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Film Reviews Horror

I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer (2006)

May as well see the redheaded step child of the franchise, right? This only got a 3.5 on IMDB. Do you realize how bad you have to be to get that low of a rating? I’m in for a treat. I’m realizing that I have too many films at my disposal and on my list that I won’t get to even half of them this year. Looks like 2015 will be busy again.

Reading some info about this. The acting is beyond abysmal. The fisherman is already out, less than 5 minutes in. Some douche bag on a skateboard decides he is going to casually skate away. Wait, it just got so indescribably worse. This is taking place at a carnival, and it was a prank. They set the WHOLE carnival into a panic for a prank to scare 2 girls. 2 cops were following him. Aww douche bag on skate board died while jumping off of a high building trying to escape. And the cops don’t investigate? What? They orchestrated this ridiculous joke, cause a frenzy, cause their friend to die, and now they are just brushing it off. Sigh…..and there’s no tits in this. One of the 2 girls is good looking, the other one is the one with the conscience. Of course, the less attractive one always has the conscience. The guys all look like tools. One dude is blond, he strikes me as the bigger tool, so I’m predicting him and hot chick to die first. Other guy may last to the end, I’ll say yes until the very ending scene he gets go. Girl with conscience lives. Just going by cliche. I know nothing about this film. Let’s see if I know what I’m talking about. I’m gonna be ashamed if I’m wrong.

I can’t find info about the budget, but this was straight to video.OK, so here are the names. Amber is conscience, Zoe is hot, Colby is blond douche, Lance is guy who wants Amber. I think the fact that people don’t know how to write for women makes women act more and more like the dumbasses in movies creating  perpetual cycle. That or woman are just awful. I hohe pe it’s just my theory. Lady’s, I am giving you the benefit of the doubt.

Time to suck on a Charm’s Blow Pop because they are delicious. Hmmm, this cop is hitting on Amber. I’ll guess he’s the murder since he’s the first non main 4 character to have dialogue. 25 minutes in, and Amber is getting 50, seriously 50 text messages all saying….wait for it….”I Know What You Did Last Summer”. Amber gos to Zoe to show her the text. Zoe is in a shitty band, she’s mad that Amber hasn’t showed up to any of her gigs. Apparently October is Domestic Violence month. Next year, I may have to try working on 2 charities. I wish I would have known this earlier.

Wait Roger is the guy who has a hard on for Amber…I think. I don’t know who the fuck Lance is now.  Amber got attacked by the guy in a gondola, well kinda. He broke a window. It was terribly lame. I just saw one of the dumbest scenes ever. Zoe is dreaming that she is being attached by the Fisherman, then she wakes up, only to be attacked by the Fisherman, only to wake up. The fuck is this: Inception?

SPOILERS!!!!

Well, Colby just got attacked. But not killed. It’s now July 4th. Oh they just talked abbout the Fisherman’s history. So as predicted, we are down to the 2 people I predicted. Oh and here’s the sheriff that I think is the killer. Or not. Well, can’t win em all. So the Fisherman is the original Fisherman? I’m so confused. Oh and Amber dies at the end, Lance lives. Terrible!

END SPOILERS!!!

I’ll cut to the chase, 3.5 is exactly what i would give this film. It was boring, plodding, made little to no sense at points, and it had very little to no redeemable qualities. I only recommend this to die hard hard fans of this franchise, or if you are generally curious, knock yourself out. Otherwise, avoid this garbage.

Breasts Total

37 Bare breasts

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