The tag line should have been, “I Still Know What You Did Last Summer and we got darker in the process because we didn’t attract a large enough black audience, but no talented females accepted a role, so we ended up with Brandy. We’re sorry. But hey, at least Jack Black makes an appearance.” OK that may not have fit on the marquee, but it would have worked. At least they didn’t go 1005 Latino like Paranormal Activity 5. Yup, I am not done tearing that movie down.
Now, I saw this Christmas Eve in 1998 at the theater with Chris. We went to the late showing. We had fun, Brandy brought us down, but that’s gonna happen. Now, this happens to be one of my favorite stories. If you’ve seen the movie, you know Whitesnake’s “Here I Go Again” plays while 2 guys are on a deserted road by and large, it’s kinda forested. So after the film, Chris wants to go for a ride, to where, we don’t know. He tells me that he plans on staying on the road until I tell him to turn around. As you can guess, I have nothing better to do, so road trip at 11 something at night Christmas Eve. We end up in Wells. Now for those of you who aren’t familiar with where I live and where Wells is, you can get radio stations and have supermarkets where I live. Wells is like this rural destination, in the middle of bumfuck, but it’s nice. So as we get closer to Wells, finding something to listen to on the radio becomes more and more of a chore. But fear not, Siena’s hip hop radio station somehow came in. How the fuck does that even make sense? So we’re on this lonely road, and suddenly Here I Go Again comes on the hip hop station. This really happened, and honestly, I couldn’t have been happier. I also warned Chris that if we saw a fisherman, we were not to run him over. I love that fucking song.
So this movie has downgraded it’s cast, because, well it’s a sequel. Brandy is one of the worst things ever, not just in this movie, just in life in general. Mekhi Phifer is in this, yes thee Mekhi Phifer. Jack Black has a small role that is unmistakeably Jack Black. Jeffrey Combs is in it. Finally, Also, they brought back Jennifer Love Hewitt and Freddy Prinze Jr. They added this white douchebag who is beyond unlikeable, think Jeff on Saved By The Bell.
Hey JLH is wet and in a white robe. Can I see nipple? Nope, well they’re in 3D, but I can’t count. She is not helping my breast cancer project. Damn her and her lack of showing us skin. Thankfully Brandy does not get topless. I think we can all agree that is for the best. The plot for this is absolutely awful. The 4 main people mnus Freddy go to the Bahamas as Brandy won a free trip via the radio.
Hey there’s Mark Boon Junior, who you may know as Bobby from Sons of Anarchy. He’s running a pawn shop and sells a gun. Hmmmm, 15 years later and he was still selling guns. Good for him. I wish Ron Perlman was in this as well.
Brandy just uttered some absolutely ignorant thing about the tanning booth having something to do with Photosynthesis in a box. Seriously….I want her dead. I also want JLH to be in her underwear the rest of the film. This plot is so ludicrous. JLH explains to her group what happened regarding the murder and whatnot. Brandy is bitching “How could you not tell me, we’re best friends.” Get the fuck outta here! You know why she didn’t tell you? Because you weren’t in part one, and attempting to murder somebody, cover the murder, and have the guy come back to kill off your friends is not something most people would tell their best friends. Who wrote this?
Trey Callaway, that’s who!
30 minutes to go. This movie is such a downgrade from the original. 2 important things just happened. First, JLH just asked what today’s date is, and somebody told her it was July 4th. Bitch, you’re an American, how the fuck do you not know when it’s the 4th of July? Secondly, she had her big scene where she is screaming at the killer to show himself while out in the pouring rain and she is getting all kinds of moist…from the rain. Mekhi is hungry, while they’re looking for the killer.
I don’t understand why the Fisherman is considered the bad guy. Funny thing, right at the end of the JLH is incredibly curvy, that ass, goodness, More of that please. She wasn’t this curvy the whole damn film. What gives? Oh, and just saw a spider crawl up to my ceiling. I hate spiders so damn much.
So the movie is over. It wasn’t nearly as good the first one. I mean a huge dip in quality. So in one of the harshest drops for a sequel, I give this a 5.2. It’s serviceable as a slasher, but the twists and turns are ridiculously predictable, and the ending….why? Seriously, just kill them all. I would recommend it to those who are curious, it’s fun enough, but the cast was shittier. Replace SMG and Phillippe with Mekhi and Brandy. It was similar, not as drastic as going from Robert Englund to Jackie Earle Haley, or Bob Barker to Drew Carey. They’re serviceable, but are a significant downgrade. This was a great scene where JLH showed that she’s a better singer than Brandy.
Breasts Total
37 Bare breasts
All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of:
- Columbia Pictures (presents)
- Mandalay Entertainment (in association with)
- Summer Knowledge LLC (uncredited)
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