I remember seeing the trailer and being very consumed by it. Then to know that Robert Eggers was involved, who is the guy who directed The Witch, I was sold. I have since heard such a variety of opinions on this film. The one opinion that truly got my attention quintessentially said that it’s for people who appreciated Eraserhead. I know that this is going to be utterly confusing and batshit crazy and not necessarily horror. I’m okay with that. This has Willem Dafoe and Robert Pattinson, who is having a nice career renaissance after getting the stank and sparkles off of him from the Twilight franchise, although I’m sure that money still keeps coming in. I have my doubts that I can do a typical play by play of this film based on what I had heard about this film. It sounds more like a piece of art to be experienced and that usually means less on the storytelling aspect. I really wanted to use the term narrative, but over the past 2 years, so many blithering jackasses have overused the term that now I don’t want to sound like them. Thank you, you inconsiderate assholes for ruining words like narrative, literally, and epic. I hope you’re proud of your mongoloid ways.
I assume this is all in black and white, which makes sense just after a few minutes. I think that this film would be worse in full color. Love that this dude is presumably at his home, lights a match to light his cigarette and then just tosses the match on the floor. At some point, you gotta pick it up, right? His bed looks so uncomfortable. Dafoe’s facial hair is on point, I dig it, and I have been more and more anti-beards as of late, so that is quite the compliment. Pattinson has some figured hidden in his mattress that he takes with him. Okay, let’s get this out of the way right now. Pattinson’s character’s name is Thomas Howard and Defoe’s is Thomas Wake. So I will be referring to Howard and Wake moving forward. I wonder if we hear the foghorn all film.
Well, Dafoe’s voice is fucking fantastic. Wake appears to be the old school guy that just tells Howard how to do his job and is quite set in his way, even if it is against the rules. Howard would prefer to do it by the book. I think it is safe to assume that Howard smokes all throughout the film. I truly wish the black levels on my TV were better. Huh, shit got weird, perhaps a dream, and a mermaid. Nice. For those who read my blogs, I tend to talk about what I am eating at the time. This is a weird combination. I have 2 better cheddar brats, a mug of cinnamon Life cereal, and a small piece of cheese. I may replace the cheese with yogurt. I’m undecided.
God damn, that ladder looks like hell that Howard had to go up to do something with the roof, Also, my typing skills in the dark have declined greatly. I had 3 typos in the ladder sentence. Haha, a seagull taunted Howard. It was delightful. Whatever the hell Howard is lugging up the metal spiral stairs looks heavy as hell. It looks like a keg to me, but I am sure it is something much different. It’s like an oil drum. So Wake waited for Howard to lug that all the way up before giving him a smaller container and telling him to lug the drum back down the stairs for fear of lighting the place on fire. Then he insults him. At dinner, Wake tries to make conversation, but Howard ain’t having it. Wake tells him that the only way to keep sailors from going mad is drinking.
The previous guy that Howard replaced went mad talking about mermaids and bad omens. That makes sense. Wake tells Howard to not try to spare with a seagull and killing one is bad luck. Wake also slapped Howard for talking back. At night in bed, the seagull came to Howard’s window. Howard’s statue is of a mermaid. That makes sense. I really like the way they talk in this film, the same as I liked it in The Witch.
Man, Wake has some balls on him, giving Howard the business about cleaning. Just a straight-up domineering dickhead. I feel like Howard’s job is simply not worth it. SO much tough shit to do. Howard was whitewashing and Wake was holding his rope, but that went very poorly. Naturally, the seagull is there pecking at Howard’s pants. I’m loving the bird. It reminds me of the bird in Cat’s Eye that pecks at the feet in the second story. Hmmm, Pattinson just said that he wants to be called by his real name, Ephraim Winslow. I’m going to stick to calling him Howard, but now I am intrigued. Howard doesn’t like being called Lad. He used to work in timber up in Canada. “No thankee” says Wake. Wake tells him about his bad stump leg, and that is why he is a “Wickie”. Apparently he used to be married and had kids, but she had enough of his time away from home on the seas. Howard has bounced from job to job since he left his father and just wants to earn his pay and start his life.
Howard asks why it is bad luck to kill a seagull. Apparently it has the souls of the dead sailors in them. I wonder if that was an actual belief. It makes sense. Howard has to do some really shitty jobs. I want to keep stressing this. Howard can’t sleep well and has the mermaid figurine next to him. He gets up and hears Wake moaning and babbling up by the light. And we see some goo drizzle down and then some tentacles. Fantastic. This is why doing play by play is a challenge.
The next day, the water pump is bringing up some nastiness. Well, there’s a dead bird in the well and then a seagull came to taunt him. Howard grabs that bird and beats it to death. Oh boy. We have a case of Uh Oh. Yup, the winds have changed and that means the calm before the storm. Time to board up windows and such. They catch up crab or some crustaceans, and Wake finally gets Howard to have a drink with him. They are just pounding it. now they are singing some great shit. Wake talks about his busted leg. Wake and Howard get into a brief argument because Wake insists that he is the only man to work the light. We finally get Wake’s name, and he says to call him Tom. I wish I would have known this earlier, but I am not going back. Plus, I assume that Howard inherits the Lighthouse and the name Thomas. Just a random guess. Glad to get such a close up on the full chamber pots. Super happy about that.
Now it is pouring outside. That walk with the wheelbarrow just looks grueling every damn time. Howard comes to a lady in the banks, and she is topless, so she will be a mermaid…..yup. She wakes up and screeches at him and he runs away. She doesn’t give chase, ya know, because she’s a mermaid. I may have to rewatch Siren sometime soon.
Howard is working and sees a bottle of booze, smells it and then puts it back. I guess the provisions have gotten wet so that’s no good. Now they will have to ration the food. Wake says that Howard has been saying that they missed the tender weeks ago and I don’t know who to believe. Has it been weeks? I am gonna say yes. Wake fears them being stranded. So now they are outside digging at night in the pouring rain. They dug up a crate. Ohhhh shit, lots of booze.
Wake is now telling a different story about his leg. Howard is drunk as hell and then doesn’t believe that Wake could eat grass with no teeth. Now they just are saying What back and forth like crazed men. Howard wants a steak. So do I!! If he had a steak, he’d fuck it. Hahaha. Howard is insulting Wake’s cooking and Wake wants him to at least admit that he made good lobster. Jesus, Wake is livid and praying for Neptune to do all kinds of foul shit to Howard. This is fantastic. SO Howard says that he likes Wake’s cooking. Ha!
Wow, already halfway finished. I got sucked into this. It’s day time, and I am not sure if Howard is still drunk or just trying to be stealthy as he sneaks up next to Wake as he sleeps. Ohhh, He wants to steal Wake’s key……or to stab him. Wake wakes up and makes fun of Howard for how he wears his shoes. Howard is fucking losing it. He’s outside with the wheelbarrow and inside that is a lot of water and a bottle of booze. Howard is drinking again. He’s also jacking it to the statue of his. I think I just saw a MERgina. I think that I need an adult. That was intense. Ladies, you get to see his ass if that interests you….which it does. Gay dudes, I didn’t forget about you, I imagine that would also be delightful for you as well.
This is just getting crazy. He is bringing up a cage with a woman’s head, and they are just pounding booze and now dancing and singing. Bloody hell. Now they are slow dancing as Wake sings a song. Then they get into old-timey fisticuffs and fight. Then they hold each other on the floor. Howard reveals that his name is Thomas…Tommy. Such lovely drunk talk. I feel like I’m hanging out with Ron. Howard reveals that he wanted to kill an old boss or co-worker. He stood and watched this guy get killed by some logs. That’s why he used a fake name. He then realizes that Wake isn’t even in the room with him. In his mind, he keeps asking himself “Why’d you spill the beans?” which has never made much sense as a phrase. What in the fuck did I just see? Nude Dafoe with light coming out of his eyes standing over Howard.
Howard flips out, gets a boat to leave. Wake chops up the boat with an axe. Now the chase is on, right into the house. Apparently the head in the lobster pod was Wake’s previous co-worker that he killed. Howard has lost his shit though. Wake is saying that Howard broke the boat and chased him with an axe. Wake asks how long they have been there now. He says that this is all in his imagination. Howard just wants a smoke and they are out of booze. That’s a bummer. They somehow just got more to drink and are crazed again. That’s just fine. About 20 minutes remaining, which is good cause I’m tired.
They are under a tiny table and giggling. Water may have just broken into the house like a wave crashed into it. The inside of the place is trashed, but more likely by them and not the water, but I don’t know. I guess the place is flooded, as well. Well, Howard read a book and punch a clock and looks pissed. Howard has finally had enough of Wake’s shit and calls him a liar throughout all of it. He also hates Wake’s farts, his dick, his jizz, and my goodness, just going on a rant right now. Wake relieves him of his duties. The book was Wake’s notes about how shitty Howard was as a worker. Howard just wants to be next to the light. Howard is might fucked in the head.
Wake is now the one on the offense, insulting Howard. Now they try to strangle each other. Oh, it’s on. Howard sees a guy, I assume Ephraim, then a mermaid, then Wake with tentacles. I don’t have words for that one. Howard is making Wake bark like a dog. He brings Wake outside, leading him on a leash. This…thins isn’t weird at all. He makes Wake go into the hole where the crate was and Howard starts shoveling dirt over Wake. Wake offers to show him what is in the light. This is fucked up watching him get buried alive. I love how they filmed that. Howard then goes down and grabs the keys off of Wake’s body/corpse. Time to see what’s in the light. Please don’t be a stupid ending. This has been fun up to this point.
Wake comes charging in with an axe thwacks Howard. Howard then kills Wake with his own axe. I say why not let Wake rise up again like he’s The Undertaker. This has to be the final scene, there are only 8 minutes remaining. Howard crawls up the winding metal stairs that are eerily reminiscent of Teaser’s strip club in Utica. Don’t go there. He makes it up to the light and it is just a normal light that spins. He opens it up, like one of the sides open to change the bulb. Howard puts his hand on it and the screen lights up and Howard seems to be screaming in pain. He then falls and rolls all the way down the stairs. Howard is now outside on the shore, nude, and the seagulls are pecking at him.
End film
There is a lot to take in here. If you are the type of person that loves to analyze for meanings, you can have a ton of fun. If you want straight-up narrative-driven films, this may not be for you. If you like crazy, at times hallucinogenic style films, then you should feel at home.
This is only partially horror, but just as much drama, in which the two genres tend to go hand in hand often. The way that people hyped this is a bit unfair. It’s a movie that absolutely needs to be seen until the end and then judge for yourself. The people that hate it, I don’t trust your opinions. The people that say it wasn’t for them, I can trust that. The people that say that this is the craziest film ever, take a seat and go watch Braid and Eraserhead and then come talk to me. This is one of the crazier films that I have seen, in the top 25, for me personally.
I honestly truly liked the film now that I have slept on it. It checked a lot of boxes for me. It didn’t do anything poorly. You can absolutely interpret it any number of ways, and there will be jackasses that will say that you’re wrong. Punch them in the throat and then ask them if you’re still wrong. I haven’t read any analysis that correlates with my philosophy. I kinda like the idea that Wake was a somewhat dark character, but wasn’t as bad as we see it. I think we see a lot of Wake through the crazy lenses of Howard. It is probably more clear cut and both guys are just awful humans, but I like the idea of Howard just seeing everything crazy the whole time. You do with that interpretation what you will, and you can tell me that I am wrong, but this is clearly open to many perspectives.
Rating – 7.2 – This just feels right. Had I scored it last night, I may have gone with a 6.6 but the more I thought about it, I really loved all of these tiny things going on that made this very memorable for me. I definitely recommend it, and it is only 99 cents to rent on Amazon at the moment.
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