I can tell you that it is nice that there isn’t a lot of things to complain about or make fun of from behind the scenes. There are some fun things that I did learn. This is where Paramount Pictures wanted to work with New Line Cinema to put together a Freddy Vs Jason film. The Friday the 13th films were making about half the profit of the Nightmare on Elm Street films. The companies couldn’t find an agreement that worked for them, so that didn’t happen. When that fell through, the idea of Jason vs Carrie was brought to the forefront, and that is the idea here. My favorite piece of info found here at Wikipedia is really surprising and borderline comical.
” One of the concepts for Part VII was conceived by associate producer Barbara Sachs, and was noted as being similar to the plot of Jaws, wherein a corporate land developer covers up the previous Jason Voorhees massacres in order to profitably build condos on Crystal Lake.[3] Executive producer Frank Mancuso Jr. resisted the idea, and screenwriter Daryl Haney stated “There’s always a teenage girl who’s left to battle Jason by herself. What if the girl had telekinetic powers?”[3] Sachs, who considered the “Jason vs. Carrie” concept to be “an interesting idea”, wanted the installment to be more respectable than the previous entries in the series. Haney stated that “She wanted it to be unlike any other Friday the 13th movie. She wanted it to win an Academy Award“.[3] Several high-profile directors were considered for the job, including Italian filmmaker Federico Fellini.[3]“
That’s right, this lady, Barbara Sachs wanted to win an Academy Award, AKA Oscar, for a Friday the 13th film, supposedly. That is fucking mindblowing and I love that this lady had such high standards and hopes. I’m impressed with her. What I do know is that Lar Park Lincoln couldn’t hold a candle to Sissy Spacek’s performance as Carrie. It is a terrible comparison, but an obvious one. It really is unfair. Simultaneously, Carrie had good writing and a great director in Brian De Palma. With that being said, I remember liking this a lot as a kid, and that has not fared well with my grown-up tastes when it comes to Friday the 13th films. It’s only 89 minutes, so here we go.
Ohhh, I love it when we start off with some recap of previous films. I still think that these are very helpful and bring back fond memories. Were you really gonna try to win an Oscar with like 80 minutes of new footage? If so, I applaud you even more. How the hell did I forget to mention that this is the first of 4 consecutive films where Kane Hodder played the role of Jason? The weird thing is, and I do love Kane, but I thought C. J. Graham was amazing in Part VI. So I will be checking to see if I prefer one performance over the other.
We start off at the bottom of the lake, just where we left Mr. Voorhees. We see a young girl, Tina, listening to her parents’ fight. Her father, John, is drunk and slaps his wife. Tina goes out on a boat and says that she hates her dad and wishes that he was dead. The dock starts swaying thanks to the telekinetic powers possessed by Tina and John falls in the water. That probably killed him, I have to assume. Alright, first of all, Tina’s mom’s hair is horrible and totally 80’s Lousie Fletcher in Flowers in the Attic levels of awfulness.
Now, am I the only person annoyed by the time jumps? We know that the time jumped from part 4 to 5 was supposedly 5 years, minimally. Then however long after that for part 6. Now, after part 6, these people got a nice house on the lake after all of these murders, so you figure a year minimum. She was a little girl when this happened and is now say 18. I refuse to believe that she was 13 in the beginning, but even if we say that we are talking at least 11 years in the future. They don’t accommodate for all of this and obviously it would have been tough because this would be taking place in the late 90’s at the minimum and PCs and internet and all that shit. This is why you don’t do time jumps in franchises unless you initially started off not in the present day. WOw, there’s a 17 year age gap between young Tina and present-day Tina actresses. Pressing onward.
Amanda, Tina’s mom, is bringing here to the area to meet Dr. Crews. God damn, Amanda’s mom’s hair is fucking terrible. Two skanks in bikinis are checking out this film’s stud, Nick, who helps Tina pick up her clothes from her opened suitcase, including underwear. Oh my, the horror of a stranger handling your underwear. Fuck, people are really weird about that shit I like seeing panties and shit, but I’m not a fucking creeper either. I know some dudes out there are, probably reading this right now, and I’m not judging you, but I just think that people blow that stuff out of proportion. Maybe if I was a sexy bitch, I’d care if someone handled my underwear to help me. Wait, I am a sexy bitch. This is why it takes me over 2 hours to watch an 80-minute movie.
Dr. Crews is recording his little experiments with Tina. This is very reminiscent of FIrestarter more so than Carrie. He is really yelling at her and pushing her because her powers work when her emotions are at their highest. She is pissy and sets the matches on fire.
Hey, 2 people having sex in a van. She’s, hmmm, I am trying to be a nicer person here. If she doesn’t get nude on screen, I’ll be okay with it. Flashbacks to the night Tina killed her daddy. I ate ice cream tonight and regret that decision. I ate Honey Nut Cheerios and don’t regret that decision. Tina want to bring her father back from the lake, so obviously she’s just gonna resurrect Jason, and that’s just fine with me. She sees him surface and then she faints. He comes out os the water and leaves. Mom and Crews check on Tina and they are asking her about this man that came out of the water. The Dr. is just ignoring what she is saying. I like him.
We have a couple that has their car broke down. Michael wants to just camp there and Jane wants to make it to the camp. She said that Nick can give them a ride. Everybody is there for Michael’s birthday. Jane is another one that I am okay with if she doesn’t get nude. Nick invites tina to the party. Did they just stop hiring attractive girls? Michael has to piss and wanders off fucking far away. If I am just walking with someone and I gotta piss, I don’t take more than 15 paces. Who cares? Oh, and Jason just killed Jane, Knife in her throat against a tree. See Michael, this is why you just take a piss there. I assume you two are already fucking, so who gives a shit? A knife is thrown into Michael’s back and he’s dead.
We go to the surprise party. Eddie is a crazy Science fiction writer, a bit aggressive too. There’s another girl named Robin, an improvement over the previous Robin. This is Russell’s uncle’s cabin and he is uptight and very worried, almost like Ira in Suicide Kings. Melissa is an uptight socialite bitch, but she would be a good get nude candidate. Maddy may be the nerdy girl who has the hots for Nick, along with Robin. I hate trying to figure out names. I think David is the druggie slob. Tina freaks out and has a vision or Jason killing a guy with a spike. Tina runs home to tell them of her vision and of the spike that was supposedly on the porch that is no longer there, despite a big mark indicating something was there.
Another couple out camping. We have Dan with his machete and I’ll assume Judy who is bitchy and demands more wood and she takes off clothes. Bitch, if you are that cold, maybe you keep your clothes on, right? I assume Dan’s machete is no match for whatever Jason is wielding. Dan has been spotted and he has cut some wood. Good for him. Jason punches through Dan’s torso and steals the machete. Judy is nude in the sleeping bag and Jason has found her. This is an iconic kill. He pulls her out of the tent while in her sleeping bag and then swings her against a tree. A truly beautiful piece of cinema.
Back at the party cabin, it’s the next day. We meet Ben and some girl, maybe Kate. Nothing was accomplished in that scene. Nick is chatting with Tina and Mellisa is spying on them. Tina tries to tell Nick that she is pretty fucked in the head. Tina has the Kristin look from Nightmare on Elm Street 4. That’s not a horrible thing. Dr. Crews never looks happy. Yes, that one girl is named Kate. Maddy is into David. Melissa and Eddie mock Tina with a straight jacket so Tina choked Melissa and ruined her pearl necklace.
Tina wants to go back to the hospital and Crews says that they are making some real progress. Tina flings a TV at Crews in anger. Tina asks Nick if she can see a picture of Michael and then tells him that she thinks that he is dead. Tina is packing up to leave in the morning. I have a feeling that it’s gonna be a long night.
So Russell is with his girlfriend, Sandra. Jesus, too many characters to keep track of!!! She’s nice to look at, so that’s a plus. Sandra wants to go skinny dipping and she has a sweet ass. Good for her. I mean, Jason is gonna kill them both, but that’s alright. Russell gets a hatchet to the face, I think. Wow, they gave us a hell of a camera view of Sandra’s bottom half underwater. Maddy is pissed that RObin is having fun with David because Maddy won’t go for it. Ohhh, Maddy is gonna do a little makeup makeover. I’m curious how she will look. Nick just told Melissa that he doesn’t even like her, so she immediately moves on to Eddie who is still coming up with brilliant ideas, such as Star Mummy.
Crews actually had the spike that Tina was referring to previously. That sneaky son of a bitch! I like him. Amanda comes into his office to talk to him, but he’s not in so she snoops around. Dr. Crews is outside going for a walk. He comes across Michael’s body, I think. It is tough to keep up with so many new faces that haven’t had much screen time. I’m not liking the pacing. Amanda watches a video of Crews with Tina. Dr. Crews comes back to his office and Amanda goes off on Crews. Dr. Crews says that he’s gonna end up committing Tina, no matter what mom says. Tina drives away and sees Jason killing her mom in the middle of the road and then crashes. Yeah, I think it’s safe to commit her, in all fairness. She’s a danger.
Okay, Maddy looks really adequate now. She did a good job, just terrible clothes, although her skirt is high up, so I can dig that. Maddy is missing her earring so she looks on the ground and finds it. Some guy’s body falls from the sky and there’s Jason. She is gonna hide in the barn or shed. She hides and can see Jason but he doesn’t see her, or so she thinks. I do feel bad for her, she tried. Jason’s arms break through the walls and his arms seem super long and he cuts her with a sickle. Nice.
The doctor and Amanda find the wrecked car but no Tina. Eddie is having an okay time with Melissa. David and Robin are having a much better time. Ben and Kate are fucking in the van. The van starts a-rockin’. They think that is is Michael. Michael isn’t out there, obviously. Jason legit squishes Ben’s head from top to bottom. Kate has a much smaller ass than I anticipated. Kate gets a noisemaker rammed in her eye socket. Melissa admits that she wasn’t into Eddy. Melissa acts surprised or confused that Eddy would leave after this rejection. Hey, there’ Robin’s right boob, and that didn’t disappoint. God, these were things that matter before there was internet porn. Jason cuts off the electricity to the house, but who cares, right? Nick and Tina find Michael’s corpse.
David is gonna find food and there are both of Robin’s tits. She’s a great addition to this lackluster female cast. They knew the best choices for nudity aside from the lead, so that is smart. David is downstairs alone to get food and there’s a mess in the kitchen. David, you got to nail a hot girl and then you die. Not a bad way to go out. Yup, butcher knife through the torso. Tina and Nick are back at Tina’s place and she sees the spike that Dr. Crews his. She also finds his gun. She finds newspaper clippings on Jason and she realizes that it was him in the lake. She causes shit in the room to shake.
Eddy is reading a birthday card to Michael from Melissa, calls her a cunt and she goes outside. Sir, you are not The Hound. Oh, a gift was a personal penis enlarger, which ends up being a magnifying glass. Perfect! I want a cookie. Jason slashes Eddy’s neck. Next up is Robin who gives us a few last glimpses at her chest, and I applaud that. She’s gonna die and she was actually a decent character with some story behind her. What purpose did Ben and Kate serve? or Dan and whoever? Just wracking up kill counts and diversity? Ben and Kate could have been given a better story to work with. A cat startles RObin, because cats hide in closets all the time, right. Well, she is sitting with her back to a window, so this will be good. Jason enters the room and throws her through the window and she’s dead.
Nick goes to check on his people while Tina sits and is pretty much useless. Jason is back outside. Dr. Crews and Amanda are nearby. The doctor wants to just bail. What the hell kinda weapon is that? It’s like a hocket stick with a real blade. I assume for cutting trees. Dr. Crews held Amanda out so she could be killed. He used her as a shield. He’s great. It’s weird when the person going through the house to find dead people is a guy and not a girl. Nick goes back to look for Tina. Melissa shows up at Tina’s. So we have 4 characters and Jason. Dr. Crews conveniently finds Tina in the woods and sees the blood on him. Wait, how did he get away from Jason. She goes looking for her mother and Dr. Crews wants to get the fuck out. Jason has an electric circular saw on a pole. Fantastic. He is stalking Dr. Crews. The saw stops. Doc thinks that he is safe. Jason creeps from behind, shoves the doctor down and starts up the saw and gets the doctor in the belly.
Tina finds her dead mom. I had a mini no-bake cookie. It was delicious. Tima finds a bunch of dead bodies. It’s time for the showdown between her and Jason out in the open. Obviously Nick will interject at some point. She is using her powers to manipulate tree limbs and power cords. She is taking it to Jason. She shocks the puddle that he is in. Then she stops. The dude was surviving living underwater. Do you think that what you did is enough? It isn’t because e’s up and pissed, wearing his chain like he was a hip hop artist in the early 2000s. Know what I’m saying?
Tina goes to the party house and Jason just jumps through the window. He’s awesome like that. Tina tries to block his path with a table, she tosses a sofa at him. This is good shit right here because they are really exploring the space. She just brought the porch down on Jason. She goes back to her place to find Nick and Melissa. Tina thinks that she killed him with that little stunt. Melissa wants to go back to bed. Melissa ain’t having it, she opens the door to leave and hatchet to the face. Nice.
Tina tries to run past and she and Nick go upstairs. Tina decides to be a gangsta again and trying to take on Jason. She just swung a light at Jason and he broke through the stairs so they make their way back down the stairs. Jason is like the fucking Kool Aid man. He is about to kill Nick She squeezes his head and rips off his mask and lynches Jason. The floorboards come up and she drops. Does she really think that is the killing blow? Jason is up and he needs a dental plan. He drags her downstairs with him. So she impales him with nails and is eyeballing some gasoline. She sprays Jason and some old newspapers. She’s getting wet too, from the gas, you perverts. She opens up the furnace and this is where Kane Hodder set the world record for the longest time being set on fire, which was like 40 seconds. Kane Hodder is a fucking champ for that shit back in the 80’s. I wonder what the current record is now.
Nick brings Tina outside and they dive as the house explodes. Really, Oscar aspirations? Just saying. She cries about everything being gone. Bitch, you’re alive at least, well until Jason grabs her and flings her. Nick shoots Jason a few times so he shoves Nick into a boat. Tina starts making the water bubble and her father rises up and pulls Jason back into the water.
The next day, there are all the emergency services people there. Tin and Nick are just fine.
End Film
So I can totally see why I loved this one as a kid. I still liked it, but there are some major flaws that need to be brought up. My biggest complaint is the number of characters and how little some of them meant to the film other than getting a high kill count. This is where part 6 triumphed. Yes, we did get to know a bit about some of the characters, but if you cut out 3 or 4 characters, the remaining ones could have had more depth than generic stoner guy, a random black couple that has no real direction, this guy’s birthday, birthday guy’s girlfriend, 2 random campers. Do you see my point?
I liked the creativity for kills and the storyline in this one. It’s not as great as I remember it, but still a good time. I will say that I hated how Tina’s father somehow saved the day. That was terrible. They could have done something far cooler and original for Tina’s deathblow to Jason that I think fans would have enjoyed far more. I know the technology and effects were limited at the time, but still. I’d watch it again in a few years, but not in a huge rush. I would have liked to see how sinister the doctor really planned on being because he was, arguably, the most interesting character in the whole film. Just a lot of minor nitpicks make this simply an average Friday the 13th for me. Nick was also very generic with no real personality and that was a shame.
Final Rating: 6.4 I could make arguments for higher or lower, but I feel that this is a safe rating because I liked so many unique things that they did right. They messed up on the easy stuff, surprisingly.
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