Well, I have seen 1 and 2 and the remake, so I may as well tackle this, am I right? No stars, but they brought Angela back, so that’s a plus.
We start off with a sheriff who is checking out the house. Well, Angela is there. As you can guess, he dies.
Less than 10 minutes, I asked out loud, is this a horror flick or softcore porn. 2 chicks topless/nude for the vast majority of their scene. Smaller boobs, but I am not complaining. Wow, the acting is atrocious, but it is perfect, Holy fuck, Vince has this chick named Lois, and they are in a van with 3 other dudes. The driver, Orsen, pisses off Vince, so Vince is strangling him. Nick has to pull a knife on Vince to chill out the situation. There’s a black guy named Reggie. The insults are amazing, momma jokes, making fun of Lois’ crotch area as far as how whorish she is. They find the 2 girls from earlier, Abbie and Holly. Holly is the hotter innocent blonde, but she was totally nude. Abbie is the “ugly” one I guess. Lois is a straight-up whoooooore. Reggie has a brother named Rollo, I am happy. I hope we get to see Rollo. Nick and Holly are hitting it off. I am guessing either Reggie or Orsen will try tapping Abbie’s ass.
At this quickie mart, the clerk refuses to sell Reggie beer as he’s underage. The clerk pulls a shotgun on Reggie. Vince snatches the shotgun, and then cops come in. So Vince panics. He pulls the gun on the cops. The clerk grabs Vince, causing him to shoot one cop. Reggie gets shot in retaliation. Complete fuckeroo if I ever saw one. The group gets in the van, Vince is flipping out. He thinks he killed the cop, but he’s still alive. Vince refuses to take Reggie to the hospital due to fear of repercussions. All of this in just 20 minutes. Wow. Direct to video at it’s finest. I’m actually digging it.
The van is leaking gas, so they decide to go to the house, and open driving through the gateway, it looks like they are entering a portal. Abbie says the place isn’t haunted, it’s possessed.
By the way, Orsen took a gun from the quicky mart and has now pulled it on Vince. Angela makes her presence known in her human form. Lois is such a terrible character. I am sure she’ll show her tits at some point, but at what cost??? Angela has put on some music and is dancing because that’s what she does. Poor Reggie needs help.
There’s Lois’ tits, 3 minutes later after I wrote that. Fantastic. Nice tits, just hate her hair and character. Holly and Abbie are trying to get Reggie out of there as Anglea seduces Orsen and Vince & Lois are doing teenager stuff.
Angela – “You do want me don’t you?”
Orsen – “Can you suck a golf ball through a 10-foot garden hose?”
She then sucks on Orsen’s gun and sucks the bullets out. Seriously, that happened. And while making out, she tongue’d his brains out, literally. Nick tries stealing the shotgun while Vince is handling Lois, but he fails. The girls are trying to hotwire the van. Vince shoots at Nick but misses. Abbie goes in to investigate, now Angela is distracting Abbie. Oh boy, this is gonna go places. All right, some girl on girl making out, but Abbie ain’t having it. She tosses Angela to the floor, so Angela reveals her demon side. “Happy Halloween bitch” says Angela.
There is a detective searching for the kid’s, but it’s his last day on the job. A cop on his last day on the job. I have never heard of that cliche in a film before. Vince and Lois check out where Angela and Abbie were. Vince goes in to investigate, and there’s Abbie being a seductive little tramp. Goooo on.
Holly just came back in the house and is looking for Abbie. Holly finds Orsen who’s a demon now. Abbie is topless and fucking Vince wildly. Alright. Time for Angela to fuck with poor token Reggie. Awwww, Reggie just got rundown by the van. Lois is in the room with Abbie now as Vince is going to check on the van. Abbie has a nice ass. Lois is attacking Abbie, well Abbie is possessed, so Lois, you ain’t winning that one. Lois is running away, she meets up with Angela. Oh, Lois, you’re gonna have a bad time. Meanwhile, Nick is meandering around like a useless idiot.
The cop is checking in on Unit 66 at the house. Lovely. Lois’s hand is now a snake. Sigh. The snake bit her face. Nick finally finds Vince they are wrestling. Nick kinda wins briefly, BUT then he walks away like a coward before finishing the job. Holly is trying to use the cop car’s radio, but the possessed cop shows up. He does a little play off of Full Metal Jacket “This is my pistol, this is my gun”. She leaves through the portal gate and the possessed cop can’t go through. Sooooo what does she do? She re-enters through the gate. Un fucking real. Nick is there, he wants to find everybody else. Fuck that, bail. I hate Nick more than I hate Lois. I didn’t think that was gonna happen.
Nick and Holly are making out because that’s what you do when you re-enter a demonic portal to go find your friends. The alive cop just showed up at the front door. Vince finds Angela, grabs her by the hair and says “just the bitch I was looking for”. He is trying to take her hostage. The cop just revealed that the cop was wearing a flak jacket. Angela gets in his head, cause he’s paranoid. Cop shoots Vince. Nick shoots Angela, pissing her off. They waste time trying to get in the locked cop car. All the dead are surrounding them now. The cop got bit by the snake arm. Ugh.
Angela wants Holly’s soul because it’s virginal. This will save Nick and the cop supposedly, and give Angela great power. This seems reasonable. I say take the offer. Holly is going to. Sure she is.Well, cop gets heart ripped out, Nick and Holly escape and pull Angela through the portal and kill her. That’s a shame.
In conclusion, this wasn’t as good as the previous 2, but that is typical of a part 3. Part 3 in franchises is not favorable. There is no part 4, simply a remake. I wouldn’t mind more of these films honestly. I had a lot of fun. Would I watch this one again? Yeah, probably, I don’t see why not. Is it great? Hell no. It had 2 very unlikeable characters. But the story was fun and easy to follow. Just enough of things you expect from this franchise. Overall, I would go like 5.7 I think. I am not sure if that is too low, but that’s how I feel at the moment. I’d really only recommend this to people who are familiar with the franchise or else this won’t make nearly as much sense as its own film. It’s tough finding good photos online that don’t contain nudity for this particular film.
Final Rating: 5.7
All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of:
- Fries/Schultz Film Group
- Flanders Productions
- Blue Rider Pictures (executive producer)
Please go find a copy and support the creators.