thinking he was next on Snuggles’ dinner place, also shot a firebolt off at the dino, resulting in yet another charred and possibly dying dinosaur.

Meanwhile, aggrieved at the possible loss of one of his best friends, Dudehammer knelt down next to Baron to see if he was alive.  By the grace of the gods he was!  Baron was going to be ok!  Seeing the joy in Dudehammer’s eyes, along with the fact he was distracted tending to his dino, Tempest also broke ranks, ran to Dudehammer, and began kicking him in the head repeatedly like Dudehammer owed Tempest money.  Soon after the referee had to call the match in favor of the adventurers.

Compassion simply stood in the middle of the ring shaking his head in disbelief at the group’s utter lack of strategy and cohesion.  Meanwhile, boos loud enough to be heard all throughout Chult rained down on the group, expressing their displeasure with the group’s lack of sportsmanship or adherence to the code of the gladiator.

The group strode out of the arena as the boos continued to ring in their ears.

Had they truly won the competition, would they finally get the Oracle Eye, and would Tempest really be fool enough to betray Poxmark Poe?  Find out in Chapter Two of the Plunderbund’s new campaign, Tomb of Annihilation!

You can find us at the actual 9 Deuce website where we have the archives as well as other content such as horror movie reviews, wrestling blogs, podcasts, and some other material.  We’re on Facebook, on Twitter @official9deuce, or Tumblr @ superkent92 or Instagram at Official9Deuce .  Share this, like this, write us an email with a question or a comment at  Hell, you can subscribe via RSS.  Facebook and the website are probably the best bets.  Thank you.

Tales from the Plunderbund Consortium – Tomb of Annihilation

Hi folks, this is Kent.  I have bronchitis and nothing to really add to this poignant conversation this week.  So I’ll leave you with this song that reflects my feelings towards the Dark Sun Saga story.

Interlude: Good By Desert, Hello Jungle


Good afternoon lady and gentleman, to the millions of Plunderbund fan, it is with a heavy heart that I must inform you that last week’s chapter of Tales from the Plunderbund Consortium was the final in the Dark Sun saga.  The sad fact concerning Dungeons and Dragons campaigns is that the final boss is rarely a dragon, a lich, or a demon, but rather is time itself.  The vast majority of campaigns die soon after they begin for a variety of real world reasons.  Here, despite my best effort to keep the group together, various school and work obligations caused weekly turnout to tumble and I eventually had to pull the plug on that campaign.

While I will miss the Dark Sun campaign, as it was one of the best I’ve ever run, thanks to the efforts of one of our players we were able to form a new group and start a new campaign within a few weeks of the official Dark Sun group break-up.  Next week will be the official launch of our playthrough of the campaign module, Tomb of Annihilation, and I urge you all to tune in.  If you enjoyed the previous campaign, despite its abrupt end, I guarantee you will enjoy what we have in store for you.

 With that said, bellow you will find the character write-ups for the upcoming campaign.  You will notice they are not entirely uniform as they were written and submitted by the players themselves.  Thank you for your continued patronage of the Plunderbund, please refer us to your friends, family, neighbors, and complete strangers.  Also, don’t forget to check out the rest of for a number of blogs and podcasts covering professional wrestling, horror movies and television shows, and various other aspects of pop culture and entertainment.    


Tomb of Annihilation – Characters



Hertz Cunningham – True Neutral Variant Human


Background – Entertainer


Tempest Cleric of Talos


Faction – Zhentarim


The first 10 years of Hertz Cunningham’s life were rather uneventful.  Spent with his family in a small fishing village on the Sword Coast, he lived a humble but happy life.  That is, until, his small village was raided by slavers.

When all was said and done Hertz found himself on a slave ship, separated from his family and the other villagers.  To this day he doesn’t even know if his family survived the attack, as when he returned to the village many years later it had been razed and claimed by the sea.

Chained in the ship’s hold, Hertz had no idea how many days had passed when he heard the rumble of a storm off in the distance and the sounds of panicked sailors.  Within the next three hours, the ship was at the bottom of the sea, all the slavers had drowned (DM Note: or did they?), and Hertz was adrift on a plank of wood.  The next morning Hertz was picked up by a merchant vessel and brought to land.

With nowhere to go, Hertz took up with a minstrel troop and spent the next couple years learning to play the lute while studying the art of entertaining a crowd.  It was during this time that Hertz learned of Talos, the “evil” god of storms.  Despite the terrible things people would say about Talos, Hertz knew the truth, that Talos was simply misunderstood.  After all, it clearly was Talos that saved Hertz from being sold into slavery, it was Talos who punished the slavers by drowning them in the ocean, and it was Talos who provided the plank and sent the merchant vessel the next morning.

As Hertz continued to travel with the troupe, he also took up the study and worship of Talos.  When his studies were complete and his first spells granted, Hertz then made it his mission to spread the actual truth of Talos, namely, that he uses the power of the storms to enforce natural justice.  Talos is not evil, simply misunderstood.  Hertz would travel the land and revive the proper worship of the great god of storms.

Unfortunately, Hertz quickly found out that not only were people not open to his message, but Talos worship was actually hated and outlawed in many places.  This forced Hertz to adopt a new tactic.  Instead of worship in the classic sense, he put his entertainment background to good use and began putting on “revivals,” specifically, entertaining generic religious performances that referred to the gods in general but were seeded with Hertz’s beliefs.

And so, Hertz continues to travel and spread his knowledge about the True Talos.  Most recently, Hertz was approached by a mysterious stranger after one of the revivals.  The stranger said that he absolutely understood Hertz’s message, and that he too ascribed to such belief.  In fact, he was part of an organization that would be very interested in seeing Talos worship return, a group known as, the Zhentarim . . .



Ethelwynn “Ethyl” Devir of Mantol-Derith
Drow Wild Magic Sorcerer
170 lbs 5′ tall
156 years old

Concept: Anti-Drizzt
Alignment: Lawful Evil
Faction: Zhentarim
Background: Noble (Loyal Retainers)

domination of the surface world
apple pie
puppies (not to eat, but to cuddle)

“you can never aim too high when you’re reaching for your dreams”

“I have an insatiable desire for carnal pleasures (cake)”

“The common folk love me for my kindness and generosity”

Ethelwynn grew up in dark and treacherous Mantol-Derith, where she was a feared and respected member of one of the city’s foremost families.  As with many wealthy and successful families, however, Ethelwynn’s parents wanted her to have a decent drow upbringing and, recognizing her potential, turned her out of the city and told her never to return until she was at the head of an army: an army that House Devir would use to take control of Mantol-Derith once and for all.  While Ethelwynn knew that any drow worth her zhurkwood could bend an army of kuo-toa or perhaps derro to her will, she decided that you can never aim too high when you’re reaching for your dreams.  Therefore, at the ripe old age of 146, Lynn began planning her takeover of the entire surface world.

As happens with many imperialist invaders, Lynn has gone a bit native.  She’s also gotten a bit fat.  Always large for an elf, Lynn has gained so much weight feasting on the cakes and pies of the surface world that she has become morbidly obese (for an elf).  She now looks built more like a human merchant of Calimshan than one of the fair folk.  It was being mistaken for a Calimshanite that got Lynn her first real job: protecting caravans on the Black Road through Anauroch desert.  The troglodytic fools actually thought she was a desert dweller, and would be an ideal guide.  In truth, the desert sun was so harsh it nearly killed her, but the ease with which she dispatched the goblinoids that attacked the caravan left few doubts in the caravan master’s mind that Lynn was a capable sorcerer.  Soon, one successful mission led to another, which led to another, and bigger and richer cakes.

Lynn commands the services of three male drow servants of House Devir, who cook, clean, and attend to their Lady’s hygiene.  They are well supplied for the surface, and wear masks and loose fitting robes that cover their features (“As is the custom in Calimshan…”).  Nobody questions Lynn’s story that she is a disgraced Calimshite noble, mostly because nobody cares about Calimshan.

But this was the life of a servant!  Lynn soon met with the caravan master to complain, and he introduced her to the man that owned the Black Road.  He explained he was part of a network, a kind of family dedicated to amassing wealth, power and influence.  To Lynn, it sounded just like home: the Zhentarim were a drow House, except on the surface!  Finally, some surface dwellers that actually made sense when they talked!  The first step to taking over the surface world, Lynn would later write in her diary, is to subjugate the Zhentarim and take them over from the inside.

The Zhentarim, for their part, know that everyone had a price (DM’s Note: The Zhentarim were founded by “Million Dollar Man” Ted Dibiase), and they soon discovered Lynn’s weakness for baked goods.  Thus, they keep her in a state of smug satisfaction: her gluttony supersedes her megalomania.  Discovering the party has snapped Lynn out of her complacency, however.  Maybe there is hope for her house yet?  If she can turn these surface world bumpkins to her side, then perhaps she can win back Lloth’s favor.  Well, maybe after one more helping…

Young Tempest – Chaotic Good Water Genasi


Background – Pirate

Monk (Way of the Open Hand)

Faction – Harpers


Young Tempest was a pirate.  We’ll get to the “was” part in a bit.  The “pirate” part of her life started, well, as far back as she can remember.  Was she born on a boat?  Was she a water elemental summoned by some desperate pirate during a fierce storm?  Or, more likely, was she just some urchin from Calimsham who put her natural skills to use boarding merchant vessels, knocking around hired thugs, and looting some booty?  At some point, Young Tempest has spun every possible tale about her origins, but honestly couldn’t tell you which one was closest to the truth.

But it doesn’t matter, because as a boatswain and occasional sea artist (that’s “navigator” to you landlubbers) on the Faerun’s Revenge, she found a family and, more importantly, a boatload of good fights.  (Get it?)  A self-taught pugilist, she prided herself on her unconventional fighting technique, based off an old, illustrated scroll she stole from an old man but never learned to read.  There was probably some deeper meaning, sure, but the pictures were cool and she was bustin’ heads.  (DM’s Note:  I’m pretty sure this was the plot to Kung-Fu Hustle)

This lasted until one day when Young Tempest boarded a ship carrying well-off civilians from the Sword Coast to Chult and came across a portly, middle-aged passenger who refused to make his belongings hers.  Mr. Fat, as she came to call him, moved faster and punched harder than anyone she knew, and after thoroughly trouncing her, offered to teach her–on one condition.  He told her to abandon her life of piracy and come work for him, instead, and his mysterious organization.

This is how one brash, loudmouthed pirate gave up a life terrorizing the high seas and became an apprentice monk in the service of the Harpers…



Xilix Andethia – High Elf 101 y/o Neutral Good


Faction – Emerald Enclave

Background – Sage


Xilix Andethia awoke in a crater on a hill outside of Evereska.  Around him, the ground was scorched, his robes had been all but burnt away, the hair on his head was gone in smoke (never to return), and his scalp, chest, and face were raw from burns.  His hands tingled.  He was 35.

His mentor, Thall, the elf who had instructed him in the ways of wizardry at his home, shown Xilix the intricacies of the science of magic, helped him to question, to understand, to conjure, who had all but raised him from a boy, laid next to him.  What was left of him, anyway.  His once strong body was torn asunder, his skin avulsed from the force of the blast; the talon he wore around his neck as a medallion, somehow unscathed, remains Xilix’s only tangible clue to his past.  In Thall’s honor, he keeps it with him at all times.

To this day, Xilix has no recollection of his accident, his parents, nor the level of power he truly wielded.  Only small fragments of memories which flash at him in his trances: Bright blue eyes with a comforting voice, studying stacks of books describing all manner of magic, healing the wounded after some accident (or was it a battle?), the smell of brimstone, of putridity, he remembered death.

For 25 years after the accident, Xilix tended the forests near his suspected home of Evereska, living as a recluse.  He found his way to the Emerald Enclave in this time; learning and honing survival skills, aiding those in need.  Until one night, a fever dream caused by some particularly rank mushrooms brought him a vision of Thall.

Xilix awoke with new purpose.  To regain his lost mastery of magic.  He began to study in earnest the science of the magic which permeates the world.  He studied healing to support himself, offensive techniques to defend himself, and has used magic to focus his curious and ever skeptical mind.  For over 40 years he has worked, he has not yet regained his lost power, but can taste the promise of renewed ability.  He leaves his home to discover what the world has to teach him and who he can help along the way.


Compassion – Tiefling Purple Dragon Knight

I’ve decided to do a fighter/purple dragon knight (at 3rd level anyway). Playing against type, he will be a lawful good tiefling Knight of Myth Danner hailing from a modest noble estate in the Cormyr farmlands. My character has adopted the “virtue” name of Compassion. While he holds his virtue name as his ideal, he occasionally struggles with temptation to utilize lawful evil approaches to helping the downtrodden when lawful good approaches fail due to his heritage. Still, he at ones and continues his attempts to live up to his virtue name.

You can find us at the actual 9 Deuce website where we have the archives as well as other content such as horror movie reviews, wrestling blogs, podcasts, and some other material.  We’re on Facebook, on Twitter @official9deuce, or Tumblr @ superkent92 or Instagram at Official9Deuce .  Share this, like this, write us an email with a question or a comment at  Hell, you can subscribe via RSS.  Facebook and the website are probably the best bets.  Thank you.

Tales from the Plunderbund Consortium – Chapter Sixteen

This week, we get to read about prostitutes.  Seriously, if that isn’t enough to get your attention, then I am doing a terrible job at this…..which I probably am.  Still, it’s an excuse to play this video on the cusp of Christmas.  I am sure that most, if not all of you are unfamiliar with this song, but I do urge you to give it a listen the whole way through.  This is a cover of a Tom Waites song, but I prefer this version, I think.  Merry Christmas and keep the change you filthy animals.

Tales from the Plunderbund Consortium

Dark Sun Campaign – Chapter 16


The group returned to giant island where they again ate and drank their fill while regaling Rarbo and his wife Zaldurxa with the tale of how they rid Sand Witch Island of the undead pit by destroying the necromantic orb.  At the end of the tail Rarbo stated that the group did indeed fulfil the terms of their agreement and that he would carry them to the shore in the morning if that was their wish.  However, he noted that the Sand Witch remained a threat and asked if they wanted to battle her before leaving the island.  The group discussed and decided to leave in the morning, the Sand Witch would be an enemy for another day.

In the morning, the party took extra supplies provided by Rarbo and then stepped into his good carrying net.  After about an hour of walking Rarbo reached the shore.  Again, Rarbo advised the group that the Sand Witch would be looking for them and they should avoid the Sea of Silt for now, less their silt skimmer be dragged down once again.

After being left to their own devices, the group discussed their next plan of action.  They decided to head north-east along coast until they hit the town of Samarah.  Further, they also decided to wait until nightfall to travel.

That night, as they traveled, an eclipse darkened one of Athas’ two moons.  Ilana recalled the myth that when there is an eclipse of one of the moons, it means a Sorcerer King is using powerful scrying magics in an attempt to locate an individual.  The group’s mood sobered up real quick after that revelation.

About an hour of travel later, the party head the screams of a woman just north of them in the desert.  Worried it was a woman in distress, Darkius volunteered the party to go rescue her.  They soon found a woman dressed in middle-class clothes in the Tyr style.  Upon meeting up with the group she begged them for help.  The woman introduced herself as Kethra Nuv, citizen of Tyr.  According to her, she had gone to bed at her home in Tyr the night before, and when she awoke, she was on a stone alter and surrounded by cultists who appeared ready to sacrifice her to one of the elements.  Luckily, she was able to slip out of her bonds and run from the cave where she was being held.

The party was warry of this story at first, as they were currently hundreds of miles to the east of Tyr, however, she seemed sincere, and she begged the party to find a way to get her home.  Ilana speculated that the cult may have used teleportation magic to get her across the map.

Traveling in the direction from which Kethra was running, the party soon came upon the cave and saw two guards.  Using his psionic powers, Pane-Pane easily tricked one guard into investigating the desert (DM Note: he was eventually eaten by a wandering monster), and the party quickly and quietly dispatched the other guard.

Stealthing into the cave, the party soon came upon a priest of the element of fire berating his subordinates for letting the sacrifice get away.  While the priest was distracted, Darkius cast Silence on the priest, preventing him from casting any spells.  Alexa then proceeded to go to town on the priest and his guards, not stopping until all that was left was blood and cultist chunks.

As there was no one left to interrogate, the party searched the room for any sign as to how they brought Kethra from Tyr.  Ilana soon found runes drawn onto the back wall.  After studying for a bit, Ilana was able to figure out how to operate the portal.  They escorted Kethra through the portal and found that they were in Under Tyr.  Upon bringing her to the service, Kethra thanked them for their help and said she could find her way home from here.

While the party planned to go back through the portal, Pane-pan insisted that they stay as this put them relatively close to the Temple of the Sky Serpent, where the ghost of Far Misc awaited him.  After much cajoling, the party agreed to stay.

As it was now morning in Tyr, the group decided this would be a good time to unload their goods in the Elven Market.  Not knowing where the eleven market was located, they hired a local peasant boy, Abu, to navigate them through the Warrens, the poorest and most dangerous part of Tyr.  While the group tried to undercut Abu at first, upon reaching a rickety old bridge, Abu asked if the group was sure that they didn’t want to pay more.  Relenting, group ponied up, at which point Abu told the eleven brigands hiding under the bridge that these guys were cool and not to rob them.

Wandering through the market, the adventurers were able to sell the items they looted from the undead pit.  They also learned an interesting bit of gossip after selling one of the cult items they had just looted the evening before.  Specifically, there were rumors of cult activity at the Blacksun Villa, the home of the Shahram noble family, however, there was not enough hard evidence for the templars to investigate.  Darkius became determined to find out the truth of the matter.  They also learned that a good place to buy and sell weapons would be at Grik’s Weapons Emporium in the Caravan District.

Wanting to find Far Misc as soon as possible, Pane-Pan asked the group to travel with him to the Merchant District to see if any merchant houses would be sending a caravan to the Forest Ridge in the near future.  Soon after arriving and asking around, they found that a Dr. Livingslate was looking for a caravan to take him to the Temple of the Sky Serpent.  Unfortunately, despite his willingness to pay, none of the merchant houses wanted to risk antagonizing the local halfling tribes.

When the group tracked down Dr. Livingslate, he agreed to pay each party member 10 gold if they would accompany him to the temple, assist in his research, and then escort him back.  It was anticipated the expedition would take approximately 2 months.  The good doctor told the party that it would take him two weeks to acquire everything needed for the journey.

With two weeks to kill, the group headed to Grik’s Weapons Emporium.  Before the party could even begin negotiations, Grik became starstruck by Alexa.  He then offered free weapons and armor for the party, emblazoned with Grik’s crest, if they agreed to fight in the next day’s gladiator games and advertise Grik’s store.  Alexa enthusiastically agreed.

With no other plans for the day, Pane-Pan asked around for the best Thri-Kreen prostitute and was directed to Altsey, who worked at the Funky Ambush Drake whore house in the Warrens.  The party headed over, at which point Pane-Pan spent the night with Altsey, Darkius spent the night preaching to the prostitutes, Alexa drank, and Ilana . . . did magic things.

In the morning the party headed to the area.  As their fight was scheduled for the end of the day, they were invited into the social medial lounge to give an interview.  After giving the most boring interview ever, they remembered to pimp out Grik’s store in the end.

As the sun began to set the group took their places in the arena as the last battle of the day.  As Alexa had spoken with the master of games earlier, she had chosen for the party to face a deadly beast in combat rather than other armed gladiators.  The beast that was brought before them was a Dune Reaper, a creature made of pincers and deadly psionic power.  While the fight was tough, the party emerged victorious, with Pane-Pan allowing Alexa to have the killing blow.  It was then announced that while they had won a purse of 10,000 Tyr ceramic pieces, they could compete next week and win up to four times their money.  Greedy and overconfident as ever, the party jumped on the opportunity.

Not wanting to rest while cult activity was afoot, Darkius recruited the group to help with his investigations into the Shahram noble family.  After dodging a patrol of the noble’s private military force, the party entered the noble district and located what appeared to be an abandoned house.  They set up shop and decided that Pane-Pan would scout out the Blacksun Villa, the ballroom in particular.  Ilana cast Invisibility on Pane-Pan, which would give him 15 minutes to reach the villa, 30 minutes to scout, and 15 minutes to return before the spell wore off.

Heading to the villa, Pane-Pan soon heard the sounds of loud music and revelry.  Apparently, the Shahram’s were having a party this very night.  As Pane-Pan approached, he saw guards wearing clothes similar to what the fire cultists they had previously encountered wore.  After a few minutes of observation, the windows suddenly turned black, and the outside revelrers were instructed to enter the ballroom for the evening’s main event.  Pane-Pan deftly snuck in behind the last party-goer.

Upon entering the ballroom the invisible Pane-Pan found himself in the middle of an “Eyes Wide Shut Party.”  At the other end of the long ballroom, sitting on a stone throne, was Lady Allysa Shahram, head of the Shahram noble family.  Nearby were three stone alters similar to the alter found within the cave during the party’s last encounter with the cultists.  Lady Allysa asked who came before her this evening and a hush fell over the crowed.  Three siblings, who introduced themselves as Kir, Idel, and Nua Balmado introduced themselves.  Lady Allysa stated that she was made aware of the fact that the Balmado noble family, known for having many powerful templars, had hit very difficult financial times ever since King Kalak had been killed and the templars had lost their powers.

Noting that she had received a substantial sum of money from the Balmado’s, the last of the family fortune in fact, Lady Allysa asked the siblings if they had the “other” form of necessary payment.  With that the siblings had brought out three naked individuals, two men and a woman.  Kir Blamado informed Lady Allysa that the three were former slaves who worked on the Balmado plantation.  The three individuals were tied down to the three alters and Lady Allysa began casting a clerical spell.  At the completion of the spell, three vaguely humanoid fire elementals were summoned.  The three elementals appeared to attempt to mate with the bound slaves, which resulted in a quick immolation of the former slaves.  As the slaves merged with the elementals, three energy blobs formed that each flew toward one of the Balmados.  As the energy blobs entered the bodies of each of the Balmados, they appeared to be infused with fire elemental power.

With Lady Allysa’s subsequent announcement that the ceremony was complete, the darkness dissipated from the windows and the party recommenced.  Pane-Pan retreated to the upper balcony level of the ballroom, found a good hiding place, and then proceeded to use his mental powers to force a guest to divulge when the next sacrifice party would be taking place.  He learned from a particularly drunk partygoer that the next party would be in a week after the next gladiator games.  Unfortunately, using his mental powers caused the invisibility spell to break and Pane-Pan would be seen if he left his hiding spot.

After psychically messaging Darkius, the pair decided that Pane-Pan needed to get some evidence about what had happened that evening.  Pane-Pan reported that there was ash left over on the alters from the sacrificial ceremony, and Darkius suspected that the ash would be infused with elemental magic.  After debating the best course of action, they decided that Pane-Pan would wait until everyone had passed out from either drunkenness and/or vigorous lovemaking and then grab some ash and leave.

After about three hours had passed, everyone except for one guard had either left or passed out.  Clouding the guard’s mind with his mental powers, Pane-Pan convinced the guard to leave the ballroom and to check on Lady Allysa.  From there Pane-Pan was easily able to sneak over to the alter, take some elemental ash, and return to the party’s new home base in the noble district.

You can find us at the actual 9 Deuce website where we have the archives as well as other content such as horror movie reviews, wrestling blogs, podcasts, and some other material.  We’re on Facebook, on Twitter @official9deuce, or Tumblr @ superkent92 or Instagram at Official9Deuce .  Share this, like this, write us an email with a question or a comment at  Hell, you can subscribe via RSS.  Facebook and the website are probably the best bets.  Thank you.

Tales from the Plunderbund Consortium – Chapter Fifteen

Man, this week I see a Redshirt and necromantic, not to be confused with the absolutely awful Nekromantik & Nekromantik 2 films.  With that being said, I will not, repeat, will not traumatize you with any video footage from them.  I am busy watching The Simpsons and just saw one of my all time favorite scenes, and there are so many, but this still works on every level.

Tales from the Plunderbund Consortium

Dark Sun Campaign – Chapter 15


One by one Ilana, Alexa, Pane-Pan, and Darkius awoke in a dark chamber, lying upon what felt to be sand.  The first thing they noticed was that all of their weapons, armor, and equipment was gone.  Those with dark vision scanned the room and saw that Coraanu was nowhere to be found.  Additionally, Hookeri’s headless body lay motionless in the sand, with Rock no longer lodged in the neck hole.

Inspecting Hookeri’s body, Darkius saw that Rock had shoved the party’s most value magic items into Hookeri’s chest cavity prior to them sinking into the Sea of Silt.  The items were distributed to their respective owners, with Alexa receiving (temporary?) possession of Coraanu’s Bonesaw.

After the items were distributed to their owners and the party began considering their options, an eerie green light filled the room and the sand began manifesting into the shape of a woman.  The manifestation began talking and introduced herself as the Sand Witch.  The Sand Witch informed the group that Andropinis had promised her great power if she deliver the party’s Orb of Kalid‑Ma to him.  The Orb was excited at this prospect since it wasn’t being used by Ilana and asked that it be handed over.  When the party subsequently refused to turn the orb over, the Sand Witch told the group that she would leave them in the sand cavern to drown once high tide hit, and she would subsequently take the orb off of their bodies.

Upon the Sand Witch dissipating, Darkius prayed to the Earth and asked for the power to walk through the sand to safety.  The spell cast, the group began their long trek to the surface.  They would soon discover that they were trapped, with no food or water, on a tiny island in the middle of the Sea of Silt.

Meanwhile, on the other side of Sand Witch Island, six silt pirates were reevaluating their poor life choices.  While sailing that morning they were caught off guard by a silt storm that resulted in their silt skimmer half-buried in the silt off the coast, most of their supplies floating in the silt, too far to reach, and their captain and the rest of their crew members at the bottom of the Sea of Silt.

After drawing straws, it was decided that new pirate trainee Guy Redshirt would scout the island and look for food and water while others tried to salvage the ship and any supplies.  The first thing Redshirt noticed was that the island was teaming with undead.  As such, he decided to say near the island’s cost and follow it north.  About an hour of walking later, Redshirt was able to see a giant, livable Sand Castle off in the distance.  As he came closer, he noticed patrolling guards of undead circling the castle.  Again, not wanting to draw attention to himself, he continued to follow the coast, which turned to the west as he came around the castle.

Continuing along the coast, Redshirt saw what appeared to be four figures immerging from the sand, an elf, dwarf, thri-kreen, and halfling.  Unlike the other inhabitants of the island, these individuals did not appear to be undead.

With nothing to lose, Redshirt cautiously approached the approached the group.  Redshirt explained that he was searching for food and water for his crew, and that the rest of the crew was working to get their silt skimmer out of the sea.  With their help, he was sure they could accomplish the mission.  While Ilana was suspicious, the group, lacking any food, water, or way off of what appeared to be an island, agreed that working together would be mutually beneficial.

As the group was conversing, three undead Wights approached them from the south.  While the battle was more difficult than usual, considering that the party was under-armed and armored, they were able to defeat the undead after a few minor wounds.  They then looted the bodies for whatever weapons and armor they could find.

Continuing west, the party eventually saw on oasis off in the distance.  Approaching cautiously, they saw that the oasis was the home to two Tlincalli, half-human and half-scorpion creatures.  Unafraid of the party, the two Tlincalli, Rarbo and Zaldurxa, happily conversed with the party.  The two agreed to help the party out with food, water, and any other assistance they could provide, if the party would help them find a new home.  While the oasis provided all they needed, they hated being on Sand Witch island.  Rather, right off the south-western coast was Giant Island, which was much nice.  They wanted the group to get rid of the giants so that they could move to Giant Island.  The party agreed to see what they could do.  As a show of good faith, the Tlincalli provided each group member with a full waterskin.

Turning south, after a few hour’s journey, the party saw a deep hole in the ground.  Approaching, they saw that the hole was, in fact, a pit filled with tens, if not hundreds, of bodies.  The smell was terrible, but the bodies did not appear to move.  Seeing that many of the bodies were still equipped with arms and armor, the party spend the next few hours searching the bodies.  At the end of the third hour, Darkius moved a body and found an entrance to tunnel.  When the tunnel became exposed, Ilana immediately felt a great magical power emanating from the tunnel.  Rather than mess with whatever was below the pit, the group decided to head to Redshirt’s silt skimmer for the evening.

Upon arriving at the silt skimmer wreck, the group saw that the five remaining pirates had failed to pull the silt skimmer out of the Sea of Silt, and they even failed to recover any of the supply crates still bobbing in the silt.  After considering their options, the party and pirates agreed that it would be easier to dispose of the giants than to continue trying to salvage the silt skimmer.

The next morning the group of 10 headed out and they soon saw Giant Island, which was not far off the coast of Sand Witch Island.  Using magic and ropes, they easily crossed the straight, where they were quickly met by a giant.  Luckily the giant, who introduced himself as Vegavith, was the friendliest giant they ever met.  Vegavith invited the party to join he and his wife, Kuurea, at their nearby camp where they had plenty of food and water.

As they party ate and drank their fill, the group told the giants their story, including their desire to leave the island.  Vegavith agreed to carry all of them to the mainland if they would take care of a matter for him.  He informed the party that the body pit to the east of Giant Island was known as the “Undead Pit.”  So called because every morning three of the bodies would rise as undead who wandered the island.  Vegavith told the group that the stench of the Pit was becoming unbearable.  If the group could stop the dead from rising, there would be no need for the Sand Witch to throw more bodies.  Stop the necromantic process, and he would carry them to the mainland.

Having a clear way off Sand Witch Island, the group agreed to the terms.  They assumed the undead animation could be stopped in one of two ways, by killing the Sand Witch, or by following the tunnel underneath the Undead Pit.  They decided to try their luck with the Pit first.

Upon reaching the Pit, the group and their six (counting Redshirt) pirate companions headed down the cave.  After a short journey, they arrived in a spacious cavern.  In the center of the room was an obsidian orb pulsing with necromantic energy, and surrounding it was a number of undead guardians.

The battle was tough, and valuing her own life other the lives of the pirates, she used their souls to power her defiling magic, resulting in the death of two of Redshirt’s compatriots.  After defeating the guardians and shattering the orb, an enraged Redshirt attached Ilana to avenge his comrades.  Equally disgusted with Ilana, Darkius used the magic of the Earth to support Redshirt in battle.

Shrugging off some of Ilana’s most powerful spells (in part thanks to Darkius’ silence spell), Redshirt stabbed Ilana many times with his obsidian rapier, but alas, in the end, the young silt pirate was no match for the experienced defiler, and he died along with his other compatriots.  The remaining pirates scattered to the wind, likely to beg the Sand Witch to help them get vengeance on Ilana.

A terse silence fell between Ilana and Darkius, each feeling that they had been betrayed by the other.  In the end Darkius decided to back down . . . for now.

You can find us at the actual 9 Deuce website where we have the archives as well as other content such as horror movie reviews, wrestling blogs, podcasts, and some other material.  We’re on Facebook, on Twitter @official9deuce, or Tumblr @ superkent92 or Instagram at Official9Deuce .  Share this, like this, write us an email with a question or a comment at  Hell, you can subscribe via RSS.  Facebook and the website are probably the best bets.  Thank you.

Tales from the Plunderbund Consortium – Chapter Fourteen

I’m not going to lie.  I’m still having difficulty in accepting Hookeri’s name change to that of Dwayne Johnson’s alter ego.  I don’t like it.  I am off his bandwagon.  I am officially putting all of my support behind Darkius.  I have an ESO character named Biz Darkee, so I feel a kinship with Darkius.  I’m already missing the army of the dead in favor of pirates.  The word harlot got tossed around so that does help make up for it.  Speaking of pirates….


Tales from the Plunderbund Consortium

Dark Sun Campaign – Chapter 14


Heading north, the group began their journey to South Ledopolus in the hopes of finding a silt skimmer for their own purposes.  As usual, they traveled at night and rested during the day.  On the second morning during her watch, Ilana noted two lizard-like figures in the distance.  Ilana recognized them as S’surons, a.k.a. lizard men, who were likely out patrolling for their clan.  Ilana called out to them, but due to having no language in common, the S’surons hefted their weapons in a defense position.  Through a series of grunts, groans, and threatening body language, it was conveyed to the lizard men that they should leave, which they did.

Unsure whether the scouts would return with reinforcements, the group decided to force march through the day.  They also took the long path around the nearby salt marshes to lessen the chance of meeting the S’suron clan.

After a few more days of boring travel the party was again moving through a salt flat when the ground began to shake and they heard the sound of a large stampede.  Looking into the distance they saw a giant beast bearing down upon them.  Four elephant like legs, giant claws, and many sharp teeth, it was obvious they were in the path of a Rampager!

Ilana quickly responded by casting Slow on the beast.  This allowed them to get a few shots in before the creature could react.  After sustaining minimal damage, the Rampager broke free of the slow and attacked Rock (the former Hookeri).  As soon as the beast’s claws struck Rock’s weapon, it dissolved into a pool of obsidian goo.  Thinking they might be outmatched, Darkius banished the creature back to the elemental chaos from which it originated.

After a few more days of uneventful travel the group arrived in South Ledopolus.  Upon entering the port town the group decided to head for the nearest inn and were directed to the Spiked Kank Inn.  Just as the adventurers were arriving outside the inn, a woman screamed, “defiler!”, and pointed in Ilana’s direction.  A panic ensued and the sound of half-giant guards came baring down upon the group.

Ilana quickly darted down a side ally and cast Disguise Self to mask her appearance while the other adventurers met with the guards.  As she was exiting the ally to watch the group’s interaction, she saw a wanted poster with her picture on it.  The posters gave her full name and identified her as a “Harlot Defiler and Consort to Demons.”  A 500 gold bounty was offered, and bounty hunters were directed to turn Ilana in to the Balic Templars staying at the Spiked Kank Inn.

Meanwhile, the rest of the group was being grilled about their association with the “Defiler Bitch.”  Luckily, just before they were ordered to the dungeons for torture, three individuals, dressed as Templars from Balic, exited the tavern and said they would speak with the group.  The three Templars, who did not offer their names, purchased lunch, rooms, and drinks for the party.  In exchange, all they wanted was for the group to deliver a message to Ilana.  If she turned the Orb of Kalid-Ma over to Andropinis she would be richly rewarded.  If she refused, the wanted posters would soon appear all over the Tyr region and the Dragon of Tyr might be tipped off that someone is attempting to become a dragon without his permission.  The three Templars then departed.

Undeterred, the party decided not to give in to Andropinis’s demands.  It was still their intention to find a silt skimmer and get Darkius to the Bleak Tower.  Heading to the docks to evaluate their options, the group saw 1) that a bridge was apparently being constructed that would connect North and South Ledopolus; and 2) that said bridge was currently being attacked by giants.

Curious, the adventurers asked a nearby bystander what was happening.  They learned that for the past two-years engineers have been trying to complete this bridge, which would make moving good significantly easier.  Unfortunately, the giants who make their home on a nearby island think that the bridge is being built to allow the “small folk” to take over their flint mines.  Further, while merchant houses such as House Inikia are for the bridge’s construction, other houses are actively opposed and feed into the giant’s paranoia.  Darkius thought briefly about getting involved in the matter considering his ties to House Inikia, but was convinced by Illana, who believes in the property rights of the giants, to leave the issue alone.

Soon after arriving at the docks the group met with Halfling Captain Vallos, who was looking for guards for silt skimmer guards for the next three months.  The three-month circuit would involve multiple stops at various settlements along the silt coast and in Balic.  The group decided that they would join the crew, get to the first port, and then take over the ship as it left the first port.

As the skimmer was taking off the next morning, in order to effectuate their plan, the party went into the slums and found an old, drunk, grizzled, former silt-pirate captain.  They offered the captain booze and money if he would take over navigation of the ship after their mutiny.  The dwarf, named Thelrig, gladly accepted.

The group reported to the silt skimmer the next morning and were assigned their duties, with some guarding during the day and the others at night.  The first two days of the journey were uneventful with the group making new friends and evaluating potential co-conspirators as to their future mutiny and seizing of the vessel.

On day three the group heard a loud crashing sound as a boulder hit the front-right wheel, greatly reducing the speed of the silt skimmer.  Scanning the horizon, the party saw that the boulders originated from a nearby island, and were being thrown by a pair of beast-head giants.  Darkius began using his Mending spell to repair the ship as the rest of the party engaged in a ranged battle with the rock-throwing giants.  Eventually, after Darkius magically repaired the ship, the silt skimmer landed on the island and Alexa proceeded to axe the now-wounded giants to death.

After taking care of the giants, the captain ordered the skimmer to immediately set sale as they had already lost too much time.  Unfortunately, a scant few hours after continuing their journey, the vessel was attacked and boarded by silt pirates.  Ilana was particularly infuriated by this as she could not attack with fireballs due to the fact it would burn down their own skimmer.  Decided to work strategically, Rock proceeded to put many arrows in the pirate captain while the rest of the party killed about half of the pirates.  With the party hurting and the pirates not wanting to take on any more casualties, the two sides parlayed, and the pirates agreed to leave peacefully.

The next few days were uneventful, giving the party plenty of time to discuss their move against the Captain Vallos.  However, before any such plan could be put into action, on the seventh day of travel the winds kicked up and visibility became next to nothing.  Just then, emerging from the silt storm, came two silt elementals that began attacking the party.

Ilana was easily able to remove one of the elementals from the battle by levitating it into the air.  Having removed that elemental from play, the group was able to soundly defeat its brother.  Upon the first elemental going down, the party used their ranged weapons and spells to take pot shots at the other elemental until it died.

Unfortunately for the party, killing the second elemental was the key to setting off a deadly trap.  Upon the death of the second silt elemental, the bodies of the two elementals joined together and created a silt typhoon that broke the silt skimmer in half.  The last thing the group remembered was sinking into the depths of the silt sea . . .


You can find us at the actual 9 Deuce website where we have the archives as well as other content such as horror movie reviews, wrestling blogs, podcasts, and some other material.  We’re on Facebook, on Twitter @official9deuce, or Tumblr @ superkent92 or Instagram at Official9Deuce .  Share this, like this, write us an email with a question or a comment at  Hell, you can subscribe via RSS.  Facebook and the website are probably the best bets.  Thank you.