I watched this film. I liked this film. I apparently never wrote a review about this film. Don’t act surprised.
First of all, I am not doing this lame-ass shit where we’re calling a film in the middle of a franchise the same name as the original. GO FUCK YOURSELVES people behind naming this shit. Fuck you, brains behind Halloween’s 4th timeline branch. This is Scream V. This isn’t Scream. I will fight you on this and I’m bigger than you are. You only call a film the original title if doing a full-on reboot. This isn’t that. Texas Chainsaw Massacre did this correctly. Nightmare on Elm Street, for ALL of the things that they did wrong, they did this correctly. Friday the 13th, I think I would consider them doing it correctly. Child’s Play, Suspriria, Rob Zombie’s Halloween, Black Christmas (the first reboot and not the one where all men are just evil rapists), Children of the Corn, and so many more. I mean, we can include: Firestarter, Carrie, Carrie again, Pet Sematary, The Stand, The Hills Have Eyes, I Spit On Your Grave, and that’s not even touching the shitty American remakes of good foreign films. I say all of that to once again say, FUCK YOU to the people who named this. Also, FUCK YOU to the newer Evil Dead movie. If it wasn’t a reboot, which it clearly wasn’t, then call it something else.
With that out of the way, this is seriously why I never get anything accomplished. Let’s actually watch the movie. A novel concept! I kinda want something to chomp on. Think I may have some cheese and crackers. Cabot black label Framhous Reserve aged cheddar. So good.
Start Film
You won’t believe this, but we start off with a phone call to Tara, played by the awesome Jenna Ortega. She and Mia Goth are gonna help carry the female side of horror for the next 5-10 years, I hope. She has asthma too. She is now 21, so I can now say that I adore her. She is texting her friend Amber. She finally answers the landline, a guy looking for Christina, her mom. He claims to be Charlie from her group. He asks her what her favorite scary movie is, and she says The Babadook!!! Of course, she follows it up with shit about motherhood and grief.
People, can we stop with adding too much context into the meaning within horror? I hate that too often people almost feel like they have to rationalize why it’s good by saying what the underlying meanings are, or just to be pretentious. Listen, you can just love horror because it’s fun. Nobody has to explain why they love Top Gun or The Transporter. Why horror fans feel this need to do this shit is beyond me. Just fucking own it. Someone telling me that The Babadook is about motherhood and grief would be such a turn-off for me. I feel like there’s this imaginary stigma attached to being a horror fan; some may even consider it a guilty pleasure, so they then feel the need to convince people that it’s artistic. Fuck off with that noise. That’s not to say that horror can’t be artistic, but we don’t need to qualify it as such. We can just enjoy it without acting like pretentious assholes. Someone is reading this right now, and I just described them. Well, now you know how people perceive you when you talk like a jackass. What? I just called you a jackass.
Tara also uses the term “elevated horror”. I’m starting to remember why this movie put me in a mood. I hate that fucking term. It’s up there with “torture porn”. These stupid phrases need to be eliminated from the vernacular of those choosing to speak on horror. Once again, it makes you look like a jackass. I fully support Charlie. Charlie asks her about Stab. So now we talk about the opening scene from Stab. Charlie asks Tara if she would like to play a game. As big a fan as I am of Jigsaw and the Saw franchise, I do feel that Scream had to happen so Saw could exist. Tara immediately arms the security system. She’s better than Ethan Hawke in The Purge. In all fairness, he was pretty bad.
Oh no, Amber isn’t really Amber anymore. What a tweest!! Well, Tara, you’d better answer the phone and play a game. “Ask me about It Follows. Ask me about Hereditary. Ask me about The Witch.” She makes me sad. There’s a reason why some newer horror movies are ranked so high on lists. People like this character exist. Wait, why don’t I have reviews for the 2 movies that I really like, but I have one for It Follows?? The fuck is wrong with me? Tara gets the first 2 questions correct, as is tradition. She gets the third question incorrect in a tradition unlike any other that doesn’t involve golf. She runs for the door to save Amber, he is at the door, slices her belly, she closes the door. Now it’s on. She signals for the police to come. Technology is fun, though, because he can disarm the locks. This is interesting.
Charlie is nice enough to offer a bonus question, nope, that was a diversion. He cuts her, smashes her ankle, and stabs her through the hand. I’ll give her props. He stabs her in the back twice as the cops arrive. Cut to the title screen.
Now I get to half-ass things for a bit. The opening is always my favorite scene.
Samanatha (Sam) works at a bowling alley and is Tara’s sister. She claims to have taken Richie’s boner pills. What happens if a girl takes viagra? If anyone knows, leave a comment. So they’re in a relationship. Wes Hicks called Sam to let her know that Sam was attacked. “She was, uh, stabbed.” Is Wes the killer? I saw this so many months ago that I don’t even remember. Wait, I am positive it isn’t Wes. I believe that they named a character after Wes Craven to honor him, and I think he gets killed. So then, I’ll just go with Richie. Isn’t it the boyfriend in half of these movies?
Here we are introduced to Sam’s friends, mostly the red shirts of the movie, most likely. One could be the killer, though. We have Wes, Amber, Liv, Chad, and Mindy. Chad and Mindy are twins. Wes’ mom is Sheriff Judy Hicks. And then there is Vince, the longer-haired guy hanging out at the high school who looks too old to be there, has full facial hair, a halfway unbuttoned shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and a sweet ride. Alright alright. “Maybe it’s time to introduce him to Hobbs and Shaw,” says Chad. Okay, that will be a very difficult line to top. Everybody, except for Liv, is gonna visit Tara. Is that a way to make her seem suspicious?
Sam gives Richie shit for not knowing much about the Stab movies, given that they are based on local shit and Billy Loomis. He says that it sounds a lot like Halloween. Now, Richie name-drops Friday the 13th. They are going hard on the references. In the opening scene, Elm Street was mentioned. Richie asks her why anyone wearing the mask would want to kill her sister. Good question, Richie.
Everyone is at the hospital now. Mom only called for like 10 minutes. Amber is the bossy bitch or the overly motherly figure. I can’t tell which. Ya know, Richie is a very nice guy. Makes the trip there so he can wait in the waiting room for his girlfriend’s sister. I don’t know, that’s a tall ask for some.
Amber is very protective. Already being obnoxious. The kids are in a bar, and they’re all suspects!! Vince shows up, wants to talk to Liv, but Chad tells him to fuck off, Chad pulls out a switchblade, and it’s like we’re in the 80s again. Everyone is kicked out. Vince is taking a piss in the alley, and someone gets in his car, turns on the lights, and revs up the car. Vince can’t find anyone. Good music though. The song is called “Red Right Hand”. Ghostface creeps up behind and jabs Vince in the neck. Vince appears to be dead. Vince was Stu’s nephew, and Stu was one of the original Ghostfaces. Also, we found out that Sam may be a bit crazy.
At night, in the hospital, Richie is now in the room with the sisters, and he’s watching Stab on Netflix. He wants to be prepared. Sa wants something to eat or to take some pills. In the mirror, Sam sees Billy Loomis in the mirror and that’s why she is crazy. Then she receives a call from Ghostface, a person who knows the family secret. He had to get her back in town somehow. She tells him to come get her, and he’s in the room with her. I don’t know if I want to use the term, brilliant, but there are some clever aspects of always having 2 masked killers. Sam finds a sheriff, and he checks the break room, but nobody is there.
Sheriff Judy Hicks is on the scene, asking Sam and Richie about this stuff. Amber is still a bitch, she and Richie accuse each other of being the killer. BUT what if both of them were the killer? No, that doesn’t really work. Amber would have had to be the one in the costume, I would assume, right? Richie has to be in the room with Tara. So no, that doesn’t hold weight. Look at how tall Amber is. Amber is only 5’3, Sam is 5’7, and Richie is 6’1. It would have to be Richie for this theory to play out. Would there have been enough time for this to play out? Unlikely, but when has that ever stopped Scream before? I feel like when I originally saw this, I made the argument for Richie and Liv to be the killers. Amber was at the station when the attack happened. I think at this point, I was convinced it was Richie, the more I think about it. I feel like the twins are the killers, though. Man, my memory is shit. Sam and Sheriff Hicks do not get along at all.
Sam says that when their dad left, a lot of shit in their lives revolved around that. Sam read some old diaries of their mom. She found out that her mom was dating their “dad,” but she was in love with another man who knocked her up. She confronted mom about this, and little did she know that “Dad” was behind her, and Dad left that night. This is why she became a drug user and left town after ruining their family. Her dad is Billy Loomis. Tara tells her to Get Out. Why haven’t I reviewed that movie yet? I am so far behind. Blah blah blah, emotions. Sam is such a drama queen. She warns Richie to just walk away and leave, but he won’t because he loves her. So he’s probably the next to die, but he’s still my pick. Time to go talk to an expert.
Hello, Mr. David Arquette!! Yay. He looks great. He watches Gale on the TV. Dewey doesn’t want to talk. He asks Sam to give him one good reason that he should talk to her. She tells him that she’s Billy’s daughter. Dewey, don’t get involved. Dewey asks who the boy is. Dewey goes over the rules for surviving a Stab movie. Never trust the love interest. Dewey assumes that Richie was conveniently unaccounted for when Sam got attacked. Dewey, you’re making me feel good about my prediction that is probably still wrong the second time through. Richie calls him “Shitty Sam Elliot”. That’s a really good line, too. Rule number 2 is that the motive is always related to something in the past. Rule 3 is that the first victim always has a friend group that the killer is part of. So now I don’t think it can be the twins. I think they were with Amber and Hicks. But it could be one of them, the original assailant of Tara and Richie could be the Sam assailant. So that leads me to Mindy. Chad is too good a name to be the killer. You can kinda see on Richie’s face that Dewey is on to something. Is that a red herring? Does anybody remember a Pup Named Scooby-Doo? Dewey has been stabbed 9 times. Damn, that’s a good number. Sam says that if it always goes back to the past, then he is probably in danger, too. Sam wants to narrow down the potential friends. She was all too quick to dismiss Richie.
Dewey calls Sidney. They catch up a bit. He warns her that it’s happening again. Dewey tells Sid not to come there, and she assures him that she won’t be coming back to that town. That was kinda sad. Dewey texts Gale. He tells her that Ghostface is back and not to come back. Dewey still has his badge and gun. Is Dewey the most lovable Scream character? I say yes.
Dewey shows up to help Sam and Richie with their investigation. Awww, a picture of Randy Meeks. I would argue that he is my second favorite, but Gale is also a good choice. I know the major 3 are the top 3, but who didn’t love Randy? Randy was Mindy and Chad’s uncle. Okay, so we have the connection to the past. I am liking my Richie and Mindy pick. Heyyyy, Heather Matarazzo!!!! Who doesn’t love her? She is Randy’s sister, Martha. Randy and Martha were the children’s names? Really? I have this strange desire to watch Welcome to the Dollhouse and Hostel II. Heather was in Scream 3, a fact that I had conveniently forgotten. Now, the whole group is here, along with Dewey. Stupid ass Wes suggests that Dewey could be the killer. Son, what is wrong with you? They talk about Vince being Stu’s nephew. They could have called this Scream Bloodlines. The first 3 attacks have been on people related to the first killings. Mindy pipes up with saying that they are making a Requel or a Legacyquel. Yup, rolling my eyes. Mindy goes on and on about social commentary and all these stupid terms that nerds use. I love that they wrote this character as obnoxious as she is. And yet, I bet some people sit there and totally relate to her. Mindy tells Sam that she is the star of this prequel. So the suspects must have connections to legacy characters. So Wes is eliminated because his connection is a sequel character. Mindy and Chad are both suspects. Richie says that Mindy is the killer with this monologue. Mindy says that Sam is the killer. Sam is pissy and just leaves. Richie tells her that you’re not supposed to split up. Sam talks to imaginary daddy.
Judy orders food. Then she hears the door creak open. She grabs a knife. That’s smart, at the very least. She locks the door and then is startled by Wes. She tells him that she’s gonna pick up sushi, and he’s gonna take a shower. Poor Wes, I suspect that you’re fucked, sir. Judy gets a call from Ghostface. He tells her that she is gonna kill Wes. She calls, but he’s showering. Ghostface knows that she can’t reach him and references Psycho. She races to the front door only to get stabbed right before the front porch. That was really clever. I will give them that. Wes gets dressed and meanders around the kitchen. Gets dishes ready for dinner. He’s a good boy. They give us plenty of fake-outs for jump scares. Three so far. He sees the front door is ajar. He locks the door and turns around to be stabbed in the throat, but off to the side to make the special effects easier. Sam arrives on the scene, and the cops and ambulance are already there.
And here she comes again. There’s Gale. Great to see her. Gale and Sam have a moment, but then she sees Dewey. She is pissed at him for only texting her. These two still have amazing chemistry. She didn’t know that he had retired.
Sam calls Richie, who is watching shit on YouTube that is obviously self-referential to this particular film. They made fun of a movie this late in the serie,s going by the original name. And that’s all fine and good. I bet a lot of people ate it up, and maybe that gets them off the hook with people, but not me. Like, you know it’s a bad idea, you know the fan’s reaction to it, so maybe don’t do it. Just because you put a clever line in a movie about the dumb thing that you’re doing doesn’t get you a free pass. Also, this was a fun way to try to get people not to think it is Richie, or at least to cast doubt. If he’s the killer, why is he so invested in this research of sorts? If he’s the killer, he’d have his shit together already, right? I’m gonna get my prediction about Richie being the killer wrong, aren’t I? Dammit. Sam sees the sheriff who was supposed to be watching Tara at the Hicks’ home, so now she has to rush to the hospital. Dewey rides with her.
Tara is watching Dawson’s Creek. I bet that she doesn’t want to wait for her lunch to get colder. She hears a noise and decides to get out of bed. We don’t know the whereabouts of any of her still-alive friends, so that leaves Liv, Amber, and the twins. The lights go out in the hospital. Sam is calling Tara. This part here is super ridiculous. I hate to be nitpicky, but nobody is out in the hallway of a hospital when the power goes out? NOBODY???? Come on. We have a dead sheriff on the ground, so we have somebody. Where are all the other patients, doctors, nurses, any staff, visitors? This is why I hate doing stream-of-thought reviews. I get overly analytical. Richie shows up, says that he got a call from Sam. Ghostface is behind him and cuts his arm. Hmmmm, I’m still okay with my prediction, but this isn’t looking good. Ghostface is at least his height, maybe taller. And there is the reddest of flags. Who have we seen in this film who is taller than Richie? Chad! Chad is the perfect height at 6’2, just like me. If Jack is 6’1 and a half, Chad, and maybe the male sheriff who is at the scene of the crime are the only possible people taller. This would lend credence to my idea that at least one of the twins is the killer. Ghostface is one of the clumsiest killers. Is that a good thing because it is realistic?
Sam calls Richie, and Ghostface answers the phone now that Richie is knocked out. Ghostface will only kill on: Richie or Tara. Sam has to choose. The elevator door opens, and Dewey opens fire and misses, naturally. Sam gets Tara. Dewey gets Ghostface. Ghostface attacks Dewey. Gotta cheer on Dewey. Dewey got 2 or 3 good shots with his gun to the body. They get to the elevator, and Dewey realizes that he never shot Ghostface in the head. The other 3 go down in the elevator. Dewey has to finish it……awww hell. The phone rings, and Dewey gets it in the front and back while Gale calls Dewey. This made me so angry. I know that is the fucking point, and in that regard, they succeeded. I can’t find anything indicating that Arquette wanted out. I knew it was a bad decision then, and once I heard that Neve wasn’t returning for part 6, I doubled, nay tripled down on my annoyance. He didn’t even get a hero’s death. The people were saved, and he could live to fight another day. They made him do something stupid and brave, which worked okay but was wholly unnecessary. Some may argue against that. They would be wrong.
Like, we barely got much of Gale and Dewey. That makes it worse. Gale arrives at the hospital, and she’s a mess seeing them load Dewey’s body into the ambulance. In wrestling terms, this totally felt like cheap heat. What that means is when the bad guy, the heel, comes out and makes fun of the city that they’re in for being stupid, and how their local sports team is a failure. This film just got cheap heat.
While Gale mourns, Sam approaches her. She tells Gale that Dewey did help her. And there’s Sidney. Now we have two of the three. More reason not to kill off Dewey. We could have had a bigger and better moment.
So did that whole thing prove that Richie isn’t one of the killers? That’s tough. On the surface, it seems like it lowered the odds. But notice that aside from cutting Richie’s arm and lightly tossing him to bump his head, Ghostface focused predominantly on Tara. I think that keeps my prediction intact. But if Richie is one of the two, and we establish that the other one would be Chad based on physical prowess, one must ask what their common denominator is. Why are these two working together? Why did we start with 5 main male characters and are now down to just 2, the two I claim have to be the killers? I guess you could argue this is yet another feeble attempt at girl power in horror. I feel that Scream has tried to rise above that, to an extent, and not be so blatant, but in the 2020s, it’s a possibility.
Sidney talks to Sam and Tara. She knows that Sam is Billy’s daughter. Sid offers to have a chat, but Sam is planning on taking Tara out of Woodsboro. Sam is being a scared coward, and Gale calls her out on her shit. Richie is impatient; he never wants to see these people ever again. I like my Richie prediction. Sid put a tracker on the car.
Tara can’t find her inhaler. They can get a spare one at Amber’s. Richie is like fuck no, no stopping. He wasn’t winning that argument. Amber is hosting a party in Wes’ honor, and I want to make fun of the music, but I like this tribute to Wes Craven. It really was a nice ode to a true legend. Unfortunately, I lost some posts on my site, and one of them was a nice write-up about Wes Craven.
Anyway, Amber gives Chad shit for drinking a shot as a tribute. Amber, get over yourself. There’s beer in the basement, but the basement light won’t work. Mindy does a jump scare and tells Amber that she shouldn’t go off alone. Amber asks Mindy how she knows that she’s not the killer. I know this was meant to be witty banter, as both claimed to be. Well bitches, neither of you was the one to kill Dewey, I don’t think. Gotta check Mindy’s height. Amber is 5’3 and Mindy is 5’7. Heels are possible for Mindy; she doesn’t have big tits, but she would have had some type of strength. Does she look that strong to you?
Chad is making out with Liv. Liv wants to go upstairs. Chad doesn’t want to because he fears that she may be the killer. Liv is 5’7, but I feelshe could be a lot stronger than Mindy. She would have to be the dark horse pick if it isn’t Chad. But now I think it is Chad. Chad saying that Liv could be the killer would be what a killer would do, right? No, Liv is pretty stacked up top. I don’t think she is the killer. So, back to Mindy being my number 3, my very unlikely number 3.
Chad is all pissy that Liv walked out on him. Mindy wants to get drunk, watch Stab, and make out with some chick named Frances. Alllllright!
Liv has sent Chad some way for him to track her. Does this shit really exist? Am I that far behind in technology for like typical teenagers? Chad is attacked by Ghostface, stabbed in the leg. Nobody is outside to see this. Fuck, that really feels like it eliminates Chad. He’s really gushing blood. Okay, so now, we can call bullshit. Ohhh, this person is definitely shorter than Chad. This is a girl. Chad just got stabbed like 7 times. Richie and the girls arrive at the party to get the inhaler. Amber kicks everyone out. I love how everyone gives Richie shit for kicking them out despite the house being a prime target for more murder. It was at this point, I realized who the killers were. It was a dead giveaway, from a story perspective. Unfortunately, it also meant that the assailant in the hospital wasn’t played by either of the 2 killers: Richie and Amber. This late in the movie, they are clearing everyone out of there, so it is just them, the 2 girls that they have targets, and Mindy. Chad is already fucked. Amber couldn’t have been the hospital assailant. If you don’t believe me, go to YouTube and search for Scream 2022 Ghostface Hospital. Notice the first shot, we see Ghostface is shorter than Richie. When they switch angles, Ghostface grows 6 inches into the stunt person. Why they didn’t use a shorter stunt person is beyond me.
Good to see Mindy and Frances making out. Richie has a fun interaction with Mindy. Live just shows up for a jump scare. Mindy then gets suspicious of Liv. Liv’s skirt is very nice length. Liv then goes on the spiel, making people feel like she’s the killer, but it was a fake-out.
Sid calls Sam to tell her to get the fuck out. That’s where Billy and Stu killed people. Also, am I the only person who would pay money to watch a full-length Stab film? It would be a partial parody, but trying to do a somewhat faithful recreation based on Gale’s books, right? I wanna see that.
Ghostface is behind Mindy. Mindy keeps telling the film character to look behind them, and Ghostface is so slow and stupid that he/she fails to get the stab in. Ghostface really is a bad killer. I like the character, but they are usually bad at what they do. Sam comes in and throws a lamp at Amberface. I don’t believe that is meant to be GhostRichie based on build and run. Amber and Tara show up. Amber is freaking out. So that was supposed to be Richie, I guess. I give up on continuity. I’m just here for the ride and the reveal, and the inevitable save by Sidney and Gale. With 20 minutes remaining, we know that’s how this is gonna play out, so I’m not gonna waste much of your time.
Richie enters, then Liv. Liv has blood on her hands; she found Chad. Amber is blaming everyone. Amber then shoots Liv in the dome. Richie and Sam make it to the basement. Richie notes that there are always two killers. Richie suggests that Tara is the other killer. I like Richie. Gale and Sidney show up. Amber comes out screaming that she’s been stabbed. The girls call bullshit, so she shoots Gale in the belly. Time to finish this….for Dewey! So cheesy, but I’m all for it.
I love the moment in Scream when the killers just cease giving fucks. Sam finds Tara tied up in a closet. Sam hesitates to free her sister. Ghostface calls Sid. Sid shoots through the doors and shoots at the closet that Richie is hiding in. She’s mad at him for not coming out. He says that she was shooting everything, a fair point. Sid and Ghostface take a tumble over the banister. So that is Amber again. Why did she put the costume back on? That was a hell of a fall. Richie comes down slowly since his leg has been shot. Sam gets the gun. Richie is happy that she’s okay and stabs her in the side because he wants to be the one to kill her. That moment when Amber and Richie kicked everyone out was the biggest clue of all. Sorry if you missed it. Go back and watch every movie in the franchise, and it will all become so very obvious.
Richie has the inhaler. He’s super proud of himself. Richie pulls the knife out. Amber is still bad at what she does. Richie and Amber are pissed at how bad the sequels have been. Then talks about toxic fandom. This commentary, I truly approve of. Bring it back to the basics. Once again, Scream Bloodlines would have been a good title. Amber and Richie met on a Stab subreddit. Amber stabs Sid in the belly when she makes a move. Richie mocks Sam for not listening to Dewey. Amber is supposed to get Tara, but she’s not where they left her. Tara beats up on Amber, which distracts Richie, and this is when Joe Doe loses the upper hand. Gale and Sid fuck up Amber. Amber fucks them up. Amber is stoked about being the one to kill Gale. Amber gets shot up and set on fire from the hand sanitizer that was smashed on her. Sam fights Richie. Richie is pissed that Sam is ruining his ending. She sees Billy in the mirror, leading her to a knife that she uses to stab Richie through the cheeks. Ow. She is stabbing the fuck outta him. She slits his throat. I’m not sure if they were going for comedy or what. It was really cheesier than usual. Sam gets a headshot with the gun since they always come back. Amber then comes back, Tara shoots her, and she still prefers The Babadook.
Mindy is alive and getting loaded in an ambulance. Chad is okay. Tara is, too. Everyone is all just fine now. Sam has to have a conversation with the OG’s and thanks them. Gale won’t write about this, but maybe about a good man. Sam sees her dad in the reflection on the car.
“FOR WES”
End Film
The first thing I want to say is that for a part 5, this was really good. Some of the ideas and lines were cheesy as hell, but it’s a part 5. They did a good job of tying things back to the original. For all of the nitpicking and eye rolling, there was more good than bad, I think. I must admit, upon a second viewing, this got worse. Good lord, I need to go back and update my ratings for this franchise. I gave them in order: 7.8, 7.5, 5.5, & 7.0. I’d bump the first 2 up about a half point, maybe more. This movie is better than 3, obviously, but worse than 4, and that 7.0 seems fair. Let’s go with a 6.7 for this film.
Final Rating: 6.7 – Killing Dewey probably takes a full point or a point and a half off. Especially with hindsight, it sucks more than it did in the moment. Furthermore, the heights were way the fuck off, and that is simply unfair to do that. You want to hide people and be clever, then be clever with the heights instead of just assuming nobody is paying attention.
All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of:
- Paramount Pictures
- (presents)
- Spyglass Media Group
- (presents)
- Project X Entertainment
- Outerbanks Entertainment
- Radio Silence Productions
- (Radio Silence)
- Lantern Entertainment
Please go find a copy and support the creators.