So here’s the plot. We have this ex-porn star who has a wife and child. Money is running out. He gets an offer from this rich dude to make a film with him because he is so enamored with this dude’s body of porn work. There’s some bullshit side plot with porn star’s brother, I don’t know, I really don’t care. LOTS of sex in this film. I’m not gonna lie to you, there was one scene that I thoroughly enjoyed in the first 30 minutes. So porn star is given no script, and he agrees to do this because rich dude is gonna pay enough so that his family is well taken care of. Hey, sounds like a fantastic deal to me. Something tells me by the end of this movie, I will still be thinking it was worth the money while everybody else just thinks much, much less of me. Ah well. I have never sat down and watched this film, so sick of subtitles, but this seems like a must see. So I’m like 40 mins in.
The first scene of this porn film that he’s making involved some lady losing her daughter to some like adoption school place, and the daughter is clearly in her teens. There’s a lady or a teacher, I don’t know where they are, but this lady takes porn dude to a room. She starts slobbing on his knob and on the wall or on some TV screens, he sees the teen girl sucking on like an ice cream stick thing. And that is where I paused it, felt inspired to write, and now we continue on. By the way, THAT was not the sexy scene I was referring to. Fucking perverts!
So porn dude’s bro is a cop and he is asking the bro to do like a background check on the rich dude. The whole phone conversation, bro was getting his cock sucked. He is watching a home video of his nephews BDay party. I don’t know what is going on. And on seemingly the same tape is a porn of his bro’s. Oh and bro has lost his hard on. Him and sexy bitch sucking him off are talking about how hard his bro’s dick is. Props for showing full frontal nudity by the way!! I so don’t see a problem with this movie so far if you like lots of tits and sex.
Porn star dude’s connection to rich guy is this chick porn star. She’s not hot, but not bad. Accurate portrayal of what you’d expect from a chick doing porn for like 15 years. Kid just hit dad in face with a long balloon and now we are back to filming. Some police officer guy yelling at this blond chick, smacking her around in this dark room with like one overhead light. She crawls over to porn star, and she’s gonna suck him off. Mid suck, the teen girl is in a chair, looking like Alice from Alice in a Wonderland, so he stops. He’s not happy, and he has a huge cock. Whore bites his cock, some strong jacked dude grabs him from behind, insists on him punching the whore while she is biting his dick, so he does, she goes to town, blows his load all over her face. Well there’s still a chance for this to be the most vulgar blog I have ever written. GREAT!
I’m eating ham, bacon and chicken by the way. All came on this foccacia bread sandwich, some Swiss and tangy dipping sauce. America, FUCK YEAH!
Porn dude’s name is Milos, so I can now call him that. He bitched about the last scene. Ahhh well. Back to the dark room, whore is on ground, she may be dead. She is naked. There’s Milo’s big dick again. OK, Milo’s is losing his shit as his kid is now in the room cheering on his dad to fuck that bitch. And it was a dream. And his son also is starting to realize that he get’s funny feelings on his willie. Good stuff there. This blog is gonna end up long I fear.
Milos wants to quit because of the kid aspect and Vladamir here, the rich guy’s name starts with a V, so I am calling him Vlad, he assures him nothing is fucked, everything is fine. At this point, I don’t know where I stand. he’s getting paid a lot of money and he isn’t fucking any kids, he’s not touching them, he did get his dick bit, but I say run with it for now. I know this has to get worse, but I’d still keep going if i was him at this point. Vlad is trying to make some political or artsy statement about how everybody is victims except Milos. Yeah….totally. And now they sit down, and watch a video. Some very pregnant lady is on a table, nude, spread eagle, hair bush, but nude……and what? Close up on vagina, and she is delivering this baby. How’s a nigga supposed to enjoy his swine (bacon and ham) while this occurs. WHAT THE FUCK? Dude that delivered the baby is fucking the baby. the mom is smiling. Milos gets up and walks out and Vlad is pissed screaming shit like “What, you don’t get it, NEWBORN!”. So yeah, this film just took a very dark turn for the worse. God, up til we saw bushy pregnant vagina, this were going well.
Milos drives off, he has a hard on, stops at a red light, some hot chick walks up to his car, and starts jerking him off, and sure enough, it was a dream, but now all this fucked up shit is flashing through his mind. We have a case of uh oh. He woke up a lil bloody, he is pissing blood. I don’t get what just happened. He just tried calling himself on the phone, then his brother. I am baffled. Back to the car scene, more titty goodness. OK, I am fine with weird when tits are involved…usually. He is going to town on those tits as she drives…and it was a daydream. Now he is back at Vlad’s crib. Note to self, trying to write a blog while watching a movie with subtitles, that distorts real time with dreams and fantasy, not my best idea. So chick in his dreams I think is real and she drugged him and he is handcuffed, and they gave him some Viagra concoction. Some chick just got brought into the room and he handcuffed her limbs to the bed. Kinda sexy. And now he is fucking her hard. Apparently she’s a junkie bitch who has drowned her babies. Milos is fucking losing it, he is crazy tapping that ass. He has a ear piece in and Vlad is telling him all this shit about how bad she is and Milos just smacks her and starts beating her while fucking her from behind, getting a little weird. Oh now he is handed a machete, told to strike her. And he cuts her head off but keeps fucking her. Yeah……I can see why so many people have this on their list.
Now he is in a room watching some girl with a donkey, nothing happened, but it is alluded to. SO yeah, wait a moment, we just saw Necromantik shit. Good lord. Fucking Europeans. Milos is watching some footage of Vlad and his helper make the bed he just fucked that bitch on. Vlad was convinced Milos would come back. Now Milos is nude on a table passed out and some dude just ass raping him. There’s sugar tits, injecting Milos with shit. All of this is caught on camera that Milos is watching. The porn star chick is pissed at Vlad and said she was done working for Vlad and leave. Next thing we see is her tied to the ceiling by a chain, and there’s pliers and teeth on the floor. Some dental work has been done. And some dude comes in and forces his cock in her mouth. He is pinching her nose and suffocating her with his cock. Classy move. And he killed her. WOW. I understand people have said once you see this movie, you can’t unsee it so to speak.
Milos is in some house now on the couch with middle aged lady and teenage girl. Oh, Alice in Wonderland reference. This may be her mom. And she wants Milos to fuck her daughter, to take her because this would be good for pride or some shit. She is rubbing his thigh. Milos flips out, takes his cock out and threatens to cut it off, before jumping out of a window. This was also on camera or flashback, I really don’t know. Why the fuck am I watching this at 2:45 AM? Seriously, what is wrong with me?
I think Milos is now at the teenage girl’s actual house. I don’t know if this is real or dream. This is starting too feel like a very perverted Mulholland Drive. Now he is in like a convenience store and some chick is butchering meat. I hope this is dream, but nope, it appears to be real…..sooo weird. Milos is sitting on the street in like an alley watching 2 young dudes harass an underage prostitute, so he begins jerking off. the 2 guys start beating Milos, and then Vlad and his 2 cronies get out, snap the 2 guys necks and put Milos in the car. Less than 20 mins to go. Good, cause I’m tired, confused, and sick of subtitles.
Milos is now back in the room where he got drugged up. More flashbacks here. He stabbed sugartits in teh neck with a syringe of the shit she was giving him. The bitch is OD’ing like in Pulp Fiction. Nice shot of her crotch, had a landing strip. And Milos is now naked. Oh no, we’re entering a new room. There’s a bunch of bloody bodies on the floor. One is a naked dude. Vlad apparently was filming. Milos is fucking somebody on this bed from behind. Their head is covered. I am sure this will be devious. There are 2 bodies covered. A dude next to Milos starts fucking the other body. Milos is making whoever he is fucking bleed. The dude next to Milos was his brother. The person that his bro is fucking is Milos wife. Milos was fucking his son. The brother seems cool with all of this. What the fuck did we just witness? Sugartits barges in, bleeding from her vajayjay, and foaming out her mouth. She collapses, Milos attacks Vlad. the wife attacks the bro and bites his throat out. Milos gets a gun, shooting and punching everybody. Wife is decimating bro, like mutilating him. Milos ran out of bullets, so he beats this one dude to death, and then stick his cock in the dude’s eye socket. And Vlad is like “perfect”. Milos approaches his wife and she pulls a knife on him, so he punches her in the face. Now he is driving with wife and son in back seat.
He locks them in a bedroom together. He tries to shoot himself in the head, but no bullets. Soooo tired. Less than 10 mins to go. He ends up back in the room with his wife, and he hugs her and his so Now everything appears fine, but not really. Everybody looks traumatized. They are just lying in bed all together. We hear a gun shot. He shot her in the back it appears. That bed is soaked. 3 guys with cameras are in there. I think all 3 are dead, the family that is. One dude says to start with the little one, and roll credits.
Now I know this is going to make me sound awful, but I don’t know if this even crack my top 5 what the fuck movies, probably top 10…probably. I just don’t know. Get rid of preggers scene, and this may not crack top 20. Worth a watch if this sounds like something you have to see for the shock value. Better than Human Centipede. Still, I don’t really recommend this to 99.8% of the population.
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- Contra Film (executive production)
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